She stopped at the entrance to admire her lover. Spike was there, in only his pants, his leather duster and shirt had been tossed to the floor. His attention was solely on the punching bag that he was currently beating to death.
Buffy sighed as she pulled off her robe, leaving her in a two-piece bathing suit. She walked to another punching bag and proceeded to kick the shit out of it. All of her frustration and confusion went into hitting the bag. The more she hit, the better she felt relief. Blood began to seep out of wounds on her hands from hitting so hard, but it didn’t stop her. Her hands ached from the pain; a price she needed to pay for her anger.
She wanted to feel normal. She wanted to feel relaxed again. She wanted to live her own life, not have someone else tell her what to do. She wanted to control her own destiny, or at least what she does with her own destiny. She wanted to live and be happy. She deserved it after saving the world so many times.
Closing her eyes, she continued to let her anger and frustration out. Tears began to fall as her arm weakened from the stress of punching so much.
Suddenly, there were arms around her that pulled her against a hard chest. For a moment she struggled, but she felt defeated and empty, so she slumped back and let the soft voice wash over her.
“I got you. Just let it out.” She turned in his arms and cried. She didn’t care that she was standing in a training room, wearing only a bikini, and was crying on Spike’s chest. She didn’t care that she was crying for him and he didn’t know it. She just felt his arms around her and the safety and comfort being offered, and she knew at that moment she couldn’t go back to the way things were.
Once the tears slowed down, and then finally stopped, Spike spun her around and placed her at arm's length to whisper.
“Do you feel better?” Buffy nodded, stepping back and feeling sad she didn’t get held anymore but really wanted to talk to Dawn. She needed some advice and to get her thoughts out before talking to Spike.
“After we get cleaned up, can I talk to Dawn? I need to do so alone and then I’ll talk to you, I promise.”
His blue eyes sparkled with fear and pain, but he only nodded. He bent down to pick up the pile of clothes, wrapping Buffy in her robe. He considered Buffy to be his and he wasn’t about to give the guards a show.
After he pulled his shirt over his, he wrapped an arm around his girl’s waist. He knew she would need her hands wrapped up when she got back to the room before she went to see Dawn.
As they walked, a part of him wanted to demand that she tell him what she was thinking. He wanted to know if he was going to be kicked to the curb, or to be able to stay in her life. He was afraid of what her worries would mean for them.
Once they returned to the room, Buffy immediately left his side to strip off her attire and run a bath. As the tub was filling, she picked up Fuzzball and gave him a kiss. The maid had left dinner for her on the table so she proceeded to have a few bites as she wait.
She paused as she had a mouthful of food, remembering that Spike must be hungry.
She gulped it down and then looked to the vampire. “Will you feed now?”
Spike shook his head. “No. I’ll eat after we talk.”
Buffy sighed in frustration and slammed her fist against the wall, feeling her knuckle break against the stone.
“Bloody Hell woman, stop that!” Spike shouted as he ran over to her.
She became dizzy-probably from pain or blood loss-as Spike shoved her hand under running water. Her body filled with pleasure as Spike carefully sealed the wounds with his tongue.
Spike sighed and wrapped up her hand with a piece of material that was left over from their other battles. He then lifted her into the tub and joined her. She leaned back against him, enjoying the feel of the hot water against her skin contrasting with Spike’s cool body against her back. She closed her eyes as Spike’s arms went around her waist and she rested her hands on top of his. He wondered what it meant that Buffy wasn’t rejecting him but he shook off the thoughts as he just instead enjoyed being here with her.
Together they sat in silence, allowing the thoughts and worries to melt away until Buffy whispered, “Can I see Dawnie now?”
Spike nodded and watched Buffy climb out of the tub to dry herself off, and then got dressed in her earlier outfit; which was a tan leather skirt with a slight flare and a soft white shirt. She pulled a tan vest over it and pulled on tan leather boots. Spike was dressed in black and white today; Black pants with a black vest and a white soft shirt.
He pulled the paper from his duster that the King had granted him earlier allowing Buffy a visit to see Dawn. He had known she would want to see her and had requested the King grant her another visit.
“I’ll walk you there to get you past the guards and then I’ll leave you two alone, but remember when the guards come, you must leave. We don’t want trouble Buffy. We only have a few days left here and the last thing we need is for them to find a reason not to let me compete or not to let Dawn go when I win.”
