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After another cup of coffee, Willow rubbed her bleary eyes. She couldn't force herself to stay awake for much longer. Almost everyone else looked as tired as she felt. Riley, Tara and Mrs. Summers had gotten some sleep, so they weren't as bad off.

Willow was looking through the Unari book again to see if anything new had appeared about Buffy and Spike or Dawn. The pages after the last noted change were blank, waiting to be filled with whatever the future held for her absent friends.

At first she thought she was imagining it, but pictures and words began appearing right before her eyes on the previously blank pages, being drawn by a phantom hand as she watched.

"Oh!" Willow exclaimed. "New stuff is..." Her eyes bugged when she saw the finished drawings. "Oh!"

The others leaned forward, anxious to see what was happening to Buffy now, Giles was reaching across the table to move the book so all of them could see it better.

Willow suddenly slammed the book shut, and then pressed her palms down on the cover, as if she were afraid it would pop back open by itself.

The others flinched, and Giles quickly drew his hand back.

"That was very rude, Willow," Anya said. "We were trying to see the new pictures."

"Willow, what's the matter with you? Why did you close the..." Giles was suddenly very worried, thinking that perhaps Willow had seen something ghastly happening to Buffy.

Willow was freaked out by what she'd seen, but she could plainly see the others were assuming the worst. "Buffy's okay -- it's nothing like that. She's not in any... physical danger."

"Then why did you react the way you did?" Giles asked.

Willow's eyes darted to each of them; her looks at Joyce (who was standing near the table now, clutching the feather duster in her hands) and Riley (who was still at the counter, but looking on edge) lingered a bit longer. They definitely shouldn't see the pictures, and Goddess only knew what the text would say.

"Um..." Willow nervously tapped her fingers on the book cover, "maybe Giles should be the only one to look. The pictures might be... disturbing to more sensitive viewers."

"Come on, Wills," Xander said impatiently. "Please just open it and let us see. You're scaring the crap out of us."

Riley didn't like the way Willow had looked at him, she had gotten even more nervous and twitchy than she did when glancing at the others. He was afraid of what he was going to see in that book. 'The nightmare is coming true... That evil bastard seduced Buffy!' He joined Joyce and the others standing around the table.

Willow was still reluctant, but they were all looking at her and waiting. She didn't know how to tell them what the pictures showed, better just to let them see for themselves. At least they'd see that Buffy was not being hurt or killed. "O...kay. But they're... Okay, just... just open it," she said as she removed her hands from the book. She hung her head and rubbed her forehead, waiting for the inevitable bad reactions from all of them.

Giles opened the book, quickly flipping to the bookmark to find the latest additions.

There were sharp intakes of air from everyone when they saw it for themselves. They felt relieved that no harm was coming to Buffy, but...

The series of pictures were of 'bath night' at the gingerbread house: Buffy, and then Spike undressing behind the screen while the other discreetly observed, Buffy washing Spike's back, and Spike washing Buffy's back. And then (the picture that had shocked the Scoobies the most) Spike and Buffy with their eyes closed as he was kneeling behind her and a connected thought balloon over their heads that showed another picture of them together in the tub -- Buffy with her back against Spike's chest, craning her neck and kissing him, and his hands covering her breasts.

The text below the salacious drawing described how both Spike and Buffy were sharing the exact same fantasy at the exact same time. Their highly aroused minds had somehow connected at that moment, and permitted them to experience the vivid sexual fantasy -- which seemed so very real to them that they weren't sure if they'd actually had sex or not for a few moments after it was over.

The last picture showed Spike and Buffy settling down to sleep that night, and Spike singing her to sleep with 'Need Your Love So Bad'. The text told of how they were both thinking about the other and their mutual desire. They were afraid of their feelings for their former enemy, but they couldn't deny the strong attraction. There was a brief mention of how Buffy hadn't found the perfect guy for her yet, how she longed to find the perfect mate, and her wondering if that mate could possibly be Spike.

It wasn't just what the pictures suggested that shocked and disturbed the Scoobies (though those did indeed shock and disturb them), it was the words. The words that said Spike was lusting after Buffy, and that Buffy was lusting after Spike; the Slayer and vampire were having vivid, lurid sexual fantasies and thoughts about each other. And according to what the book said, Buffy and Spike had somehow shared the bathtub fantasy, as if it had really happened. But, apparently, it was all in their minds.

"Dear Lord," Giles muttered. The others muttered variations of that phrase or were too stunned to speak at all.

