Spike leads the way down the tunnel. Riley follows closely behind him wary of whether or not he’s actually taking them to the Doctor. A part of Riley wonders if they’re wandering into a trap. While it’s become obvious to him that Buffy seems to trust Spike, although he doesn’t understand why, Riley will never trust him and with every step the vampire makes Riley is right there behind him watching his every move. He wonders why it is that Spike is even still helping them find the Doctor; he could have just left when they were back at the bar. In Riley’s mind there has to be some conspiracy as to why the vampire is leading them down this tunnel.
“Where are we going Spike?” Riley asks.
“This tunnel leads to the docks, it’s the best way to get out of town in a hurry and the only reason you’d be headed this way is to escape town.”
“Why should we believe that you’re not leading us into a trap?”
Spike stops and spins around to face Riley. The two of them face off. Spike moves with a swagger as they walk in circles.
“Do you ever bloody stop?”
“What’s your agenda Spike… and don’t tell me you tagging along out of the goodness of your heart?”
“What’s it to you? I’m here to help that’s all.”
“No, that’s not all… why Spike?”
“What? Think I’ve got some monetary compensation headed my way out of trading in one of my buddies? Slayer stopped paying me years ago… or maybe I’m trying to build up some brownie points with the bird, tried that for a while, didn’t work so well… hard as it may be to believe I’m not getting anything out of this, and while I don’t give a damn about you, the Slayer and I have come to a meeting of minds so I’m not looking to put her in harms way anytime soon.”
“Right, you and Buffy, you’re just great pals now. I find that hard to believe.”
“Alright, let’s stop this,” Buffy interjects.
“Let me handle this Buffy,” Riley says.
“You know what white bread; I wouldn’t expect you to understand.”
Spike gets real close to Riley’s face and tilts his head so that his lips are near his ear.
“It’s like I’ve said before, the girl needs a little monster in her man,” Spike says in a whispered yet cocky voice; although it’s soft it’s still heard by all.
Punch. That was Riley’s last thread and Spike cut it, he hits Spike so hard that he goes reeling back. Spike’s lips is split open again as his back hits the wall of the tunnel. After a moment of surprise Spike regains his balance.
“This will be worth it,” Spike says as he throws a punch at Riley hitting him even harder then Riley hit him. Then Spike yells in pain as his chip is set off sending electrical signals of agony through his body. It’s at that point that Sam walks away and continues down the tunnel obviously fed up with their actions.
Buffy walks up to Spike and Riley and glares at both of them as they touch the sore spots of their bodies.
“Are you two done, or should we waste more time instead of finding the Doctor,” Buffy says then walks off following Sam leaving Spike and Riley to recover on their own from their short fight.
--
Buffy catches up to Sam in the tunnel. So far they’ve just been walking a straight shot and haven’t had to worry about what way to turn. Spike and Riley are still far behind and a part of Buffy wonders if they’ve killed each other yet, at the moment though she’s too annoyed with both of them to care.
“Hey,” Buffy says as she catches step with Sam and walks next to her.
“Was he always like that?”
“Riley or Spike?”
Sam laugh’s a little. She turns to Buffy. There’s something about Sam that just makes Buffy want to like her.
“You know… he was ripped up inside over you when I first met him… It took him a year, but then I really thought he was over you.”
“He thinks… I let him go.”
“Since we’ve been here I’ve been starting to think that maybe he never let you go.”
“Sam…”
“No, Buffy, it’s okay… I know he loves me. It’s just the way he’s been acting… I’m embarrassed really.”
“Don’t be, Spike… he knows how to push people’s buttons, especially Riley’s… it’s not all Riley’s fault.”
“Spike… he… you and him have a thing don’t you?”
“What? No, no… Spike and I just…”
“Its okay Buffy, you don’t have to hide it from me, I get it… Spike’s…”
“Evil, undead, annoying…”
“I was going to say honest, endearing, straightforward… Yeah, I can see on the outside that Spike is… a little rough.”
“That’s an understatement.”
“…but he’s not like other vampires… I’ve fought evil things Buffy, maybe not for as long as you have, but one thing I’ve learned is that it’s not as simple as good and evil… Riley likes to live in this black and white world sometimes… I guess that makes things simpler, but that’s just not how things are... I’m just saying, you shouldn’t have to feel like you need to hide anything. If he makes you happy that’s all that matters.”
“He doesn’t make me happy.”
