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Author's Chapter Notes:
This is the last addition - promise! lol

Thanks one last time to xoChantelly and Edgehead for making me those awesome banners :D
Spike sang a few songs as they walked along the side of the road. They were trying to stay positive, but they were getting very frustrated by how long it was taking to find the portal.

Buffy asked, "Do you hear the sounds of the river yet?"

Spike shook his head. "I won't be shy, I'll tell you when I do hear it."

Just to be talking about something safe, she asked, "Did you get tired of the Simon & Garfunkel songs? You haven't sung one of those for a while."

"I haven't sung any of those because of that thing you said about not wanting me to treat you like Dru. I thought you'd rather I didn't sing any of those."

"Oh. Well, it doesn't bother me anymore. I like to hear you sing those songs. They're kind of ours now... that's how I think of it."

They smiled warmly at each other.

"Spike, you shouldn't just assume that something will upset me, you can ask me stuff, you know."

"We're gettin' on so well -- 'cept for our little spat earlier -- and I don't want to do anything that will fuck it up. I seem to be really good at fucking things up, I've got a bloody knack for it."

"I'm a wiz at fucking things up, too. We're going to make an interesting couple," Buffy said with a smile and a shake of her head.

Spike shrugged. "Least it won't get boring."

"Nope, I can't see being with you ever getting boring." And that was the truth.


Knowing that Buffy wouldn't mind another Simon & Garfunkel tune, Spike sang 'The Boxer', with Buffy taking the "lie-la-lie" parts.

For his next number, he felt like being more raucous (and of course, naughty). Spike started singing in a rough, rockin' voice and nodding to the beat in his head:

"Why don't we d-do it in the road
Why don't we do it in the road
Why don't we do it in the ro-oh-hoad!
Why don't we do it in the road
No one will be watching us
Why don't we do it in the ro-oh-oad!"

Buffy just shook her head and rolled her eyes.

"C'mon, pet, sing along!" Spike said cheerfully. "Jump right in, you know the words. Second verse, same as the first.

Why don't we d-do it --"

"Even if I wasn't weirded out about them possibly watching us, I wouldn't do it in a muddy, dirty road."

"Bein' dirty can be loads of fun," he said, arching an eyebrow.

"I don't want to get that kind of dirty." Buffy saw a fallen log just ahead of them. "Can we take a break here? I need to sit down for a minute. And no, that's not code for me wanting to get dirty."

Spike nodded, he could do with a short rest too. He couldn't help how much he wanted Buffy. He wanted to be touching, kissing and fucking her every moment of every day for the rest of his life. Hopefully she wouldn't get fed up with his continuous naughtiness.

They sat down on the log, and then each had a drink of water. Buffy ate a few bonbons from the dwindling food supply while Spike checked the map again. Nothing on the map had changed, they were still on course to the portal.

Buffy slipped her shoes off and wiggled her toes. "My feet hurt."

"Want a foot massage? Just put those dainty feet on my lap and let me go to work on 'em." Spike smirked and patted his lap.

"That sounds great, but we're just stopping here for a minute. You are going to give me a full body massage the first chance we get though, mister." Buffy loved the idea of getting a massage from Spike when they had the time and opportunity. It would be heaven to feel his strong hands and magic fingers gliding all over her body, kneading, rubbing, pressing into her tight muscles... Buffy shivered a little, starting to get turned on again. She wanted him so bad already -- how was she going to resist wanting to jump him before they went home? Maybe if they did it under some blankets or turned out all the lights, the Unari wouldn't be able to see them...?

"You can count on it, pet," Spike replied with a naughty smile.

Buffy made a face as she put her shoes back on. "Eugh, gross. You ready to go?"

"You said my legs were skinny..." Spike said, pouting slightly.

"What?"

"When we first got to the gingerbread house, you laughed and said my legs were skinny."

"Geez, Spike, that was forever ago." Buffy could tell he was mostly kidding, but she could also tell that it had hurt his feelings a bit. She'd be pouty too if he'd made some kind of disparaging remark about a part of her body. She put her arm around his back, using her other hand to slowly stroke from his knee up his thigh. "I love your legs. They're very good, strong, meaty legs. I like looking at and touching them. I thought you looked really hot."

Spike raised an eyebrow, "Oh, so that's why you laughed your ass off while pointing at me? You were snickerin' at me. There's nothing wrong with my memory, I remember it very well."

"I just wasn't used to seeing you without pants on. I mean... I wasn't used to seeing you wearing something other than jeans. Now I'm going to miss seeing your legs when you're able to wear long-pants again."

"I'm still not convinced," Spike smirked a little, still trying to act aloof.

She kept stroking and squeezing his thigh. "I'm sorry I was such a bitch. The truth is... you were getting me hot, and I was trying to force myself to see you as unsexy." She leaned closer and started kissing the side of his neck. "There has to be some way I can make it up to you...?"

Spike smiled and closed his eyes, enjoying the touch of her lips and her hand rubbing his thigh. "Just keep doing what you're doing... that's a brilliant start. Want to go back to the barn? We could spend a day or two making things up to each other."

Buffy giggled and sat back, patting his leg instead of stroking. "I'd love to, but we gotta move on. Stop with the tempting. You keep trying to tempt me."

"I love tempting you. Love it even more when you give in to temptation..." he replied, leaning in to kiss her.

She leaned further away from him, "If we start with the smoochies then we'll never get to our destination. Plus, those weirdoes might be... watching us."

"Hey, you were the one rubbing my leg and kissing my neck. Not fair to get a bloke's motor revved just to leave him hangin'."

Buffy sighed in mock-exasperation. "What am I going to do with you?"

