“Love? Was that love I just saw in the diner Spike, or was it love when you walked away from me on the beach? I’d like to know which was love so I’ll know for my next boyfriend. I’d hate to have to repeat this conversation with another man…oh wait! A man would be able to listen when his girlfriend says she never cheated on him! You’re a little boy Spike, a scared, foolish little boy and you have thirty seconds to leave.” Buffy glared down at him disdainfully as she carefully closed off her emotions at the sight of his hurt face.
She didn’t mean a single word she’d just spit out in hate but it killed her to see him sitting at her feet claiming to love her after he’d just destroyed her world.
The plan was set and all she needed now was closure. Closure she would probably never see but she had to try.
He blinked up at her as her harsh words settled in and the prospect of truly loosing her clenched at his heart. His beautiful Buffy would leave him, she wanted nothing to do with him. He could see the tears pool in the corners of her wide hazel eyes and he forced himself not to grab her and hold her until the pain went away but…it couldn’t be true. She had to have cheated on him. The thought of her making love…no having sex with another man was unfathomable to him. His left hand toyed with the small velvet box that had been residing in his jacket pocket for well over three weeks as he sat at her feet.
“I fucked up. That’s all I can say Buffy. I fucked up royally and I really shouldn’t be here now luv, but I am. I’m drowning in you Summers, drowning. You’re everything I bloody think about. Nothing in my day doesn’t revolve around you but you hurt me pet. Y-you might be pregnant with my baby Buffy, but you claim you don’t know who the father is. How is that possible if you didn’t fuck another bloke?” Tears crowned in his cerulean eyes as he fought to keep eye contact with as she seemed to shrink into herself.
“It’s complicated Spike and I really, really don’t want to go into this now. I don’t think I can tell you.”
The tears flooding her eyes and dripping down to his own wet face were enough for him to realize that he had never asked the one question he should have. It was unfathomable that HIS Buffy would be…no, he wasn’t going to go there quite so fast. No need to scare the girl. There had to be another explanation for everything but…the bruises and her crying, the callous behavior she’d adopted…it all pointed to one thing and his heart broke as the tears tumbled down his cheeks and he clutched her lower legs.
“Buffy?” He waited until she met his gaze before continuing, “Do you love me? Say the words if you do pet.”
“I-I can’t say the words Spike but yes I do William. I really really do.” She shifted nervously as his brown furrowed as he searched for words.
“That wasn’t saying the words kitten. I need to hear them. In all the time we’ve been together, you’ve never said them to me.” He burrowed his head into her exposed bronze legs as he clutched to her like a life preserver, silently begging to not be turned loose into the wild storm alone.
“William, you know I can’t say the words. I would love to tell you that I-I… you know, but I can’t tell you. I can’t be weak in front of you, saying it would make me weak and I just can’t do that.” She idly played with his hair as he leaned into her, thankful for the contact between their flesh. The simple gesture of being there for her was more than enough reassurance to forgive him.
“Buffy pet, I have to know…were you r-raped? It’s the only explanation I can think of luv and please tell me it’s not true. Tell me someone never touched you, hurt you like that. Don’t let me be right about this sweetheart. Don’t want my girl to ever hurt like that.”
My girl…
Fourteen year old Buffy Summers sat on her bed idly resting as she fought for dreams to take her into the wonderful world of Neverland. The door creaked open and his bulky form appeared in the doorway for the nightly bed check. This time would be the start of her terror of the night. She drifted off dreaming about her new love, the impossibly dreamy Freddie Prinze Jr., as he moved closer to the bed. The unmistakable musk of ‘Old Spice’ mixing with the light vanilla scent of the room from the candles in the corner. He knelt by the bed as he coaxed her from sleep, his hand running down her cheek as he whispered softly to her. Once she was awake, he quickly rearranged her so her head rested on his lap as his hand crept down her thigh, exposing more and more flesh as he pushed the oversized t-shirt aside. Treacherous fingers pushed themselves inside her virgin passage as he ignored her pleads and innocent questioning.
“Why” Her tiny voice broke the silence as she watched his face contort from rapture to a deep frown as her question broke him from his fantasy.
“Do you love me Buffy?” His harsh voice seemed to echo around the room as it broke away her every fear and doubt of his intentions. He loved her and wouldn’t do anything to possibly hurt her, would he?
She quickly nodded her head and tried to relax her body as his fingers jabbed themselves inside of her, stretching her tight passage as he slowly stole her innocence from her.
“I’d never do anything to hurt you Buffy. I love you.” He stroked her cheek gently with his other hand as he secretly reveled in the fact that she was so trusting of him.
It was a night that she would never forget and a night that would only lead to worse things from him. In all of her power, she was powerless against the one person she trusted to love her.
My girl…
“Spike I-I, it wasn’t something I could stop and he…it’s over now. Can we please try to move past it? Please?” She broke the second his head nodded in response and she collapsed against him. Limbs intertwined as she sought relief from the torment she had been holding onto for years.
“Hey, you never told me about that thing, in the car and you so need to tell me what the hell Harmony was doing with you!”
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