“Not ever?”
Buffy’s caught off guard by Sam’s question. She finds herself thinking about her relationship with Spike. She thinks about how she broke down to Tara weeks before confessing everything. Tara had said the same thing about him making her happy and Buffy remembers giving Tara a similar answer. The simplest way for Buffy to explain her relationship was that it was just to make her feel. She was just sleeping with him so she could feel something, anything, but deep down Buffy knows there’s more to it then that. Nothing’s ever that simple. Not Ever, Sam’s words resound in her head. Spike has good things about him and Buffy knows it, he genuinely cares about her and Dawn. He did what he could to look after them and even stayed around after she died. He would never be the most moral person, but yeah sometimes he did make her happy. Sometimes she really did like him. He really could cheer her up, when he wasn’t being cocky. Yeah, the sex was just sex, but there was more to their relationship then that. They talked, she shared her problems, and even in the smallest ways he made her feel better.
--
Spike and Riley steady themselves and take a moment to find their footing after having tossed a few punches around. Spike wipes the blood from his lip again and Riley composes himself.
“Buffy’s right, we’ve got a mission to attend to. Let’s just leave this… but if you cross us over in any way you better bet this will end with a stake in your heart,” Riley says.
Spike thinks about replying with a cocky comeback. He even has a few on the tip of his tong that he knows would hit a nerve with Riley, but he fights the urge to say them. Spike chokes up his words and turns from Riley to continue down the tunnel.
“Wanker,” he then says under his breath as he moves in the direction that Buffy and Sam went with Riley following him.
--
Buffy and Sam come to a split in the tunnel. They stop. The tunnel ends and there are two possible paths to take. Unsure of which way to go they wait for Spike and Riley to catch up, which they do within minutes. Both Sam and Buffy notice the silence between the guys, but there is something else there. There seems to be a silent truce as well. Buffy hopes that at least for the rest of their mission they find a way to be civil with each other.
“Spike, what way now?” Buffy asks.
“This way,” Spike says as he takes the tunnel to the left. Buffy follows behind him and then Sam and Riley behind her. Their pace has picked up a little to make up for lost time and they walk steadily into the darkness.
--
The tunnel comes to an end. All that can be seen is the moonlight shining down through the man hole above, tiny particles of dust dance and twinkle in the blue light. Spike glances back at Buffy, and then looks up the man hole.
“Up we go,” he says as he climbs up the ladder and out into the night. Buffy, Sam, and Riley follow behind him. When they emerge from the tunnel they find themselves in an alley across from the docks. They look around, but there’s no one else in sight. The man hole is left uncovered as they try to decide what to do next.
“Now what?” Buffy asks as Spike looks around. He breathes in deep through his nostrils and finds the Doctors scent. He isn’t far. Once Spike has the exact location in his mind he turns back to the crowd.
“This way,” he says and they follow him.
Spike moves with stealth through the thin alleyway. A feint smell of smoke wafts through the air and Spike knows they’ll soon find the Doctor. He slows down as he’s about to round the corner of the brick building he’s been walking beside. He can sense that the Doctor is leaning against the adjacent wall. He glances at Buffy who’s walking behind him and gives her a look to explain the situation. She understands.
Quickly Spike flies around the corner and punches the demon on the other side before he even has a chance to see it coming. The Doctor falls to the ground. He has human like features with a milky translucent skin and jet black eyes. His fingers are twice as long as those of an average human and his hair twists and curls in black loops going down the center of his head like a Mohawk.
“Spike,” the demon slurs with a snake like lisp as Buffy, Sam and Riley come around the corner.
“Agent Finn…” Sam says.
“On it,” Riley responds as he moves toward the Doctor.
Buffy and Spike watch as Riley and Sam apprehend the demon before them. Riley shoots him with a stun gun causing his body to shake in pain then Sam restrains him with handcuffs. She lifts the Doctor to his feet and Riley pulls out his radio.
“The Doctor has been detained, he’s still alive,” Riley says into the hand held radio.
“Check, wait for pickup, we’ve already got the eggs,” a fuzzy voice says from the other line.
“You’re taking him with you?” Buffy asks.
“Yeah, I thought you understood that,” Riley says.
“This is a reconnaissance and recovery mission,” Sam adds.
“The Doctor’s been trading in the black market, we need to interview him and find out what else he’s been selling.”
“Right, and by interview you mean experiment,” Spike says with anger evident in his voice.