Joyce was the first to avert her eyes, followed by the rest of the Scoobies. Except for Anya, of course, and Riley, who was too paralyzed with rage and revulsion to look away. Anya, in contrast, thought the drawings were very sexy. She and Xander sometimes engaged in sensual bathing, so she could understand how that may have triggered Buffy and Spike's intense craving for each other's bodies.

"You can see why I was wigged now..." Willow said with regret. She tried to accentuate the positive and smiled slightly, "But Buffy's not hurt, so... that's good! Right?"

Joyce was stunned and having trouble believing the pictures and text too, but she figured that if the worst thing that happened to Buffy in that bizarre dimension was having sex with Spike... it wouldn't be the end of the world. Joyce could live with that.

Anya looked at Riley warily, guessing that he must be hating this more than anyone else. Riley's eyes were narrowed, his jaw clenched. His right eye was twitching -- just like those guys who go insane in war movies. Was he going to go crazy again? Maybe he'd try whipping out his penis again, she wouldn't object to that. Though, right now, he looked more likely to whip out a gun and fire blindly around the shop. "Xander, it's not actually possible for a human's head to explode on its own, is it? Like in that 'Scanners' movie we watched."

"Uh, no, not possible... At least, I don't think so."

"We're about to find out," she said, taking a few steps backward and watching Riley's temple pulse and his right eye twitching away.

Riley couldn't stop himself from (metaphorically) blowing up. He felt like he was going to puke. "Buffy would never..." He pointed at the book, "That's a lie! I don't care what the goddamn book says -- it's not true! She would never even think about doing that with Spike! Those Unari freaks must be messing with her mind and making her think that way! They put a spell on her! They're even sicker than we thought!"

Most of the Scoobies nervously watched as Riley ranted. They weren't ecstatic about Buffy having lusty thoughts and fantasies about Spike or what the shared fantasy might mean, but Riley was understandably taking it the worst. That thing about Buffy yearning to find the perfect man for her had to be like a punch in the gut for the burly ex-soldier.

Xander was grappling with his own shock and disbelief. "Yeah... Yeah, I bet that's it! The Unari have power over everything in their dimension -- mind control spells wouldn't be hard for them!" Attempting to rationalize it that way was partly for his own peace of mind, but most of all for Riley's.

Riley nodded, convinced that was the only plausible explanation. "That has to be it." He latched onto that theory for dear life -- it was much more acceptable to him and kept him from losing control. "Why would those Unari monsters put those thoughts in her mind?"

"Exactly," Anya said. "What would they possibly gain?"

"Maybe for more entertainment," Riley said with disgust. "They're obviously cruel and sadistic people, and they can read Buffy's mind -- they'd know how horrified she would be if she had any... attraction to Spike."

"Really? This is the theory we're going with?" Anya shook her head. "I don't think it's correct."

"How else would you explain Buffy and Spike having the exact same... um, daydream?" Xander didn't want to call it a fantasy.

"I... can't explain it. But my gut tells me it's not the Unari manipulating them with a spell or some kind of mind control."

"Your gut? We're supposed to accept whatever your gut tells us is the truth? I don't think so," Riley said, barely keeping his anger in check.

"And listening to your paranoid, jealous instincts is better?" Anya challenged, putting a hand on her hip. "In case you hadn't noticed, I've been very helpful during this crisis. I even spanked Giles' ass good and hard earlier."

Giles raised his eyebrows. "I... have absolutely no memory of that."

"I meant, figuratively speaking," Anya clarified. "I was the one that had the most knowledge and was most helpful. Right?" Anya was happy and proud that she'd been the one the others looked to for answers. She felt like a valuable part of the group during this crisis; there were times when she still felt like an outsider who had nothing to contribute, so it was very gratifying when she was able to help as much as she had with this particular problem.

"Yes... you've been very helpful." Giles suppressed a grumble. 'Must be gracious.'

Anya smiled proudly. "Thank you, Giles."

"Well," Riley countered, "the people who know Buffy the best, know that it can't be her thinking those things on her own."

"Why not? Because Spike's not sexy and attractive -- oh wait! Yes, he is!" Anya crossed her arms confidently. "I think them experiencing the same fantasy might be because..."

Xander gave her a look that she was coming to recognize more easily -- a look that said 'Please just go along with it!'

It killed Anya to do it, but she attempted to play along. Her shoulders slumped. "Um, on the other hand... I suppose I could be wrong. We don't know anything for sure. Damn those evil, crazy, scheming Unari! They're clouding Buffy's mind with lust spells!" She pounded her fist once on the table, hoping to give her performance extra intensity.

