Spike and Buffy were proceeding north on the road. It had been an hour and they hadn't come to the river yet. Spike couldn't even hear the sounds of the river yet, and he'd be able to hear it from at least a mile away. It was discouraging and made them wonder just how far away the portal was. Would it take them several more hours or even days to reach it?
On the plus side, no wild animals had attacked them. The night was eerily quiet except for the chirping of crickets and the occasional (and thankfully distant) howl of a wolf. Buffy asked Spike for some traveling music to soothe their jangled nerves, and he was happy to sing a few songs as they walked. They took a few breaks along the way to rest and for Buffy to drink some water and have a snack.
Buffy was feeling much better, almost as if the abuse and starving hadn't happened. She remembered it all too well, though she seemed to be mostly recovered physically. But her legs started getting tired; she was sick of walking. Spike gallantly offered her a piggyback ride, and she accepted. He was thrilled to be walking after being chained up for so long, and he still felt energized from ingesting Buffy's powerful blood.
They had fun with him playing horsy for her. They both needed some silliness and levity after what they'd been through the last few weeks. Spike talked Buffy into belting out a tune for him as a change of pace. She still felt self-conscious about her singing voice, but decided that she'd do it for Spike since he'd been so good to her. She thought of singing 'I Touch Myself', but it wasn't a good idea to make them both start thinking about sex again.
Buffy finished singing her song:
"Why don't you hit me with your best shot
Hit me with your best shot
Fire awayyyy!"
"Bravo!" Spike said. "I'd applaud if I had my hands free."
She giggled. "I always loved that song. And don't say I didn't warn you that I wasn't a good singer."
"It's just as I thought, you've got a lovely voice. If you get tired of the whole Slayer thing, you could try for rock n' roll stardom."
Buffy laughed. "Yeah, right."
"I could listen to you all night. I'll buy your CD when it drops. Or I'll steal it from a shop. Either way, I'll be sure to get it."
"You're goofy. And you have to be getting tired of me riding you like a beast of burden."
"Could never get tired of that, pet," Spike said suggestively.
She couldn't see his face, but she just knew he was smirking. He was the only person she'd met who could actually smirk with his voice too. "Spike, don't make me smack you."
"Couldn't resist. I'm a naughty bloke."
"I noticed."
"Do you know 'Touch-a Touch-a Touch Me' from Rocky Horror Picture Show? I'd like to hear you sing that one."
"I bet you would. No, I don't know it. Let's take a break here for a minute. I need a drink; I'm parched after all that wonderful singing."
Spike stopped and crouched slightly so Buffy could slide off his back. His back felt nice and toasty warm from Buffy's body heat. A shiver of pleasure ran down his spine before he grudgingly shifted his thoughts away from contemplating Buffy's body and its heat. He was trying to be good.
Buffy went to the side of the road and sat on a fallen log. "Gimme the waterskin. Please."
"Let me dig into my saddlebags and get that for you, little lady. Look at us, bein' all polite. Who would've ever guessed, eh?"
He sat down beside her on the log and then opened up the bag containing the food and water. Buffy took the waterskin from him with a thank you. He thought about their journey while Buffy snacked and rested.
Spike looked at the road ahead of them and craned his neck, seeing the roof of a barn over the trees. "There's a farm up ahead like we saw on the map."
"Ah, the promise of a new, disgusting, evil character." Buffy sighed, then took another drink. "Wonder who the evil farmer will be: Giles? Xander? They're the top two contenders, but the possibilities are almost endless."
"We won't be dropping in for tea. We're going right past the bloody thing. Feels so good to be free-range again and I'm not gonna risk it by knocking on any doors. Had my fill of captivity, and then some."
Buffy just nodded, she couldn't agree enough with that sentiment.
Spike took a look at the map again. "The good news is that we made it to the farm, so that means we're getting closer to the river. Might be another hour or two of walking. Why couldn't the bloody portal just have appeared outside the house?" He rolled the map up and put it in back in the bag. "Those Unari are some warped bastards."
"Yeah, why they thought we hadn't gone through enough shit would've been one of the questions I would have liked to ask the Mirror if it had let me. And why they chose to make the witch an evil version of my best friend. And why they chose you to go into the portal with me. And... if they're making us feel and think certain things about each other..."
Spike picked up a stick and drew doodles in the dirt, trying to act casual even though this subject made him antsy. "Don't you think it's possible that... we started to have feelings for each other naturally? We went through a lot together, shared a lot of quiet times. We were good to each other. We actually talked and worked through problems instead of throwing a punch or stormin' off and cursing the other's name."
Buffy reached over and held his hand. "All the things you did for me the last two weeks would definitely have made me want to be your friend, the Unari didn't need to make me feel grateful or sympathetic toward you. What I witnessed you do and say is what made me see you in a new light. You showed me that you can be a good guy. I would still have wanted us to team up in the future and I promise that I'll treat you so much better when we get back to Sunnydale. It's the... sexy thoughts and feelings that I'm worried the Unari put in our heads. I never thought about you like that before." In her mind she amended, 'Well, maybe just a random thought here and there about how hot he looked or sounded, or what he might be like in bed... I never perved on him the way I have since I got to this dimension. Those fantasies... Holy shit, those were hot!'
