"I know your step dad was a nasty guy. He was violent, I believe."

"He was. When ever he was drunk he beat mum up, and me too if he found me. I tried to protect her, but I was only 13.

I won´t go into details, but it was enough to make me want him dead, or sometimes maybe myself. When I was 15 I had built a really strong shell around me.

I didn´t wanna be William anymore, he was weak. But Spike could take anything and not cry. I was in trouble at school, did some shoplifting, all kinds of stupid things.

I hated him with everything I had, I still do. And one day he just disappeared. I started to believe that it was my fault, ´cause I wanted him dead, and then he was gone. I thought I somehow killed him."


"You didn´t."
"Yeah, I don´t think so that much anymore. But nobody knows what happened to him, so I still sometimes wonder if I..."
"You didn´t do anything. I did."


Spike’s head snapped up to look Buffy in the face, his eyes big and surprised.


"When that mage told me about you, he said that I couldn´t interfere in any matter. But like I said, I traveled to England so I could keep an eye on you every now and then.

It had been two years since my last visit, and I realized what kind of guy he was. One night your step dad was at a pub drinking and bragging to his buddies how he kept and I quote,

*The missus and that whiny little brat in control*, and how he was going to -- kill you some day so you wouldn´t be in his way anymore.

I knew I shouldn´t stick my nose into your life, but the thought of him killing you was just too much."

Spike was breathing heavily, almost hyperventilating. Was Buffy really saying what he thought she was? What should he be feeling?

*And I thought my life was complicated before? This is a whole new level of complicating.*

"So you -- killed him?"

"No. I´m sorry if you thought that. You see, I told you my sire was, well, mad. But I also told you she had a thrall.

Few years after my turning I remembered that, and started to experiment. I found out I have quite a gift in that department.

That night in England, I went after him when he left the pub. I acted like I was hitting on him, and let me say that the word nauseating had a new meaning to me after that.

But I got him in this alley, and...made him believe that he was a 5 year old girl. I believe they took him into some small mental hospital the next day."

Buffy was talking very quietly, and when she finished she didn´t look at Spike. She didn´t regret what she had done, but she was ashamed.

She DID interfere, and she DID send that guy to a mental institution, probably for the rest of his life. Her thrall was very powerful after all.

Spike would think that she was a bad person now. And she wasn´t even remotely finished with her story yet.

*And I thought my unlife was complicated before. Maybe destiny and Buffy are not so mixy*


Spike didn´t know if he was glad that his step dad Mark was alive or not. He felt relieved ´cause what happened wasn´t his fault, and a part inside him even found the idea of Mark thralled into a 5 year old girl bloody hilarious.

But what about Buffy, what she had done? Spike could see that she was ashamed, but should she be?

She was a pretty powerful vampire who could have killed Mark like a fly. He was a threat to William, who apparently was her destiny, she had a good reason to kill him. But she didn´t. She found another way to keep him safe.

That fact made Spike appreciate her even more. She still evaluated human life this much as a vampire. Who would have believed? *Not Giles, not the Council, and until now, not me*

"Spike, talk to me. Do you want me to leave? I will if that´s what you want."

"No. I don´t want that, luv. What you did, you probably saved my life. You were protecting a human, a potential Slayer even. And you did it without killing.

I can´t begin to tell you how -- and this is gonna sound weird -- proud I feel. I´m amazed that a vampire would act this way. Have you ever even killed a human?"


"No I haven´t. I´ve been tempted, not because of the blood-lust, but because I am a 18 year old girl going around at night, and there are a lot of creepy people around.

You can only take so much of dirty talking, groping and being mistaken as a free fuck toy. Believe me when I say that there has been broken noses, legs, wrists, pretty much broken everything over the years. No dead bodies though, I swear."


Spike was at awe. *She has been a vampire for 22 years, and has never killed a human, she has so much control over her demon. Feels like she doesn´t even have one, but I know it´s there*

He wanted to ask about that from Buffy, but she still had to finish her story.
"I believe you, don´t worry. But you still have something to tell, right?"


"I do. So, back to where that Mark person went away. Your mom died next year, and you disappeared. I didn´t know what to do. I only knew that you would be called as a Slayer when you were 19.

There I went and stuck my nose in your life again, well, not much. I just tracked you down to LA. You had cut yourself totally from your life in England and went to school again. Nobody knew William ever existed. You covered your past really well.

I saw you once in LA, outside your high school, reading a book. It wasn´t sunny so I risked it to see you just that one time in daylight. It was worth it, you looked good."

"Why didn´t you come to me then? What were you waiting for?"

"You were so young, not yet a Slayer even. If I had told you any of this then you would have thought that I was a basket case.

I needed to wait until you had experience, until you could deal with this whole thing. Until you would possibly be ready to...be with me.
Believe me and trust me.

And now I can see that you are this amazing, strong person who can truly think for him self.

The mage told that it´s nearly impossible for a turned Slayer to find a true mate, ´cause of the soul and all. But since our lives had been linked from the beginning, my destiny would be to find you. Find my true mate.

And together we would be something so powerful, so potent, that the sky would be our limit."


Spike was mesmerized. There was this fire in Buffy's eyes, small flickers of gold dancing with green.

He didn´t even think of doubting what she told him. If there ever had been something he truly believed this was it.

He had always been proud of his instincts, and right now they were saying that this girl was his, and he was hers.

He knew what a mate was to a vampire, and had always kind of envied that kind of connection. Here she was, ready to give him just that. He didn´t know what they would be together, but when Buffy said the sky would be their limit, it made him want this even more.


"You know, I have never truly belonged to anyone. Never felt this deep connection. But with you Buffy, it really feels like something has clicked into place. My soul calls to you, and not just that, my mind too, and obviously my body as well."

Spike couldn´t keep the smirk out of his face when he saw the same want and need in Buffy's eyes.

"I have nothing against your mind, body or soul calling to me, Spike, mine do the same. And if, or when we merge those, some things will happen.

Most dramatic one being that you´ll become immortal, like me. So this is a forever kind of deal. You need to know for sure if you want it Spike."


He had kind of guessed that it would be forever. Did it bother him? Not really. They could do so much together. Keep on slaying, travel, learn new things, meet new people, and just get used to be with each other.

He knew there were endless possibilities what his life with Buffy could include. So there was only one way he could answer.

"I want it, want you. The whole thing. I don´t know the details, but we´ll work them out. Tell me Buffy, how, and when?"


TBC


Chapter End Notes:
This was a bit longer than others, the fic just took this turn. Hope it doesn´t bother you :)



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