Buffy nodded and whispered, “Five days left, then you compete.”
Spike nodded and put his hand on her back. He easily got her past both guards merely handing them the permission slip from the King and opened the door to Dawn, gesturing for her to get inside.
“Hi, Nibblet. Buffy wanted to visit but I’ll leave you two alone for now. Stay strong little one and I’ll see you soon,” he smiled at Dawn then turned to leave.
She smiled at him but noticed the fear and worries in his eyes and figured that was what Buffy was here to talk about. She gave Buffy a big hug then came and sat down next to her on her bed.
Dawn grinned. “So what brings you here in the middle of the day, big sis? I got about ten to fifteen minutes before I’m taking on my daily grounds walk, but the guards will probably be back for you before then. So what’s up?”
Buffy frowned, “It’s all so complicated and I have no one else to talk to about this kind of thing. Usually I would go to Willow but honestly I don’t think that would have worked in this case anyway. Trouble is Spike.”
Dawn frowned. “What’s wrong with Spike? Are you worried he won’t be able to win? I’m sure he’ll be fine.”
Buffy shook her head. “No, I’m sure he’ll be fine but I’m…well…” She let out a deep breath and Dawn sat quietly, knowing how hard it was for her sister to talk sometimes. Buffy took another deep breath and tried again, “He assumed he’s going to move in with us when we get back to Sunnydale,“ she put a hand up in the air as Dawn opened her mouth to speak. “Now don’t interrupt me…this is hard enough without having to stop and think about what I’m talking about, ok?” Dawn nodded and snapped her mouth closed. She was dying to praise the idea of Spike moving in, but she’d let her sister finish.
“What would Willow, Xander and Giles think if I officially date Spike back home? They are always so judgmental and Spike says they try to control me, and it’s tough, and I don’t want to alienate my friends but I really want to try this officially with Spike when I get home. It’s just…I’ve never really had to stand up to my friends on anything. Should I just leave Spike and hurt him and myself, or should I kick my friends to the curb and hurt them and myself? God, this is so hard.”
Dawn sighed. “How about you kick no one to the curb and let people decide for themselves.”
Buffy blinked and said, “Huh?”
“Don’t kick people to the curb. People should have the right to decide what their future and reactions will be. You need to give everyone in your life a choice. Don’t you realize life is all about choices? Spike has made his choice obvious. He’s a vampire with no soul, therefore predestined to be evil and to kill people and to find a way to destroy things. Instead, he got a chip shoved in his head. He could have run to Dru, who would gladly feed him forever. But he ran to the good guys, Buffy. In a way, he wanted to be good. He made the choice to go against his predestined nature and be good and to try to be with you. So point is he made his choice to fight the good fight and take care of you and me like we are his family. I was predestined to destroy the world and bring all of the dimensions into ours. Now I could still do that if I wanted to with a little flick of a knife and a sweet little chant… and perhaps a new tower or something.”
Buffy giggled and caused Dawn to smile before she continued. “Point is I don’t. I choose to be a normal teenager who annoys her sister and who fights to succeed in the world as it is. You are the Slayer. Now you could have turned out like Faith, who killed people and who destroyed the world instead of saving it, but instead you chose to fight the good fight, take care of everyone but yourself and be the person you are today. Let your friends choose what they want to do. You chose Spike to be in your life, which is nice, because everyone deserves a partner. Willow had a werewolf and a witch. Xander had a cheerleader and an ex-demon who almost killed you and Willow. You’ve had a vampire that wanted to destroy the world at one time, a guy hooked on steroids, and now a vampire who chooses to do good. Let your friends decide for themselves to support you or to hinder you. You do what is best for you and not them just as they do what is best for them and not you.”
Buffy gave Dawn a big hug. “Thanks…it helped a lot.”
Dawn smiled. “So you good now?”
Buffy nodded and gave her another hug. “I’m good now. I think I have a vampire to work things out with, though, and I think you have a walk to take.”
Dawn nodded just as a guard came around the corner.
Buffy gave Dawn one more hug and waved. “See you soon.”
The younger sister nodded and watched as Buffy left the room, hoping and praying they worked this out and her friends could be understanding.
She thought it would take a miracle, though.
The mysterious lady wandered the halls after listening to Dawn and Buffy talk. Her mind was now filled with the older girl’s troubles. She realized Buffy had more about her than meets the eye. The woman sighed as she disappeared from sight.