Spike had no clue where he stood with Buffy. After politely declining Joyce’s offer to make him breakfast, he left the house with that thought pounding in his head. She was furious with him, but she invited him to stay over. She screamed at him in front of the entire school for spreading rumors about her while she dreamt about “needing” him.
At least her mother seemed to like him, despite the awkward introduction. Seeing as his car wasn’t in her driveway, he decided to piece the night together on his walk back home. Spike made a mental list of what he remembered:
• Buffy yelled at him, causing him to drive away furiously
• Raiding his parents’ liquor cabinet
• He vaguely remembered leaving his house to find Buffy and tell her how he felt…
But that was it. The rest of the night was a complete blur. He tried as best as he could to focus, but nothing. A short memory of being punched in the face, but that was it. How much did he have to drink? His parents would not be pleased by the sudden depletion in their alcohol stock. He also hoped that he did not tell Buffy his true feelings for her.
But what if he had and that’s why she let him stay over? What if she was the one who punched him in the face? Spike looked down at his many bruises and doubted she would beat him up that much. It was too much to think about with his massive headache, so he tried to simplify it.
What should he do now?
The past was the past and he couldn’t change it now. Spreading rumors to Angel was a bad move, but he also didn’t want Buffy to go out with him. On that scale, the mission was a success. However, the backfire ultimately made her go out with Angel, making his false admissions completely useless.
He needed her to understand how he felt. Somehow, he had to find a way to get passed all the bullshit and get to the point of the matter. Spike was tired of the many mixed signals and hidden feelings.
He suddenly realized what he had to do: humiliate himself. Buffy was humiliated when the rumors circulated; it was obviously the only way to show her how he felt. The plan formed in his migraine-addled brain as he trudged back home.
……………………
Spike didn’t show up for school the next day.
Or the next.
It shouldn’t have bothered her as much as it did, but the days seemed... empty without him. She hadn’t realized the impact Spike had on her life until he was suddenly gone. And Buffy knew it was her fault.
Spike had done terrible things to her, unconscionable things, and yet she couldn’t stay mad. She hated to admit it, but she missed him terribly. Especially after her date with Angel.
Not only was he the boring jock she expected, but also vain and somewhat ignorant. Angel spent a good portion of the evening talking about himself and bragging about football and sports. Buffy knew very little about sports and was perfectly content with that fact, but Angel seemed to believe she desperately wanted to understand every detail. As if that wasn’t enough, he became irritated when she asked the occasional question, as if it took all the effort in the world to go into more detail.
Buffy hadn’t expected a lot from the date, but the longer they stayed in the restaurant the more she wanted to see Spike. He had changed his demeanor significantly since he joined the play, but she couldn’t decide if it was because of her or the play itself.
She supposed he noticed her distant expression after a while because he stopped speaking and glared with his arms crossed.
“Hello? Earth to Buffy?” he said disdainfully. I looked up surprised.
“What? I was listening.”
“You know, if you want to leave you can just say so.”
“No!” I tried my best to sound convincing. “I’m having a great time! Really.” I smiled awkwardly as he raised his brow.
“Buffy… we both know that’s not true. Let me just say, this date isn’t laughs-o-plenty for me either. In fact, I’m pretty much wondering why I asked you out to begin with.” Buffy stared at him slack jawed.
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“Buffy, everyone around school knows you’re fast. You’re alright looking, but I figured, you know…”
“I know what?” she said, crossing her own arms.
“I don’t know, maybe come back to my place and have a little fun maybe.”
“Look, I know Spike spread rumors about me, but that’s all they were. Rumors. What in the hell gave you the idea I would go for that?”
“Theater kids are desperate as hell! It’s not like a well-known secret or anything! That’s why I joined the play in the first place.” When Buffy said nothing, he continued the affirmation. “Spike didn’t have to say anything. I just assumed.”
“Wait, so Spike didn’t spread those rumors about me?”
“He said you stalked him or something. I had nothing to do with that.”
“He said that?! I would never… he would never… wait, you just assumed I would have sex with you?”
“Well… yeah.”
“So,” the pieces started falling into place, “you’re the one who said I was fast?”
“I, uh, well…”
“It was you! You’re just a talentless jerk!” Buffy said it with a smile, realizing Spike wasn’t completely in the wrong… she was still mad at him though for the stalker thing. Suddenly, Angel nodded his head in understanding.
“Oh, I see… this is about Captain Peroxide, isn’t it?”
“Huh?”
“Spike! What, are you in love with that punk? That criminally insane, soon-to-flunk-out asshole? Wow, you really know how to pick ‘em.” He laughed self-deprecatingly. He didn’t handle rejection well.
“I went out with you, didn’t I?!” Buffy replied angrily. He was really starting to get on her nerves.
“Oh yeah, cause I totally asked you out for your conversation skills. I only did it cause I thought you were easy,” Angel leered at her.
