Author's Chapter Notes:
thank you all who have been supportive of this, it means a lot
Buffy and Spike walked down the street to the Magic Box to the surprise of Anya and Willow.

“Buffy, it’s so nice to see you out of your empty house, but you look like shit.”

“Thanks Anya, I’ll try and dress up for you next time.”

“No no, the worse you look the better I do.”

Spike smiled as he watched the interaction, girls were strange, no doubts about that.

Willow smiled a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes, “Hey, so…nice day huh?”

Buffy nodded, “Ya, it’s one of the reasons I ventured out today, stopped by Spike’s shop for some furniture, I figure it’s about time.”

“That’s good” Willow answered, her smile real this time, it wasn’t healthy for Buffy to continue to shut herself off from the world.

Spike interjected, “Some furniture? The girl practically bought me out Red, we were just going to go out and grab a bite to eat, you girls fancy tagging along?”

Willow shook her head, “Sorry no can do, me and Anya just ordered in, we have to do some inventory today and she’s being a slave driver.”

“Slaves don’t get to pee all willy-nilly when they please Willow, I’ve let you go twice today and you’ve only been here for four hours.”

“Case and point” Willow laughed and looked at the two blondes. True, Buffy didn’t look her smashing self, her roots were a few inches long and she’d lost the golden tint to her skin that being outside so often with Angel had given her but the dullness in her eyes seemed to have dissipated, even if only a little and she was genuinely pleased to see it.

“By the way Anya, I own this place too; I can pee when I want.”

Buffy and Spike had called out a goodbye when it looked like the two shopkeepers were about to get into one of their classic arguments, the door closing as Anya’s “It’s my genius and business savvy that makes us enough to buy the toilet paper you so obviously like to take advantage of” rang through the shop.

Spike looked at Buffy, “Wow”

She laughed good-naturedly, “I know right? Water and vinegar those two. I found it odd when they wanted to open the shop together but it seems to work for them somehow.”

“So how old are you?” she blurted out and then laughed, “I only ask because you look much younger then you must be if you own your own shop and what not” she added.

“I’ll take that as a compliment pet, I’m twenty nine years old. You?”

“Twenty three in a week. So, have antiques always been your passion?”

“God no, ten years ago I didn’t appreciate them at all, wood was just wood to me, as you so eloquently pointed out in the shop” he joked.

“So what did you do before this then?”

“I was a police officer.”

She arched a brow, shocked but not at the same time, “I guess I can see that”

“Is that so?”

“Ya, you’ve got that whole bad ass thing going on.”

“How so?”

“Well, you’ve got a little bit of black nail polish on your pinky and there was a long leather duster hanging in the shop next to a pair of doc martins.”

“Good eye”

“I can be observant at times” she answered with a smile.

“Sunday to Friday I was a cop, Saturday nights I was a rebel”, he said it with mirth in his voice and she smiled.

“Must have been quite the heartbreaker.”

“If I was I never knew it, I only had eyes for one girl.” He stopped walking and held open the door to the small cozy looking pizza parlor, “Pizza okay?”

“Sounds great” she said, offering a thank you when he held open the door for her.




He watched her shovel the pizza into her mouth as if she hadn’t eaten in months and smiled.

“OH my god” she moaned, “I forgot how good pizza could be” she admitted with a smirk before taking another big bite.

“How does one go about forgetting something like that?” he asked casually, not wanting to push her for too much information.

“Well, I’ve literally been living off of Chinese food for the last four months, my stupid brain forgot that I could order something else I suppose” she answered with a giggle.

“So, at the risk of harming a friendship in the making, what brought you to Sunnydale if you didn’t want to see it?”

She put the slice that she was holding down and he was almost sorry to see her stop eating it, she looked so happy when she was.

“Well, I lost my husband…technically my fiancée I suppose; he passed away at the altar.”

Spike blanched and Buffy smiled sadly, not believing she’d told this man, practically a stranger, something so monumental.

To her surprise instead of the normal “I’m sorry for your loss” that she loathed hearing he smiled gently, “Well, he was your husband in every sense of the word it would seem, since when does saying I do make a lover more permanent except for on paper?”

She smiled, “Exactly, I mean I won’t go around telling people I’m a widower, but he had my heart, still does.”

“A part of him always will I suspect”

She nodded, “I think Willow just wants me to get over it but I don’t think she’ll understand, it was like…like I was in heaven I was pulled away from it.”

“Have you told her that?”

“No, she can never know, she’d probably try to do a spell on me” Buffy joked, surprised she could.

“Well, given enough time…”

She cut him off, “Please don’t say the clichéd ‘you’ll get over it’”

“I wasn’t going to, you never truly get over a loss like that, but you’ll move on and that won’t mean you’ll forget. Love isn’t brains Buffy, it’s blood, screaming inside you to work it’s will and one day you’ll wake up and realize that you’ve found someone else to share your life with, and it will hurt like a bitch because you think you’re dishonoring your loved and lost, but you’re not, you’re living, so that one of you is living. Life isn’t always bliss, life is just this.” He said and nodded his head towards the other people in the restaurant, some people alone, some in groups, some on their phone, some picking up their food to bring it home and eat in front of their television alone or share it with someone else.

She swallowed the lump in her throat and tried to force a laugh but it came out more of a sob, “Wow, seems like I’ve found the local expert on tragedy. Tell me Spike, what makes you so sure I’ll ever love again?” she asked with no small amount of sarcasm, upset that he thought himself able to understand her even a little.

“I have to believe it.”

“Why?” she prompted.

“Because if I don’t I might as well have died with my wife.”





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