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Author's Chapter Notes:
Once again, unbeta'd! Sorry guys, I hope I don't make you cringe with my crappy grammar skills! *hides* This is a longish chapter.. Hope you enjoy!
They had already been sorting threw the boxes if his parents stuff for about an hour. Her never said a word unless spoken to, letting him silently remember things from his past. If he needed to talk he would so she left him alone.

She was looking through picture, giggling at Spike's baby pictures and smiling at family portraits. She saw one of his parents, the background was a beautiful rose bush. She wanted to know the memory behind it and to get him talking about it so she handed him the picture as asked him what had happened the day it was taken.

He took a deep breath and looked at the picture in his hands. "I miss you." He whispered as he ran a finger down the side of the picture of his parents who were wrapped in a warm embrace and smiling at the camera.

He remembered taking that picture of them. "We had just got back from a family picnic. I was 15," He smiled and turned the picture to show to Buffy again. "He all helped make the food. Ham and Swiss sandwiches, potato salad and assorted fresh veggies and dip. It was a good day," He put the picture down and picked up another. It was of him and his father. Spike was no older than 7 and he had a blue helmet on and 'attempting' to ride a bike, his father holding on to the back. Will Sr. was laughing and pointing straight ahead, William Jr. was also laughing with his feet off the peddles. "Obviously, my da' was teaching me to ride my new bike. Best day of my childhood... Up until the part where I ran into a rock, did a face plant and ended up with this scar." He said flatly and pointed to his scarred eyebrow.

Buffy giggled and reached over to touch it. "A good day for a little scar, I think it was worth the trade. Don't you think?"

"Yeah. I suppose. Though at the time, not so much. They took to get some ice cream after I got the stitches," He tilted his head and thought for a moment. "So I got over the 'shit factor' of the day quickly." He chuckled.

"Seems like you had a good relationship with your parents." She said and quickly regretted it.

He shot his head up at her and scowled. "Yeah I did. Did being the key word. I made their last two years of their life bleeding hell at home. They didn't need to take my shit, but they did. They never stopped trying to show me they cared. But when they did I always threw it in their face!" He said and walked over to a rocking chair. "See this chair? My mum used to sit in this chair and sing to me when I was sick, scared, angry, had a bad day. It didn't matter to her what I was feeling, if I wasn't happy she sang, talked, joked until I was better." He violently pushed it over and picked up a chess table. "My da' and I sat at this table for half of a day. He taught me how to play then spent the rest of the day trying to beat me at it. I never let him win. Not once." He yelled and threw the table at the wall, causing it to break in two pieces.

Buffy winced, she knew he was going to regret that, considering that the table was in the 'take home' pile. She was happy that the rocking chair was still intact because it also was in the same pile.

He picked up his father's cigar case, still holding some cigars inside. "On my 16th birthday, my dad let me have one of these. It made me cough up a lung but I still smoked it to make him happy. I was about half way through before he took pity on me and told me I didn't have to smoke it. My mum was royally pissed at him for letting me light it up in the first place." He smiled and looked up at Buffy, his eyes quickly filling up with tears. "She always knew how to put him in his place." He set them back down and picked up a picture. "This is me. When I turned all punk." He picked up a different picture and handed them both to her. "That's what I looked like compared to this."

She looked at them both, her eyes switching back and forth between them. In one he looked cute, healthy, and well brought up. Glasses, sandy blonde hair all curly and hanging in his face. He had a tweed suit on which made her want to giggle. She never imagined someone like him wearing something like that. His face was slightly tilted up and he had a huge beaming smile on his face his eyes half closed. His hands holding on to the lapels on his tweed jacket, making him look like the proud son. His father standing beside him with his hand on Spike's shoulder.

The other one he looked hott but also run down, angry, depressed. Like he was hiding the real him. Putting up a facade to hide the real him. His bleached hair was pulled back in his usual style she still seen today but everything else was different.For one, he was wearing eyeliner, which she thought was kind of weird in a cute way. He had a slightly baggy 'Sex Pistols' t-shirt on with safety pins and some rips down the front, tight black jeans, also with some safety pins and rips, clunky chains around his neck and wrists and rings on most of his fingers. He was holding his hand out to the camera as if he was waving but his shoulders were slumped and he had a obviously fake smile on, as if the camera holder were making him have the picture taken

"That picture was taken 2 weeks before they passed. I told them I was going to a school football game but I was really going to my girlfriend Cecily's house to get high." He stated as he picked up the chair he knocked over and sat in it.

