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Author's Chapter Notes:
A/N: Sorry about the extremely long wait on this chapter. I was never completely happy with it, but decided to go ahead and post it anyway. The next one will most likely be the last, and hopefully, due to my upcoming vacation, I'll be able to get it finished quickly. I'm also looking for a banner. I have no banner skills, so anyone who would like to create one I would be forever grateful. :D Thanks again for reading and the lovely few who leave me comments!
Chapter 6

The journey over had been relatively silent. Sparse conversation about Spike’s choice of car and sun resistant windows dotted their dialogue, but nothing substantial was spoken about…not yet. They both seemed to be waiting for the bell to ring or someone to shout ‘Go!’ There was just so much to discuss that neither of them knew exactly where to start.

“So, this is your home?” Buffy flashed a smile at Spike as he held the door open for her.

“For lack of a better word, I suppose.” He smirked, surveying the place along with her, even though he’d seen it a million times.

“How?” Buffy’s back was turned away from him as her eyes raked over his apartment. She hadn’t really meant for him to hear her. ‘Damn, that vampire hearing,’ Buffy cursed to herself.

“What’s that, love?” Spike was slightly taken back by her question, or lack of question really. Buffy whirled around to face him, finding him only a foot or two behind her.

“I didn’t… I…I just can’t believe how you’re here,” Her speech was jumbled as she spat it out. There was a struggle laced under her words as if she was trying to hold back tears.

“It’s not that bad of a place. Compared to your basement, pet, its quite posh…” He was trying to make light of things again. Buffy wouldn’t have it.

“I thought…God, I don’t know what I thought. What the hell were you doing…here?” Her arms gestured towards him accusingly, her mind racing. She was here. They were alone and the shock had worn off. Now all that was left were emotions and she couldn’t help but let them spill out, no matter how messy it got.

‘So we’re going to do this…’ Spike thought. He’d figured as much. It was unavoidable, so with a sigh he dove in headfirst. “ I didn’t know what I could say, what I could do. I didn’t expect to come back, Buffy. I just was and then… I assumed strolling through the door shouting ‘Honey I’m home,’ wouldn’t exactly figure.”

Buffy closed her eyes for a second to picture him strutting through her doorway yelling exactly that. Maybe it would have been a shock. Maybe it would have been hard, but she knew it would have been better, would have saved her from all that grief. “It would have. I would have made it…figure,” Buffy stammered out, unsure of her word choice.

“Yeah ‘cause your track records so spotless,” he said with a sulk and turned his face from her in the wake of his blatant honesty.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Her arms crossed now, she glared at him, a bit of nostalgia creeping its way into her system.

With a sigh filled with increasing anger he responded, “ Oh come on, Buffy. You bloody well know.”

“Maybe you should enlighten me.”

“Fine. You need a lesson in our history; I might as well be the one to give it to you,” Spike practically yelled at her. ‘Woman was bloody infuriating,’ he grumbled inwardly, ‘course that was why he loved her, so he bared his soul. She stood her ground, waiting impatiently for his ‘lesson.’

“Everything we had, Buffy, or didn’t have for that matter, everything we’ve done, it was never about being good or right. It was never something you could be…proud of. Always hiding and sneaking about, and I’d take it ‘cause it was all I could get. And when I came back I wanted to see you so bad, to hold you so much it hurt, ‘course I was a little less than solid then, so I did a lot of thinking. You deserved something pure; some last fleeting memory of me that wasn’t-… I wanted you to remember me just like that, blazing hell-fire and all, ‘cause it was for you. It’s always been about you, Buffy, my whole sodding existence. I wasn’t going to come rushing back to living color and ruin it no matter how much I love you” Spike finished with shaking, unneeded breaths taking a few steps away from her. Buffy’s eyes were closed, head faced downward. Spike didn’t see her tears. He wouldn’t have been nearly as disappointed if he had.

‘I love you.’ The words echoed in Buffy’s head. Love…not loved. There was no past tense present. Something in Buffy snapped, and even though she had known before that she returned his feelings, now she could find the courage to say it.

“No…” Spike’s ears perked up at the sound of her voice so unsettled and tense. “No,” Buffy repeated, stronger this time, eyes focused on his. “You dying, Spike, isn’t good, isn’t right, isn’t pure.” Spike was a little surprised. He hadn’t thought his little speech would cause such a zealous reaction, but she had his attention now, eyes zeroing in on her as she found the words she needed.

“You’ve made with the big speeches, twice now, and I never say anything. I’d just sit there and let you comfort me ‘cause I was so messed up I didn’t know what else to do. I didn’t have the strength, but I’ve done some thinking too, Spike, and it’s my turn.” She wore a more hopeful look on her face now, showing complete openness. He had no idea what to make of it except to deny it.

“You don’t have to, Buffy.” Looking off to the side, he seemed to be brushing her off. ‘He was brushing her off, well that was new,’ Buffy mused. She had to stay strong, convince him that this wasn’t a game, that she was ready. For once she knew what to say.

“I love you.” Three words, so simple, were the last things he expected to hear. Bitchy, biting Buffy he could deal with. Even self-restrained, commander Buffy was tolerable, but this was...."Bloody unbelievable." His whisper was barely audible, but she heard and threw him a fleeting smile. Buffy was unsure of her next move, but looking in his eyes urging her for more, she took a few steps closer to him and continued.

“I love you. I loved you then, and I spent six months trying to forget it. I couldn’t. Every time I closed my eyes there you’d be and it was never good or right without you. I was so sure I was going to be alone forever because you’ve basically ruined me for anyone else.” They both smiled at that; although his expression still craved more. “I didn’t realize how much I loved you until you were gone. Talk about a cliché, but it’s the truth.” She looked down, embarrassed by his intent stare.

“Absence does make the heart grow fonder, love.” He was smirking now, so she knew she had said something right. He lifted his hand and placed it under her chin, bringing her hazel eyes to meet his blue ones. Before he had a chance to speak, Buffy continued on finding more confidence in his gaze.

“I dreamt about you every night. You were always there, but I could never touch you, always just far enough away that you were lost to me. Then you just weren’t…swaggered your way back into my life-“

“Pretty sure it was the other way around way around, pet.” His hand that was nestled under her chin found it’s way to her cheek rubbing his thumb lightly across it wiping away the remains of tears.

“Either way, you’re here. I can hear you, see you, smell you, touch you…” She emphasized her words with a caress of his cheek. It molded perfectly into her palm. Their bodies’ were only centimeters apart now. “There is one thing though…” His eyes were closed, arms wrapped around her in a loving embrace.

“Mhm?” He questioned resting his head against hers, inhaling a scent that was purely Buffy. When she didn’t answer, Spike opened his eyes to gaze down at her. “What is it Buffy? Whatever you need…”

The color of her cheeks went up a few notches as she spoke. “Well, see, smell, touch, hear; those are all covered.” He just watched her as her confidence wavered suddenly.

“That they are.” Spike cradled Buffy in his arms, waiting. It was the pout that got him. Rolling his eyes he finished her thought with a smirk. “Only one thing left to try…” He brought her closer to him with a slight tug, eyes fixated on her lips.

“Yup…taste.” The last sense left her lips in a quick hiss before he captured them with his own. And although they still had a lot to talk about, where they stood, issues of trust and just plain logistics of them, it didn’t matter, not at this moment. They both had been deprived for too long to waste it.


Chapter End Notes:
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