"I've got a few suggestions..." He poked his tongue out. "I've had some lovely dreams involving you and me and things I want to try out in real-life."

Buffy laughed, then remembered she'd meant to talk to him about those fantasies and dreams she'd had about him. "You want to hear something weird?"

"Always."

"Your... naughty area looked just like I imagined it did."

He raised an eyebrow.

She laughed again. "I know, it's crazy, right? I guess I got a great impression of what that portion of you looked like through that room divider thing." Then she looked sheepish. "Not that I... um, purposely looked. 'Cause that would've been rude."

"Not that I was trying to sneak a peek either, but I remember seeing you... silhouetted. So bloody beautiful..."

She blushed deeper. "And then I asked you to come around to do my back..."

"That wasn't easy for me... you looked so fetching, all wet and sudsy. Do you want to hear something weird?"

"Sure, why not."

"You looked like I imagined you would, too -- south of the border."

Buffy raised her eyebrows. "Exactly like you imagined?"

He nodded.

"That is weird..." She could tell there was something else Spike wanted to say, but he looked hesitant to say it. “What is it?”

Spike took a breath, and then swallowed. “I had some very... vivid fantasies about you. So vivid that I didn’t realize it wasn’t really happening until I snapped out of it. They seemed so bloody real... I'm thinking it was 'cos I wanted you so much and I was more... susceptible to taking off on flights of fancy from not getting any fresh blood." He laughed, "You would've killed me if you knew what was goin' through my mind at the time."

Buffy was beginning to feel more uneasy by the minute, something very weird was going on. How could they know what the other looked like naked when they'd never actually seen it for real? "Tell me about some of the stuff you fantasized about."

"Sure you want to get into that topic right now?" The fantasies and dreams were odd, but they were also incredibly arousing. Spike was certain he'd get heated up if they discussed that particular subject.

"Yeah, I think we need to talk about it, actually. You go first."

"Okay... on that first bath night, when I was doin' your back, I imagined that I started giving you a massage and then we got a whole lot closer, right there in the tub. Let me tell you, it was bloody hot! I didn't realize it wasn't actually happening until... it was over." He was keeping the 'happy ending' he had on the back of the tub to himself.

Buffy swallowed, staring at him nervously.

Spike tilted his head. "What's wrong, Buffy? You don't have to be worried about me, if that's what you're thinking. I'm alright now."

"You massaged my shoulders, then you kissed the back of my neck and I told you to stop... at first. Your hands went from my shoulders to... naughty places. I changed my mind about wanting you to stop real quick after some intense kissing and fondling. You got in the tub behind me. I got on my knees with my back to you and we had wild, soapy, splashy sex."

Spike's brow creased by degrees as she'd talked. "Wait... how could you know all that? Are you saying it actually happened? I know it didn't really happen... I was still on my knees outside the bathtub and washing your back when I came -- out of it."

"Spike... I imagined the same thing. It didn't physically happen, but both of us fantasized about the exact same thing happening. Both of us thought it was real until we came -- back to our senses."

"Could just be... a coincidence. I mean, it was sensual -- with the nudity, the rubbing, and the bubbles."

"Yeah, our minds might have been put on lusty tracks by the nudity, rubbing, and bubbles... but the Unari had to have done that to us, Spike! How else can you explain that we both zoned out, imagined the same thing at the same time, and we both thought it was real?"

"I.. can't explain it." Spike growled in frustration. "Alright, yeah... something more than meets the eye is goin' on, but I don't think it's that cut and dry." It hurt him that Buffy was so quick and willing to believe that she didn't want him all on her own. She could very well be right... but Spike wasn't going to accept that explanation.

"Did you have a fantasy about me... involving food?" she asked. That messy food fantasy was the second most intense.

"Yeah... I had a few. The biggest one happened the day after the 'splinter incident'."

"That's when I had one, too! We were smooshing food onto each other -- and I think you were going to bite me." Buffy could tell by the look on his face that he had fantasized about the same thing.

Spike and Buffy both paled, their fears about the Unari manipulating them were seemingly being confirmed. They didn't know that their food fantasies weren't exactly the same, they just assumed they'd somehow shared that one too.

Spike was trying hard to stay calm; this was freaking him out. "That doesn't mean anything. It was... natural for us to think about food. We were starving." He took a breath. "I think it's just another coincidence, Buffy."

"A big coincidence."

"Yeah, a big one, but still a coincidence. When I had that fantasy with you and the food, I got all hot and bothered 'cos you were eating that cake, making all those yummy-sounds and looking so... hungry. It's only natural I'd think dirty thoughts under those circumstances."

"Spike, who are you trying to kid? They're controlling us like puppets!" Buffy stood up and started pacing, much like Spike himself was wont to do. "Oh God, those freaks can make us feel and do anything! We have to get out of here!"

Spike's ability to keep from reacting with a hurt/angry rant was being tested. He refused to believe that he was being forced to love Buffy -- he wouldn't accept that it was all a lie. Spike felt like ranting and pacing too, but he wanted to be strong for Buffy. He started to say, "Buffy-pet, try to --"

Buffy was too scared and confused to listen to him. "Is anything real? What belongs to us and what doesn't?!" She looked up at the sky and yelled, "Get out of our heads, you bastards! Leave us alone!"

Spike got up and went to her. He took her by the shoulders, gripping her firmly, and made her look at him. "Buffy, calm down." He could see how afraid she was, how violated she felt. He felt the same way.

Buffy stopped and tried focusing on him instead of her frightening, chaotic thoughts. Looking into his deep blue eyes did help a little. "How can I calm down? They --"

"Listen to me, pet. Will you listen to me?" he asked in a softer voice.