“You’re a traitor Spike,” the doctor chimes in.
“Shut up.”
“Riley, you have the eggs… I understand that, but this… I’m sorry, but I just don’t believe in experimenting on demons and I don’t trust the government… look what they did with Adam. Demons should be killed, end of story,” Buffy says.
“Right… demons should be killed, that’s why you work along side one.”
“That’s different Riley…”
“It doesn’t matter Buffy, we’re taking the Doctor end of story.”
Before another word can be said Spike walks up to the doctor.
“Sorry mate,” he says as he puts his hands on either side of the demons face and twists causing the creature’s neck to snap. Riley, Sam, as well as Buffy are stunned. The Doctor falls to the ground limp and lifeless and Sam looks down at the limp body that lies at her feet.
“Now be a good little tin soldier and march on home… I may have been up to help you take out the Doc, but I’m not gonna let you blokes stick little chip whatnots in his brain or what have you,” Spike says with a shooing motion of his hands.
“Spike, do you realize what you’ve just done, the whole country could be at risk…” Riley replies.
“I don’t bloody care, find you’re info another way, I’m not helping you torture any of my buddies.”
“No you’d just kill them.”
“Riley. I agree with him, and I think it’s time for you to leave,” Buffy says stepping in between Riley and Spike.
He glances down at her for a moment. Then there is a stir in the sky. The wind starts to blow heavy and a bright spotlight appears. All heads look up to the sky to see a helicopter fly above them. It slows to a hover just above the four of them and then lowers a ladder to the ground. Buffy averts her gaze from the helicopter in the sky to look Riley in the eyes once more. She glares at him with as much determination and slayer strength as she can portray. He gets the point. Without another word Riley turns and walks toward the ladder. Sam follows after him, but before she does she gives Buffy a sincere smile which Buffy returns. Then they’re off. Within moments the helicopter has flown away and Buffy and Spike are left standing in the alley as if nothing happened.
Once the spotlight has vanished and the strong wind from the helicopter’s blades have disappeared Buffy lets her guard down. Her shoulders fall, and she takes on a more comfortable stance as she turns to Spike. He looks her up and down. All angry thoughts of Riley and government experiments vanish from his mind. Now all Spike can focus on is the sight of Buffy before him. He takes a swaggering step forward and invades her space.
Buffy looks up at Spike as he’s now mere inches from her face; she can feel the warmth and lust that’s swarming between them. She wonders just how it is that he has this ability to make her forget everything around herself. One thing that doesn’t escape her mind however is his actions earlier. How he helped her and did what was right even though it meant loosing a friend. He killed someone who, sure maybe he wasn’t the best of buds with, but who he knew; and he did it to prevent something worse.
He leans in to kiss her and she leans in as well. As they their lips meet Sam’s words flutter through her head. He makes me happy, she thinks to herself. Their kiss deepens and Spike runs his hand up Buffy’s back arching her toward him. Then the lust hits her and all she can think about is… she stops herself. Spike can make her feel good, but when they’re intimate it isn’t the kind of feeling that’s healthy. She breaks their kiss and her eyes flutter down to the ground. Spike is confused. Buffy takes a step back.
“What’s wrong love?”
“Spike… I can’t do this anymore.”
“Shh, love…”
“No, Spike… I think… I think I’m… falling for you…”
“I’m not seeing the problem.”
“And it’s killing me… I really do care about you, but being with you like this, having to hide us; it makes things simpler for a little while…”
“I don’t call five hours straight a little while.”
“Spike, what we’re doing, the sneaking around, the sex, it just isn’t healthy, and it’s not fair to you.”
“Really not complaining here.”
“I can’t keep this secret anymore… I can’t just use you for comfort when you mean more then that to me.”
“So let’s not hide anymore.”
“Spike, you don’t have a soul… they would never… I just can’t. I’m sorry William. I care about you, but I don’t know what to do here, I just know something has to change.” Spike is speechless for a moment, he knows she’s right. He may have her when she comes calling, but she never stays, she’s not really his.
“So let’s start over.”
“What?”
“Start over, we’ll just take things slow… make it right.”
I… I don’t know, I have to think,” Buffy’s mind swarms with thoughts. Could she really have a healthy relationship with a vampire, with Spike? Would her friends ever understand. Then Buffy thinks about Sam’s words and she realizes that she does want Spike around, that there is something between them more then lust. “Maybe,” Buffy says, and she does think that maybe it could work. “I just, I need some time.”
