CHAPTER 2

Contents of an email sent from Dawn to Buffy, in the hopes that she will, one day, read it:

Dear Buffy,

Everyone is sure that you’re dead, otherwise you’d have come back. Why would you, though? We threw you out. I threw you out, of your own home. I look back now and wonder if maybe The First was somehow influencing us. Or am I just looking for an excuse? I realize that I didn’t even have the right to ask you to leave. It was your house and Mom’s, not mine. I didn’t even exist when you moved there from L.A.

Faith took all the best fighting Potentials on a mission and none of them came back. I was so scared when a new slayer happened but Giles said that it was because Faith was dead, not because you were. He said that your line stopped when you died the first time and Kendra came. Well obviously, you’ve died more than once but there’s still only two slayers. I’m such a retard.

Angel turned up, after you left. He was furious, especially when Andrew told him that Spike was probably with you. He insisted on going to the house where Willow’s location spell had led her, earlier, even though Willow said that you weren’t there. When he came back, he was even crosser, if that’s possible. He told us to leave Sunnydale and he would take care of the hell mouth.

Andrew had this really sickening gay fest around him and insisted on staying to ‘help’. I really don’t think he’s Angel’s type. Principal Wood went to the high school and got a school bus and we all drove away in that.

I don’t know what Angel and Andrew did under the school but the whole of Sunnydale fell into a crater. I really hope that you weren’t still there, Buffy. But then I think that you wouldn’t have just left, even if I was horrible to you. Maybe you went back to the vineyard on your own and Caleb killed you. But Spike would have come and told us. Maybe Caleb killed him too.

All I know is, I watched Sunnydale collapse, from the back of the bus, hoping that you would be following us and you weren’t. Even Mom’s grave is gone.

Giles says he’ll take care of me and with my ‘talent’ for languages, he says I’ll make a fine watcher, one day. Of course most of the watchers council are dead, so Giles has been recruiting. Xander, Anya and Principal Wood are already training to be watchers. Willow is still mourning Kennedy but I think she’ll be one, too. Losing Kennedy can’t be as bad as losing Tara was, at least Willow didn’t go evil, this time.

Oh Buffy please get in touch. You can’t be dead, you just can’t. I so need to tell you how sorry I am. I love and miss you so much.

Dawn

XXX

* * * * *

“Spike?” Buffy asked.

“Hmm?”

“In the cave… before I got my soul back…What was I like?”

“What’s brought this on, pet?”

“I’ve been thinking, was I really horrible? …You know, when I was soulless?”

“The worst.” Spike said, with a smirk; playing with a strand of her hair that lay across his chest.

“I’m serious.” Buffy said, pouting.

“Look, pet, you woke up, without your soul and a few minutes later, the demon put it back.”

“It was a bit longer than a few minutes. You put the stake in your own heart and then you…”

“I what?”

“You dusted.”

“I what?”

“You dusted and the dust swirled around with the stake and I could hear you screaming.” She was staring into space with a far away look in her eyes, as though she was watching the past. “And I didn’t feel anything.”

“Huh?”

“I didn’t care. I love you and you were dying and I didn’t care. All I cared about was blood and whether or not your death would harm me.”

“It’s like that, when you first rise.”

“I didn’t want my soul back.”

“Why would you?”

“You did. You came all the way across the world, went to that cave and endured god knows what…”

“To be worthy of you.”

“I’m not worthy of you.”

“Because you didn’t want your soul back? That’s silly, most vampires don’t want their souls back.”

“You did and that makes you better than me.”

“No, it just means I was inspired by a better person.” He said, kissing the top of her head.

“Didn’t work for Angel. Oh my god, the Shanshu!!”

“Bless you.”

“No,” she laughed, “I’m not sneezing, the Shanshu prophesy.”

“What’s that, when it’s at home?”

“Angel told me about it. It says that the vampire with a soul will help loads of people and be rewarded by becoming human again.”

“Does it specifically say ‘Angel’?”

“Well, no but he took it to mean that he’d be human one day and he and I could be together.”

“Arrogant sod.”

“Yeah, he forgot; I’d already tried human, it didn’t work.”

“So you wouldn’t have…?”

“No, I told you, he never understood me the way you did. He wanted me on a pedestal and then was disappointed every time I didn’t live up to it. You never expect me to be perfect.”

“So, this prophesy is about one of us, then?”

“Unless, when he dusted in the hell mouth, he got reborn as a human. Otherwise, I guess it’s down to you and me. You, probably, you asked for your soul.”

“I hope not, I’d hate to be human again. You deserve it more, you’ve helped way more people than me.”

“I’ve not been a vampire long enough to know which I prefer…”

“Exactly, you wouldn’t have to adjust.”

“Yeah but what if it made me human, no slayer strength? I couldn’t live with that.”

