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Author's Chapter Notes:
Buffy & Spike are forced to face up to their past mistakes.

A huge thanks to my Beta DreamScape99 for going over this chapter for me, thanks so much hun! Also a huge thanks to Edgehead (Mel) for the awesome banner
Chapter 21

Needing you

“Buffy, I have seen him with you. The way he looks at you. That’s not hate; its love through and through,”

“I wish you were right, but Spike has never loved me. Even when we did sleep together... I was just... convenient.” She swallowed feeling her heart break at her own words.

“Bloody were not!” she heard Spike snap angrily. Turning around, she saw him standing in the kitchen door way. “I may have acted like a daft git, but you were never just convenient.” Buffy hadn’t heard the front door open. How had he got inside? Turning back to face Faith, she saw her best friend slip off her seat.

“I’m just going to leave you guys to talk.” She smiled attempting to leave the kitchen only to be stopped by Buffy.

“You set me up,” she whispered angrily.

“Look, he was pacing the front step when I got home talking to himself. It was pathetic.”

“Oi’ not pathetic,” Spike interrupted.

“Yeah, just a little,” Faith replied. She saw Spike’s shocked face as she turned to look at Buffy. As annoyed as Buffy was with Faith she couldn’t stop herself from giggling slightly.

“Look, neither of you were going to get here alone, Buffy, you have spent the next forever moping about, and you,” she said pointing at Spike, “would have worn a grove in the front porch long before you knocked. I decided to give a little push.” She smiled proudly moving past them “Oh and by the way, you’re both welcome.” She smiled skipping off to leave them alone.

“We should talk,” Spike announced once they were alone. Buffy knew he was right; she just hoped it didn’t end like all there other talks, with him leaving and her being heartbroken.

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Buffy and Spike stood in the kitchen looking at each other nervously. They had been standing there since Faith’s hasty retreat over five minutes ago. Neither had made a move to say or do anything until now.

“Usually when someone says we have to talk actual talking is involved,” Buffy whispered still looking down.

“Do you really believe that?” she heard Spike whispered sadly.

“Well yeah... I mean we need to talk so you talk,” Buffy replied confused. Spike’s head snapped up looking at her.

“Not that, Buffy. What you said about me just thinking you where convenient?” he asked clearly hurt.

“You weren’t meant to hear that.” Buffy sighed feeling guilt wash over her.

“That doesn’t change the fact that you said it, Buffy,” he snapped. “You didn’t answer my bloody question.” Buffy took a deep breath looking into Spike’s eyes knowing she needed to be honest. She knew it could end in a fight, but holding back and keeping secrets is what got them to this stage to start with.

“Yes,” she whispered. She saw his face crumble with hurt. “What did you expect, Spike, after what happened between us? After the way you treated me? The things you said to me?”

“Bloody hell, Buffy, I was scared.” he all but yelled.

“And what I wasn’t?” she snapped back. “Same thing with you, isn’t it Spike? You haven’t changed one bit.” She sighed and paced the floor while running a shaky hand through her blonde locks.

“What the bloody hell is that meant to mean?”

“Oh come on, Spike. It was always all about you…how things would affect you or have you forgotten that last big fight we had?” she snapped turning to face him.

“Oh, no. How could I forget? What was it you called me just before you told me you wish you had never met me? That’s right an infant.”

“You had it coming, and really, at the time was I wrong?” she replied as he moved closer getting angrier by the minute

“Maybe I went on like a real git, but running off, leaving town without even bothering to tell me I was going to be a father. That’s real grown up,” he hissed face red with anger.

“Guess what, Spike? I’m human. I made a mistake.”

“As far as mistakes go, luv that was a biggie.” He paced in front of her.

“Are you for real? Maybe I did the wrong thing, but you knew who I was when you slept with me the second time. You knew my age you knew exactly who I was, and in the morning you still acted like a total ass.” Spike stopped turning to look at her. As much as he hated to admit it, she was right.

“Buffy--” he started softly but she cut him off to consume with rage to stop now. Years of stress and struggle raising Dawn alone thinking it was what he would have wanted all came pouring out.

“No. I’m not done yet. You got to have your say. Now, you shut up and listen!” she hissed. “What did you expect me to do? I hadn’t heard anything from you since that day. For well over a month I waited for something, ANYTHING from you to show me you wanted me in your life, and nothing but the constant reminder that I wasn’t anything more than a walking talking mistake to you.... so yeah I took off. I reacted badly.” She turned then unable to look at him as she continued.

“Do you think I wanted to do it alone? I was seventeen years old. I was scared all the time, and even with dad and mom’s help financially I pretty much raised Dawn alone. The two hour wake ups to feed her, comfort her even though I was beyond exhausted. I had to wake up in the morning and go to not just uni but work too.” Turning to face him tears now running down her face, “You think I like sitting in a hospital at three in the morning because Dawn has a raging fever and can’t stop throwing up? Or seeing all the other kids have their dad’s doting on them at the park while Dawn sits alone wondering who they are.” Spike felt his heart break at her words…hearing the things she went through. Even though he knew if she had told him she was pregnant he would have been there, he couldn’t help but feel guilty and ashamed because he knew he chased her away.

