Chapter 19
They returned home after spending the afternoon at the police station, where Buffy finally revealed the truth about what happened.
The cops raided Ben’s apartment first, but found it to be empty, along with the Bronze. A friend of his now seemed to be in charge of the club and when asked, the scared young man claimed he had no idea where Ben was, but was taken in for further questioning, anyway.
Buffy rested against Spike’s chest, letting out a sigh. “Do you think they’ll catch him? He could be anywhere by now.”
Spike pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “I’m sure they will, hopefully he hasn’t gotten too far yet. I’d love to give the bastard a piece of my mind,” he practically growled.
“I wouldn’t want you to get hurt. I just hope they find him before he does this to someone else.”
He agreed, noticing that Buffy’s hand was now lying on his crotch and taking in a breath. “Love, I don’t think this is the best time for that.”
She pulled her hand away as if burned, glancing up at him. “You think I’m disgusting, don’t you?”
He was shocked that she could ask that. “Of course not, why would you think that?”
Buffy shrugged, sitting up as she avoided his gaze. “You haven’t really wanted to touch me since it happened. I tried last night, but you just said you were tired. I’m not stupid, Spike. You think I’m tainted now.”
Spike forced her to look back at him. “Don’t you ever think that, all right? I love you, that hasn’t changed. None of this is your fault, I’m just afraid to hurt you even more. You’ve been through so much lately; I just don’t think you’re ready.”
Buffy felt tears in her eyes, sick of all the crying she’d been doing. “I am ready. I need you, Spike. Maybe you don’t think I’m disgusting, but I do. I hate that he was the last person I was with. I hate that I had no control over what happened. I hate that I can still feel him on me, no matter how many showers I take. Please, I need you to make it go away. I just want to feel safe again, and I only feel that with you.”
Spike felt tears of his own, pressing a firm kiss to her mouth and willing to give her anything she wanted at this point. There would be time later for foreplay; he knew that wasn’t what Buffy needed right now. Their clothes were off in an instant as he slowly slid into her warm heat, meeting his lips with hers once again as she matched his every thrust. Spike pulled away when breathing became an issue, resting his forehead against hers. “I love you,” he whispered, with so much emotion in his voice.
“I love you, too,” Buffy responded, tears streaming down her face.
Spike held her close afterwards, watching as she finally fell asleep, joining her a few seconds later.
* * * * *
“Please stop, it hurts.”
“It wouldn’t hurt so much if you would just cooperate,” Ben spat, leaving another long cut on her arm and really wishing he would have given her a bigger dosage of the drug.
Buffy cried out. “Why are you doing this to me?”
Ben glared at her, putting the knife down. “Because you’ve been a very bad girl, Buffy. You let that fucker touch you, do things with you. He’s old enough to be your father, it’s just disgusting, so you need to be punished.”
“And what does that make you, asshole?! You’re almost as old as he is.”
Ben slapped her hard across the face. “You should know better than to talk back to me, honey. I wonder why you keep holding your stomach, is there something you’re not telling me? Maybe I better make you talk,” he said, raising the knife to slice across her abdomen.
Her eyes widened, and all she knew was pain.
* * * * *
Buffy woke up with a start, gasping for breath and feeling sweaty from the sudden heat in the house. She felt the need to shower, getting up carefully as to not wake Spike and heading into the bathroom to do just that.
* * * * *
Spike opened his eyes, reaching out to Buffy to find that she was no longer there. He glanced at the clock, seeing it was pretty early in the morning and wondering why she would be up already. He called out to her, but received no answer; dread going through him as he quickly got dressed, then made his way out of the room. He noticed the shower running, knocking on the door.
“Love, are you okay in there?” There was still no answer, causing him to feel even more concerned. “I’m coming in,” he said, opening the door and being glad it wasn’t locked. His eyes widened at the sight of Buffy sitting in the shower, the cold spray hitting her naked body. Spike turned the water off, kneeling down to look at her, and realizing that her expression was blank. It was as if she didn’t even see him. “Sweetheart? What happened?” He shook her, relieved when she finally focused on him.
“I wanted to wash it all away,” she claimed quietly, more tears forming in her eyes as she banged her head against the wall.
“Baby, stop, you’ll hurt yourself,” he said calmly, gently picking her up and drying her off, carrying her back into their room and placing her on the bed. Spike found some clothes to put on her, getting her warm under the covers once she was dressed, since she was shivering. He pulled her close to his chest, rubbing her arms soothingly. “What brought this on, pet?”
Buffy was silent, speaking up a moment later. “I had a bad dream. Every time I close my eyes, I can still see him. He’ll never go away,” she finished, bursting into more sobs.
Spike wrapped his arms around her fragile frame, rocking her back and forth and trying to sooth her with his words. It was all he could manage to do.
* * * * *
“How is she?”
Spike ran his fingers through his hair, sitting on the couch. “She’s getting worse. I don’t know what else to do, Angel. I have never seen Buffy like this before, it bloody scares me half to death. I don’t think therapy will even work at this point, I just don’t know what to do. That girl means everything to me. I wish I could take the pain away, but I can’t. God, it kills me that I can’t do a fucking thing to help her.”
Angel didn’t know what to say, glancing up to see Buffy now standing there, tears in her eyes.
“I’m so sorry that I’ve made things difficult for you.”
Spike shook his head, moving over to her and taking her in his arms. “You haven’t, you make my life worth living. I still believe that, and I always will. You and Dawn are my world, don’t forget that. I just wish I could make things better for you.”
Buffy pulled away to gaze into his eyes. “You already have, just being here is enough.”
Spike wished he could believe that, but just continued to hold her.
They separated seconds later, Buffy moving over to Angel now.
He was surprised when she hugged him, getting on her tiptoes to give him a kiss on the cheek.
“Thank you for being there for me. I’m sorry about your sister.”
His eyes teared up, giving her a small smile. “I’m just glad you’re okay.”
She smiled as well. “I will be.”
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Author's Chapter Notes:
There is a somewhat violent scene in this chapter, but it's only a flashback, and I don't get too graphic with it. This was a hard chapter for me to get through, but I will say that it's pretty much the last of the angst, seeing as how this story is coming to an end soon. Thanks for the reviews=)