He turned around with his hand behind his back and he smiled and looked both nervous and embarrassed, “Here. I saw these and thought of you.” Buffy took a whiff of the daisies and smiled, placing them in an empty jar of tomatoes that Spike had used to supplement the sauce. She carried them up to the bedroom putting them on the windowsill up there and Spike followed her upstairs without a word and questioned, “Want to watch some television before sleeping, pet?”
Buffy nodded still feeling a bit awake. Spike handed her the bag he had brought upstairs and went to walk back out of the room with his and she asked a bit surprised, “Where are you going with your bag, Spike?”
Spike turned around and looked at her, “The second bedroom. You had the daisies in this one and had it fixed up so I figured the second bedroom which needed blinds and curtains still was mine.” Buffy shook her head and he responded, “Oh, you meant to share this room with me then, pet?”
Buffy nodded hesitantly and he looked into her eyes as his flashed gold then blue again, “You know I’m a bad man right Buffy? I’m a master vampire meant to kill people. Just because I’m taking care of you right now, doesn’t mean I’m not a monster and haven’t killed more people than you have met in your lifetime. You sure you want that in your bed?”
Buffy thought for a minute about what he said, ‘Am I sure that I want that in my bed? Well maybe not but I do want Spike and sometimes he acts so human.’ She decided to voice that last thought out loud, “Sometimes you act so human.”
Spike got a little angry with her words and walked over gripping her arm to make her look him in the eyes, “But, Buffy, love, I’m not human. I’m a bloody vampire.” With saying those words, he vamped out and continued, “I’m a master vampire who has killed slayers. I might look human sometimes but they made us that way to be able to lure people in to allow us to kill easier. It doesn’t make me human, just an able killing machine. I want to make sure you know this. I’m like Angelus is, no soul. Granted I haven’t tortured or raped like him. I would have just killed you and not tortured you by killing off your friends but I’m still soulless, as you like to call it. I have no Heaven to work towards. Either way I’m dust.”
He shrugged and peered into Buffy’s eyes as he unvamped but his eyes still flickered from gold to blue, “So I’ll hold you at night every night even if you say no if you let me into your bed. I won’t rape you but I’ll expect you to allow me to touch you, to at least hold you and some day we probably will shag. So you want me in this room or not?”
Buffy bit her lower lip and nodded not even taking the time to think about the consequences. She needed the comfort he offered. She needed to feel she wasn’t alone. She hated the times in L.A. that she had spent crying alone and at least this way she wasn’t really alone at night. It was enough for now.
He nodded not saying another word, pulled his shirt off and belt, leaving on his pants. Took off his boots and socks and then walked over to Buffy kneeling down as she looked in shock. He pushed her back to sit on the bed, as he pulled off her boots and socks then yanked down her pants. He left her shirt on and underwear but tugged on her hand guiding her downstairs, grabbing the comforter off the spare bed to drag with him. He sat down on the couch picking up the remote and placed Buffy down next to him. Buffy sat there in shock, not knowing what to think as he covered them both with the comforter and chose a channel for them to watch.
Buffy smiled kind of liking this side of Spike and turned to bend her legs over his. She lay down on her back to rest her head on her arm and turned her head to watch the television. Spike looked down at her and readjusted the blanket over her legs and chest as he rested his hands on her thighs making gentle rubbing motions as together they watched the show he had chosen. Within an hour, he heard her snoring softly so he turned the television off and wrapped her in the blanket to carry her upstairs. He gently laid her on the bed and covered her with the blankets making sure she was warm then took off his pants and crawled in next to her. Having gotten her permission earlier to hold her as she slept, he pulled her close to him and smiled as she moved to rest her head on his chest. She even wrapped her arm around his waist and moved her leg up to rest on his legs. It almost seemed second nature to her even in sleep and that thought made Spike smile. He chuckled a little, shaking his head at what their lives had become and closed his eyes, welcoming sleep.