Xander rubbed his eyes, and Giles was polishing the hell out of his glasses. Riley glared at Anya for a moment, he didn't like that she was obviously humoring him. But he figured it was preferable to her spewing rude, contradictory comments constantly. It was about time Xander started to get that woman on a leash.

Riley intended to go to the training room, he needed to punch something. Xander wanted to talk to him first though, to make sure he was okay. He took Riley aside and spoke to him quietly. It took every ounce of Riley's self-control to keep from just pushing Xander out of the way, he somehow managed to suppress the rage inside of him in order to reassure his friend.

The others went back to talking softly about what they'd seen and what it could mean. Could Buffy really be under a spell?

Anya thought, 'It's not fair that I have to censor my speech! This is America -- the land of the free and the home of the... the Whopper! No, that's not it... I'll look it up later. I should be able to say what's on my mind, it's my right as a taxpaying citizen. Just because humans have trouble hearing unpleasant truths, I have to pretend that I don't have perfectly valid, and most likely correct, assumptions. Isn't it more important that we explore all possible explanations and not settle on the one that's the most palatable for these giant, squeamish babies I'm surrounded by?! I hate having to resort to internal dialogue!'

"This sucks," Anya said out loud with a grouchy pout.

"What?" a few of the Scoobies said at the same time, looking at her.

"Huh? Oh, I said... Nip/Tuck's on. I was referring to the edgy basic cable television show about two horny, morally ambiguous plastic surgeons. There's a repeat on tonight which I hope to watch. Xander and I enjoy the sexual situations, partial nudity and profanity." Anya smiled at Xander and winked, thinking that he'd better appreciate her discretion. If the others chose to believe and promote (what she thought were) bullshit theories than look at the issue from all sides, what could she do about it as the lone voice of reason? She was reminded of the phrase 'Living in a fool's paradise'.

No one bought Anya's act, but they wisely let it go. They had more important things to worry about.





Everyone was back to researching, with the exception of Riley who was in the training room beating the stuffing out of the punching bag (while imagining it was Spike's face he was pummeling).

They didn't know what to make of the steamy pictures of Buffy and Spike and what the book said -- but believing it was some kind of spell or mind control by the Unari was the easiest explanation. They'd go with that until it was proven otherwise. Anya wasn't happy about that, but she had to go along with it to appease the others. For now. They were all making an effort not to get more freaked out or dwell on what was... developing between Buffy and Spike. If they kept at the researching, they might find a way to get Buffy out of the book before anything could happen for real.

Joyce was looking at the first picture of Buffy and Spike in the fairy tale book with a sad expression as she traced the shape of Buffy's face with a finger. She wished she could do something to help and protect her girls. It was terrible for a mother to feel so helpless.

Anya wanted to cheer Joyce up as well as prove to Xander that she could be pleasant and compassionate. She pointed to the picture of Spike, "I know you're focusing on Buffy, but did you notice Spike's package? Nice, huh?"

Joyce snorted in surprise, then covered her mouth with her hand and turned her eyes away. Unfortunately, now that Anya pointed it out, that's all Joyce's eyes wanted to fix on.

The others made groaning sounds. Except for Willow who was actually relieved that Anya was finally showing how inappropriate she could be to Buffy's mom. 'No way could she like Anya the perv better than me.'

Xander took a calming breath. "Anya, Mrs. Summers isn't interested in that."

Anya stood up straight and fidgeted. "Oh..." She was dismayed that she'd apparently gotten faulty information. "I'm sorry, Mrs. Summers. I didn't know you were a lesbian. I was told you liked penis."

Joyce sputtered, "I'm n-not a..." Then she frowned. "Who told you that? Are those their exact words -- that I like penis?"

"So then you do like penis?" Anya asked. "But it's okay if you don't like penis, because --"

"Stop saying penis!" Giles blurted out. He closed his eyes and sighed. Then he took off his glasses and polished them furiously.

"Well, there are lots of different words and terms for it in the English language alone. I could say cock instead," Anya said, genuinely thinking she was being helpful by offering alternatives. "There really are dozens of terms: dick, prick, pecker, one-eyed trouser snake, rod, sha--"

"Penis it is, then..." Giles said tiredly. "I meant, could you not refer to that... body part at all."