“Oh, god. Buffy, I’m so sorry for everything, the things I said, and the way I reacted.” Spike sighed cupping her check and wiping her tears away, but he wasn’t too surprised when she jerked away from him

“I’m not trying to make you feel guilty, but you need to know my life hasn’t been some big party. It was a struggle every day. I was afraid I wasn’t doing the right thing that I was screwing up. I could never regret my decision to keep Dawn. She is my everything and worth all of what I went through, but after she was born my life became so complicated, so full on. I know I should have told you about her but i...i....”

“What, pet?”

“I didn’t want to complicate your life. I knew you wanted to finish university, and I knew how you felt about our.... well whatever you would call what we had. I didn’t want to put you through that.” She sighed, looking down tears falling from her eyes again, “I was already a mistake to you. I didn’t want to become the mistake that ruined your life.... I didn’t want you to hate me,” she sobbed finally letting all the fear and hurt go. Spike moved wrapping his arms around her wanting to protect her and take the weight off her shoulders that she had been carrying alone for far too long.

“Oh, pet. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being a git, for saying all the things I said. I was scared after everything I went through with Dru… opening up to someone else just seemed like an invitation for more pain so I hid behind my ridiculous age rule. Want, take, have... I lived by it and have spent the past four-years regretting it. I know why you ran because I’m the one who chased you away,” he whispered into her hair. This only made her sob harder. “But you’re not alone anymore. I will be here every day for you and Dawn. I promise, if you’ll let me,” he said lifting her head to look at him arms still around her. He moved his hand to cup her check again wiping away the tears.

She looked so scared, so young. He felt all the anger slip away. He couldn’t stop himself as he moved forward brushing his lips across hers. Neither moved to deepen it just simply enjoyed the feel of each other again. Buffy wondered for a moment if she should push him away, but she knew she couldn’t.

“You not going to tell me this was a mistake and run off are you?” she asked looking down afraid.

“Never again,” he whispered tilting her chin to look at him. “You where never a mistake. The only mistake was me letting you go,” he told her seeing her eyes glass over as she nodded. Smashing his lips back down onto hers, the brief gentle kiss of before was replaced with one full of hunger and the need to be close to each other.

As Spike lifted her up, Buffy wrapped her legs around his waist feeling his erection pressing into her. Placing her down on the kitchen island, their kiss never broke. He felt her rip open his top pushing it off his shoulders. He moved to do the same lifting the hem of her dress breaking their kiss momentarily. After it was completely removed, he tossed the dress on the floor.

“Buffy...” he whispered.

“Sshhh…please. Spike, I need you,” she moaned. Pulling her back into a heated kiss, he unclasped her bra throwing it to the floor with the rest of their clothes. She fumbled with his pants for a moment before unzipping them and pushing the down with aid of her feet.

He stepped back for a moment slipping off his boots and stepping out of his pants, leaving him completely naked before her. She bit her lip at the sight of him. She had forgotten how beautiful he was. Grasping the back of his neck, she pulled him back to her smashing their lips together. Lifting her hips, she felt him reach for and pull down her thong tossing it to the floor.

She knew they shouldn’t be doing this here. They were completely naked and about to have sex in the middle of her mother’s kitchen island. Faith was upstairs, and he mother could return home at any moment, but something about how exposed they where only seemed to fuel the fire burning within her.

Too turned on for any more teasing, she wrapped her hand around his hard cock placing him at her entrance in a silent welcome. He slipped his cock up and down her wet slit, teasing her clit hearing her whimper. He couldn’t help the cocky smirk that formed on his lips.

“Spike, please, no more teasing… need you inside me,” she begged and he happily obliged, sliding into her warm heat. He groaned loudly at finally being inside her again. She was his heaven.

“Oh, god. Spike,” she moaned feeling him stretch and fill her for the first time in years.

“Oh, god. Luv, you feel so good.... so hot and wet for me,” he moaned thrusting in and out of her slowly before starting to pick up the pace. “Still so bloody tight.”

He pulled out of her almost completely before slamming back into her, hitting just the right spot inside her that made her eyes roll up and her toes curl. Spike couldn’t stop himself from looking down to where they were so intently joined, groaning at the sight of him slipping in and out of her wet pussy.

Buffy followed his eyes seeing his cock slick with her juices disappear and reappear from her hot quim. Her eyes rolled back in her head. She had never seen anything so hot in her whole life. She was so close she could feel the burn starting to grow.

“Fuck. Spike, harder.... please,” she groaned throwing her head back in pleasure. He could see she was close. His own orgasm was building fast, but he wanted to make this so good for her.

“I missed you so much pet, missed touching you, kissing you.” She groaned deeply at his words moments from falling over the edge. “Missed fucking your sweet pussy... god I love you.”

“Oh god!” she wailed in release his words sending her spiraling out of control. “I love you too… love you so much.” Spike thrust into her a few more times before falling over the edge with her shooting his milky seed inside her welcoming body.

Both breathing heavily, Buffy could feel his heart beat pounding against her bare chest almost as hard and fast as her own. Finally looking at each other, Spike smiled cupping her check.

“I mean it pet. I’m so in love with you I can’t think straight.” She nodded almost crying again at his admission.

“I love you too,” she whispered “What now?” she asked shyly.

“Well, now we figure out which one of us is going to move, so we never have to be apart again,” he replied moving forward to kiss her sweetly slowly pulling back.

“Well, Mom would probably give me a job at the gallery.” She smiled laughing slightly as his eyes lit up before pulling her in for a kiss once more.


Chapter End Notes:
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