Buffy thought hard while Spike watched a rerun of Passions. Spike was saving her life here and giving her hope for the future but did she really want her future at 17 to be with him. She honestly never imagined living to be 17. She snuggled a little closer to Spike and smiled as he automatically tightened his hold on her while watching Passions. She began to wonder how much was because of her and his feelings for her or just because he was used to it with Dru. She decided before she could make a decision she would have to ask him about it and since it was a commercial it was perfect timing, “Spike?”
Spike turned towards her, “Yes, pet?”
Buffy took a deep breath and asked sounding more brave than she felt, “How much of what happens between us is because of habits and how much is because of your feelings towards me?”
Spike let out a sigh noticing it was still a commercial so he couldn’t get out of it that easily, so he turned on the couch to face her fully taking her face in between his two hands as he spoke. If he was going to talk of feelings, he might as well be honest. It wasn’t like she was going to judge his relationship with Dru after all, “Buffy, love, Dru and I weren’t anything like you and I. It’s hard to explain but take our love making. Hers was full of pain mixed with pleasure and it was more of a control play and not gentle. Sitting here with you, Dru would have been making noise, or busy with her dolls or sitting on me to tell me something. There was no ‘snuggling’ as you call it. Does that answer your question?”
Buffy nodded noticing his show was back on and went back to her thoughts. She wasn’t worried so much by the actions as she was more about the responses. ‘When I lean against him, he’d lean back and pull me closer. When I kiss him, he’d kiss me back with such passion. Was that just normal Spike or was that because of his feelings towards me? I wish I knew.’
She started to compare him to Angel and then realized that wasn’t fair because Angel didn’t really have passion. What he did was more so for loss of control. Spike had only lost control with her once and he was horrified it happened and was down right mad it happened. That made her think even harder. ‘What does Spike want from me?’
She looked over and saw his show was still on for another twenty minutes so she continued her thought process smiling slightly as Spike bellowed at the screen, “She’s lying to you mate. Can’t you bloody tell?” She wondered about all these layers of this vampire by her side. He was a killer and didn’t hide it. His past was horrible, and again didn’t attempt to hide that either. He was a master vampire, and again didn’t attempt to bury it inside of him away from her prying eyes. But he also had feelings and passion. He had compassion for her. Perhaps she was just a lucky soul that he cared about. Perhaps it didn’t go any further than that. He did keep his word to Ted about not harming his kind, even when the demon attacked him. So he is true to his word. He did say that one day he loved her. ‘Did he really mean it or was that just something he whispered thinking I’d never hear it? More importantly, do I love him?’
How do you know that answer? She used to think she knew what love was but now she was questioning. She needed to talk to someone about what love was. She hesitated a moment and turned and asked Spike, “Can we invite Ted and his wife over for dinner tomorrow night?”
Spike turned and looked at her a bit shocked but nodded, “Of course.”
He turned to watch the last few minutes of the show. She was impressed. She didn’t know if he would say no but more importantly she had forgotten his show was on. Her father used to yell at her mother for interrupting his shows yet Spike turned towards her and answered her. Surely that was a good sign right? The ending credits of Passions were on and Spike turned towards Buffy with a grin, “Want to go do some damage again, love?” Buffy nodded hoping to get out some of this built up energy out of her.
He grabbed her hand dragging her upstairs and she whispered softly, “Can we try the shower thing again? Do you mind?”
Spike chuckled, “Sure thing pet. Just no running out in the middle of it. I don’t fancy another death scare.”
Buffy didn’t say anything remembering the feeling of the vampire on her neck draining her and shuddered. He wrapped his arms around her remembering the same scene and whispered against her ear, “I won’t let anything like that happen to you again while you’re on my watch.”
Buffy nodded and pulled the shirt over her head and took off towards the shower not even bothering to bring her bag with her. Spike jogged past her hopping out of his pants as he reached the bathroom door. He stood in the doorway watching as Buffy tested the water temperature and turned around with a big grin plastered on her face as she motioned for him to come here.
He scooped her up putting her under the water and climbed in after her. She grinned and looked him up and down so that she didn’t get scared again at the end like last time. Spike noticed and smiled at her. He whispered, "Turn around, pet, I want to wash your hair first.” She turned around and he ran his fingers lightly through her hair making sure the water had wet it evenly. Then he squeezed the strawberry shampoo into his hands and lathered her hair up, massaging her scalp. She moaned at the feeling realizing this is something she could get used to forever. It felt amazing and she felt herself relaxing leaning up against his chest as he massaged her hair. Finally he whispered softly, “Close your eyes, pet, if they aren’t closed. It’s rinsing time.”
Her eyes were already closed so she merely had to tip her head under the water and again she felt Spike’s hands caressing her scalp. She moaned again whispering, “God that feels good.”
Spike smiled but she couldn’t see it then he whispered, “Just wait until I wash your body.”
Buffy giggled making a quick split decision, “Let me do you first?”
Spike laughed at what she said and nodded. He bent his knees a little so she could reach the top of his head and she lathered up his shampoo for color treated hair and took a whiff smiling. A tad bit fruity but mostly soap smelling. She lathered up her hands and tried to mimic what he did for her and he groaned so she figured she must have been doing something right. She continued until he groaned again and she whispered, “Close your eyes.”
His eyes were already closed as he as enjoying the feeling of her fingers running through his hair and she gently helped his hair come clean. Now came the harder part. She took a deep breath and watched as Spike straightened up to stand before her handing her the washcloth and soap. She ran the cloth under the water and used the soap to work up a really nice lather. It smelled very soapy. She didn’t recognize the smell but it smelled fresh and clean. The scent filled her nose as she rubbed his shoulders and neck making sure to clean it completely. She asked him to turn around first and he did so bracing his hands on the shower walls. She smiled as he spread his legs a little giving her full access to do whatever she wanted to do. She liked how much he trusted her so she caressed his back with the cloth making sure every inch of his back was massaged with soap and well clean. Then she knelt down to clean his butt enjoying the feel of his muscles as she rubbed over them.
She watched as he flexed the muscles and she placed a gentle kiss on each buttock unable to help herself. It was just such a sexy butt. Then she rubbed her cloth down over his legs and his thighs carefully avoiding any frontal parts and finally stopped at his ankles giving them the wash down. She then took his hands and turned him around watching as he backed up into the water to clean off his backside then stepped forward to allow her to clean his front side. She took a deep breath and looked down determined to make it this time.
He smiled at her encouraging her but not pressuring her as he let his hands lay by his sides. He was going to let her do this herself and she was really grateful. She redid his shoulders and neck to buy time before caressing down his chest and rubbing over his nipples. She watched the tiny buds harden into little peaks and she grinned placing little kisses on each one before using her cloth to caress his sides and stomach as well. Spike was groaning and his eyes were closed in pleasure. She smiled and rubbed her cloth down his legs, gently rubbing over his feet and then as he lifted them up, she gently used her fingertips to massage them making him groan again in pleasure. He gently put down one foot and then groaned again as she massaged the other only to put that foot down.