Spike couldn't look her in the eye at the moment. He couldn't admit that he had wanted her, dreamed and fantasized about her, and had been falling in love with her well before they even came to this dimension. He'd look like a fool (Lord knew he felt like one), and she'd probably feel sorry for him -- and he definitely didn't want that. Maybe the Unari had built on the affection he'd already had for Buffy, turning it into full-fledged love...? Spike hated the idea that those bastards could be tampering with his mind; that his feelings weren't completely his and real. But nothing changed the fact that he loved Buffy with all his heart, here and now.
"All I know is how I feel about you now. And it doesn't feel artificial. It feels as real as anything I've ever felt before." Spike looked at her and put his arm around her waist, pulling her gently against his hip. He raised his hand to her face and stroked her cheek.
"How do you feel?" Buffy asked breathily as she gazed into his deep blue eyes.
"I want you, I need you... I wouldn't want to live in a world without you. I'm in love with you, Buffy."
Buffy blinked. He'd said 'the L-word', and she could see the sincerity and passion in his eyes. His words scared her, but also made warmth bloom in her chest. It was exciting and wonderful and frightening all at once. She wanted Spike to love her and she liked hearing him say it. She felt such strong affection for him, but there were so many reasons why they shouldn't get more deeply involved yet.
"Yeah... I said it. I love you, Buffy. I don't expect you to say it back, so don't feel like you have to. I just wanted you to know how I feel."
She gulped, it was time to tell him; he'd already taken the leap by saying it first. "Spike... I don't want to sound lame, and I'm not just saying it as a reflex, but I... I think I love you too."
Spike smiled tentatively. "You think you do?" That was a better response than he'd anticipated; he'd take an 'I think I love you' from her any day.
"I know... lame. I'm not good at love stuff... or expressing what I'm feeling. Fighting demons, using my fists and pointy objects, is pretty much the only thing I'm good at. But there were so many nights in that horrible house when I wished I could just hold you and kiss you. When I thought the witch had chopped you up... I felt like my heart was being ripped out, like I was dying inside. The thought of you being hurt like that -- or killed -- hurt me so much too. I would've done anything to have one more chance to save you and let you know how much I care about you..."
"Sounds like love to me," Spike said, then gave her a soft kiss.
"It's so weird, isn't it? I mean, us... The same people who've beaten the shit out of each other numerous times, who despised each other, now can barely keep their hands off each other and are having all these warm and fuzzies..."
"Well, we're both amazingly good-looking and sinfully sexy. I figure it was a matter of time before we fell prey to each other's sexual magnetism."
Buffy giggled. "I guess so... I know you are hot and sexy."
He nudged her with his hip. "C'mon, you know you're hot. Don't try to bullshit a bullshitter."
"I know I can look pretty hot when I want to. But you're hot with zero effort, lucky bastard. But I guess that makes me lucky in a way too, 'cause I get to look at you." She playfully tweaked his chin.
"Careful, you might charm the leather shorts right off me." Spike wagged his eyebrows.
"Spike..."
"I know, I know. I'll behave," he said, rolling his eyes and sounding put-out, but smiling. Buffy had said she (thought) she was in love with him, so it would take a lot to genuinely upset him at the moment.
"Are you capable of behaving?" Buffy poked his bicep.
"I'm up for the challenge... I think I can do it."
They each put an arm around the other's back, resting for a little longer, and just enjoying being able to hold each other the way they had wanted to for so long.
"You know," Spike said, "it doesn't matter if this is the only dimension where we can love each other. What matters is that we do feel it right now. I love you, Slayer. I'd die for you."
"I'd rather that you live for me. A dusty Spike doesn't do me any good. A dusty Spike makes me sad and frowny."
"Just giving you fair warning, I'm going to kiss you now..." He turned his face to her and leaned in slowly.
"Not if I kiss you first," Buffy said with a grin, then closed the rest of the distance to press her lips to his.
They quickly got swept up in their emotions, kissing with more and more passion. Their arms wound around each other. They went backwards over the log onto the dewy grass, but they hardly noticed. They kept right on kissing and touching.
Buffy was getting so hot; she was nearing the point of no return. She suddenly remembered her pledge to herself -- she had to do things the right way.
"Wait, Spike, stop!"
He growled, but loosened his grip around her to let her wriggle free.
Buffy untangled herself from him and jumped to her feet. "I-I don't want to cheat! We have to control our... urges! Please respect my decision!"
Spike groaned, he didn't try to get up yet. He just stayed on his back on the grass, folded his hands over his stomach and looked up at the stars. "I'm trying to respect your wishes. I hate it, but I'm trying to be respectful of your decision. You were kissing and pawing me too, ya know. Not like I was molesting you."
"I couldn't help it! I get all... crazed when you kiss me like that. It's too tempting to try doing... more."
Spike raised an eyebrow and smirked. It felt so good to know that he could affect Buffy that way too; it wasn't just one-sided.
"Don't look at me like that!" She turned her back to him.
"Like what?"
"That smirky, sexy thing you do -- cut it out! Any kissing we do in this dimension will have to be with our hands behind our backs -- and no tongues."
"You need to relax, Buffy. No need to drive yourself mad over this." He sighed, seeing she was wound up tight. "Alright, we'll give... pecks on the lips, as opposed to trying to swallow each other's tongues."
Clouds moved across the moon, making it much darker within seconds.
"Whoa, glad I brought the lantern, I can barely see anything." Buffy picked up the lantern. She wasn't happy about the sudden darkness, but at least it provided a distraction from how hot Spike was making her.
