What you don’t know, can’t hurt you.
~ Unknown
Buffy sat down sipping on a mug of juice that Faith had brought over. She didn’t really feel like eating so she figured she should at least make an effort to drink something. When she finished she rinsed out the mug remembering when she used to find rinsed out mugs from Spike in the sink. She missed those. Dawn and Willow used to complain about them. Xander used to tell her to throw them away after each use but Buffy actually liked Spike living in her house. She wished she had been able to offer him the guest room but with all the slayers sleeping around, she knew she couldn’t. Besides he was more comfortable in the basement.
She remembered one visit she had with Spike. She was bringing his food to him and taking care of him. She sighed as the memory flashed before her eyes and she closed her eyes to remember him.
I sat down next to Spike and he said, “It’s like a bloody-war zone up there and not in a good way.”
I smiled and replied, “Have you seen the kitchen since they’ve been here?”
Spike waved his hand saying, “I’m just trying to stay out of their way.”
I knew what he meant. I glanced at his chains and said, “I noticed.”
Spike looked at his chains as well saying, “This is better. Believe me, it’s safer.”
I didn’t believe him. I actually wanted him as part of the group. He was the one person that kept me grounded and inspired. Did I just call Spike a person? I wanted to convince him to come upstairs with me especially when they were gone so I replied, “Okay but you’ve been fine in close contact with the girls.”
Spike looks at me and said, “With you by my side, yeah. You won’t let me hurt one of them. And that’s the way it’s gonna be until we’re sure the First is done making me its bitch. Either we’re together or I’m on the leash.”
I shook my head and knew he believed that with all his heart. But I didn’t. I looked at Spike and said, “We just need to make sure the trigger’s deactivated then. We’ve got a couple of days, lack of pitter-patter and all…” I was really hoping to convince him to come upstairs and be around if even just for the time the girls were gone.
I wouldn’t be judged while they were gone but he cut me off saying, “Buffy…”
He looked at me earnestly like he was about to say something so I said, “What?”
Spike said, “Ow. Ow…”
Buffy sighed. She was sure he was going to say something perfect at that moment. She had cared for him and got the chip taken care of. She sighed again as the tears started to fall. She had gone out on a date after she had fixed it with Robin. She had wished the whole time it was with Spike. After the date, the conversation they had was still true.
Spike said, “It uh talked to the little boy. Said it wasn’t time for me yet. I should move out. Leave town before it’s time for me.”
I frowned saying, “You have to stay.” Inside my head was panicking. How could I survive without Spike so I tightened my grip on my shirt a little bit more to hide what I was really afraid of.
Spike looked a bit annoyed and replied, “You’ve got another demon fighter now.”
I replied, “That’s not why I need you here.” I knew why, I wanted him always to stay with him but I couldn’t admit that yet.
I wasn’t ready so instead I heard him say, “Is that right? Why’s that then?”
I replied softly the best way I knew how to, “’Cause I’m not ready for you to not to be here.”
Spike had looked at me surprised saying, “And the principal? How’s he fit in?”
I felt his gaze on me but I didn’t say anything and took a moment to figure out just how to answer that question without giving away too much. He finally looked away so I replied softly, “I’m not sure but he doesn’t take your place in my life away.”
Spike had chosen not to say anything but I knew at that moment something big had changed. I needed every able body but I really needed Spike. He was my stable person, my anchor. I couldn’t do this without him.
She would never have a date with Spike again. She would never feel his arms around her or find him popping up when she was miserable. She was destined to be alone. She cried herself to sleep even though it was in the middle of the day.
Buffy woke up seeing it was 30 minutes until 6. She knew she had to call Giles before Faith came over so she sat up on her bed taking her phone from her pocket and dialed Giles’s number.
She heard him answer, “Hello. Giles’ here. Can I help you?”
Buffy replied, “It’s me, Buffy. You asked Robin to have me call you. What’s up?”
Giles frowned and said over the phone, “Angel called for back up. He wanted some girls to go over and take down Wolfram and Hart. He’s apparently going to rip it down to the ground and battle the forces. The fight starts at sundown today. Shall I send in some slayers to help?”