“You’re a jerk, you know that?” she exclaimed as she stood up to leave. Angel clearly didn’t want a scene; she could tell from his wide, meaningful eyes.
“Please sit down,” he said between gritted teeth.
“No!” she said loudly. Buffy knew she was getting out of hand, but she saw an opportunity to leave her atrocious date and simply had to take it. “You’re a total and complete bonehead and yes, I would rather be with a criminally insane, soon-to-flunk asshole than spend one more second listening to you. ‘Oh, football is so awesome, Oh, I made 600 passes last year.’ Who gives a damn? Angel, you’re probably a great guy for someone who actually cares about your bullshit, but not me. Bye.” Buffy walked to the door and slammed it behind her. About a block away, she heard Angel run out of the restaurant and call out to her.
“You bitch! You think you’re special? You are nothing, just a fucking geek and that’s all you’ll ever be. And Spike knows it too!” Buffy walked faster to escape his comments. She didn’t want to cry. Even though she insulted him, it didn’t make his remarks less hurtful.
So Spike hadn’t spread those rumors! Well, he spread the rumors about her being a stalker, which she still didn’t understand. But he didn’t tell everyone she was a slut. That was something.
Buffy wanted nothing more than to talk to him. After all, he said he loved her and if she measured her feelings by the constant sex-driven dreams, she loved him back. Despite what he did, she couldn’t stay angry anymore. Buffy just wanted Spike in her life again. She had to know if he was telling the truth that night.
But he was nowhere to be found.
And there she sat in fourth period, half expecting him to walk through the door and sit beside her. Her world felt overly dramatized, like a Spanish soap opera… with Shakespeare.
……………………
Everything was set. All Spike had to do was hide in the storage section of the basement and wait for his nervousness to subside before he could go through with his plan. He stroked the metal object in his hand and stared at the ‘on’ switch. His plan was the most humiliating act he could think of and if Buffy didn’t forgive him, he would give up.
Nothing could top this.
……………………
Buffy was considering the similarities and differences between her life and said soap opera, when the loudspeaker clicked on. It whined a bit, but went silent soon after. The class glanced quizzically at the speaker box for a few moments before they returned to their activities. Just then, it clicked back on.
“Um, excuse me?” the familiar voice cracked. Buffy stared at the speaker in disbelief. No… it couldn’t be him.
“Yeah… this is Spike Williams and I have an announcement for Buffy Summers.” Everyone in the class, including the teacher, stared directly at her before returning in awe to the box. Meanwhile, her heart beat wildly in her throat. “You may not know Buffy Summers, but let me tell you she is talented, brilliant and beautiful. Only… I blew it, see. I humiliated her and if you don’t know Buffy directly, I’m sure you heard the rumors… and if you didn’t, please don’t ask and return to the rock you live under.” The class giggled at this.
“Buffy, if you’re listening, this is me humiliating myself. It’s only fair I think. I only hope that you can forgive me for being a bad, rude man.” She could hear things shuffling around wherever he was. Buffy wondered how he was getting away with it. “So, Buffy Summers, this one’s for you. Let the humiliation begin.” A piano began to play.
I am looking for an inspiration
And I think I found it in your heart
It's the kind of thing you get when you're not looking
It's the kind of thing you had from the start
Put me on a ship that is sinking
On a voyage to an untamed land
Take away the freedoms I wanted
I understand
Please, don't take your love away from me
Don't take your love away from me
Please don't take your love away from me
“May I be excused?” Buffy said as she ran out the door.
……………………
Spike never shared his music with anyone, so playing the song he wrote for her was the most humiliating thing he could think of. He continued, despite his insides turning inside out.
Please don't take your love from me
Please don't take your love from me
Put me inside flesh that is dying
A ghost that wanders without rest
Buried by desires and weakness
I understand
……………………
Buffy searched the music room, which seemed the obvious choice, but found a class full of bewildered students in his place. Embarrassed, she ran desperately around the school. His voice was everywhere, surrounding her.
She heard music coming from the bottom floor and realized where it came from. Luckily, she knew the ins and outs of the music and drama department well enough to find him before the song ended.
Please, don't take your love away from me
Don't take your love away from me
Please don't take your love from me
Please don't take your love from me
Hmmmmmm
Hmmmmmm
“So Buffy, if you’re listening, this is all for you. This is Spike Williams signing off.” Spike didn’t notice Buffy standing behind him, tears welling in her eyes. He clicked off the loudspeaker microphone and stared sadly at the floor. Buffy ran to him.
“I missed you so much,” she said before kissing him passionately.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Hey guys! Sorry it's been so long, but I am a beta for this story and have been working on it whenever I have free time. Nonetheless, here it is. Only a few chapters left!
Chapter End Notes:
Stay tuned! I post faster with reviews! :)
*The song is "Don't Take Your Love Away" by VAST
*The song is "Don't Take Your Love Away" by VAST