Spike got to his feet and looked up at the sky, sniffing the air. "A storm is brewing. Coming on fast, too."
The wind picked up suddenly, whipping Buffy's hair around. "Oh goody, a storm! That's what was missing to make the walk to the portal more of a pain in the ass."
Spike blinked when a raindrop hit his forehead. "Just felt a raindrop," he said, wiping the water from his skin with the back of his hand.
"I just got warm and dry a little while ago, dammit," Buffy groused.
An ominous peal of thunder sounded.
"What do you say: keep going or try our luck with the farmhouse for some shelter?" Spike asked.
"Let's keep going. A little rain won't kill us, but whoever's in that house might. I am not going to spend any more time chained to a frickin' wall."
Spike agreed wholeheartedly. They gathered up their stuff and set off down the road again, hoping to get to the bridge before the storm got too bad.
They came upon the barn Spike had seen just as it began to drizzle. It sucked to be getting rained on, but it wasn't bad enough to force them to stop their journey.
"I want you to know... I'm glad it was you, Spike."
"Hmm?"
"I'm glad it was you that came through the portal with me. I was relieved from the beginning that it was you."
Spike smiled happily at her confession. Then he frowned slightly. "But you said more than once that you wished --"
"I know what I said. I was lying. I didn't want you to know how I really felt about it because you'd gloat."
"Ah. Guess you know me pretty well."
"I thought I knew you, but you're full of surprises." They smiled sappily at each other. "I'm sorry I tried to make you feel not good enough... I can be a real bitch sometimes -- and please don't feel you have to agree with me too enthusiastically about that. The truth is I couldn't have gotten through that nightmare without you. Having you there was the only good thing about it."
Spike swallowed a lump of emotion, chiding himself to toughen up and not get choked up like a nancy boy. "As crazy as this sounds, if I had to, I'd go through it all again for you, to be there with you. It... means a lot that you said that. I don't know if I'll ever get used to you saying nice things like that to me."
"Well, you better get used to it. From now on, I --"
Lightning struck a tree on the left side of the road just ahead of them. They gasped and jumped backwards. They bumped into each other, trying to protect the other from harm. The blazing top half of the tree fell onto the road where they'd been standing a few moments ago.
"Holy shit!" Buffy exclaimed. "Guess I was wrong about the rain not killing us!"
Their ears were ringing and they had to blink rapidly to try getting their vision back to normal after the bright flash of lightning. The hair on their arms and the backs of their necks was standing on end, the air around them was charged. The rain started pelting them, turning into a downpour.
Spike sensed there was going to be another lightning strike any second. "We've got to find cover!" There was a dim light coming from inside the farmhouse up ahead, but he was reluctant to risk meeting another crazy, murderous inhabitant of this dimension. The barn was closer and seemed like it would provide them with adequate shelter and they'd be less likely to run into someone.
Spike switched both bags he was carrying to one hand, then grabbed Buffy by the wrist and ran toward the barn. She ran with him, figuring out where he was headed. They could only hope there wasn't an evil farmer (wearing the face of one of her friends) in the barn waiting for them.
Another bolt of lightning hit where they'd been less than ten seconds ago.
Spike closed the barn doors to shut out the intensifying storm once they were safely inside. There didn't seem to be any people around, just regular barnyard animals. A horse and a cow in stalls, some chickens, and a few goats wandering around; there were possibly more animals further into the barn, but it was too dark to see very far. The animals that were loose didn't seem concerned or interested in the new arrivals, they just went about their business.
Buffy and Spike were shaking the rain off and looking out a big window on the side of the barn.
"This is just great!" Buffy stomped her foot. "Now we have torrential rain and killer lightning." The rain was coming down so hard and fast that it was going sideways. Lightning and thunder flashed and cracked every few seconds. "I hate sideways rain."
"And us without any rubbers."
Buffy stared at him for a second, then said, "... Huh?"
"Rain boots."
"Then why didn't you just say 'rain boots'? You know what 'rubbers' commonly refers to."
Spike smirked. "That's just what we used to call them in the olden days." Then he sighed and looked out at the storm again. "Seems like we should sit tight 'til it passes."
"It could be hours. What are we going to do all that time?" Buffy had said it innocently, but a naughty answer immediately popped into her mind.
They looked at each other out of the corners of their eyes, both thinking the same thing. Then they swallowed and looked back out at the driving rain. Buffy's vow to wait until they got back home was about to be tested... big-time.
Back at the Magic Box...
"Hey, guys," Xander said as he came through the door. "Any new developments since you called me?" After the new pictures and text had appeared, Anya and Tara had called the absent members of the team to fill them in.
Willow was seated at the table with the fairy tale book open in front of her. She looked bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, full of energy. "Nothing new in the book since Anya talked to you. I hate the evil witch -- can you believe those a-holes made ME the evil witch? With my name and everything! Damn the Unari for making her look like me. I think they know how I feel about the horribly unfair witch stereotype and they're stickin' it to me! Stickin' it, I tell you! Oh, we could use some more coffee and donuts. Why are you here so early, Xander? You got out of work early? Or are you on a brunch break?"
Xander raised his eyebrows and looked at her. "You know, breathing between sentences is a good thing. Willow... are you on the pep pills again?" Willow had sometimes resorted to taking over-the-counter caffeine pills during midterms or finals back in high school, as if she'd actually had reason to worry about failing. And she was showing the signs again. Xander had worried about her taking those things in the past, so he'd insisted that they study together often to make sure she didn't get the urge to take the pills. It had had the added benefit of him studying with his best friend the genius, thus helping him pass tests, too.