"Penis is the correct medical term for the male sex organ. I don't understand why some people in this day and age get blushy and embarrassed at the mere mention of human anatomy and sexuality. Is it religious upbringing? Many religions tend to try shaming people into being more inhibited. The ancient Romans, on the other hand, now they weren't shy to talk about sex. They even used ceramic penises as decorative --"

Giles made a growly sound. "Honestly, Anya, can't you go a half hour without saying something offensive? Mrs. Summers is --"

Joyce got over her initial shock, laughed and waved her hand. "It's okay, really. It made me think of something besides how worried I am about my daughters for a minute, and I actually laughed... eventually." She looked at Anya. "So, thank you for that, Anya."

Anya grinned and puffed up with pride. "You're welcome." She stuck her tongue out at Xander and the others.

Joyce leaned closer to her and asked quietly, "Seriously though, who told you I like penis?"

"Giles told me that --"

"I most certainly did NOT!" Giles exclaimed.

"Yes, you did," Anya insisted. "You told me that you and Mrs. Summers --"

"Why would you tell her about that?!" Joyce looked at him with wide eyes, blushing deeply.

"I have no idea what she's talking about! I've never --"

Anya sighed. "You two keep interrupting me before I can get more than one sentence out and explain myself. It's becoming very annoying. May I finish?"

They just nodded mutely, afraid of what else she might say.

"Thank you. I was going to say, Giles told me that the two of you had talked about how you were married for a long time to Buffy's father. And while that fact doesn't guarantee that you weren't secretly gay all that time -- because that does happen -- it does show that you were attracted to men in your formative years. And you've been on dates with men since your divorce. Therefore, I assumed that you liked penis and that you would enjoy looking at the very lifelike and beautifully illustrated picture of Spike wearing tight fitting leather shorts." They were just staring at her, so she said, "You can speak now, I'm finished. Thank you for remaining silent for a minute."

Joyce had to chuckle at the misunderstanding. "Thank you for clearing that up." And then she looked sheepishly at Giles. “I'm sorry I... leapt to the conclusion that you were, um, spreading gossip about me. I should've known better."

Giles smiled warmly and put his hand on Joyce's shoulder. "I understand. Anya has a way of... getting people flustered."

Anya observed their smiles and the hand on Joyce's shoulder. There were no erotic woodcarvings to distract her this time. "You two have had sex, haven't you? I didn't know you were orgasm friends."

They both coughed and then cleared their throats as Giles quickly stepped away from Joyce.

"Of--Of course we're not org-- that sort of friends!" Giles replied completely unconvincingly.

"It wasn't our fault -- we weren’t ourselves!” Joyce blurted out.

Giles groaned and put a hand over his eyes. So much for trying to deny it...

The other Scoobies were shocked, staring with wide eyes.

“If you weren't yourselves, then who were you?” Anya asked with a frown. Then she brightened, “Oh! Were you doing some sexy role-playing? Pretending to be other people can really spice things up. I have a black leather spy outfit that I put on and call myself 'Natasha', Xander loves it. So, how long have you two been doing ‘the horizontal mambo’? That’s slang for having sexual intercourse, in case you didn’t know. I just learned that one myself.”

Both Giles and Joyce were blushing furiously, unable to speak for a moment.

Willow, Tara and Xander's jaws were hanging open. They were still recovering from the revelation.

"Wow, you two really...? Does Buffy know?" Willow asked, blushing brightly herself.

"Sweet merciful Zeus!" Xander muttered. "I never thought I'd say this, but go back to talking about Spike's package again -- much less traumatic."

Anya smacked his arm, frowning. "Don't you try making them feel guilty or wrong for enjoying themselves. That goes for all of you. If they want to be orgasm friends, then I say more power to them."

Joyce looked down, finding the floor much safer a place to look than in the others’ startled eyes. She mumbled, "It was that cursed band candy, it wasn't really us. We were.. out of control..." She glanced up at Giles and then quickly away again. She couldn’t help the way her body tingled when she remembered their brief dalliance. ‘Ripper’ was one hell of a lover! Definitely better than any tumble she'd ever taken with Hank.

"Out of control is when some of the best sex happens," Anya said, patting Joyce on the arm.

“It w-wasn’t... It’s not as if we’re still... It only happened once,” Joyce said awkwardly.

“Twice,” Giles said before he could stop himself. Yes, even Giles' brain needed sleep to avoid becoming sluggish.

They all looked at him.

His eyes widened; he was just as surprised as they were. He squirmed slightly under their gazes. “Twice if you count... Once -- it happened once, just as she said! And it's none of anyone else's bloody business!”

Joyce put her hands over her face, flushed with embarrassment... but also a bit of excitement since she was now vividly recalling getting freaky with Giles on the hood of that police car. “Somebody please shoot me.”