“Let’s hope it doesn’t turn out that way, then.” Spike said, kissing the top of her head. “You’ll be alright here, for a bit? I’ve got to pop out.”

“For blood, I hope.”

“Well, yeah; among other things.”

“And I still can’t go with you?”

“Best not but I promise you, I’ll be back in less than an hour.”

“Can we hunt, later?” Buffy said, pouting.

“Ooh, look at that lip…” Spike said, kissing her, sucking the aforementioned lip into his mouth and nipping it.

“If you’re trying to distract me,” Buffy murmured into his mouth, “It’s working…”

* * * * *

They’d been travelling for a few weeks now and the new passports had given them no trouble at the various borders they had crossed. The van, on the other hand, had been problematic. It had died its final death and Spike had replaced it with a small campervan. Now, they had a fridge and a microwave, for their blood and, they didn’t have to worry about Buffy getting all blood lusty around hotel staff.

There had been an ‘incident’. Spike had left Buffy in a hotel, when he had gone to pick up the campervan. Buffy had been hungry.

Spike had come back to their room, sensing that something was wrong. He’d burst through the door, ready to fight and found Buffy, sitting on the floor, in a corner, her knees up under her chin and her arms wrapped tightly around her legs. She was crying, quietly.

Sitting on the bed, was the pretty, young maid, who had come in to make up the beds and clean the room. She was motionless and staring, blankly, into space. She was in a deep thrall.

“Bollocks!” Spike swore, passing his hand in front of the girl’s eyes and getting no response.

“I haven’t…. bitten her,” Buffy said, between sobs. “But I can’t bring her back.”

“How did it happen?” Spike asked, gently.

“I don’t know. I forgot to put the sign out and she came in. I was so hungry and she was so… I could hear her blood. I looked at her, she looked in my eyes and just… stopped.”

“You sat her on the bed?”

“Yeah, she looked uncomfortable just… standing there. It was awful, she held her wrist out to me. What I wanted to do… her skin‘s got this lovely, velvety sheen; the way her veins show up… so soft and warm… and I wanted…” She buried her face in her hands, disgusted with herself.

Spike nodded his understanding.

“You need to feed.” He told her.

She held her hand out for a blood pack. He shook his head.

“Come here, kitten, you need something a bit stronger.”

He held her, tenderly, as she fed from his neck. How had she managed to thrall the maid, so easily? Dru had been good at it but, as far as Spike knew, she had had plenty of time to practice. Buffy hadn’t even thought about developing vampire skills - she was revolted by the notion of feeding off humans - why would she have thralled one?

There was only one explanation. It was a natural ability that she didn’t even have to think about, to use. That scared him. If she couldn’t control it, she could end up thralling people at random, whenever she got hungry.

He would have to teach her. Pretty quickly, before someone noticed that the maid had gone missing. Only Buffy could release the girl, either by cancelling her thrall or by dusting. There was no way Buffy was dusting, so Spike had to help her sort this.

“Feeling better, pet?” He asked, when Buffy had stopped feeding.

“Yeah. What do I do now?”

“You should be able to free her, now that you’ve fed. It was your hunger, that was stopping you.”

“How do I…?”

“Go over to her, look at her and picture, in your mind, her going back to normal. Really visualize the way she was before and imagine releasing her.”

“What if she tells someone?” Buffy was starting to worry.

“She won’t; as soon as you let her go, I’ll thrall her and make her think she’s been running an errand for us. I’ll give her a big tip, tell the manager how helpful she’s been. It’ll be fine. Go ahead, try to release her.”

Buffy stood in front of the girl, trying to visualize her the way she had been. The way her eyes had sparkled with vitality, instead of dazed and dead looking, the way they were now.

This time, she felt it. A strange feeling in her head, a flexing, like a muscle but not. The girl blinked.

“How you feeling, pet?” Spike asked her.

She automatically turned to him and he captured her eyes, with his.

“That was a very kind thing you did,” He said, softly, “Fetching my wife some pills for her hay fever.” He gestured at Buffy’s red face and swollen eyes. “We’ll be telling the management what a very helpful girl you are.” His voice slowly increased in volume until he was speaking normally. “This is for you,” He said, pressing some bills into her hand.

“Th..thank you, sir,” She stammered, back to her normal self, as though nothing had happened. She looked down at the money, “This far too much…” She continued, in broken English.

“Nonsense. My wife needed help and you were here for her. She would never have been able to find a pharmacy, without you.” Spike escorted her to the door, “Thank you again.”

The maid left, pocketing the money and figuring that the couple were wealthy tourists…

Once the maid was gone, Buffy sat heavily down on the bed.

“God, Spike, I have to learn how not to do that.” She said, vehemently.

“Yeah. I’m still trying to figure out how you learned to do it, in the first place.” He said, putting a comforting arm around her.

“Could it be a slayer thing?”