Buffy backs up from Spike, turns and leaves. Spike stands speechless and shocked in the alleyway as he listens to her footsteps echo in the night. He doesn’t see the single tear that rolls down her face as she walks out of sight. He does, however, think about what she said. She’s falling for him. If only Buffy could get over what her friends think about her and stop being miserable then they really could work; after all she gave him that ‘maybe’ that he’d been asking for since the very beginning.
Spike is upset over Buffy ending things with him, but he’s also filled with more hope then he’s ever gotten from her before. That ‘maybe’ means more to him then all the physical contact they’ve had rolled together. ‘You don’t have a soul’, her words run through his head.
“Guess I’ll have to remedy that,” Spike says to himself as he stands alone in the alley. Then he turns and walks in the opposite direction of his crypt. He’s not going to take his maybe for granted.
THE END.
--EPILOGUE--
Two days, exactly forty-eight hours; that was all Buffy was able to wait. She finds that she just can’t stay away, but then again she never could. The slayer saunters through the graveyard in the direction of his crypt without even the slightest intention to patrol. Every step she takes she assures herself that she won’t be sleeping with him, she won’t use him, not again; but he’s still the only one who understands her and she needs to talk to him. She needs to know how he is.
Buffy reaches her destination and stops dead in her tracks. For a moment she just stares at the door to his crypt observing how the moonlight shines upon it giving it a heavenly glow, then slowly opens it.
“Spike,” she calls out softly into the candle lit room. No reply. She walks in. The crypt is empty; however the small T.V. that sits in the corner of the room is on and the sound from it reverberates through the room. He must be home, Buffy thinks to herself. She wanders over to the ladder to go down below, before she gets there however there is a noise from behind her. Buffy spins around immediately to look at the entrance of the crypt. Her hopes rise on high at the thought that she will be turning around to see Spike, but it's not him and her hopes fall.
“Ah… Oh, Buffy… hi,” Clem says as he enters the crypt. He hadn't expected anyone to be there.
“Hi Clem… is Spike here?” Buffy says surprised to see the demon before her.
“Uh, no… he left a few nights ago.”
“He left?” Buffy says in disbelief.
“Yeah… didn’t even stop back here, just stopped by the bar and asked if I’d watch his place for a while.”
“Well did he say how long he’d be gone… or where he was going,” Buffy says desperate to know something.
“Nope… Oh, but he did give me something for you.”
Buffy watches as Clem goes and shuffles through a pile of papers which he’s set atop the T.V. Thoughts run wild her head. Why, where, because of me? She had wanted to do the right thing, but she had never wanted him to leave. Clem comes back with a white envelope in his hand and gives it to Buffy. She smiles at the demon as she takes it from him and looks down at her name which is written across the front in a cursive script.
“He didn’t say what it was about… just that I should give it to you if you come around.”
“Thanks,” Buffy replies softly as she takes the letter out form the envelope and opens it. Her eyes flutter down to the paper as she reads the cursive words in the glow from the candlelight.
I knew you couldn’t stay away love, and I’m sorry I’m not there to greet you, but I’ve got something I need to do. I want to tell you what I’ve set off to do, but I think it’s best if I keep it a secret until I know exactly how this is gonna go. I don't know how long I'll be gone, it might be quite a while and when I do get back things are gonna be different, you can be sure of that.
I love you Buffy, and I know you deserve better then me. I will be back.
Spike.
A single tear falls down Buffy’s face. Still all he could think about was being better for her. Can’t he see that she isn’t good enough for him? Buffy decides at that moment that when he gets back that she’d give them a chance to start over. She finds herself tired of doing what's right; when he gets back she's going to do what she wants.
--
Spike sits hidden in the dark hull of a cargo ship. His head tilts back leaning on the wall. It will be a long trip and a longer journey, and if he finds what he’s looking for he will have ruthless trials to complete, but it will all be worth it in the end. It’s what he needs to do for her, to be hers, to be what she needs. Spike knows that Buffy does care about him and that she’s hiding behind excuses when it comes to being with him, but he also knows that she’s right about him needing a soul. He’d never admit that to her and his demon would forever deny it, but somewhere in Spike he just knows that he’ll never fully understand her without it. Spike closes his eyes and lets his thoughts drift to images of her and sounds of her voice. It's those thoughts that will get him through this.
THE END.
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