She dropped her eyes from his. "N-No... this is just my natural perkiness."
Tara gave Xander an exasperated look, shaking her head. Willow had been like this for about an hour. She'd already chastised Willow for taking pills, only to have the subject immediately changed by her girlfriend. Maybe Xander could talk some sense into her.
Xander crossed his arms. "Your pupils are just naturally dilated too, huh? You look like one of those paintings of big-eyed kids that you'd find in some of our finer motels. I thought you were off the junk, Willow? You said you wouldn't take them anymore."
"I-I'm sorry, I can't help it! I only have them for emergency staying awake purposes. I can't go to sleep -- not with Buffy and Spike being held captive by that thing that looks like me! I have to stay and watch the book until they escape from her. Until I know... they'll be okay." She hung her head.
Xander could sympathize, it would drive him nuts too if an evil character that looked like him was abusing his friends -- or rather, his friend and Spike. He looked over Willow's shoulder at the pictures in the book to see for himself what had appeared, putting his hands on her shoulders comfortingly as he read. Xander was a bit worried when he read the last part with Spike telling the witch that he was on her side, but that was probably just a ploy... At least he hoped it was. Spike wasn't that much of an asshole, was he?
After he was done checking out the new information, he gave Willow's shoulders a little squeeze. "You need to sleep so your brain can recharge. It'll be better if you're fresh and rested, the natural way."
"How is Buffy even going to be able to look at me when they come back?" Willow said dejectedly.
The others had tried reassuring Willow several times, but it hadn't made a difference. Though Anya hadn't helped much by being honest to a fault (as usual) and saying that maybe Buffy would have trouble separating her feelings between the real Willow and the evil witch Willow, at least at first. Tara was a peaceful person, but sometimes she really wanted to smack Anya. She didn't seem to get the concept that you didn't say certain things at certain times to people, whether those things were true or not.
Xander gave comforting her a shot. "Buffy knows it's not you, Will. We've experienced plenty of weird shit in this town, such as there being a double of one of us running around causing general mayhem, and we got through it all just fine. Buffy won't feel any differently about you. She's probably just as mad as you are about them making the evil witch look like you."
"Yeah, but it looks and sounds exactly like me -- when it isn't all green and gross. It said in the book that Buffy was upset that the character was exactly like me. Except for the evil. Just looking at me is going to give Buffy flashbacks. Who knows what else that thing is going to do to Buffy before they can escape!"
"Tara, can you talk to her, please? Help her see Buffy will still love her just the same, and that she should get some sleep."
"I tried..." Tara frowned. "She gave me the determined face, directly followed by the sad-puppy face. I'm powerless against that combination."
"Aren't you tired, too?" Xander asked.
Tara smiled wanly. "I had a nap in Giles' office. I'm okay for now."
"Why don't you give me the rest of the pills, Willow." Xander held out his hand.
"Why don't you jump up my butt!" Willow was surprised at her own outburst, putting her hands over her mouth. Then she looked at him apologetically and slumped down in the chair. "Sorry... I didn't mean that. I'm just a little edgy."
"It's not her talking, Xander," Tara said, confiscating the bottle of caffeine pills from Willow's bookbag, "it's the 'Trucker's Choice' brand supplements talking." Having Xander on her side made Tara feel bold enough to take action.
Willow sat up, distressed. "Tara! Don't go through my stuff! Come on... I need them just a little while longer... It's not like they're illegal." She pouted and made half-hearted attempts to take back the pills.
Tara held the bottle away from Willow's grasp. "They're legal, but they're really bad for you. And I'm not letting you mess up your metabolism by taking any more of them." Tara put the pill bottle in her own bag, then zipped it closed. "I'll get rid of them soon as I get the chance."
"Good work, Tara." Xander thought he'd try one more time to get through to Willow. "Please go back to the dorm, Willow. Or at least take a nap on Giles' couch like Tara did. If anything new happens, one of us will call you right away, okay?"
"One more hour," Willow said, shifting her butt in the seat to get more comfortable. "I'll book watch for another hour... then I'll sleep." She sipped her latte. "Could use some more coffee and donuts. Did I mention that?"
"Yeah, you did. I'll swing by the donut shop and pick some up." Xander sighed. There was nothing more he could do, short of shooting Willow with a tranquilizer dart. "Is Giles still at Buffy's house? How's Joyce taking the news about Buffy and Dawn?"
Tara nodded. "When I talked to him a little while ago, he said she was taking the news as well as could be expected. She's really upset, but not totally freaking out. He'll probably be bringing her back here with him so she can see that we're doing what we can. She'd probably feel better if she could help in some way too. I feel so bad that Mrs. Summers has to be stressed out, since she's been sick and everything..."
"Yeah, me too. If only they could've come back before morning, Joyce never would've even known anything was wrong. We'll all have to do our best to help her not worry too much. I need to talk to Anya... make sure she doesn't say more inappropriate stuff in front of Buffy's mom -- or Riley."
"Um, about Riley..." Tara began.
"Yeah?"
"I'm kind of concerned about him. The way he's been behaving since Buffy went through the portal has been so... strange. He really, really hates Spike. Like 'if Spike were here, Riley would be staking him' kind of hate. He's really paranoid too, he's convinced that Spike is trying to double-cross Buffy or is bound to hurt her in some way. Like how he was sure that Spike had somehow arranged for the Unari to send himself into the portal with Buffy. I don't know him as well as you, so I probably shouldn't be saying anything..."