Buffy closed her mouth and nodded slowly.

"We can't jump to conclusions. We don't know for sure that they made us feel the way we do."

"But..." Buffy said weakly.

"I know what real love feels like and I'm feelin' it right now. I know for a fact that I would have had those fantasies about you without any help from the Unari. Seems like the fantasies were... amplified somehow, but no one made me want you and love you the way I do."

Buffy sniffled and wiped tears from her eyes.

Spike eased his grip on her arms and rubbed his hands up and down in a soothing way. "My feelings for you built up gradually. It wasn't a sudden, 'Oh, I'm in love with her!' kind of thing." That first steamy dream he'd had about Buffy back in Sunnydale recurred to him. That had been a revelation to him, and yet he'd fought and denied his feelings, not wanting it to be true. But there was no denying it now. "Didn't your feelings for me change over time, too?"

Buffy reflected for a moment and then nodded. "I had some... unwholesome thoughts about you almost right away when we got to this dimension. But... I fell in love bit by bit. The things you did for me in that house... You impressed the hell out of me so often. I looked at you so many times and thought how much I liked the man you'd become. I thought 'This guy is so brave, strong, sweet, and beautiful -- I want to get to know him under better circumstances'."

He gave her a smile (hoping he looked completely confident). "See? We weren't suddenly love struck. We fell in love because we started seeing things in each other that attracted us. And I do love you, Buffy. It's the realest, most amazing thing I've ever felt in my life."

Buffy took a breath, closed her eyes and nodded as she pulled him into a hug. “I love you too, Spike. I’m just... so scared that they’re playing sick games with our minds.”

Spike held her and rubbed her back. “I know. I’m... concerned too, luv. But I’m not givin’ those pillocks the satisfaction of seeing me lose my head. And neither are you.”

“What are we going to do, Spike?” Buffy asked in an almost-whisper.

Spike was worried about her. Buffy had mentioned how she’d felt afraid and weak often in this dimension, and she’d had a sort of breakdown a minute ago. But she was Buffy: the strongest, toughest, feistiest bitch he’d ever met. He had faith in her, she’d shake this off and be her old self again soon.

"We know what Question #1 is gonna be next time we find one of those bloody Mirrors. But until then, let's choose to believe what we feel is real. Alright?"

“It’s not that simple...”

“It is if we let it be that simple and not over think everything to death.”

Buffy sighed and rubbed her cheek against his chest. "I want to believe it's real, Spike."

"Then it is real. Until we have absolute proof that it's not real... Well, I still won't believe it's an illusion." Spike pulled back, looking intently into her eyes. "I love you, Buffy." He thumped his chest with his left hand, "Me. I love you. No one made me feel it.""

“I’ll try to think that way, too. It’s just hard...”

Spike hugged her again. "I know it is, pet."

Buffy was still freaked out, but she had a better handle on herself now. Her many fears were getting pushed to the back of her mind again. She had to bury her fears or she wouldn't be able to function. Spike was right, she couldn't let this (as scary as it was) make her go insane. They'd fail and never reach Dawn if Buffy shutdown mentally. “Wow, you've had to calm me down and give me a few pep talks, and you're really good at it. I’m sorry I’m losing it, Spike...” she pouted.

Spike kissed her pouty lip. “You’re not losin’ it. After all we’ve been through, we’re entitled to an emotional outburst or two. It’s your turn to calm me down next time though,” he joked.

Buffy laughed a little. "Okay. Deal."

Spike continued to hold her, it was as much to comfort himself as it was to comfort her. And Buffy was content to stand there, with their arms around each other, for a little while longer.

She sighed and squeezed him tighter for a few moments. "I've never felt this way about someone... the way I feel about you. I've been in love before, but what I feel for you is so different and so strong. I can't help being afraid the reason it's so intense and different is because it's them making us feel this way."

"Every time you fall in love is different, pet. It's like snowflakes: no two are exactly alike. This, with you, is different than anything else I've felt. But I know... in my heart, I know it's the real thing. I love you so bloody much, Slayer."

Spike was able to hide the majority of his fear from her, and the hurt that he felt that she seemed convinced her love for him was artificial. A voice at the back of his mind told him that Buffy thought that because it's what she wanted to be true. Think how much easier her life would be when they got home if she went back to the way she used to feel about him -- she barely tolerated him hanging around and had a deep loathing for him, in general. She could dismiss Spike and what they'd 'had', and take right up where she'd left off with Captain Cardboard. Buffy was probably banking on her feelings being manufactured by the Unari, that she couldn't possibly have developed feelings for Spike on her own, and whatever lewd acts she'd performed with him hadn't been her fault...

'No,' Spike countered his negative inner voice, as forcefully and confidently as he could. 'I won't accept that. What we feel is real. This girl loves me and she will *still* love and want me when we go home. I'll be proven right in the end.' He had to bury his own fear and negative thoughts to help Buffy through this. She needed him to be strong.

Spike slid his left hand up to the back of her neck, gently pulling her to him for a kiss. Buffy readily joined in the kiss. They kissed in an almost desperate way, because that's how they felt: desperate. They didn't want to lose this amazing connection they had with each other.

They finally broke the kiss so Buffy could breathe and rested their foreheads together.

Buffy was touched by Spike's apparent faith in his love for her. But it also made her feel guilty (ooh yay, more guilt!) that she had big doubts. Buffy sighed, thinking again that she just was not good at love stuff -- whether it was in the real world or in a wacky fairy tale dimension.

"I'm sorry I fell apart again..." Buffy said, giving herself a mental kick in the ass. "Why do I keep doing that? I really hate this dimension."