It was dark and cold outside. She wrapped her arms around herself to fend off the chill. She walked through the cemetery through the gravestones watching for signs of a new grave. Suddenly she spotted one and gasped at the name on the grave, “Angelus Aurelius. Master Vampire in Sunnydale.” She watched in horror as a hand grabbed her, pulling her into the grave as she heard his voice echo through her ears, “I’ll never forgive you for killing me. You must die like me.”
Buffy yelled, “No, No!” as she was pulled further and further into the grave. Suddenly she felt arms around her to save her and she opened her eyes to see the brightest blue eyes whispering, “I got you. You’re safe. It’s just a dream.”
She really opened up her eyes and saw the brightest blue eyes and heard him really whispering things to her, “I wish I could take your nightmares away but all I can do is keep you safe and sound.” He had her on his lap and had wrapped his arms around her as though trying to protect her from whatever she was seeing. She sniffled realizing she was crying. Spike whispered, “What did you see pet?”
Buffy sniffled again and whispered, “I was standing at Angelus’ grave and he was pulling me under saying he’ll never forgive me. Then you were holding me, saving me.”
Spike smiled at that then frowned realized he was her hero in her dream. He never meant for that to happen or maybe he had. He continued to hold her close and rock her until she whispered, “Thank you, Spike, for being so good to me” before she fell back to sleep.
He laid her back down onto the bed pulling her with him and did some thinking, ‘What is it you want with the girl because right now you aren’t acting very vampire-like, mate. You are holding her and being her hero. A slayer and a master vampire cannot work. Just look at what happened in her past. Whoa, stop right there, mate. You aren’t Angel or Angelus. You aren’t some bleeding ponce that was cursed with a soul who can’t afford to get happy. Good thing too because you are mostly a happy person. But that’s not the point. This girl in your arms is looking at you like a hero and to make matters worse, you’re falling and probably are in love with her totally and completely. What will happen once you get back to Sunnyhell? Can you really expect her to never miss her family and friends? She’s 17 years old and so far her life has sucked. You don’t want to be responsible for another heartbreak. At the rate you are going you fool, you are going to do just that. You weren’t a bloody good enough vampire for Angelus to respect you as his grand-sire, and you weren’t vampire enough for Dru to love you and you won’t be human enough for Buffy to love you. You’re a bleeding nothing. Not good enough to fit in either world.’
He sighed and slipped out from her hold and went downstairs to have a cigarette. As he was taking a drag, he was tempted to take off. That’s how he always handled his problems. He would either take off or kill it and then the world would be right again. Perhaps if he just sucked it up and killed Buffy, his world would make sense again.
He frowned realizing that wouldn’t help and he would only end up hating himself for that. Perhaps taking off would be the right thing to do. Just driving off into the night and forgetting he even saw her here. He frowned noticing the sun was in the middle of the sky so eventually it would be hitting the back porch. He was playing with death by sitting outside. He sighed, flicking his cigarette into the stone pot he had found in the house and opened the door wishing it was darkness. He could go out and do a spot of violence and surely he would feel more vampire-like after draining some bloke dry or just snapping his neck just because he could. His thoughts were broken as he heard Buffy whisper, “Spike, what’s wrong?”
He turned around and saw her hair all messed up, dark circles under her eyes and her face still tear stained from earlier and she was holding her shirt closed which made it ride up on her thighs even more so than normal. He closed his eyes fighting the urge to jump her. Without thinking he punched the wall making a hole in it and when he opened his fist, he saw it was bleeding. He welcomed the pain and embraced it until he heard Buffy gasp and rush past him into the kitchen bringing back a wet paper towel to wash his wound. He pulled his hand away from her and yelled, “Stay the Bloody Hell away from me.”