"I was... surprised by some of the stuff he's done, too. The Riley I know wouldn't act like that. He does seem to be having a really tough time with this... I guess he's just so worried about Buffy that he's losing it a little... or a lot. I'll try to help him through it the best I can."
Tara nodded again. "All Riley probably needs is a good friend to talk to," she said hopefully. Riley's behavior had scared Tara. She was trying to be understanding, but she just had the feeling that something was very wrong, that Riley's problems would end up causing more grief and badness. But it was just a feeling; it was probably nothing...
"Can you try to make sure Willow doesn't get her hands on any more of those pills?" Xander asked. "Those things can kill you. I heard about a 16-year-old kid taking them and having a heart attack."
"That's just an urban myth," Willow grumbled. "Like the one about Mikey, the Life cereal kid, dying from eating a combination of Pop Rocks and Coke."
"Yes, I'll make sure," Tara said, giving Willow an unwavering look. "Those pep pills are going right in the trash. You can get your energy like our forefathers and mothers did, through sleep and drinking coffee."
Willow pouted again. "Meanies."
Anya came upstairs. "Xander, I didn't expect you to be back so early." She gave him a kiss. "Oh no, you didn't get fired, did you? You won't get that fat paycheck every week, and I won't be able to drive to your construction site to watch you on the job -- with your muscles bulging as you swing your heavy hammer, the white t-shirt sticking to your sweaty skin as you --"
"No, not fired, I'm still among the employed. I was able to get out early. Said I had a 'family emergency'. That excuse usually works without any follow-up questions." They walked to the counter, talking low so Willow wouldn't hear, "I can't believe they made the evil witch look like Willow. The Unari are real sickos."
"I expect more characters to look like Buffy's friends and family in future stories. That's if they manage to escape and not get killed and eaten in the Hansel and Gretel story, of course."
Xander took a breath and looked at her seriously. "It's that kind of thing I want you not to say when Buffy's mom gets here. The stuff you say in front of us or Riley was one thing -- and I'm still not happy with you about that -- but you cannot upset Joyce. Do you understand? You have to make an extra-special effort, or just don't say anything at all."
She frowned. "Don't talk to me like I'm a child. Of course I won't say anything like that in front of Joyce. You actually thought I would tell someone's mother that there's a chance her children could die? And I know Joyce has health problems. What kind of monster do you think I am?" she huffed and crossed her arms, turning her back to him.
"Honey, I don't think you're a monster. I know better than anyone else what a sweet and caring woman you are. You have to admit that you have a habit of... speaking before thinking out how what you're going to say will affect the people you're talking to."
"I wouldn't be that cruel. I just won't say anything to anyone ever again -- how's that?" her voice wavered, there were tears in her tired eyes when she looked back at him. "I'll take a vow of silence and never speak to another soul for the rest of my life. Will that make you happy?"
Anya very rarely got this way; it hurt Xander's heart to see her eyes shiny and her chin trembling. "Anya, come on, I didn't mean --" he reached out to touch her face, but she moved away.
"Don't you dare touch me, Alexander LaVelle Harris!" She went into the office and slammed the door. A moment later, the blind dropped over the window in the door.
"Ooh, she full-named you. That's not good," Willow said, having just heard the last part of their conversation. "What'd you do to make her mad at you?"
Xander groaned and put his head down on the counter. "I think Anya needs some sleep too... Is everyone around here going crazy?"
He'd been hoping to have time alone with Anya sometime today. Making love (even a quickie) always cheered both of them up and energized them when there was a crisis. But he'd hurt her feelings without meaning to -- while giving her a lecture about saying things that hurt people's feelings. Ironic. Some gifts of flowers and candy would be required to show Anya that he was sorry. It didn't look like he would be getting any sweet lovin' for a while.
Xander was tired, too. As if worrying about what was happening to Buffy and Dawn in the fairy tale dimension, about Willow taking those pills and about Riley freaking out wasn't enough, he was also worried about how Joyce would handle her daughters being missing AND about how he'd Anya's feelings earlier. It was all getting to be too much! At least Tara and Giles seemed to be okay. As far as Riley was concerned, Xander hoped that getting some sleep would do his buddy a lot of good. Riley was a good guy and a strong person, and Xander promised himself that he'd help him get through this, hopefully without any more bizarre incidents (like when Riley had almost whipped it out in front of everyone). That had been very disturbing as well as shocking...
Riley went back to his small apartment and tried to get some sleep. His waking thoughts, and then his dreams, were plagued with worrying scenarios concerning his girlfriend and Spike.
His surroundings changed to a forest. He saw Buffy and Spike dressed in the Bavarian clothing they were wearing in the pictures in the book. They were embracing, their arms around each other, their lips connected.
"No! Stop! Get the hell away from her, Spike!" Riley shouted. He tried to run to them and force Spike away from Buffy, but he couldn't move. It was like his feet were cemented to the ground. He could only watch in disgust and shout, "Buffy! Buffy, what are you doing!?"
Spike turned his head and smirked that annoying smirk. "Lookee, I've got your girl, Finn." He slid his hands around on Buffy's back and ass, sticking his tongue out. "Was just a matter of time 'fore I got her."