She was still afraid of what the Unari were doing to their minds, but Buffy was able to collect herself and start thinking in a more Slayer-y way. What was important now was finding the portal -- and to find it before sunrise. Worrying about Spike's safety helped her shift her thoughts in a more productive direction.

"S'alright, pet. I steady you when you wobble and you do the same for me. There were one or two times in that bloody gingerbread house where I lost my grip and thought we were going to die... I thought we were doomed. But you were strong when I needed you to be. I was amazed by how strong you were, and it helped me get my confidence back. That's what we do for each other." Spike was getting choked up, so he switched from sincere to naughty to avoid any more nancy boy-like displays. "Well, it's one of the things we do for each other... There are other things we do that I can't wait to do again..."

Buffy gave him a soft kiss, and then smiled slightly. "There you go being all sweet again. Well, you were being bad again at the end there, but you were very sweet before that."

"Don't go tellin' everybody about my sweet side when we get back home. I got a rep to protect, y'know."

"It'll be our little secret," Buffy replied with a wink and a smile. “Oh... I wonder how much time I wasted by freaking out? What if we get caught out in the open at sunrise now because of me?” Buffy said worriedly, looking up at the sky. There was no sign of daybreak yet.

"That won't happen, Buffy. There's forest to our left and right. If need be, I can find an extra-shady tree to hide under if --" Spike stopped talking and tilted his head, his eyes moved up and to the left in concentration. "You hear that?"

"What? Is someone coming?" she asked anxiously, looking around them.

"I think I hear the river."

Buffy listened intently, not hearing anything at first. But then she did hear what could be rushing water somewhere in the distance. "I hear something, too! Thank God, we're finally getting close!"

They smiled and hugged, their spirits getting a desperately needed boost.

Buffy's brow furrowed as she pulled back from the hug. "But... I didn't hear anything a minute ago. I guess it could be because I was too busy having a breakdown."

"No, I didn't hear it until just now either."

They shook their heads, figuring that it was just the Unari playing with them again. They were finally getting to the river because the Unari were letting them get to it.

They picked up their gear and hit the road again, walking more briskly. The road curved to the left ahead of them. They hoped that the river would come into view once they rounded the bend.

"Can you sense how much time we have left before sunup?" Buffy asked.

Spike closed his eyes for a moment, and then shook his head. "Not exactly... but it won't be long."

"We should look for a place to take cover for the day," Buffy said, looking at the woods to their left.

"Let's just keep going, pet. We're close to the river now."

"And we might not be close to the river -- the Unari might be trying to trick us into thinking we're close, just to screw with us. We at least need to scope out possible hidey holes for you... I just don't want anything to happen to you, Spike."

Spike smiled. "Thanks for the concern, but somethin' tells me we'll make it."





They rounded the bend and grinned when they saw the river ahead of them. It would still take them a few minutes to reach it, but at least it was in sight now. They didn't see the bridge yet, but they thought it might just be to the right or left of the main road.

"You know... bridges in fairy tales usually have a troll living under them," Spike said.

Buffy winced. "God, I hope we don't have to deal with a big, ugly troll next."

"I don't know... I could go for a spot of violence."

"I guess I wouldn't mind kicking something's ass, too. I'd just rather not have to get through any more stupid tests."

"I feel a bit sorry for the potential troll. Both of us have heaps of pent-up aggression and we're spoiling for some payback. We'll kill the thing ten times before it hits the bloody ground."

Buffy smiled a bit, thinking it wouldn't be a bad thing to have to fight something -- as long as the troll didn't have lasers that shot out of its eyes or something else unfair. "How do you kill a troll?"

"I think the usual ways should work. I never heard about trolls having any special powers besides being very strong. Rippin' its head off should work just fine."


At last, they emerged from the tree-lined road with the river in front of them. The water was roaring along, more like whitewater rapids than the calm river they had imagined they'd find. Worst of all, there was no bridge. They scanned up and down the shore trying to spot a bridge, but there was nothing.

"Guess we don't have to worry about any nasty troll -- what with their bein' no bloody bridge for it to be crouched under..." Spike growled.

"It's supposed to be here!" Buffy quickly took the map out of the bag and checked it. "It's supposed to be right here! Dammit!"

"Balls," Spike groaned. "Now what?"

"Maybe it's there... just invisible or something," Buffy hypothesized, moving to where land ended and water began. She carefully tapped her foot back and forth just above the water, over as wide an area as she safely could without losing her balance. "Damn," she sighed. "No invisible bridge."

Spike stood with her at the water's edge. He pointed at something on the other side of the river, "Look! I see the light from the portal."

Buffy smiled, seeing a faint blue glow across the river. "Thank God!" Then her smile waned as she looked back down at the dark, surging water separating them from their destination. The moonlight bounced off the surface of the water, but that didn't make it look any less foreboding. "So all we have to do is get across... somehow."

"S'pose we'd better search up and down the shore for a break in the rapids, then. You can go left and I'll go right." Spike looked to the east, seeing a slight lightening of the sky on the horizon. That wasn't good. It wouldn't be long before sunrise. Even if he hadn't seen the visual evidence of the sun beginning its ascent, he'd felt it in his bones.

Buffy came to the same realization. Dawn (unfortunately, not her sister) was coming. Spike would have to seek shelter soon. Buffy wanted to get the hell out here as fast as possible, but she wasn't going to risk Spike's safety. "First of all, we're not splitting up, so forget about that."

"What's the 'second of all'?"

"I don't think there is a bridge or a calmer patch of water where we could cross. It wouldn't matter if we walked a hundred miles in both directions, we wouldn't find either one."