"Erm, Mrs. Summers," Giles said, hoping to provide both of them an escape, "would you like a cup of coffee? I have some in my office. I was just going to have some myself."

Joyce was eager to get away from her daughter's shocked friends and any further questions they may have, she stood up quickly. "Yes, thank you... Mr. Giles."

Anya’s brows knit, "You're still not on a first name basis after you had sex? Although, that can be pretty hot if you role-play, say, a student/teacher scenario. Xander and I have --"

Giles held up his hand, "Anya, I will say this as politely as I can: Do not say another bloody word... please." He'd said please, but it was through gritted teeth.

She frowned, but closed her mouth and kept it closed, and made a lip-sealing gesture -- not that any of them thought that would last very long.

He sighed heavily. "Thank you."

Giles and Joyce hurried along to his office.

"You know, we have coffee out here." Anya picked up one of the unopened cups from the Espresso Pump. "And it's much better than the sludge that Giles makes in his office." She chuckled. "The other day, I humorously asked Giles if it was his practice to strain the coffee through a mummy. That's going right in the act," she said, referring to her plan to try her hand at stand-up comedy at a club in town called The Giggle Pit.

"The main attraction of the sludge is that it's in there," Giles said as he pointed to his office. "And you will be remaining out here."

He closed the door once he and Joyce were both inside.

"Well," Anya pouted, "that was rude."

"I can't believe it," Xander blinked and shook his head. "Giles and Buffy's mom..." He shuddered.

Anya's mopey expression was replaced by a smile. "Oh! Wouldn't it be sweet if they were going in there to have sex again?"

"Eugh!" Xander recoiled. "Sweet? No, it would be the opposite of sweet!"

Anya blew out a breath and shook her head. "All of you have so many hang-ups. It's a wonder any of you ever have sex."

"Giles and Buffy's mom having..." He grimaced, not able to say the word. "Them being together is like my own parents knockin' boots. Luckily, my biological parents haven't even thought about touching each other for years -- but this is the next worst thing."

"Xander, grow up," Anya gave him a swat on the back of the head.

"Hey! And, oww," he rubbed the back of his head. "Stop with the smacking! I bruise like a peach!"

Tara had been quiet, but finally stated her opinion. "I haven't been around as long as the rest of you, so I guess that's why it doesn't seem as weird to me. I think Anya's right, it would be nice if Mr. Giles and Mrs. Summers started dating. They’re such nice people, they deserve to be happy. And you guys will be okay with it too, once it has a chance to sink in."

"I don't want it to sink -- I want it to float. No sinking," Xander said, leaning away from Anya, lest he get smacked again.

"At least Tara isn't acting like a child. Thank you for taking my side, Tara," Anya said.

Tara smiled slightly and nodded.

"We should... hang out sometime," Anya said with a sort of forced casualness, trying to further prove how friendly and approachable she could be. "Shoot the breeze, as they say. Maybe we can go shopping for flannel shirts and Birkenstocks, which I've been informed many lesbians enjoy wearing. You gals love your sensible footwear, am I right?"

"Uh... yeah, s-sure," Tara stuttered. She didn't know how well she and Anya would get along without the others around. They once had a solo discussion about the tile in Giles’ bathroom, and that was about it.

Xander couldn't imagine two women as different as Anya and Tara. To be a fly on the wall to observe them 'hanging out' would be interesting. Poor Tara would probably be ready to jump out of a moving car to get away by the end of the shopping trip.

"Just so we're clear," Anya added, "I'm asking you out as a friend. I'm not a lesbian, I'm not hitting on you and trying to steal you away from Willow. I like penis."

"O...kay," Tara said slowly.

"Anybody who's ever spent two minutes with you knows you like penis, Anya," Willow mumbled.

"Well," Xander clapped his hands and rubbed them together, "what say we erase all our memories from the last ten minutes?"

"You think Buffy knows about her mom and Giles?" Willow whispered.

"Didn't you hear the thing about the erasing of our memories?" Xander asked, exasperated. "Better yet, let's start the erasing right before we saw those new pictures..."

Willow blinked at him, waiting for an answer.

He slumped in his chair and sighed. "I think Buffy would've told us if she knew about her mom and Giles. I don't think she would have been able to hide the big ol' case of the wiggins it would've given her..."

Xander couldn't stifle a yawn, which made everyone else yawn reflexively.


Continued...


Chapter End Notes:
Spuffy comin' up next!



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