When Buffy finally opened her eyes she whispered, “Can I ask a question?” She glanced over and noticed Fuzzball had jumped off the bed probably disturbed by them and was helping himself to a leaf that he could reach off the tree the witch had enchanted. Spike sighed, wanting nothing more than to just hold her tight and enjoy the feeling of the aftershocks, but instead nodded. She whispered, “Why do you only bite the one side and in almost the same place. Wouldn’t the blood be better in another location?” Spike nodded, “Actually it would, I have to pull the clotted blood out before I get fresh blood this way but…” Buffy looked at him as though telling him to continue. He frowned and looked nervous, “Don’t get mad at me ok?” Buffy shrugged not making any promises so Spike gave up and sat up in bed as she followed, still not leaving his side, and resting her head on his chest still.
Spike let out a deep breath he didn’t need and ran his hand through his hair, “The other side is marked by my grand-sire. You know, the poof, your ex-lover.” She whispered, “Angel.” He nodded, “Right. Well he marked you.” Buffy rolled her eyes, “The Master and Dracula marked me there too. How come Angel’s bothers you when they did it as well?” Spike looked hesitant to answer and she put her hand on his, “Just tell me.” He finally met her eyes, “Angel’s was a partial claim mark. I’m guessing when the ponce was taking that nasty hunk out of you, he went ahead and tried to claim you. You were probably so out of it you didn’t answer or didn’t realize what he was doing. The other two marks aren’t important. Dracula’s was during thrall so no claim, only a mark and the master was a bite aimed to kill.” Spike shrugged as though those didn’t mean anything.
Buffy frowned, looking down at their joined hands, “Ok… so he marked while he was dying and did some partial claim thingy. What does that have to do with you only feeding on one side of my neck?” Spike sighed, “Claims are tricky pet. In the vamp world…” He paused looking up at Buffy until she met his eyes and he said, “You sure you want a lesson on how the vamp world works? Didn’t Angel or Giles teach you anything? Surely Angelus did. He was clear on some parts of it when he taught me. Granted I can’t imagine him teaching you the same way because you were so into him.” Buffy shook her head, “Giles just told me vampires are bad, soulless creatures who have no feelings, no regrets and no remorse and should die by a stake.” Spike rolled his eyes and looked briefly annoyed, “Well that was awfully nice of him. Didn’t the first love of your life teach you any bleeding thing?” Buffy whispered, “Not to sleep with vampires with a soul…” Spike commented before he could stop himself, “That wasn’t you fault luv. I know I blamed you as did others but you couldn’t have known. The big soul boy should have known the clauses of his torment. He should have done some research. It was a stupid clause anyway. We want him tormented for life so let’s make it so that if he’s not he can go around bloody killing again. That’s just makes a shit load of sense.”
Spike was agitated as he talked so Buffy stroked his hand to calm him down and then brought him back to the question at hand, “So claims.” Spike sighed, “Sorry to get off topic. I’ll probably do it again in a minute but I’ll try my best. So claims, they don’t mean much anymore because they aren’t widely done. Simple explanation is there’s two types really that you have to worry about, partial and complete. Partial is what that pretty little mark is and my guess why Dracula tasted you there. The vampire claims you as their own. They say some fancy little words, and feel some stuff after tasting your blood. Nothing sophisticated but the results are pretty powerful. They know if you live or die and they know when others bite you. Completed claims are way different and complex and, honestly, not much are known about them. They are eternal, can’t be countered like partials. They are powerful and from what I understand, bind two people together for all of eternity. Not sure how that works on a human or slayer and not sure it matters really since you wouldn’t tie yourself to a vampire anyway.”
Buffy frowned at that last statement but didn’t counter it. Buffy instead stated, “So Angel bit, me therefore you can’t? Is he sensing every time you feed from me?” Spike shook his head, “Nah probably not. We are in an alternate universe. I can’t sense him so he probably can’t sense you or me. Once we get back in Sunnydale though if you have any fresh bite marks on you, you might get a house call.” Buffy rolled her eyes, “I don’t belong to anyone. No one has the right to say who I can and can’t be with.” Spike didn’t say a word to that but she felt him tense up and decided to say one more than then change the topic, “Can you take that mark off me of Angel?” Spike nodded, “Yea, but you wouldn’t like how. There’s only one way to remove marks, complete claims. I can mark you as well but I’m not sure I want to do that. I’m not into the whole tormenting myself any worse than I am by claiming someone I can never fully have. If I was going to claim you Buffy, I’d want the whole package.” Buffy nodded, understanding but still wanting something more, “Well if I ask, will you least cover that mark with one of your own?” Spike shrugged, “I can re-bite over it luv but I make two pin pricks, he took a nasty chunk out of you. As I said before, only way to repair that damage is a complete claim but those are serious business.” Buffy decided to change the topic seeing how she wasn’t getting what she wanted. She wanted Angel’s mark on her gone but how could she enter into an eternal claim when she wasn’t even sure what love was.