Spike sighed. "That doesn't leave us with any options. Where's Charon when you need 'im?"

"Who's Karen?"

"Not Karen, Charon, the ferryman of the dead in Greek mythology. You're so bloody adorable." Spike smiled, she never ceased charming him.

Buffy frowned. "I knew that -- I just heard you wrong. I'm not stupid."

"Never said you were, luv. Well... not recently."

"You've been hiding that knowledge-packed brain all these years. You're going to be required to help with any and all researching when we get home."

Spike didn't like that idea. He'd been bookish when he was mortal, and he didn't care to go back to being that way. "Uh... that won't work for me. I got... a parchment mite allergy." He sniffed. "Can't be around old books and whatnot."

Buffy rolled her eyes. "You are so full of shit. Vampires aren't allergic to anything."

"... Are to!"

"Spike, I think we have more important things to talk about!" She glanced at the horizon again. "Put your brain to good use: How are we going to cross the river?"

"How strong a swimmer are you?" Spike asked, looking at the rushing water.

"Are you crazy? We can't possibly swim in that; we'd be swept away by the current!"

"You got a better idea, Slayer?"

"No, I don't have a better idea. But we're not trying that because it's just..." Buffy trailed off when what appeared to be a white duck the size of a Volkswagen came into view on the river.

Spike wondered what she saw that made Buffy stop talking and caused her to get that peculiar look on her face, and then he saw it too. “Has my mind snapped... or is there really an enormous duck in the river?”

“Nope, not crazy... I see it. Unless I'm crazy, too... which is very possible.”

They backed up a few steps when the duck turned and started heading toward them. The duck didn't seem to be bothered by the fast moving current, it was gliding right along as if the water wasn't raging under it.

The duck stopped and idled in the water about ten feet from the shore, just looking at them with its big black eyes. It had bright white feathers and a yellow bill, like a normal duck, only on a much larger scale. "Hello," the duck's voice boomed.

Spike jumped back several feet further. “Bloody hell! It talks!”

Buffy tried to quickly gather her wits, they had to roll with the punches in this weird dimension, and they had a time limit. She had thought a talking mirror was strange, but this was even more bizarre. “Um, hello, Mr. Duck, are --”

“Mister? *Quack!* I’m a female, can’t you see that?” the duck asked and shook its feathers, perturbed. "You think a drake could have plumage as lustrous and pretty as mine?"

“Oh... sorry, Mrs. Duck. We don’t have ducks like you where I come from, I didn’t know.”

“I suppose I can forgive you... *Quack* Just be more observant next time. You wouldn't like it if I mistook you for a boy, would you?”

"No... I wouldn't. Now that I get a better look at you, I can see you're obviously a girl. Much too pretty to be a boy."

"Thank you, *Quack* that's much better."

Spike was still freaked out by the talking duck, so Buffy continued speaking to it. "We need to get across the river, but there's no bridge."

"A wicked old witch tore down the bridge some time ago. It was built again, but then tonight's storm washed it away. *Quack* The witch wanted to trap travelers on this side of the river and lure them to her house. I hope you didn't meet her."

Buffy had a brief Evil Willow flashback, but was able to shake it off. "Unfortunately, we did meet her... Is there another way across the river? We need to get to the portal on the other side."

The duck shook her head. "No, there was only the bridge. *Quack* The river stretches on forever."

"Oh, that's just bloody marvelous," Spike muttered, finally getting over the weirdness of the talking duck. Now that he thought about it, he did remember there was a white duck in some versions of 'Hansel & Gretel'. It wasn't supposed to be a giant duck, but that was more of the Unari using creative license.

"Well, *Quack* there is one other way."

"Yes?" Buffy asked.

"I could give you *Quack* a ride across on my back. I have no trouble swimming in the river, as you can see." She swam in a figure eight pattern to demonstrate.

"That would be... very kind of you," Buffy said. "Are you sure you wouldn't mind?"

"Not *Quack* at all."

"Uh, Buffy, a moment of your time?" Spike said, giving her elbow a tap. He walked several feet away, motioning for her to join him.

"Um, excuse us for a second," Buffy told the duck, and then joined Spike. "What?"

"Are you serious? We're just gonna trust that duck not to dump us in the river? I'm not big on trusting anyone or anything in this dimension."

"I don't remember there being a duck in 'Hansel & Gretel', do you?"

"Yeah, in one or two versions, there was a white duck that offered to help them cross the river. And the duck dumped them in the water halfway across."

"Oh no... it did?" Buffy asked, thinking their last hope of getting across before sunrise was lost.

Spike looked up in thought. "Wait... I might be thinkin' of the Gingerbread Man story. Remember that: 'Run, run as fast as you can, you can't catch me, I'm the Gingerbread Man'? That smug, obnoxious cookieman was just askin' to get eaten."

Buffy raised her brows.

"Okay, you don't remember that one... Maybe I was thinking of the fable with the fox and the scorpion..."

Buffy groaned, "Not being helpful, Spike."

"Well, pardon me for confusing stories and fables that I haven't had cause to think about for bloody years. If it's a talking encyclopedia you want, you should've brought Rupert with you. I think I've done a pretty good job at remembering that shit so far."

"Alright, take a pill -- yes, you've been very helpful so far." She sighed. "I'm sorry, Spike, it's just frustrating. I don't think we have much of a choice but to take our chances with the duck. She seems... nice. Can you remember for sure if the duck took them safely across in the story or not?"

Spike thought about it, and then nodded. "Yeah, I'm sure now, it didn't double-cross Hansel and Gretel."

"Good. Then that's what we're supposed to do."