Buffy sighed, she didn’t want to think about Angel right now, “I don’t really know. I guess it couldn’t hurt. Are they ready?”
Giles hesitated and then said, “I have about 20 girls who are fighter power. Do you want me to send them in?”
Buffy hesitated actually and said, “What do you think?”
Giles replied without a thought, “I say no. It’s too dangerous and not their fight. This isn’t about ending the world or something. It’s Angel’s fight of getting out of something he got involved in. I vote no.”
Buffy decided Giles knew best and said, “I agree. We don’t send help and let Angel fix his own mess. I never agreed with him getting involved in that evil company anyway.”
Giles said, “So how are you Buffy?”
Buffy didn’t know what to say so she answered with what he wanted to hear, “I’m adjusting well. I’m settled in, got groceries thanks to Faith and Robin. We are patrolling in about 10 minutes and I need to shower so I should go.”
Giles said, “Good luck and see you soon.”
Buffy laid down the phone and went upstairs to shower. 10 minutes later she came downstairs dressed to fight. Faith knocked on the door and Buffy opened it.
Robin smiled at her saying, “Ready to go eat?”
Buffy nodded, finally feeling a little hungry. She hoped she’d be able to eat enough to make them think that she was ok.
Buffy picked at her food and she thought that she noticed Robin and Faith both looking at her worriedly but dismissed it. Faith then asked the waiter to wrap up Buffy’s left over food for her to take home with her. Buffy was grateful that nothing more was said. Faith then bounced out of the restaurant and got into the car. Robin ran Buffy’s food inside her place and put it in her fridge before they walked out to the local cemeteries.
Buffy was hoping for some action and she definitely wasn’t disappointed. The first cemetery had 4 vampires. Faith took on two, Robin took one and Buffy was left with one who happened to be the hardest. She felt a slight rush as she was fighting for her life. She almost thought for a minute of letting him win but she heard Spike’s voice echo on in her, “Life isn’t bliss, life is just this. You’ll get along. The pain that you feel, you only can heal by living. You have to go on living so one of us is living.”
Buffy then got a second wind and kicked the vampire to the ground and hopped on it punching it with all she had in her. Then she noticed Faith and Robin looking at her so she dusted it and straightened up her red shirt looking sheepish.
Faith laughed and said, “Way to kick ass B!”
They continued to the next cemetery where they found a nest. Buffy felt adrenaline coursing through her veins as she took out 4 vampires only getting a few kicks in the back. Buffy felt alive. Faith had a bloody lip and Robin had a few bruises. Faith took Robin’s hand to stand up and Buffy stood there feeling her rush drop.
Faith said, “I think that’s about all I can take for a night. What do you say Robin? Want to call it a night?”
Robin nodded and said, “We will walk you home Buffy.”
Buffy followed the duo watching as they laughed with each other and Robin fussed over Faith’s lip. She sighed missing Spike so much it hurt. She managed to fight back tears until she was left alone in her apartment. She then crawled into bed not even bothering to get undressed and cried herself to sleep.
Buffy awoke to the sound of her cell phone ringing. She sleepily answered to the sound of Dawn’s voice saying, “Buffy, Spike was alive. He was in L.A. and died along with Angel against Wolfram and Hart. He never told us he was alive. Buffy, Spike was alive!”
Buffy dropped the phone and freaked out. She couldn’t take it. Spike was alive and didn’t tell her and now he’s dead again? She felt the pain of losing him all hit her at once and she ran out of the apartment leaving the door behind her open. She raced out and before she realized it, she had wandered into the cemetery and started to cry. She sat on a tombstone and talked to the sky as though she was talking to Spike, “Why Spike? We had something. Those last few days we were there, it was perfect. I loved you and you didn’t even accept it. Now you are gone again. Gone for good. No chance of you ever coming back and you expect me to stay in this Hell hole of a world without you?”
She was so involved in her dialogue that she didn’t notice a vampire sneaking up behind her. He threw her from the tombstone and hopped on top of her in a flash and whispered, “Slayer!”
Buffy didn’t even try to fight him and instead closed her eyes wishing for death. Spike was gone forever. She was stuck in his world. She closed her eyes feeling the bite and didn’t fight. She felt the world go black and that was all.