"Buffy, get away from that monster! You know what he is! You know what he's done! How can you let him touch you? Are you under a spell?!"
Buffy smiled and shook her head, "Nope, no spells. I don't have to be under a spell to realize how amazing Spike and I are together. Sorry, Riley, but Spike's more my speed. It took me a while to see it, but he's exactly what I need."
Spike chuckled, "Hey, that last bit rhymed! Nice one, pet."
Buffy giggled and then looked back to Riley. "You did know this was coming, didn't you? I was just wasting my time with you, denying what and who was the right one for me. But now I know, thanks to Spike being sent into the portal with me. We had all that time to get to know each other better. Some alone-time was all we needed to get snuggly." She smiled at Spike, lovingly stroking the side of his face. "I love Spike. I need to be with him. He compliments me and my abilities perfectly." Buffy playfully tapped a forefinger on the tip of Spike's nose, and then his lips as she said the words.
Spike made as if to bite her finger, with that smirk still on his face.
"So naughty," Buffy giggled. "Spike's fun to be with and so damn sexy. And he's got that dangerous edge that I need in a man. Keeps things exciting. 'Cause with you, Riley? So bored. I had to pinch myself hard to stay awake most of the time."
"I'll be the only one pinchin' you hard from now on, luv." Spike made her giggle again by nuzzling her neck and giving her bum a pinch.
"No..." Riley whispered, horror-struck. "You can't love him! You love me!"
"Sad, really," Spike sighed and swiveled his head toward Riley. "How could she love a git like you? You don't have super strength, you're not immortal, you don't have... Need I go on? There's nothing special about you. Unless you count the ability you have to bore those around you to tears at the speed of light. You really thought you were man enough for the Slayer?" He laughed mockingly. "You don't even come close, boy. Buffy needs a little monster in her man." Spike looked back at Buffy while giving her butt a good squeeze, "Isn't that right, pet?"
"Mmmhmm, so true," Buffy hummed and leaned up to kiss him. "You're my perfect mate, Spike."
Riley clenched his fists and teeth. "I'll kill you before I let you have her, you bastard!"
"You're certainly welcome to try," Spike drawled, the smile spreading across his face.
"I won't let you take her away from me!"
"It's already done, you tit. Read any good books lately?" Spike asked, smirking. "Only wish I could see your face when you're seeing it. You'll see soon enough. She's mine now and I'm not letting her get away. Deal with it."
Buffy and Spike both started laughing, laughing at Riley's pain and helplessness. Then Spike put his hand on the back of Buffy's neck and smashed his lips against hers, kissing her passionately. She responded by kissing Spike just as passionately and wrapping her body around his.
Riley put his hands over his eyes and yelled, "NO!"
Riley woke up in a cold sweat only a few hours after he'd gone to sleep. It took several moments for him to realize it had been a bad dream. It had been so vivid, sickeningly, disturbingly vivid.
He could still see them hugging and kissing, he could still see Spike's filthy hands groping Buffy, and her hands caressing the blond Vamp in return. Their laughter still rang in his ears.
Riley went to the sink in the bathroom and splashed cold water in his face.
"Just a nightmare," he told himself. "Just a nightmare. It won't happen that way... It won't, it can't."
He tried convincing himself that it would turn out the opposite of his dream -- the more time Buffy spent alone with Spike, the more certain she'd be that he was an evil asshole. But there was a voice in the back of his mind that knew better. The voice nagged at him, telling him that the dream would come true if he didn't do something.
There had to be a way to suck them back out of that book before anything horrible could happen. And hopefully there was a way to select which people you wanted to get out of the book, and which one you wanted to leave trapped.
"I've got to keep it together," Riley said, leaning on the sink and looking into the mirror.
He was aware of how erratic his behavior had been since this started. The looks and comments he'd gotten from the Scoobies made it clear that they'd noticed it too; Xander had seemed especially worried. It scared Riley that he'd lost it a few times already. He was a soldier, trained to withstand physical and mental hardship, and yet this was making him lose control. It was because of Spike's involvement. There was just something about Spike that made Riley less able to stay calm, cool and collected. Even under "normal" circumstances, Spike pushed Riley's buttons. But when it came to Buffy... it was just that much worse. He knew his behavior must be scaring his friends. He didn't want to worry them. He also didn't want them to suspect he was doing his best to plan Spike's death. The Scoobies weren't big fans of the fanged blond pest, but they might try to stop Riley from carrying out his plan, once he had one. He'd done pretty well having a secret soldier identity for a while and keeping everyone in the dark about the Initiative. He could use his acting/deception skills again to act normal for his friends' benefit.
"I can't show how this shit is affecting me. No matter how angry or freaked out I get, I have to hide it. I have to fall back on my training and discipline. Can't let my friends know. And wouldn't Spike would just love it." He grimaced at the mirror and pounded his hands on the counter once, then let the anger dissipate and relaxed again. "Spike would just love to know how upset I am... how this is getting to me. That son of a bitch would be laughing his ass off. I won't let him win..."
He had to get back to the Magic Box. He was afraid of what he might see in the fairy tale book, but he needed to watch for any developments, good or bad.
"I've got to research. Got to find a way. He won't take Buffy away from me."
Then an idea occurred to him. Riley still had a few contacts within the government, one of those contacts might know something more about the Unari. He called some old buddies and those who owed him favors, asking them to look into the Unari and call him back with any info. If some branch of the Initiative had ever captured an Unari and interrogated it, that would be a big help. Maybe one of those creatures was still in a cell somewhere.