She gasped and shook her head not understanding. He roared in anger vamping out and slammed his other fist into the wall trying to get rid of the anger he was feeling. Buffy, not understanding, just stared at him watching the anger on his face and she didn’t understand what could have happened while she was sleeping to cause it. Finally Spike started pacing yelling at himself, “You’re a bloody ponce man. Dru should have killed you not turned you. You were never bloody master vampire material. You tried so hard to be but never had it in you. Sure you killed but that’s just vampire hunger not master stuff. You had minions but that was just being more powerful and knowing how not to bloody well not turn people properly. That was about the only thing you could do right. Angelus never respected you and saw you as a fool and a pathetic boy. Dru always wanted her daddy or some other demon that was bigger and better at the time but never you. She could never love you. She was too busy loving her precious Peaches who didn’t even have the ability to love to bother with you. And now you’re messing with a Slayer and now you don’t fit in her world either.”
With that statement he punched another hole in the wall watching as the blood started to flow again. As long as he was bleeding he would have something to focus on other than his thoughts but they still flowed through him, “You should just walk out into the sunshine like Dru said and dust yourself. Come on mate, let’s go do what Dru said.”
He suddenly walked towards the door and he heard a loud, “NO!!!!!!!!” that came from Buffy’s lips as she tackled him from behind and wrestled him to the ground. He had mostly forgot she was still there.
He looked at her with eyes pleading with her, “Can’t you just let me go? I’ll leave you the car and you can even keep the money.” With that he put his hand into his pocket and dug out the cash and threw it in the air so it fell over them and he kicked his feet up making her fall back against the cabinets. He stood up and she stood up as well ready to fight him.
She punched him in the face and he growled just as she threw a fist and hit his nose as well. He kicked her in the stomach causing her to fall backwards again and then kicked her knee making her flinch but still she managed to get up again. She tripped him with her legs then jumped over his leg that he lifted up in hope to trip her. He got up quickly and threw a fist into her face making her lip swell. She spit out blood and as the smell hit his nose he stopped.
He backed up to stand in front of her and was horrified at what he was about to do. He ran upstairs and slammed the door shut to their bedroom and locked it to be alone. Buffy stood there for a moment letting his words digest before reaching into the freezer and pulling out an ice cube which she put against her lip that was killing her. She took out a washcloth and dumped a few more ice cubes into it and heated up some blood into a mug using a knife to open it the bag. She sighed and brought some wet paper towels with her as well and grimaced as she walked up the stairs noticing her stomach was killing her. She knocked on the door and when she heard no answer she turned the doorknob. Noticing it was locked, she kicked the door full force causing it to bust open and slam across the room, hitting the wall. Spike turned around from the spot he was staring at on the wall and demanded, “What the bloody Hell do you think you are doing you stupid bint?”
Buffy went and stood in front of him taking his hand and starting to clean his hands as he roared. She couldn’t tell if it was from anger or pain so she continued. He roared again and yelled loudly, “Aren’t you scared, Slayer?”
She shrugged, “Kill me if you want. You’d have a lot of chances.”
She continued to clean the other hand now then put his hands together to rest the ice on top of them. Spike sighed and turned to sit down on the bed. Buffy sat down next to him asking gently, “Want to talk about it?”
Spike shrugged, “Not sure what to say. I’m worthless but I’m sure you gathered that from my little speech. Dru told me I wanted to be in the bleeding sunshine. She never loved me you know.” Buffy looked surprised but said nothing. Spike shrugged again continuing, “I used to think she wasn’t able to. I used to pretend that she just wasn’t capable of feeling love. That Angelus had twisted her mind so bloody much that emotions like that were just impossible but that wasn’t true either. She loved Angelus. She dealt with me because I was all she had for a while but she never loved me.”
Buffy sat quietly then crawled over to her side of the bed and crawled into bed. Spike taking the hint, laid the bag of ice on the floor and drank the mug offered to him and enjoyed the feeling of his wounds feeling less painful. He reached across the bed to pull her close and heard her grimace. He then remembered he kicked her in the stomach so he lifted up her shirt and frowned seeing the huge bruise on her stomach. He reached down and gently laid the ice on her stomach for a few minutes. They both laid on their back in silence not saying a word. Then she reached over and lifted the bag of ice off her stomach and onto the floor and rolled over to lean her head against his chest and got comfortable. He said nothing as he wrapped his arms around her and closed his eyes. They apparently both were still adjusting and needed time.