"But the Unari enjoy changing things up, don't they? They could make the duck evil in their version of the tale."

"I don't know, my gut tells me that we can trust the duck, Spike." Buffy blinked. "Now there's a sentence I never thought I'd say..."

"So, in this fairy tale dimension, people aren't to be trusted -- but giant waterfowl are. Got it," Spike said sarcastically and nodded.

"Spike, we don't have time to debate this." She looked to the eastern sky, and then back to him. "We have to just cross our fingers and hope for the best. By the way, does the duck seem familiar to you?"

Spike glanced at the duck and raised an eyebrow. "Familiar? Hold on, let me think back on all the other giant talking ducks I've met..." He pursed his lips and looked up as though he was pondering.

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Will you stop with the sarcasm? I meant, the voice sounds kind of familiar, like someone I know."

Spike shrugged. He thought it sounded a little familiar too, but couldn't place it.

"Okay, let's do this," Buffy said, breathing out.

They walked back to the shore. The duck had its head turned backwards, preening the feathers on its back while waiting for them to return.

"Hi, we're ready to cross now," Buffy said.

The duck swiveled its head back toward them. "Good. But I can't give you a ride until you say the *Quack* words."

"What words?" Buffy asked.

"The words. I'm sorry, but rules are rules; there's protocol to consider. Say the words, and then *Quack* I'll let you ride on my back."

"What words?" Buffy asked again, this time asking Spike. "Do you know what she's talking about?"

Spike groaned, thinking he knew what it was the duck was waiting to hear. He didn't remember this part of the version of the story with the duck until just now. It was a good thing he could memorize poems and songs so easily. "Bloody hell..." he muttered, and then cleared his throat. He recited what he hoped were the right words:

"Little duck, little duck, dost thou see,
Spike and Buffy are waiting for thee?
There's never a plank, or bridge in sight,
Take us across on thy back so white."

Buffy looked at him, raising her eyebrows. "What the hell was that?"

Spike rolled his eyes, "That's what it said in the bloody storybook, okay? I just changed the names to ours." He waited to see if the duck accepted what he'd said.

The duck seemed to smile and quacked happily. "You said the correct words! I will take you across the river."

"Oh!" Buffy smiled and kissed Spike on the cheek. "Good work, oh creature of the night who has an odd wealth of knowledge about children's fairy tales. Sorry I was all poo-pooey about your remembering skills a minute ago."

Spike smirked. "You'll have to make that up to me later."

Buffy gave him a teasing smile. "You really must've had this story read to you a lot..."

The duck swam close enough to the shore for them to climb onto its back. "One at a time, *Quack* please."

"One at a time?" Spike asked. "But... you're massive; there's enough room for both of us on your back."

"I said *Quack* one at a time. I don't think it's unreasonable for me not to want two humans sitting on me with their bony knees and butts. Your species has too many bones poking out. And you two look especially bony."

Buffy wanted to object to that 'bony' remark, but it wouldn't be good to get into an argument with the duck. It was their only way to get to the portal before sunrise, so they'd have to play nice.

They heard some strange chirping noises coming from further down the river. There were three yellow, fluffy ducklings swimming and playing together. The duck babies reminded Buffy of those paddleboats made to look like swans, they were about the same size. Except these were ducks and they were very much alive.

"Kids, stay where I can *Quack* see you!" the duck called to her ducklings. "I can't take my eyes off them for a minute."

"Oh, your babies are so... cute," Buffy commented.

"Yes, aren't they just the *Quack* cutest li'l things you've ever seen?" the duck said proudly.

"Yeah, but they're not-so-little," Spike added.

"Which one of you *Quack* wants to go across the river first?" the duck asked.

Spike thought he had a solution that wouldn't mean any delays. "Hey, couldn't one of us hitch a ride on one of your giant kids? They look stout enough to --"

The mother duck quacked angrily and shook her tail feathers. "How dare you even suggest riding one of my children!"

Buffy leaned close to Spike, whispering, "Don't piss off the duck!"

"I didn't know that'd be a touchy subject!" he whispered back.

Buffy tried to smooth things over. "We're sorry, Mrs. Duck. We didn't mean any disrespect; we just need to get across as quickly as possible. Spike is super-sensitive to sunlight, it hurts him. And the sun is about to rise..."

"Very well... I'll forgive you this once. But don't ever suggest *Quack!* anything like that again!"

They both promised not to do it again.

"Now," the duck said more calmly, "who goes first?" She turned her back to them and then pivoted her head backwards to look at them.

"Ladies first." Spike bowed and swept his arm toward the duck.

"How chivalrous. You just want to see if I end up in the water," Buffy joked.

"I'm just bein' a gentleman. I was one once, y'know."

Buffy got serious. "You have to go first, Spike. The sun's coming up... If you go first, you can go wait for me near the woods. You can find a shady place to hide if you have to."

He smiled and gave her a soft kiss. "Brains and beauty. Here I was tryin' to do the chivalrous thing, but you're right."

"I love that you were trying to be chivalrous. And I love being told I was right even more." Buffy grinned.

They smiled and kissed lightly.

Buffy patted him on the butt. "Get going."

Spike carefully climbed onto the duck's back, apologizing for having to step on her. He kneeled on the center of her back, like he was riding a horse.

"Is that alright?" Spike asked the duck. "Not hurting you?"

"No, *Quack* I'm fine. Are you ready?"

Spike looked back at Buffy. He swallowed a bit of anxiety, not knowing if the duck was going to turn out to be evil. "Yeah... let's go."

"I'll see you on the other side." Buffy smiled reassuringly. She was nervous too, but tried to remain positive.

Spike nodded and then looked forward as the duck began swimming across the river. It would take a few minutes to get to the other side.