"Spike..."

"No. Don't say anything," He said and held up a hand. "There is nothing you can say to make it any better. They died." He picked up the picture of his parents on the day of the picnic, tears forming in his eyes again. "They died, and they didn't even know if their son hated them or not." The tears started to fall as he brought the picture to his chest. "I was so mad at them, the night they died. They were telling me that I had to go out with them instead of going to the party..."

~FLASHBACK~

"Come on da'! I really want to go!" Spike said as he put on his leather duster.

"No. I will not say it again. You either come with us to the restaurant or stay at home and sulk. I will not give you permission to a party that you are too young for and really have no place being in. Honestly William, why do you insist on going to these parties anyway?" William Sr. asked.

Spike clenched his fists and jaw. "It's Spike. Stop calling me William. I'm not the same kid with a ponce name anymore."

"My name happens to be William as well."

"Which makes you a ponce too!" Spike shouted.

"What is all the noise. Do be quiet Spike, I do not wish to start my evening with a headache." Anne said as her husband helped her put on her jacket.

"See! Why can't you be more like mum? She calls me Spike."

"I called you William at birth and I will call you William now. Besides, Spike? Seriously." William Sr. replied with an eye roll. "Have you made your decision yet?"

"Yes. I have actually." He crossed his arms and tilted his head. "I am going to stay home and 'sulk'"

"Please William, indulge your mother." She smiled sweetly

"I want to go to the party."

"And I said no, you're not going. We want you to come with us." William Sr. put a hand on his son's shoulder. "Join us?"

Spike shrugged it off and walked up the stairs. "No! I'm nearly eighteen anyway - I can't wait to be out of this goddamn house and away from you two!" He hollered and slammed him bedroom door.

~END FLASHBACK~

Tears were pouring from his eyes as he rocked on the chair. "I regret it. I shouldn't have said that! Why did I have to say that?!" He yelled and slammed his fist down on the arm rests.

Buffy moved closer to him and put on hand on his knee and another over his fist." Spike, I understand you are hurting right now. But I bet you didn't really mean it at the time either. Also, you--"

"That's not the point, Buffy!" He stood up quickly, nearly knocking Buffy over. "I still said it! I should never have changed to fit in, it wasn't who I was. They knew it. I knew it."

"Exactly! They knew it wasn't you. They knew you didn't mean it." She said softly, standing up cupping his cheek. " They knew you lo--"

"Loved them? Yeah, bloody great way in showing it too," He rolled his eyes. "I deserved to have them taken away from me, but they didn't deserve to die."

"You didn't deserve anything. They knew you loved them, hun. I'm sure you weren't like that all the time. I even find it hard to be bitchy 24/7" She smiled, causing him to smirk a little, giving her hope. "Don't do this to yourself. They knew." She pulled him into a hug and he squeezed her, holding on to her like she was his life line.

"I wish I could turn back time, erase what I put them through. I miss them so much, Buffy. I will never have them back and it kills me. I just wish I could feel his hand on my shoulder and see her sweet smile. Never again... Never"

She didn't know what to do or what to say. She couldn't imagine what he was going through, she never really had parents to lose. All she could do was be there for him and reassure him that they knew he loved them and that she would help him through this. So she held him while he cried, whispering soft reassuringly in his ear until he was done.

He stiffened up and sniffed. "Right, ready to go, then? I think I'm done here now." He said she picked up the rocking chair and table. "Can you grab that box there?"

She nodded her head and picked up the box. "Let's go."

They packed everything in the backseat of his DeSoto with the rocking chair in the trunk. She helped him get everything into his apartment and they settled down to watch a movie.

She kept stealing glances over at him and worried her lip between her teeth. She wanted to ask him is he was okay, but she was afraid that would set him off again. She fiddled with her hands in he lap and looked at him again.

"You okay, pet?" He asked her, catching one of her not-so-secretive glance out of the million she 'got away' with.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm the definition of fine. Fine is me!" She said with a giggle.

