Buffy and Spike were snuggled under the covers and peacefully sleeping when the maid crept in. She smiled at the image as she picked up the scattered clothing from the floor. The maid left the girl a new nightgown that she doubted would be worn. Freshly washed robes and outfits for the morrow were also left.
The maid was pleased that they had worked through their problems, and continued to pray for luck that he save Dawn in the upcoming battle. Fighting the King was never an easy task.
As she closed the door, she took one last look at the perfect couple. She silently wished that someone would love her like Spike loved his mate.
Spike began to stir awake as Buffy stretched her limbs beside him. Together that got out of bed and showered to get ready for the day.
Buffy ate her breakfast that the maid prepared, and together they gave Fuzzball attention, playfully asking him if he wanted a companion for when the returned home.
The couple took a short walk through the garden before they headed to the gym to spar. The battle was in five days and Spike needed all the training he could get.
Again, Spike’s behavior and technique showed great confidence.
Buffy bested him only one time, and Spike had managed to win five times in a row. She didn’t go easy on him; he was just that good.
She hoped that the reason he was so confident was because he was reassured that he had something to go home to. He, Buffy and Dawn would be a family. That was the greatest gift he could ask for and it was more than worth fighting for.
She was thankful that she could give him that, and could only pray that he would be just as perfect during the battle.
They would have to spend tomorrow separate because Spike was required to hunt in the morning and then have his last training/battle prep in the afternoon. The next day would probably be spent letting Spike heal from his wounds during training. Fighting for hours could be exhausting.
She continued to be nervous about the battle. If Dawn’s life wasn’t at risk then she would call the entire thing off. Her younger sister was counting on him not to fail, though. Not battling the King wasn’t an option.
The Slayer sighed as they headed for the pool to cool off. Spike raced past her and dove in the pool. With a laugh, she followed, jumping in after him.
Spike could tell that she needed time to think. Whenever Buffy was quiet for some time it was a good idea to leave her be. They swam separately, both having their own thoughts on the battle. Spike knew that loosing wasn’t an option. There was no way that he’d let Dawn stay here and not come home with them. He wouldn’t stop fighting until he won her freedom.
Buffy was wondering if Spike was nervous at all and if he changed his mind about one-sided claims. The marks on her skin had never bothered her until recently. They represented the past and mistakes, as well as relationships. She wanted the offensive marks off of her skin. She wished that they had disappeared when she was resurrected.
The golden haired girl stopped swimming then turned to Spike. He immediately swam to her side.
“What’s wrong, Goldilocks?”
She frowned. “Are you able to make the other bites on my neck go away?“ He blinked in confusion so she repeated herself, trying to expand her thoughts for his benefit, “The marks on my neck represent my past, before I died. I want them gone since we are together now. Can you make them disappear?”
Spike frowned and shook his head. “Only way is a completed claim, remember? And don't ask about me biting over that mark to create a partial claim...I won’t do a one-sided claim, Buffy. I love you to death but the point is, I want to be alive and around to protect you and the bit, not to end up killing myself with loneliness I'd feel after you're gone. I want it reciprocated. It’s all or nothing, luv. ‘m sorry.”
He turned to swim away, wanting to avoid the topic. He stopped short when Buffy’s voice came from behind him.
“What do you suggest I do to erase the past?” she curiously asked.
Spike frowned, not really wanting to have that conversation, but knew she’d find out one way or another. With Buffy there were never a way for him to keep secrets for long.
He swam to the edge of the pool, and then lifted himself out. He turned a somber look to the woman still immersed in the water.
“Let’s have this talk somewhere more private.”
Buffy nodded and pulled herself out of the pool, not even bothering with her towel as she pulled her robe around her. After he did the same, Spike followed silently behind her as they walked to their room.
Spike was a bit nervous about where this conversation was going. He actually was having a hard time believing that she was really bothered by the marks on her neck. They had been there for years and he couldn't ever remember her complaining about them prior to this trip. He was a bit disappointed that she seemed to be going towards the route of convincing him to do a one-sided claim on her. He was in this for the long run. He wished she would be too.
Meanwhile Buffy was lost in thought as well. She was trying to figure out what she hoped to accomplish by removing the mark. The only thing she could figure out for sure was that she was upset that she felt she had no choice in those marks. They were done without her even knowing what was happening. She was thralled by Dracula and Angel was supposed to be dying not dreaming of claiming her. She felt like she couldn't move forward without lugging along her past. What she wanted most was to start fresh and clean with Spike without the past being dragged along for the ride. Beyond that she couldn't make sense of her feelings.