“Yeah, I s’pose it could. I’ve not heard about it, before but then I’ve not heard about a slayer being turned, before either. Aurelians are renowned for their thrall abilities, though.”

“The Master thralled me, before he killed me,” Buffy said, distantly, “But when I came back and he tried to do it again, it didn’t work.”

“You came back, feeling strong enough to kill him, even though he’d drained you?”

“Yeah, he didn’t drain me, though. He just drank until I passed out and then dumped me face down in a puddle, to drown.”

“Arsehole. I wonder if his saliva got into your bloodstream?”

“Oh, gross, Spike. God, I really hope not.”

“Thing is, pet; he was really old, so old he couldn’t remember what his human face looked like.”

“Hence the bat look.”

“Yeah, he’d lived for millennia, you should never have been able to kill him, especially after he’d fed off you. You must have had some kind of edge.”

“If we live that long, will we end up like that? All bat-like?”

“Dunno, pet. Bloody hope not.”

* * * * *

They’d checked out of the hotel, that night and Spike remembered to compliment the maid, when he was settling the bill.

Since then, he’d been doing his best to teach Buffy how to control her powers, while trying his hardest to keep her away from humans.

At night, he would park the campervan as far away from populated areas, as he could and take Buffy out into the countryside. There, they would search for small animals that she could practise her thrall techniques on.

Buffy loved these night time excursions. The night was so much more beautiful, now that she was a vampire. The colours were so different, to how they appeared in daylight, that it was almost like a different spectrum.

She was a deadly and efficient predator, even if she refused to kill the creatures that she thralled. Her hearing was so enhanced that she could hear tiny creatures, as they disturbed blades of grass; hear the rapid heartbeats of the warm blooded…

* * * * *

Sitting in a moonlit clearing, she let her hunger spread out and Spike watched, in awe, as every warm blooded creature in a half mile radius made its way to her.

“You’re a goddess,” he said, as she calmly released the animals and they drifted away.

“Blood now?” She asked.

“You are allowed to kill animals, you know.” He said, playfully. “After all, you weren’t a vegetarian, when you were human.”

“Yeah, I know but I didn’t kill my own meat and, in fact, if I could have afforded it, I would have turned veggie. The Doublemeat Palace put me off.” She explained. “I worry that I won’t kill cleanly, I don’t want to hurt anything, even animals. Does that sound silly?”

“Not at all, kitten. When I first woke up and clawed my way out of the ground…” He broke off as he felt Buffy shudder. “Yeah, there’s no need to be buried but Dru was a stickler for tradition. Anyway, I clawed my way out and Dru was waiting. She had my first victim, ready for me. A young girl, already unconscious from blood loss…” His voice changed, abruptly. “Oh, Buffy,” He said, hoarsely. “I’d never harmed anyone, in my whole life…”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.” Buffy said, cuddling him. “I forget, sometimes, what you were.”

“What I am, luv.”

“No.” She said, firmly. “What you were. You changed, long before you got your soul back. I watched it happen, remember? You know, when you first came to Sunnydale, Angel made out you were so bad, way worse than him.”

“Ha!”

“Yeah, as if. Compared to Angelus, you were a pussy cat.”

“Oi!”

“Oh, you know you were. You never seriously tried to kill me or you’d never have called off the order of Taraka.”

“They were just meant to distract you, I always wanted to kill you myself. You know that.” He said, kissing her, tenderly, on her neck. “I used to dream of this,” He murmured, into her skin. “Kissing you, here. You, helpless to resist, letting me fondle your smooth skin…” He ran his hand, gently, down to her breast; slipping his fingers between the buttons of her top. “Feeling you press your body, close to mine. Squirming with sexual need, your stake, forgotten and useless on the ground…”

Buffy sighed, happily and unfastened Spike’s jeans, sliding them urgently off.

“Have we got to the part where I beg you to bite me?” She asked, slipping her skirt off.

“Shh, don’t spoil the ending.” He said, moving his hand lower, still kissing and gently nipping her neck. “Where was I? Oh, yes. The beautiful, helpless slayer, overcome with uncontrollable lust, is writhing beneath me, begging me to give her what she needs…” He slid smoothly into her and she gasped, pressing herself hard against him.

“Spike,” She whimpered.

“What is it you need, little slayer? Is it something that the Big Bad can help you with?” He asked, teasing her neck with his tongue as he thrust slowly into her.

“More Spike, I need more.”

“More? Are you sure you can take it?”

“Please…”

“I might be tempted to bite and slayer blood is sooo good, I might not be able to stop…”

“Please, Big Bad, anything…”

“Anything, is it?” He whispered as his demon emerged and he roughly sank his fangs into her.

She bucked wildly against him and her fangs found his throat. Then she was drawing gulps of blood from him and her head was bursting from the pleasure…