Chapter 2
“So, everything’s going okay?”
Spike nodded. “It’s only been a few weeks, but things are going better than I thought. The girls are great, so polite, helpful; I even caught Dawn sweeping my kitchen floor. Of course, it’s a little baby broom that I got for her, she actually picked it out herself. It amazes me how bright that kid is, and she’s only two. I’ve always wanted children, but Dru never did; now I’m really glad for that. Could you imagine her as a mother?” he wondered, shuddering at just the thought of it.
Xander grimaced. “I fear for the kid already, and it’s not even born yet.”
“Right there with you,” Spike responded, a smile lighting up his features. “Buffy’s a wonderful big sister, it’s really nice having her around. She keeps trying to show that she can handle things that other girls can, but she doesn’t have to prove anything to me. It breaks my heart sometimes, seeing all that she’s had to deal with, but I think it’s only made her stronger in the end. She’s bloody incredible.”
Xander raised his eyebrows, taking a deep breath before saying what he needed to. “Spike, just out of curiosity, that crush you used to have; it’s not still there, is it?”
He looked away, glancing back at his concerned friend a second later. “It’s not just a crush anymore, mate. I know that’s one reason of why you didn’t think it was a good idea for me to take them in, and I completely understand that. I’ve had my doubts, too, but I just don’t know what to do. A part of me knows it’s wrong. Buffy is barely legal, she’s had a rough time, I’m eight years older, divorced, I’ve had this whole life already and she’s only just starting out. Not only that, but she’s in my custody now. If I make one wrong move, they could get taken away. Believe me, I’ve thought this all through, but that doesn’t change anything. The way she makes me feel…” Spike trailed off, shaking his head in sudden anger. “Fuck, I’m so bloody disgusted with myself for having these thoughts. They’ve been there since she was sixteen; I know that’s one reason of why Dru took up with other men. She knew of my feelings, it’s what drove her away. I’ve been getting distant, and she could see it. What kind of person does that make me?”
Xander shrugged. “It makes you human, just like the rest of us. Drusilla was a demented harpy, sorry to say that, but it’s true. You can’t blame yourself for the fact she chose to get pleasure elsewhere, there is no good enough reason to cheat in a marriage. I’ve been with my Anya for six years now, and not once did I ever think about straying. Look, I’m definitely not someone who would judge. I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life, but how does Buffy feel? I think that should be considered before you start beating yourself up about this.”
Spike gave that some consideration. “I don’t know. She’s been flirtier than usual, but she’s a teenager. I just figured they were all like that, it probably doesn’t mean anything. I’ve been out of the dating game for years, I’ll be damned if I know how women act anymore when they’re interested in someone. Let’s just drop this, okay? We’re supposed to be working. We can save the serious conversations for later,” he finished, rubbing his eyes, and really regretting that he chose to work on the yard during what had to be the hottest day of the year. A noise turned his attention to the back door of his house, only to see Buffy stumble out and fall to the ground, he hurried over to her side. “Love, are you all right?” Spike asked, helping her up and noticing the spilled beverages at her feet.
Buffy gave him an embarrassed smile, grabbing his arm, or what she thought was his arm. She blushed even harder when she came in contact with his hard, shirtless chest, quickly pulling away. “Sorry, I wanted to bring you guys some lemonade, but I guess I made a mess instead.”
He smiled, brushing the hair out of her face. “That was very nice of you, sweetheart, but we’re almost done here. We should be in soon.”
She nodded, giving him one more smile before carefully heading back inside.
Spike turned back to Xander, the smile now gone. “I’m in big trouble.”
* * * * *
He found Buffy in her room later that night, sitting in front of the mirror as she brushed her long, blonde hair. He stepped inside, knowing that she sensed him there, and without saying anything, took the brush from her to continue what she started. Spike was surprised that she let him, Drusilla always hated when he would brush her hair, saying that he couldn’t do it right. Yes, because that usually took a lot of effort, but she would occasionally have temper tantrums, and it was best to leave things alone when she got like that.
Buffy’s gaze never left her reflection in the mirror; she liked to pretend that she could see herself staring back. “How does it look?” she asked, referring to her hair.
Spike smiled warmly. “You’re gorgeous.”
That astonished her, she always imagined to be plain looking, but could tell by the tone of his voice that he was being genuine. Buffy knew that he was a very good looking man, she didn’t need her eyesight to tell her that, and just the contemplation that he thought her to be gorgeous was enough to put a smile on her face.
* * * * *
Spike couldn’t sleep, too busy tossing and turning. No matter how much he tried, he just couldn’t get her out of his head. No one had ever affected him like that before, not even Drusilla, or the few girlfriends he had previous to her. Several more minutes went by, and he decided to give up, slumber was not happening. With that thought in mind, he got out of bed and headed to the kitchen to make a snack, figuring there was no point putting on clothes, when a noise coming from Buffy’s room caught his attention. He knew it would be wrong to take a peek, but found that he couldn’t help himself as he moved over to her doorway, seeing that it was half closed. His jaw nearly dropped at the sight before him. Buffy was laying in bed, naked, her right hand moving leisurely in and out of her pussy, while the left tugged at her nipples, soft moans escaping from her throat. It was by far the sexiest thing he had ever seen, and he felt like a monster for watching such a private moment, but couldn’t seem to look away. Spike pushed the door open, which caused it to squeak, and Buffy knew she wasn’t alone anymore.
“Spike, is that you?”
He gulped, not knowing what to say, but continued to step further into the room, sitting on the edge of her bed. “It’s me,” he replied softly, not wanting to scare her.
Buffy went to cover herself, but he wouldn’t allow it.
“You don’t have to hide from me, love. I’m sorry for watching you like that, but I couldn’t help myself. God, you’re so bloody gorgeous. I want you so badly, Buffy, and I know it’s wrong. I shouldn’t be in here taking advantage. You trusted me to look after you and your sister, and I’m not doing a great job of that, but I can’t stop thinking about you, no matter how much I should.” Spike paused, finally taking notice of how bad this situation must seem to her. “Fuck, what am I doing? I’m sorry for intruding on you like this. We can just forget it ever happened. I’ll leave you to your privacy now.” He was about to stand up, but a firm grip on his arm had him stopping his movements.
“Please, don’t go, I need you.”
Spike sat back down, clearly stunned by that, but she wasn’t finished.
“What you said, it’s everything I’ve been feeling. I’ve wanted you since you first moved next door. I knew you were married and older than me, but I didn’t care. You were always in my heart, from the first moment I tripped and scraped my knee. You came over, picked me up, and kissed it all better. I swear, it actually stopped hurting after that,” Buffy explained with a little laugh, taking on a serious expression. “I know I’m not like other girls. I’ve always been a freak, but you never once saw that. You didn’t treat me like an invalid. You always treated me like everyone else, with respect, and I never told you how much that meant to me.” She took a deep breath before continuing. “I love you, Spike. I’ve tried to stop, but I can’t. I don’t have it in me. When Drusilla left you, I was so pissed off. You never deserved that, and as much as I wanted her out of the picture, I knew it would break your heart. I would never wish that on you. All I cared about was your happiness, even if it wasn’t with me. And now, hearing what you just said, I never thought you would have ever noticed me like that. It’s always been a dream of mine that you might one day, but I never expected it to happen.”
Spike didn’t even realize that he had tears in his eyes, softly caressing her cheek as he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, and pressing his lips to hers in a tender kiss. Fuck the consequences, for once; he was doing what he wanted.
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