"Once more with less feeling, luv" He smiled and pulled her into his side, wrapping his arm around her shoulder and kissing the top of her head. "Not into the movie?"

"Not exactly," She sighed and snuggled into him further. "I was just wondering if you know... You were okay?"

"I'm good. Tired too. I think I will go to bed soon." He said and clicked off the TV with the remote.

"Oh, okay. I will just get out of your way then. I can walk home, it's no big. You just rest up and make sure to call me tomorrow." She got up quickly and kissed his forehead. "Thanks for the Pepsi.. And the popcorn"

"Where do you think your going?" He grabbed her leg and pulled her back down to the sofa. "First of all, I wouldn't let you walk home alone at this time of night, are you crazy? And second of all, I'm to knackered to drive, or walk you anywhere so your just going to have to spend the night." She smiled and picked her up. "You can have my bed, I will take the couch."

She argued with him all the way to his bedroom, she didn't need to take his bed. "I don't mind the couch, really." She said as he dropped her down on to the bed. "Oomph. Thanks Mr. Gentleman. So very kind of you!" She smiled a fake smile and picked up a pillow. "Don't make me hit you with this."

He smiled with her as she snuggled under the blankets. "Can I hold you for a bit?" He asked and ducked his head, afraid that she would reject him.

When she lifted the blanket for him to join her, she smiled like a little boy on Christmas morning and leaped under the covers, both bursting out in a giggles.

When they were both situated, one their sides, facing each other and arms wrapped around each other, Spike kissed her chastely and gave her a weak smile. "Thanks for today, luv. For everything. I don't think I could have done it alone. Damn near killed me today."

She smiled back at him, giving him a little squeeze. "Anytime, any day. You need me and I'll be there. I maybe short, but my shoulders are strong. Lean on me."

"Lean on me, when your not strong. I'll be your friend--" Spike's song was interrupted by a flick to his ear.

"I'm serious! Don't mock me!" She said with a yawn.

"You must be tired. I'll just go now." He frowned and went to stand up.

"No. Stay with me. I would like to be held tonight and I'm sure you would, too"

He smiled lazily at her and leaned back down. "Would love to, pet." He wrapped his arms around her again and leaned in for a kiss.

When they pulled back, they both looked each other in the eyes. Both wanted to continue the kiss but not sure if it was time to cross that bridge. Spike was worried that she might not be ready for more. Buffy was worried he might want more than a make-out session. Buffy began to bite her bottom lip and he groaned.

He pulled Buffy closer to him and smashed his lips to hers. He couldn't resist. She moaned into his mouth as his tongue came out and licked her bottom lip, begging to be let in. She opened her mouth and let their tongues tangle. She had never been kissed so passionately and so lustfully by any of her ex boyfriends. Her heartbeat sped up and her panties moistened. If she didn't end this soon, she wouldn't be able to end it.

Spike was fighting a loosing battle. He wanted her so badly he could practically taste it. He was trying to hold back for her but when she moaned into his mouth, his eyes rolled up beneath his eyelids and he started to grind the evidence of his arousal onto her thigh.

She thought she imagined it. She wasn't sure if he had really done it so she waited to see if he would do it again. His hand started trailing up her arm and then run through her hair, holding her in place. He started to grind his hard length into her again then he leaned forward on her until she was on her back. She stiffened a bit, growing uncomfortable with the situation and he took notice and pulled away. "Something wrong, luv?" He asked, voice deep and lustful.

"I'm sorry. I can't. It's to soon. I know we have already done.. That... But the next time I want it to be right. I want it to be..."

He cut her off with a chaste kiss, then another on her forehead. "No need to explain. I understand. I just want you so bad sometimes. I don't know what you do to me, but whatever it is... I like it." He smiled and pulled her back onto her side, letting her snuggle into his chest. "Go to sleep now, Buffy. I will see you in the morning. Goodnight."

She mumbled her goodnight and closed her eyes, quickly falling into dreamland.

He stayed awake for a little bit longer, listening to her breathing and feeling her in his arms. 'What ever it is that she does to me.. I know exactly what she does to me. I'm head over heels for the girl, and this is only the beginning.' He thought to himself and smiled, following her into a Buffy-filled sleep.


Chapter End Notes:
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