Chapter 5
Drunken confessions.
Buffy almost fell out of bed when she heard someone banging loudly on her front door. Who the hell could it be?
Willow was spending the night at Faith and Riley’s new apartment and Angel had dropped her home and left for the airport hours ago. Slipping on her pale blue silk night gown, she headed downstairs and glanced out from one of the small windows on the front door. When she saw Spike standing there swaying slightly, Buffy let out a sigh and quickly opened the door.
“Spike what are you doing here? It’s 3 in the morning.”
“Where is he?” Spike demanded, stumbling into the house. It was obvious that he’d been drinking and Buffy shook her head angrily as she closed the door behind him.
“So...” he slurred.
“So what?” She asked annoyed.
“Don’t play dumb with me, luv. Where is the ponce with the girly name?”
“Angel?”
“Yeah that ponce.” Laughing, Buffy, ran a hand through her tousled hair.
“Not that it’s any of your business, but he isn’t here.”
“I saw… I saw you,” Spikes eyebrows were drawn together in confusion. “You got into his car.So don’t think you can lie to me!” He stuttered, brushing past her to climb the stairs. “Is he up there?” He growled, heading for her room. “I bet you gave it to him good didn’t you, Buffy. I bet he loved every second of it,” Spike slurred as he headed into her room.
“Isn’t that right, peaches?” He yelled, pushing open Buffy’s bedroom door only to find the bed empty. Buffy walked into her room, her arms folded across her chest, one eyebrow raised.
“A quickie then was it? Before you set the boy on his way?” He asked, turning around to face her.
“He was never here, Spike.” Buffy sighed. “He just gave me a ride home. He’s on a plane at the moment back to New York.” Buffy was getting slightly angry, Spike was pushing it a little too far, she needed to put an end to this now.
“You’re drunk. You should go home and sleep it off before you say something you’ll regret in the morning.” She crossedher arms over her chest.
“Oh now, come on, luv. Don’t be like that, I think this is the perfect time for a little chat.”
“Go home, Spike. I mean it.”
“Is that what you really want? For me to leave?” Spike smirked as he slowly made his way towards her, pushing her up against her wall, pinning her with his hard body. Buffy felt her body tingle with excitement but when he leant down to kiss her, his breath reeking of bourbon, she was immediately turned off. She pushed Spike away from her , glaring at him angrily.
“Get off me! What has gotten into you?” She snapped. Spike was stunned by her question, Buffy should already know the answer.
“Are you kidding me? YOU!” He yelled pointing at her. “Always bloody you! You drive me bloody crazy. Half the time I don’t know if I should kiss you or just kill you.” Spike took a deep breath before continuing. “How could you do it, huh? Just leave like that?”
“What are you talking about?” She asked confused.
“That night…. Four years ago,” she looked down, realizing what he was talking about. They day she left for New York.
“I told you I was moving to New York, it’s not like it was a surprise.”
“You didn’t even come back for your stuff. I waited for you that night, all bloody night,” his voice dropped to a whisper. “I figured you weren’t coming back when the two removal guys showed up in the morning to get you stuff.”
“It’s not like you came chasing after me!”
Spike felt rage boil inside of him“You made bloody well sure I couldn’t! No one would tell me where you lived, not even your mom. You changed your mobile number, email address… it’s not like I was bloody psychic.” He yelled, coming to stand in front of her.
Buffy had never seen him so mad before. Turning away from him, she started to pace the room, finally stopping with her back to him.
“What did you think was going to happen, Spike? We spent three weeks of absolute awkwardness together. If you weren’t running out the front door, I was hiding in my room pretending to study just so we didn’t… so we didn’t have to make uncomfortable small talk.” Buffy shook her head at the memories.
“Why do you think that was?” he asked
Spike came to stand in front of her, forcing Buffy to meet his eyes.
“The fact that we slept together,” he whispered.
“I think we both said more than enough about this subject.”
“Really? Because I don’t think we’ve even begun.”
“Can we not do this right now?” Buffy asked, finally looking at him, her eyes begging him to just drop it.
“Buffy, we have to work this out.”
“I know, but your drunk, you can barely stand and, personally, I would rather talk about it when your sober and I know for sure that you’ll remember the conversation.” The last time she had acted on impulse with Spike whilst he was drunk hadn’t turned out so great.
Spike slowly nodded, admitting she had a point. He was worried that if he left now, Buffy would find a way to avoid him and their conversation.
Buffy could see Spike’s reluctance, and while a massive part of her really wanted to run away and avoid the conversation at all costs, another part of her knew that sooner or later they would have to sit down and have it out once and for all.
“Look, why don’t you crash here tonight? We can talk about it in the morning, when you’re awake and… sober.” Buffy suggested, showing Spike that she wasn’t taking the easy way out and that she was indeed going to talk, just like she had promised.
“Okay.” Spike smiled, happy with her answer as he staggered over to her bed, slipping the duster from his shoulders and falling face first onto the mattress. Buffy, with a heavy sigh, moved to take off his boots and heard him whisper something softly.
“You know, Buffy… you were my best friend. You were my everything.”
Buffy’s eyes went wide in shock as she glanced down at his face. Spike had slipped into a deep sleep and, with a kiss to his forehead, she stood.
“I love you,” he whispered softly, just loud enough for Buffy to hear.
“I know.” Buffy whispered, not sure if Spike was aware of his drunken ramblings.
She wondered if Spike would ever be able to love her as more than just his best friend. She kissed his forehead one last time before stepping out of the room and walking the short distance to her mother’s bedroom. Buffy slipped beneath the covers, rolled over and hugged her mother’s pillow close to her chest, inhaling her scent. She wished her mother was with her still, she always knew just what to say to make her feel better. It was only minutes before Buffy drifted off into sleep, her mother’s scent filling her.