As Buffy entered the room, she noticed it was so close to nightfall already and she didn’t know where the time went. Thinking must make time go by quickly.
Once Spike followed her into the room, he closed the door. Buffy stripped her suit, dried herself off with her towel, and then pulled a nightgown over her head. Spike stood frozen by the door way, not being able to help the twitch of his cock at the sight of his lover.
However, now was not the time for such an activity. He ignored the pull to her body and instead stripped off his wet suit, and then climbed into bed. Spike pulled the covers over his naked form to hide it from view. He didn't want distractions with such an important topic about to be discussed.
The Slayer lay beside him, nonchalantly tracing the bite marks on her neck. She knew that the scabbed ones were of Spike’s, but the indented ones were Angel’s and the Master’s. Those were the ones she wanted gone. They had no place marring her flesh like they did; a laughing reminder of the mistakes she had made in the past.
She sighed as she turned to face the man in the bed, her head resting on her hand that was perched above the bed by her elbow.
“So there’s really no way to completely erase the past…” Spike shrugged. “I still have marks on my body from my slayer killing days,“ he brushed a thumb over his scarred eyebrow, “You learn to live with it, pet. There’s no way to erase the consequences.”
She was hoping for another answer. She was hoping for him to give her a way to erase the marks; free her from feeling like she was owned by other people. She really wanted a way to move forward with her life and start anew without the scars from the past haunting her forever.
Buffy got out of bed to pace back and forth and Spike was mesmerized by the way her nightgown bellowed behind her. The action made her look beautiful, almost magical. She was so amazing, so passionate when she was angry.
He was swiped out of his thoughts when he voice filtered to his ears.
“I don’t know why I have to suffer with this the rest of my life. Why do I have to be marked forever? Will your marks stay on me forever?” Spike shrugged, honestly not knowing. He never bit to mark.
She turned around and glared him, “Well will they?” Spike shrugged again. “I never bit to mark, so I doubt it.”
Buffy sighed. “So the others bit to mark? What is it with vampires? They always want to mark the ones they choose EVEN when it’s not MUTUAL! Damn it all.”
She started to pace again as she realized she was probably blowing this out of proportion but didn’t really care.
She turned again towards Spike. “Do the marks bother you?”
Spike blinked. “Your marks?” Buffy nodded and Spike admitted, “Of course I don’t like the fact that when I bite your neck I see my grand-sire’s marks. It’s a tad bizarre to say the least. I hate to see such a nasty scar and knowing how it got there. But I have to admit that any nasty scar would bother me because it equals your pain.”
He went quiet as Buffy started pacing again.
“I guess you’re right. I just have to learn to live with it. Damn it Spike, why won’t you just make them disappear?”
Spike growled at her, “You are asking me to deal with being bonded to you for the rest of my life or at least the rest of yours. At any given moment, you could leave me and disappear into lala land with whomever you wanted and do whatever you wanted. I'd still be stuck bonded to you and you could go find your dream life. How fair is that?”
Buffy frowned, realizing that wasn’t fair and that was unreasonable. “So if I return it, it’s permanent for both of us, right? It can never go away…” Spike nodded, not saying anything and deciding that petting Fuzzball was more interesting than dealing with her line of logic.
Buffy, of course, continued as she always did when her mind was on a certain topic, “You never did this with anyone else?”
Spike tried to resist the urge to analyze Buffy's thoughts and instead answered truthfully, “No, I haven’t.” He wished she would just stop already instead of reminding him of what he would never have and wanted so badly, someone to belong to. All he wanted was to be loved and accepted by someone and what he wanted most was for that person to be Buffy.
Buffy walked over to the window to stare into the garden. She was silent for a few moments with her thoughts before she spoke to Spike.
“Would it change me?” she quietly asked.
Spike blinked. “What??” Spike wasn't sure what he expected her to say but it certainly wasn't that.
Buffy whispered softly, “Would a claim change me?”
Spike answered stunned and a little confused, “Into what?” Buffy always seemed to beat around the bush, having conversations in her head and then came up with these thoughts that just made no sense. She couldn‘t just say what was on her mind the first time much less explain herself and her thinking.
Buffy ignored his reaction. “Make me not me, you know, part vampire or something, or make me evil, or make me lose my soul or I don’t know… Will others be able to tell?”
Spike sighed, putting the now sleeping Fuzzball down on Buffy’s pillow before getting up to stand behind her. He wrapped his arms around her waist and felt her tense but not pull away as she waited for her answers.