He sat in the car for a few moments more just watching her. Her long blond hair danced across her face in the gentle breeze and he was sure her green eyes were sparkling. In the time she had left the school and now, he realized she had discarded the over-sized t-shirt for a black spaghetti-strapped tank that outlined her soft curves. As a multitude of descriptors came to mind, he settled on effulgent. His girl glowed in the remaining light of the setting sun making her seem almost ethereal in appearance. Her beauty entranced him every time he saw her or even thought of her and he wanted nothing more than to dash to her and take her into his embrace forever or at least as long as she would let him.
Slowly he opened the car door and trudged through the sand towards his beacon of light, his fallen angel. He stood behind her for a moment, almost startled that she hadn’t noticed him or didn’t care who was behind her. He reached a hand out to touch her shoulder, surprised when she laughed in response to his touch.
“I was wondering when you were going to show up. Personally, I thought it would have been sooner.” She smiled back at him and patted the sand beside her. “Take a seat.”
“How did you know it was me pet?” Spike took a seat next to her in the sand, resisting the urge to take her hand in his own.
“I always know when you’re around.” Buffy grinned at his puzzled expression. “It’s your cologne and well, the nicotine smells helps. Uniquely Spike.” She playfully bumped his shoulder as she wrapped her arm around his waist.
“Really? Then it’s a good thing I’ve got Buffy radar. So are you ready to tell me what happened earlier? Willow said you didn’t want to see me anymore. Is that true pet?” His eyes began to water as he choked out the last statement.
“Have you ever walked out in the rain Spike?” Buffy returned her gaze back to the crashing waves along the beach, mesmerized by the water.
“Sure I have pet, just not quite following you ‘round the bend you seem to be halfway ‘round already. Since you asked, I’ve walked in it a couple times with you too.”
“When you walked through it, what were you thinking about?”
“Thinking ‘bout how lucky I am to have you”
“That’s what I thought. I’m not a good person Spike. There’s thing I’ve… have you ever thought about just letting the water take you over?”
“Buffy, you’re scaring me luv. Please just tell me what’s wrong so I can fix it.”
Buffy gave a humorless laugh, “Don’t you get it Spike, you can’t fix it. No one can fix it but me.” She stood and stepped closer to the water. “Tell me you’ve never thought about just sitting in the water and letting everything just slip away or how you’ve never thought about taking that blade and dragging it across your skin, to feel the metal slip under your skin and drag across. See all that blood as it just drips, drips, and drips as everything fades away. Tell me you’ve never thought of those things! C’mon Spike, tell me I’m crazy!”
“What are you talking about? Let me help sweetheart. You’re still my girl and…”
“I am not your girl. I could never be your girl!” She spun towards him as soon as the stinging words left her mouth.
At her declaration, Spike took a step away from her, his expression a mixture of confusion and hurt with a trace of longing as he gazed at her shaking form.
“On my God Spike, I didn’t mean it. I didn’t mean you, not you, never you…. Please believe me!” Buffy took a step closer to his still-retreating form before dropping to her knees in defeat.
Spike watched as she fell, her form wracked with wet sobbing but found himself glued to the spot where he stood watching her. “Buffy, pet, if you didn’t mean me then who were you talking about?”
“I can’t Spike, not now…not yet. Please don’t make me; please don’t make me say it. I just can’t yet…” Harder sobs wracked her body as her head hit the sand, her hands running manically through her hair as she grabbed for anything that would tie her to the world around her.
In three long strides he was clutching her shaking body to his own as he rocked her gently. Soothing her clawing hands was a different matter as she tugged at her hair and scraped her fingers over any flesh she could find. He tucked her body into his as he effectively clenched her hands in his own, still rocking her against his warm body and whispering words of comfort to her.
“You don’t have to tell me anything sweetheart. Not yet, not yet but please promise me you’ll tell someone soon, doesn’t have to be me. Don’t want my girl scared, don’t want her in pain, would never want to see you in pain sweetheart. ‘s killing me now that I can’t help you, can’t fix it for my girl…”
Buffy’s tears began to fade as she melted into his comforting embrace and she let herself imagine that nothing that had happened the morning was real. She was safe with Spike and she was going to be fine. “Thank you.”
It took only two words to melt his heart as he turned his head to the side to look her in the eye. He titled lower to accept her loving kiss, reveling in the fact that she was seeking comfort in him still. He allowed her to move her hands and grinned when they made their way to his face and stroked his cheekbones.
“You’re my everything Spike. Please remember that always. Don’t let me destroy us.” She didn’t wait long for an answer before his lips descended on hers, seeking and begging for entrance, which she granted in a short second. “Make me forget Spike, please make me forget.”
He nodded his head before lowering her to the sand, never losing contact with her heated, supple flesh.
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Chapter End Notes:
Just wanted to say thank you to everyone staying with this. Also I promise Spuffy sex in the next chapter.