She decided now was a great time to find out. She asked a question twisting her hands nervously, “Can I talk and ask you questions without judgment? Usually you are great at that but this kind of is talking to you about us and I’d like to be able to talk like we do about everything else. Think you can handle that?” Spike nodded feeling intrigued, “Go on.” He promised himself he would just listen and not judge because he was really curious about what she was about to say. She couldn’t very well leave him because she was stuck here in this alternate world with no way to get her sister back. She needed him as much as he needed her. He perked up realizing she was talking.
“I’m not sure what love is. I used to think I knew. I love Angel or at least I did or thought I did or something like that. I think I loved the fantasy of what could happen. I loved the mysteriousness, the magic and the fact he was a hero like me.” Spike snorted but she continued, “I know you don’t want to hear me talking about Angel but I have to in order to sort this out. So he left me, I thought life was over but it went on and I could finally live after he left. I didn’t have to worry about him coming around the corner and then taking off again. I didn’t have to live with this cloud of impending doom over my head and the torment of wanting something I can’t ever have…” Buffy looked up meeting Spike’s eyes as she spoke quieter now, “I know this isn’t a fair question but can you describe what you feel for me?”
Spike turned on the bed until he was facing her and took her hands in his. He whispered softly, “I’m not great with words. In the past, I’d tell you that love was wild, passionate and that it burns and consumes but I don’t think I feel that way anymore. Sure we have times where it’s wild and passionate and it definitely burns sometimes. It hurts, it heals and above all, it’s about feeling complete. I spent 120 years with a lady who I thought was my world. She made me who I was and between her and her family, I was taught all I knew. I worshiped her and gave up my life to make her happy.” He paused before continuing, “I don’t think she ever loved me you know. I don’t blame her. Angelus tortured her so I don’t think she had the ability to really truly love. She loved what I did to her; how I took care of her and that I was hers. She didn’t really know me well enough to love me. Know how sad it is to spend 120 years with someone and realize they never knew what made you tick?”
He stood up pacing the room while he talked, “When I saw you the first time dancing, I was mesmerized. You were amazing. You made my head spin. When I saw you kick that first vampire’s ass, I knew I met my match. You were always my match whether it is fighting against you or fighting with you.” He paused looking back at Buffy who nodded in agreement so he turned around and walked back to her and knelt on the floor in front of her, “You turned my world upside-down. You taught me what it was to be a better person and you encouraged me to be more than I thought possible. For the longest time, I was trying to live by everyone else’s motto. Angelus tried to turn me into a ruthless torturer as well as a killer but that never stuck. It was a great and powerful image to have but wasn’t really me. Dru wanted me to be bloodthirsty and to always be trying to impress her. I had to compete with Angelus for her affection. That again wasn’t me and wasn’t really fair but I reckon it made me who I am today so I can’t complain too much. Now I’d do anything for you including getting a soul if it made you happy or made things easier on you.”
He glanced up at her and noticed she was watching him so he continued, “I love what you do. You protect and save innocents and you don’t do it for reimbursement, for some dandy little promise of redemption or to make your world better, but instead you do it for others. You have a huge heart Buffy, bigger than anyone I’ve ever met and I’ve met a lot of people. You have given up so much to make this world a better place and you never ever ask for anything in return. You have lost friends, your past lovers, your mother, your education, as well as parts of your life you will never get back and still you continue fighting the good fight. That’s what I love about you.” He watched as tears ran down Buffy’s face and let out a deep breath, “Buffy, luv, you are an amazing person. No matter what mistakes you make, no matter what you do, you do it with the best of intentions. Don’t ever let anyone drag you down or tell you that something is wrong with you. Every part of you makes you who you are. You’re are Buffy, the 21-year-old wonder who has saved the world time and time again…. Buffy I don’t mean to pressure you but you take care of everyone, let someone take care of you for a change.” He raised his hand to her face cupping her cheek gently brushing away the tears.
She whispered, “If I tell you how I feel, will you tell me if it’s love?” Spike nodded and Buffy took a deep breath as she tried to make her voice feel braver than she felt, “Sometimes when I look at you, I see the person who completes me. I see someone who I can be myself with and who makes me feel safe and comfortable. I see someone who fights by my side and who trusts me enough to let me fight instead of always saving me. I think about you a lot and when you aren’t around, I wish you were. Something happened when I died and when I came back. I had noticed you before, saw you back before I died and I saw a good vampire, someone who cared about Dawn and me. But when I came back from, you know, being 6 feet under, I saw a dedicated man who had always been there for me and I’d like you to always be there for me. I can’t promise forever right now Spike. But I’d like right now at least. You’re my best friend, William.” Spike cocked his head up at her and went to sit down next to her, “What does that mean for when we get home?” Buffy shrugged, “I’m not sure. Ask me in a few weeks.”