He wasn't sure what small talk to make with the duck. But it wasn't in Spike's nature to remain quiet for long; he had to say something.

"Uh, sorry about that thing I said... about riding one of your kids. I didn't mean nothin' by it."

"Yes, I was quite angry about that. *Quack* But I understand you didn't mean to upset me. You were just being a clueless, slow-witted male."

Spike wanted to protest that crack about men being stupid, but there was a good chance he'd be dumped into the river if he angered the duck again. So he kept his thoughts about that to himself. Instead, he said, "What nice... feathers, you got. Very soft and shiny."

"Thank you. It's not easy taking care of the little ones *Quack* and still finding time to look my best."

"Well... you look great. Your drake's a lucky bloke." Spike thought of saying how usually it was the male ducks (and many other species of animals) that were more brightly colored and prettiest. But he didn't think the female duck would like that too much.

"Yes, he is lucky. You're lucky, too. Your Buffy is an attractive female."

Spike looked back at where Buffy was watching and awaiting her turn from the shore and he smiled a bit. "Yeah, she is."

"Is she your mate?"

"I'd... like to think so, yeah."

"You don't *Quack* sound convinced. Doesn't she love and desire you, too?"

"Yeah, she does. We love each other... but it's complicated." Spike found it hard to believe he was having a heart-to-heart about Buffy with a giant duck. He hadn't been a part of something this surreal since he'd fed off of a hippie (who had dropped a large amount of acid beforehand) and hallucinated that he'd had tea and scones with a talking (though normal-sized) hedgehog named Frank. Spike had been trippin' balls back then, but this wasn't a hallucination. The duck's back was solid beneath him; he could feel the softness of the feathers on his bare legs; he could feel and hear the duck take and then expel breaths; he could hear its heart pumping and feel the heartbeat.

"It's not complicated," the duck said. "If you feel love for each other, *Quack* then it's real."

"That's what I've been trying to tell myself... and her. I can't go back to the way it used to be. I can't lose Buffy now that I know what being with her is like..."

"I recommend giving her lots of gifts as tokens of your affection. Gifts always *Quack* make me happier with my mate."

"Well... I don't have lots of cash. I wish I could buy Buffy treasure chests full of shiny baubles, but I'm usually flat broke. I'd give her the sun, moon and stars, if I could..."

"Aw, that's sweet. But you should seek employment if you want to keep your female happy. Though, a cherished gift doesn't have to cost money. *Quack* You can pick wildflowers for her and little things like that. Heartfelt presents can have more meaning than expensive ones. You still need gainful employment though to keep her happy and support a family."

Spike believed he knew why the duck had seemed familiar to Buffy now. "Yeah, I'll look into that." He looked at the horizon; his vampiric senses were telling him he had to get somewhere safe very soon. As nice a chat he was having with the duck, he was worried that he would run out of time. But the sky wasn't any lighter than it had been a few minutes ago, thankfully. It looked like they actually were going to beat the clock.

"One of my favorite things my mate does for me is bring me the fattest, juiciest worms. He could *Quack* just eat them himself, but he knows how much I like them."

Spike didn't want to think about there being enormous worms in the vicinity too -- he pictured those sandworms from the movie 'Dune'. "I don't think Buffy is the worm-eating type, but I get your gist."

They were coming up on the riverbank. The duck turned sideways and eased over to the shore. "Just treat her right, listen to her, shower her with love -- and presents -- and *Quack* you will have a happy life together. Here we are."

"I'll do my best to keep a smile on Buffy's face. Thanks for the ride." Spike carefully crawled off the duck's back and walked onto the bank.

"You're welcome, Spike. Now I'll go get your female."

"Try to hurry, alright? The sooner she's back at my side, the better."

"I'll be as quick *Quack* as I can."

The duck turned around and swam back towards the other shore where Buffy was waiting.

Spike waved to Buffy, and she waved back. They were relieved that the duck didn't double-cross them. Since Spike hadn't been thrown into the river, odds were that Buffy would be safe too.

He walked to the edge of the woods to wait, just in case he had to find cover before Buffy could join him.





Once Buffy was seated on the duck's back, they started on their way across the river.

Buffy had heard Spike and the duck talking, but she hadn't been able to hear exactly what they'd said. The duck looked to check on her ducklings; the baby ducks were still swimming and playing happily.

"Is there a Mister Duck?" Buffy asked.

"Well, obviously there is. *Quack* I can't procreate asexually, you know."

"Like I said, we don't have ducks like you where I come from, so I wasn't sure. Is he around?"

"He's off with the boys again, having fun with his friends while I take care of our children -- typical male."

"Yeah, that sucks. He should stay and help you." Buffy had some issues with her own father leaving all the parenting to her mother; it touched a nerve to think of any dad ignoring his kids.

"Oh, I shouldn't complain. He's a good provider and a good father. When he is here, he does a wonderful job, he just likes to run off with his friends every now and then. And *Quack* he does sweet things for me. I was just telling Spike about that."

"You... had a nice talk with Spike, huh?"

"Yes. He loves you very much."

Buffy smiled. "He told you that?"

"Yes. He seems to be an excellent choice as a mate for you, apart from not having a job. He adores you, *Quack* and he's very handsome for a human."

Buffy didn't bother trying to say what Spike's species actually was. "Yeah, he's a hottie, all right."

"The two of you will make lots of pretty human babies."

"Uh, I don't think babies are in our future. Neither of us are interested in being parents, anyway." That thought was just too wiggy for words -- her and Spike with a child? How screwed up would that poor kid be? Thank goodness that was one benefit of having a vampire for a lover: no unplanned kiddies.