He set off for the Magic Box once his personal business was finished for the time being, feeling more confident and in control. He would save the day and bring back Buffy and Dawn, and get rid of Spike in the bargain, if possible. Riley would be the big hero again, the knight in shining armor. Just as he was always meant to be.
Spike and Buffy decided that maybe getting some rest would be the best (and safest) way to pass the time while they waited out the storm.
Spike thought, 'I have to be alone with Buffy in a barn for God knows how long... I really don't want to have to imagine that gut-churning Angel/Riley/Xander threesome again. I might condition myself so I never get a hard-on again, even when I want to have one. I don't want to piss her off again by trying to kiss and touch her. Must be strong and show her she can trust me to control my passion... Bloody hell, this isn't going to be easy...'
Buffy wasn't comfortable with the idea of sleeping on a pile of hay on the floor of the barn, not with the animals that were walking around. She thought she'd wake up to find a goat gnawing on her foot, or a chicken pecking out her eyes. Spike had chuckled at her concerns about the animals at first, but then had to admit maybe she had a right to be concerned -- he didn't like the way one of the goats was staring at him with its spooky eyes. So they tried the hayloft. Spike had found a couple of horse blankets that were folded neatly on a table on the ground floor, they looked and smelled clean enough to have the honor of keeping Buffy warm. Then they climbed the ladder to the hayloft with their supplies.
The loft appeared to be safe and dry. There were a few leaks in the roof here and there, but they found a dry area to settle in.
Buffy set the lantern down on a bale of hay and then fluffed up a big pile of hay to make a temporary bed. They took off their wet shoes and socks to get more comfortable and to let them air-dry. Buffy sat cross-legged with a blanket wrapped around her.
Spike sat across from her with his back against the wall near the door set in the hayloft, stretching his legs out in front of him. He unbuttoned his wet shirt but didn't take it off, not noticing how Buffy's eyes followed the progress as he undid every button. (She looked away and tried to appear casual by the time he looked up again.) "This isn't too bad, eh? Not luxurious, but we've got the essentials. We can tough it out here for a while."
"It'll do. At least it's warm and dry." Buffy opened up the bag with the food and water. "Good, the bag kept the food from getting soggy. I would've eaten it anyway, but it's nice to have it un-soggy." She had herself another little snack. "What time do you think it is?"
Spike paused and looked up in thought. "Feels 'bout midnight."
"Do Vampires have a kind of internal clock? So you know when morning is coming?"
"Yeah, we do have a sense that tells us when dawn or dusk is approaching. 'Course my senses could be way off in this dimension, the natural laws don't seem to apply in some instances. For example, it's been a full moon for a few weeks straight -- that's fucked up. The real world would be thrown into chaos if that happened."
A loud crack of thunder made them both jump slightly. "I hope the storm ends soon and we can keep going toward the portal. We have to be back on the road before sunrise, I don't want to get stuck here for another day."
"I could always cover myself with a blanket and do like I do back in Sunnydale. It might be overcast so there'd be a better chance of me not smoldering too much."
Buffy started shaking her head no before he'd finished his sentence. "No way. I don't want to spend another day here, but I will. I'm not going to let you risk getting crispy. We can either both go outside safely, or both of us stay here."
Spike only smiled at her, touched once more that Buffy was thinking of his safety. He could easily get used to this kind of treatment from her, and to seeing the affection for him in her eyes. He was already hooked on it.
His hair was wet from the rain and curling at the ends -- Buffy really liked the curly hair. He looked so cute and sexy... and she had to start talking and thinking about something else besides his sexiness. She checked her injured wrist to see how it looked.
"Check it out," she held her arm out for him to see. "There's only a red mark where I cut my wrist. I healed super-duper fast. I think that's the fastest I've ever healed from anything."
Spike leaned forward and looked, raising his eyebrows. "Yeah, looks good. It really did heal especially fast, didn't it?"
"The... licking must've helped, huh?"
"I think so. Perhaps the twisted overlords decided to give you a break and helped with the healing. It should've taken me at least a few days to fill out and feel as strong as I do right now. Maybe they helped me too."
"Maybe." Buffy discarded the bandage, not needing it to keep her wound clean anymore. "It's the least the Unari could do after what they did to us." She nibbled on a gingerbread man cookie. "Wish we had a deck of cards or a board game or something."
"Oh, you want entertainment? Why didn't you say so?"
Buffy watched with a bemused smile as he scooted over to the bale of hay and fiddled with the shutters on the lantern.
"I'll put on a shadow puppet show for you." Spike made his hands look like a bird shadow. "I'll do sound effects too: Caw-ca caw! Realistic, innit?"
Buffy giggled. "Another hidden talent." She thought of seeing his shadow when he'd been behind the room divider screen. There was a certain shadow puppet she wouldn't mind seeing again... Why did her brain insist on turning every topic back to sex? New subject. "I've wondered this for a while, what's your last name?" Unlike Angel, there was no information about the pre-Vampire William.
Spike made more shadow animals on the wall while they talked; Buffy recognized a dog, an elephant, and a bunny. "Don't have or need a surname. I'm like one of those ultra-famous celebrities -- such as Sting, or Bono, or Topol."
She laughed. She thought it was funny, especially him mentioning Sting. "Come on, what's your last name? I don't think I can kiss a guy whose name I don't know..." Buffy said playfully.
