Chapter 10
Four years of Spike
Spike sat on the couch nervously waiting for Buffy who was upstairs showering and changing into her night clothes. He wondered how he would tell her the story of his life for the past four years. Where should he begin? To tell the truth his life for the past four years had been pretty dull, lonely, and sad without her.
He was swiftly jarred from his thoughts when he heard Buffy coming down the stairs. He almost groaned out loud at the sight of her golden wet locks sitting loosely around her shoulders. She wore only a very short dark blue satin nightie. When she sat next to him he had to suppress another groan as he watched her nightie rise up higher on her thighs forcing himself to look anywhere but her tan exposed legs.
“So, are you going to tell me what Parker was talking about?” Straight to the point. That was the Buffy he knew and loved. Sighing he prepared to tell her what had happened that day four years ago.
“You had left for New York about two weeks beforehand and I was walking to my English Lit. class when I saw Parker and his wanker mates. I was just going to walk straight past them but when I heard him say your name I couldn’t help but stop and listen…” Spike took a deep breath before continuing. “He mustn’t have noticed me there ‘cause he just kept talking about you. Buffy you’ve got to understand the things he was saying, well let’s just say I quickly lost my cool.”
“What was he saying?”
“Bragging about how he had “Popped your cherry” as he put it, saying how easy you were and how bad you were…” at that being said Buffy felt beyond annoyed.
“Those are lies you know that, I never slept with Parker and he wasn’t my first. You, well you know you were.” She finished shyly.
“I know that luv and it’s complete bollocks about you being bad,” Buffy blushed at his admission.
“Anyway I confronted him, called him a liar saying how you would never touch him and he didn’t much like that. He said that I was just jealous because I was in love with you and couldn’t stand the fact that he got there first.”
“Then what happened?”
“I kinda lost it after that, beat the hell out of him. I only meant to hit him once but by the time I was done I couldn’t seem to lift my arm. He was taken to hospital and I was arrested.”
“Oh my god Spike!” She gasped shocked. She knew he had a quick temper but she never would have thought that someone could ever make him go that far.
“I know I was just so mad seeing him and his idiot mates laughing and talking about you like that… I wanted to kill him. Might of too if Xander hadn’t pulled me off him,” Buffy felt pride flow through her that he would be so protective over her and defend her honor the way he had.
“What happened after that?”
“Well I guess I scared him pretty bad because he had the charges dropped and left town pretty quickly after that,” Buffy laughed softly.
“Sounds like the weasel I know,” they laughed together softly before Buffy continued, “You would do all that just to protect my honor?”
“In a heartbeat,” he said without hesitation.
“I bet Dru didn’t like that,” Buffy laughed trying to keep the conversation light while subtly mentioning Drusilla. She had never asked what had happened between them but she always wondered.
Were they still together? Had they broken up? If so when and why? Was she simply out of town for a while? She desperately hoped not. She hoped Dru was no longer a part of his life or his heart.
“Um I wouldn’t know we had broken up before that,” her head shot up at this.
“What? When? Why?” she blurted out Spike laughed gently.
“The same night you and I had that fight before you left for New York. Why you asked, because you were right about her in every way. Dru was safe and predictable, I knew who she was and what she would do. Being with someone else was scary, unpredictable, it’s easy to be with someone when you don’t love them; you can’t get hurt then,” Buffy sat there looking stunned. ‘Did he just say he never loved Dru?’
“What? I thought you were madly in love with Drusilla.”
“No, I mean at the time I thought I was but I realize now looking back, it couldn’t have been love; would of hurt more if it was,” he said smiling at Buffy.
“How did she take it?”
“Bad, really bad! She insisted that we belonged together, going on about shutting out the sunshine and joining her in the darkness where I belonged,” Buffy couldn’t help but laugh at this.
“You know how Dru got. Crazy ramblings, it got a little creepy. She was always hanging around standing outside the apartment, calling my phone, eventually I moved back in with dad just to escape her and it took about six months but she finally got the message. The last I heard she was living in England with that Lindsay fella.”
“Wow that’s intense.”
“Yeah.”
“So what about after Dru? Any major heart throbs?” she probed.
“No.” He answered simply.
“Well what about any small heart throbs?”
“No, there’s been no one, not since that night with you,” he whispered looking down when finally admitting this. Buffy was stunned, she must of heard wrong.
“But you and Dru were together for three weeks before I left.”
“Yeah but we never slept together in that three weeks,” he informed her.
“What? Why?”
“She asked me that same thing, and honestly I don’t know, I just couldn’t. It felt wrong after being with you.”
Buffy felt her heart hammering in her ears, blood rushing through her body at his admission and guilt flood into every corner of her being.
He had been celibate for the past four years, not even sleeping with his at the time girlfriend and she on the other hand had been sleeping with Angel for the past year. True it was over now but she couldn’t help but feel like she had in a way cheated on Spike by being with Angel.
“I trust you,” she whispered looking him straight in the eyes.
“What?”
“I want you to know I trust you. You have been through so much because of me, protected me even after I had walked out of your life, you’re a good man Spike and I trust you. I just hope one day you can forgive me,” she finished looking down ashamed.
“For what?”
“Gee I don’t know maybe for putting you through all that, for throwing fourteen years of friendship away and just walking out of your life. For saying those nasty things I said to you that night, for not just being honest and open, and I’m so sorry,” she whispered letting a lone tear fall.
“If I remember right luv I said a few nasty things myself,” he replied wiping the tear away.
“Not like I did, I was wrong and stupid I should have just talked to you. I just hope one day you can trust and forgive me.”
“I already do, I’ve always trusted you Buffy. You made a mistake we both did. We should have handled things better but we’re only human. At least we are trying to make things right now, that’s what matters luv, I forgive you.” She sobbed softly holding him close when he moved in to hug her, sobbing into his chest.
“Spike,” She whispered pulling back to look at him. She knew this was it, this was the moment she had been waiting for, she was finally ready, she wasn’t scared, it was time to tell him how she truly felt for him. Taking a deep breath she prepared.
“Spike I lov…” She was rudely cut off by the phone ringing. If she had a gun she would have blown it right off the wall.
“Oh god I can’t catch a break,” she whispered under her breath.
“What luv?” Smiling up at him she replied.
“Nothing, excuse me,” she smiled heading for the phone. She was only gone a minute when she walked back into the room looking shocked and upset. Rising to his feet Spike moved over towards her.
“What’s wrong?” He asked concerned.
“That was Willy down at the bar, it’s your dad,” she cringed and he knew from the look on her face it was not good. He had been waiting for his dad to hit rock bottom about losing Joyce, and it looked like he finally had.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
A HUGE thanks to both Nell and Immortalangel08 (Megan) for Beta-ing this chapter *Hugs*. Also a MASSIVE thanks to Edgehead (Mel) for making the awesome banner. Also sorry it took me so long to update i'm hoping to keep on top of my fics now that i have heaps more time for them : )
Chapter End Notes:
So?? what do you think? let me know :) Also sorry it took me so long to update i'm hoping to keep on top of my fics now that i have heaps more time for them : )