"You never know. But *Quack* you can have fun practicing making babies. Humans enjoy sexual intercourse too, don't they?"

"Yeah, that we do."

"Is Spike good at giving you lots of *Quack* orgasms? Something about him tells me he'd be good at giving orgasms to his mate."

Buffy coughed. "Um, I have no... complaints." She knew why the voice sounded familiar now -- it was Anya's voice. A bit deeper and distorted, but it was her voice. The duck even looked a bit like Anya around the eyes. Buffy hoped to move the conversation away from the subject of orgasms. "You remind me of a human friend of mine named Anya."

"Why, that's my name, too!" Anya-duck quacked happily. "Isn't that a neat coincidence?"

"Mmmhmm." Buffy didn't bother with the 'It's not a coincidence' response. It was probably the same as it had been with the witch, and the duck wouldn't know anything about the Unari.

"What's your friend like?"

"Anya's... pretty and smart. And she's very direct, she doesn't mince words. Her favorite topics are money and sex."

"I like her already!" the duck laughed.

"I like her, too. She's not always the easiest person to talk to, but she's got a lot of good qualities. So... what else did Spike say about me?"





Spike went back down to the water's edge to meet Buffy, and helped her off the duck's back. He'd left the bags he'd been carrying near the woods. Though he was carrying the green hat he hated so much.

Buffy put down the axe and lantern, and then hugged Spike. She could see the portal through some trees -- she'd half-expected it to be gone. "Portal's still there," she said, blowing out a relieved breath.

"Yeah, it's just waitin' for us to hop through."

They pulled out of the hug and gave each other a soft kiss.

Buffy turned to the helpful giant duck. "Bye, Anya. Thank you for helping us. You don't know what a relief it was for us to meet someone nice in this place."

"I like you two -- so I'm not even going to ask *Quack* for compensation for riding you across the river. Good luck to both of you," Anya-duck called, and then swam off to wrangle her ducklings.

"What kind of compensation would a duck ask for?" Spike wondered as they watched the duck swim farther away to join her babies.

Buffy shrugged.

"For a minute I thought we might have to go looking for those giant worms for her."

"There are giant worms?" Buffy asked anxiously. Giant ducks -- okay, that was weird but she got used to it. Giant worms -- that would just be gross.

Spike shook his head, "Doesn't matter if there are, 'cos we won't be stickin' around to meet any." He smirked, noting that Buffy had called the duck 'Anya'. "You figured out why she seemed familiar too, eh?"

"Yeah, it clicked when she said something about intercourse and... orgasms."

"Ah. For me it was talking about money and gifts."

"The duck told you to get a job," Buffy said with a laugh.

"Yeah, she did. Pushy chit. But she's not wrong. I do need money comin' in to treat my lady to dinner, buy her trinkets and all that good stuff."

"We can talk about present buying later." Buffy looked at the horizon. "We made it to the other side before sunrise. I thought for sure we wouldn't."

Spike held his arm out for her. "Shall we?"

Buffy looped her arm through his and they started for the portal.


It only took them a minute to get into full view of it, with no trees or other obstructions in the way. The blue, swirly vortex was right in the middle of the road. The hair on their arms and necks stood up the closer they got to the portal.

They stopped a few feet away from it to steady themselves and prepare.

"Well... here we are. Finally," Buffy said. "And with a minute or two to spare before sunup."

"All I know is they'd better give me some fucking long-pants in the next story. Wanna take one last look at my legs? 'Cos you ain't ever gonna see them again."

Buffy raised her eyebrows. "Never? You mean you're never going to get totally naked in front of me again?"

"Well... just no shorts. Being completely starkers doesn't count."

Buffy held his hand and squeezed it. "Spike, I'm nervous about what's going to happen next -- where we'll end up, what new, crazy people we're going to come across."

"I'm... nervous 'bout that, too. But look at the bright side: the duck was nice enough, so not everyone we meet is guaranteed to be evil and insane."

Buffy nodded, but she couldn't help feeling anxious.

Spike put his arms around her and kissed her lightly. "It doesn't matter what hairy situation they throw us in the middle of, Buffy. If we could survive the shit we were put through the last few weeks, we can survive anything. And we'll get all our questions answered."

Buffy smiled and wrapped her arms around him for one more big hug. "We do make a damn good team. As long as we stick together, we'll kick ass and make it through to the end. I can get through anything... as long as I have you. I love you, Spike."

He pulled back and smiled. "I know."

Buffy laughed and smacked his arm, and then they kissed one last time.

They separated, faced the portal and held hands.

"I love you, Slayer," Spike said. Teasing her with the 'I know' was fun and all, but what if something happened to him when they came out the other side? He wanted to make sure he said it again, and she knew it, just in case.

"I know." Buffy smirked and squeezed his hand again.

Spike and Buffy were ready to meet whatever new challenges awaited them. And they were extra eager to find another Mirror to get some answers about their feelings for each other. They were sure that as long as they had each other, they could cope with anything.

They went forward, each taking a deep breath, and jumped into the portal together.


The Unari intended to see just how determined Buffy and Spike were to succeed. They weren't done playing with their new subjects -- they were far from done.

The real fun was just beginning.


END OF PART 1


Chapter End Notes:
* 'Why Don't We Do It in the Road' lyrics by Lennon/McCartney

Woohoo, I can't believe it's finally finished! lol Big sloppy kisses to everyone who came along on the FFT ride with me! Thank you all for your wonderful reviews! Getting your feedback and comments really helped keep my fussy muse fed and happy =D

I've got some interesting stuff planned for Part 2 that I hope y'all will enjoy :)



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