Spike woke to the smell of coffee. Sitting up in bed, he groaned at the feelings in his head and stomach. How much had he had to drink last night? Spike took in his surroundings and realized that he wasn’t in his own bed, he was in Buffy’s room.
Memories of the night before flooded back and he let out another groan, he had acted like a complete ponce. Spike hoped that Buffy would stick to her word, and that they would finally get the chance to figure out what was going on between them. With a sigh, Spike pushed up from the bed, his head pounding as he made his ways down the stairs and into the kitchen, coming face to face with Buffy.
She was gorgeous, wearing only a white singlet top and pale pink shorts. Her hair was pulled up in a messy bun and her face flushed red when she caught him staring at her. She wasn’t wearing any make-up, Spike smiled, as she brought her hand up to wipe the hair from her eyes. She had never looked so beautiful.
“Morning,” she said, placing a cup of water and two aspirin in front of him. Spike accepted them eagerly.
“Morning. Thanks, luv.” He smiled, as he quickly swallowed the aspirin.
“How are you feeling?” Buffy asked, taking in his appearance as she took the now empty glass and replaced it with a hot cup of coffee
“Like Hell.”
“Yep,” she laughed. “Drinking that much will do that to you.” She smiled, watching as he sat in a stool at the kitchen counter. It wasn’t until Buffy pulled up a chair across from him that he finally spoke again.
“So, you want to tell me about this Angel fella?”
Buffy’s smile faltered as she looked up at him. “You’re not going to like it.”
“I thought as much but I think I’d rather know the truth from you.”
Buffy nodded in understanding and started to talk.“Angel and I are not in a relationship, we never were…”
Spike met her gaze with a confused and surprised glance. “But then why did he say you were?”
“Because he wishes we were… I meet him a year ago,” Buffy explained. “He’s a lawyer who works for the same gallery I do… or did in New York… One night while we were working late things happened and we ended up sleeping together.”
Spike felt his heart tear at her words.
“Afterwards he wanted a relationship and I didn’t…”
“But if that was a year ago…” he started but she quickly stopped him.
“We continued sleeping together up until I came back here,” Spike raised an eyebrow and took a sip of his coffee. “He fell in love with me and while he is great guy I just… I didn’t feel the same.”
Buffy had been sleeping with Angel for over a year. Spike could barely understand it; the Buffy he knew would have never done something like that. She wasn’t a no-strings kind of girl.
“I just… I don’t understand. You’re not that kind of girl, Buffy.”
“And what kind of girl would that be?” She asked, slightly annoyed
“A no-strings kind of girl.”
“Spike, we haven’t talked in four years! You don’t know who I am now. Not that it’s any of your business but just because my relationship with Angel wasn’t based on love, that does not mean that I didn’t care for him.”
“Do you… care for him?”
“Yes, as a friend. But that doesn’t matter now, it’s over… I ended it last night.”
Spike took a sip of his coffee, smirking into his glass as feelings of relief flooded over him.
“Buffy, what happened that night between us…”
“I don’t even know where to start,” she sighed, turning away from him as she took a sip from her own glass.
“Then let me… I’m sorry.”
She almost spat her drink in his face.
“For the way I acted afterwards, avoiding you.” Spike was sure of one thing, he was never sorry for making love to her that night, it wasn’t a mistake in his eyes.
“I am too,” Buffy whispered. “It’s not like I stuck around long enough for us to chat… I really should have just assumed…” she stopped herself. The last thing she wanted to do was admit that she thought that they would immediately be in a relationship after they had slept together.
“Assumed what?” Buffy sighed, glancing at the ground before meeting his gaze.
“What is it that you want, Spike?”
“You,” Spike whispered. “To be able to talk to you like we used to. To be near you without one of us running off or yelling at each other…. I lo…”
“I don’t trust you,” she cut in.
Spike couldn’t stand it. He had been about to admit that he was in love with Buffy and she didn’t trust him.
Buffy Summers, his best friend of 14 years, not including the four years they had spent apart, the woman he was in love with, didn’t trust him. Spike felt his heart breaking, she had hurt him more than he had ever thought possible.
“What?” he whispered.
“I don’t trust you. I-I think if we tried to go back to being best friends that I might be able to….I just don’t know anymore.”
“The let me prove to you that you can.”
“What?” Buffy asked, stunned.
“Let me show you that you can trust me. Let’s just try again…wipe the slate clean like… like we’ve just met for the first time and I can earn your trust. You’ll see..”
Buffy ran a shaky hand through her hair, taking a deep breath. She knew she had to do this not just for Spike, but for herself too.
She felt that she was partly to blame for what had happened that night, Spike had tried to stop them from sleeping together but she had insisted. Buffy knew she should have been honest about her feelings to begin with and now maybe they would get that chance…A chance to start over, to try again. With a soft smile on her face, she slowly raised her hand.
“Hi, I’m Buffy Summers.”
Spike smiled back and eagerly took her hand in his, bringing it to his lips and giving it a kiss.“William Giles, but you can call me Spike.”
Spike vowed then and there that he would earn Buffy’s trust again. Once he had her trust he was going to tell her the truth, what he should have told her four years ago. He was in love with Buffy and while he knew that she may not return his feeling, he knew that he had to tell her the truth no matter what the outcome.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
A MASSIVE thanks to my Beta's Pixiecorn (Kelly) and Dorians Kitten your the best girls. Also a HUGE thanks to Edgehead (Mel) for the awesome banner, i love it Hun.
Chapter End Notes:
So?? what do you think? let me know :)