Buffy woke up and felt herself being held. She also noticed she felt content being held. She snuggled in closer and refused to open her eyes wishing the feeling wouldn’t go away. She didn’t feel so alone. Then she heard a voice saying, “Morning, Cutie.”
Buffy giggled at the sound of his voice until it hit her. She felt his arousal against her leg that was resting against his own. She was snuggled up with her mortal enemy and she frowned and tensed up. Buffy wiggled out of his embrace and stood in front of him crossing her arms in front of herself to attempt to distance the pain she was feeling. She wasn’t even over Angel and here she was snuggled up with her enemy. “What was wrong with me?” She wondered out loud.
Spike replied softly, “Nothing is wrong with you, kitten. What is the matter?”
Buffy blinked quietly admitting, “I didn’t mean to say that aloud. That was more of a me thought. I’m just confused and not sure what to think.” Spike cocked his head to the side and sat upright in bed with one of his knees bent so his elbow could rest on it. Buffy watched as the sheet slid down to pool around his waist, still protecting him from her eyes. She shook her head getting even angrier with herself. ‘Why am I wanting to see what he has to offer? I’m supposed to love Angel forever, not jump right into bed with my enemy. And how can he be my enemy if he made me feel the way I was feeling last night. Am I totally messed up? I was snuggled with a vampire yet again. God I must be losing it.’
Buffy started to pace as her mind started racing. Things were just crazy and getting even crazier by the day. First Angel, then Angelus and now this. She felt as though she were seriously going mad. If she wasn’t going mad she knew she would be soon if things didn’t start to straighten themselves out. She was just so confused about her feelings and how she was supposed to react in a time like this. Jumping in bed with another soulless vampire definitely wasn’t the best way to handle things. Her mind was spinning and she couldn’t focus anymore. She was pacing fast as her inner thoughts starting being spoken out loud as she got more and more upset, “I love Angel dammit but last night felt so good and it wasn’t supposed to. This is crazy. I’m crazy. God I must be really losing it or perhaps I’ve already lost it. Why didn’t Spike suck me dry? I’m his enemy and he’s here in a hotel with me not sucking me dry. I trusted him to touch and hold me and we were snuggling for God sakes…I need a shrink. Actually been there, had one.” Then she stopped noticing Spike was staring at her. She had forgotten she wasn’t alone for her breakdown.
She just snapped and started yelling at him, “What are you doing to me? Are you using some kind of thrall on me like Dru did to Kendra? Are you messing with my mind and making me all confused? Why aren’t I dead? We snuggled together. My first time snuggling and it was with you who is supposed to be my mortal enemy. Let’s fight. Hit me dammit or something. Suck my blood or you already did that and why the hell am I still alive? Is this some kind of sick mind game? You want me to get hooked on you so you can drain me dry while I’m sleeping? Is that it? That’s just sick.”
Buffy was ready to slug him when he grabbed her arm. He was getting angry hearing her words. He knew she was confused and hurt. But she was hurting him.
Bloody hell this wasn’t how this was supposed to go but then again he had no plan for this part. Spike roared in anger, “This isn’t some sick demented mind game. I don’t use thrall. Never have had to. That’s Dru’s thing. I most definitely don’t have to use thrall to get into girl’s pants. It would be like rape and that’s not my thing. That’s Angelus’.” He noticed Buffy flinch and he could kick himself for saying that but he was still pissed. He continued his shouting not caring who heard him, “You want to bloody fight? Fine turn around so I can at least get decent and get some clothes on as well. You standing here naked in front of me won’t end in fighting. Well not the enemy kind anyway.”
He noticed her blush as she noticed she was naked and she rushed over to the chair grabbing his duster to cover herself from his gaze. He sighed feeling a little less angry since she was embarrassed, “You wanted me to touch you. You asked and I asked over and over again to make sure. You always said yes. I don’t rape. I never have and you aren’t worth my time enough to start with you anyway.”
He watched her flinch again and then felt horrible as he watched tears fall from her eyes onto her cheeks. Without thinking, he went over to her and wrapped his arms around her and sat down on the chair pulling her onto his lap. She started to sob not saying a word. He had no idea how to handle this so he just held her and rocked her hoping to make her feel better. Dru was always angry when she was upset but she never cried.
Buffy by this point was really bawling. Her whole body was racked with her tears. His duster and his chest were totally soaked and still the tears fell from her eyes. Spike could have really kicked his own ass at making her cry so much. He was tempted to try to soothe her with words but he didn’t know what to say. So instead he left her cry hoping she would cry it all out so they could go back to fighting. Now fighting was something he did well. Comfort wasn’t something he was so good with.
He closed his eyes taking in the scent of her tears, salt, sweat, and realized at that moment, he was in big trouble if they stayed on their little run away adventure for too long. He was definitely falling in love with this girl, this Slayer.