They sat locked in each others embrace for what felt like hours before Spike finally felt the courage to speak. His hands stroked her hair lovingly as she nestled herself in his warm embrace as they sat in the doorway to her home, neither one willing to move and close the door.

“Buffy pet, I just want you to know that I’m sorry for what happened at the diner and before…at the beach. I never meant to hurt you like that but I was hurting myself and you were the closest target. I love you and I want to make this work with us but I don’t know where to go from here.” He clutched her tiny body even closer to his own as he fought to control his temper at the thought of anyone hurting his girl. He idly grazed his fingers over her upper thighs in a reverent manner as his mind conjured up the image of her bruised flesh and the pain she must have been in when it had happened.

“No, no Spike, it’s my fault. It’s all my fault. I screwed up and I let you down. Please believe me when I tell you I would never intentionally hurt you baby. It happened and I couldn’t stop it. God! I tried to stop it but he…I can’t do this anymore.” Her nails bit in the palms of her hands as she fought back the tears once more. She had cried too many times recently and it was time to get over it, to be strong again…well if she was ever strong before was debatable but certainly it was worth a try.

“Buffy, don’t run. Stop running from me whenever things get hard. You scared me out there on the beach and we’re damn well going to have a conversation about that. No way in hell are you leaving me or this world. I now understand what you were saying about blades and the rain pet and you’re not going to take that route. I won’t let you. I love you too much to see this world without you. Please don‘t ever leave me Buffy. ” He buried his face into her blonde tresses as he silently begged her to stay with him. The mere thought of finding her with her eyes glazed over and arms bloodied with a razor blade at her feet was enough to convince him to stay with her through it all.

“There was a time when I wanted to end…still do a couple hundred times a day but I don’t want you to waste your life to save me Spike. I’m already too far gone to care and I won’t be the reason you get dragged down with me. Maybe you should just leave.” Buffy attempted to untangle her limbs from Spike’s own as he continued to clutch at her tiny frame and hold her to him. The soft whimper reverberating from his chest shook her to the very core and she stopped trying to fight him.

“’M not wastin’ my life on you Buffy, you’re everything to me. ‘S why I bought this damn ring.” He roughly grabbed at the velvet box in his pocket and just short of threw it at her. “It was all I could do to not give it to you in the car that day ‘n now its probably too late for either of us to…”

His words were cut off as her lips met his in a brief kiss before she held up the box in front of him.

“I’m not saying yes but I’m not saying no right now. All I can say is that I have wanted to end it but you-you were the one that kept me from doing it. Just one thought about you and suddenly death didn’t seem like the best choice, no matter what I hell I was going through at the time. I don’t even know if that’s what this ring meant but I want it to mean that we’ll look after each other and be there but not have to constantly rescue one another. I’m a big girl Spike. I won’t do anything rash as long as I know everything isn’t gone and I still have something to live for but…”

“Wear the ring Buffy. I want it to symbolize everything you just said and…I want more. I want for you to be able to say, someday, that you want to be my wife and eventually for you to tell me you love me without avoiding the subject or ducking your pretty little head. I have doubt in your strength luv. You’re one of the strongest people ‘ve ever met ‘n I don’t want you to ever forget it.” His hand went back to slowly stroking her hair as his other ran down her back in a comforting gesture. His eyes met hers as he tried to convey his every feeling to her. “Next time you feel like endin’ it sweetheart, tell me. I want to be there and I honestly want to know what happened. Stop fidgeting! ‘m not saying you have to tell me right now. I can learn to live with it as long as you promise me you aren’t still in any danger. Can’t stand to see my girl in pain, though when I find the wanker that did this ‘m going to kill him. Nobody hurts my girl.”

“D-don’t say that…” Buffy felt her hands begin to tremble as her vision fade to black before she had time to stop it.
Fifteen year old Buffy lay with her head in his lap as his fingers prodded down the front of her white shorts, nimbly popping the buttons and tugging at the zipper until those same fingers gently massaged at her clit.

“Told you I could make you feel good sweetheart. Always want to make you feel good. See, there’s nothing to worry about my girl. That’s what you aren’t you? My girl?”” John continued as she tried not to squirm or scream out against him and raise her mother’s alarm. She was defenseless even with her mother less than 20 feet away, busily making dinner in the kitchen while they sat in open living room. His hand began thrusting against her as his fingers plunged into her tight passage and not for the first time did she wish she had the power to scream out for help. He continued for several moments more before he stopped and buttoned her shorts back up.

“Have you ever pleased a man before Buffy?”





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