"Lovejoy," Spike said quickly.
"What?"
"My name. It's William Henry Lovejoy. See? Doesn't exactly strike fear in the hearts of men, does it? Sounds like a bloody accountant."
"Your last name is Lovejoy? That's so cute!"
"Uh-huh, go on, get your giggles out."
"Mister Loooovejoy." She laughed then waved her hand, "I'm just kidding. Lovejoy is a cool last name. It's just funny 'cause you're a Vampire and all. They're not known for being big with the love or the joy."
"I always found it ironic... even my last name has 'love' in it. Seems like I was destined to be ruled by that emotion; I was branded from the start. I've always been love's bitch."
"You don't make it sound very pleasant. Wouldn't it be nicer to say you're a 'slave to love'? Hmm, though slave isn't a good word either..."
"'Slave to love' fits too. You know a thing or two about how painful being in love can be. When it's good... God, there's just nothing better. But when it's bad... feels like you were dropped off a skyscraper, repeatedly, or you seriously consider stepping in front of an 18-wheeler."
Buffy sighed, studying her cookie as she broke another little piece off of the gingerbread man.
Spike wanted to lighten things up a bit again. He didn't want to depress Buffy by making her think of the wrong turns her relationships had taken. He'd prefer she didn't think of her other relationships at all. "I thought 'Spike Love' would be a good porn name, should I ever enter the business. Though, just 'Spike' would work, I s'pose."
His attempt at lightening the mood worked, Buffy couldn't stop smiling (or blushing thanks to his mention of porn). She wondered, but was too giggly to ask, if Spike had already made a professional adult film in the past. He definitely wasn't shy, so he probably wouldn't have had any reservations about that kind of thing. "You're funny. Did you just become funny recently? Because I don't recall thinking that you were before."
He smirked. "I've always had a rapier wit, you just didn't notice."
"Ah, you know what? It was probably because you were making fun of me most of the time. Jokes and snide comments about me? Not so funny."
"It was a two-way street. You gave as good as you got. You got some real good insults and jokes in at my expense. What was that one...? I think you said I was the shell of a loser."
"Well... we won't be doing that mean stuff anymore. Making fun of each other, I mean. If we do, it will be said with kindness and affection."
They were quiet, listening to the rain and wondering what their burgeoning relationship would bring. They both hoped for more good than bad. But neither of them were naive enough to think it would be smooth sailing. The not knowing for sure if their feelings were even real was enough to drive them crazy. How could something they felt so strongly be an illusion?
"Why don't you get some sleep, pet. I'll keep watch."
Buffy sealed up the bag of food, having finished her latest snack. "Watch for what?"
"Dunno exactly. I'll wake you if the storm ends while you're off in Slumberland. But also if anything poses a threat, like if the barn is struck by lightning and it starts a fire, or a homicidal farmer wielding a pitchfork comes looking for intruders in his barn."
"Oh, I won't have any trouble sleeping now," Buffy said sarcastically.
"Sorry. I just want to be ready for anything."
"When are you going to sleep? You still need sleep too." She figured that Spike had to be exhausted. The only sleep he'd gotten was when he'd passed out over the last day or two. And she was looking forward to having Spike laying next to her on the hay -- just to have him near her, not so they could... do stuff.
"I'm fine." Spike sniffed and squared his shoulders in the way that Buffy easily recognized as him trying to be all manly.
Buffy rolled her eyes but didn't argue with him. She figured that he'd sleep after he saw that she'd gone to sleep like he'd done most nights back at the gingerbread house. She laid down in the hay, pulling a blanket up to her neck and using the other one as a pillow. She closed her eyes.
A smile spread across her face when she heard Spike start singing softly. It was that bluesy song again. But it didn't sound as sad this time, it sounded more hopeful.
"Need someone's hand to lead me through the night
I need someone's arms to hold and squeeze me tight
Now, when the night begins, I'm at an end
Because I need... your love so bad"
After the first verse, Buffy didn't sit up or open her eyes, but asked, "Spike, did you used to sing that song for... Drusilla?" She risked bringing up Dru's name because she just needed to know the answer to that question.
"No. You're the first person I've ever sung it for."
"Good." Buffy smiled wider before letting herself drift off to sleep, happy that the song was just hers.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Sorry it's taken me so very long to update. I got a terrible case of ye olde writer's block. Bear with me as I attempt to get my groove back =D Thanks to all of you who have stuck with me! *smooches and love*
Here's a link to a YouTube vid of the Fleetwood Mac (from the Peter Green era) cover of 'Need Your Love So Bad':
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hL87WE81Z1w
I just love that song. I love imagining Spike singing it even more heehee
Thanks to DFL for beta'ing this long-ass chapter! And thanks to CallMeKitten and Passion4Spike for all of their support! You gals rock! *smoochies*
Banners by xoChantelly and Edgehead
Here's a link to a YouTube vid of the Fleetwood Mac (from the Peter Green era) cover of 'Need Your Love So Bad':
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hL87WE81Z1w
I just love that song. I love imagining Spike singing it even more heehee
Thanks to DFL for beta'ing this long-ass chapter! And thanks to CallMeKitten and Passion4Spike for all of their support! You gals rock! *smoochies*
Banners by xoChantelly and Edgehead
Chapter End Notes:
* 'Hit Me With Your Best Shot' lyrics by Eddie Schwartz; 'Need Your Love So Bad' lyrics by Little Willie John