Buffy looked at the Guardian’s gentle face and imagined how it would be, if Spike didn’t remember this pain. How it would be if he didn’t remember that he had a daughter with a slayer who wasn’t her. If he didn’t remember Lily’s death.

“I’m sorry but no.” She said, at last.

“No? Can I ask why?” The Guardian said.

“It’s not my right. I hate that all my life, other people have made choices, for me; parents, watchers, friends, lovers. Spike never did that.

“Willow, my witch friend, did a lot of forgetting spells, probably more than I know about - I’m sure I only know about the ones that went wrong - no one should have that kind of power.

“I love Spike, with all my heart, have for years. I’ve had trouble admitting it, even to myself and I’ve hurt him so badly, that when I finally told him how I felt, he didn’t believe me. I’ve messed with his head enough.

“I know this is bad, beyond bad - what’s happened and the way he’s feeling - but we can’t just wave a magic wand and make it go away. It’s his life, it’s part of him; to make him forget… that should be his choice. If I make it, I’ll be raping his mind…it’ll be like…” Words seemed to fail her and she shook her head, sadly. “If he still wants me, I’ll do my best to help him through his grief. It‘s all I can do.”

“In the years since I over-ruled the powers and made you the slayer, you have never disappointed me.” The Guardian said, smiling. “Oh, you’ve made mistakes, everyone does but when it comes to doing the right thing…I made the right choice, in you. Oh and you’ve just made the right choice.”

“You really love me?” Spike said, from behind Buffy.

“You were listening?” Buffy asked, turning to face him and blushing.

“Vampire hearing, pet.”

“Yes. I really love you, Spike. For two years I’ve been mourning you. I’ve been blaming myself and Angel, for what happened to you and I still have nightmares about the moment I told you I loved you and you told me I didn’t. I…”

Spike kissed her.

Holding him, she could feel Jennifer Anne’s tiny body, squirming between them, as she searched across Buffy’s chest, with her little mouth.

“I think someone’s hungry.” Buffy said, breaking the kiss and looking down, with a smile.

“Lilith has baby supplies, upstairs in the kitchen.” William said, standing in the doorway of his room. “She was planning on raising the baby, herself.”

“We’ll go find it, fix her up with baby formula.” Buffy said, “How hard can it be?”

Spike looked at William, noticing how he stayed just inside his door, as though behind an invisible barrier.

“You coming out of there any time soon?” He asked.

“I’m…not sure.” William replied, “I’ve dreamed of getting out but now that I can…I…”

“Do you need more time?” Buffy asked, gently.

Dalton had told her about poor William and she figured that he had become institutionalised. He felt safe in his room. Buffy couldn’t help but feel sorry for him. He seemed so fragile; so like Spike and so unlike…

“I’ll stay with him.” The Guardian announced, “There are some things I need to talk to him about.”

Buffy and Spike made their way to the kitchen.

“I’m sorry.” Spike said, quietly.

“What for?” Buffy asked.

“Being with Lily.”

“Don’t be. You cared for her and you thought I was seeing the Immortal. You’ve done nothing wrong.”

“I should have got in touch with you, once I had re-corporealised.”

“When you did what?”

“Re-corporealised. It’s a long story.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

As they sorted out baby supplies, together, Spike told Buffy everything that had happened to him, since the Hellmouth.

“You’ve obviously had more fun than I have.” Buffy said, when he’d finished. “I’m so sorry about Lily. I think I would have liked her.”

“Even though we were…?”

“Well, not that part but I can hardly blame her for loving you, can I? And she was way better than that airhead, Harmony. She wrote me, Lily, I mean; before she went through the portal. She’d told her dad to find me, if anything went wrong.”

“I wondered how you came to be here, for a while I thought you might be a ‘thrall dream’.”

“A what?”

“That’s how Lilith kept Lily prisoner. She thralled her and made her think she was in hospital. Thralls can be broken by extreme pain, so, as soon as Lily went into labour…”

“Don’t.” Buffy shuddered at the memory. “Jennifer Anne’s the new Guardian, do you think the other Guardian plans to raise her?” She asked, changing the subject.

“She can plan all she likes. Jennifer Anne is my daughter, she stays with me.” Spike said, firmly, looking down at his baby as she contentedly sucked from the bottle of baby milk that Buffy had made up.

“I’d like to help with that…” Buffy said, shyly, “If you’ll have me.”

For once, Spike ignored the obvious innuendo. He nodded.

“I never stopped loving you, Buffy.” He said.

“I know, Robert told me.”

“Oh, God, how can I tell him what happened?”

“You didn’t kill her, Spike. If anything, what you did comforted her. She knew she was dying and she knew that she could give you the strength to get out of here. She died with a smile on her face, saving the man she loved.”

“You’ve changed, Buffy. What happened to you?”

“For two years, I thought you were dead. I had time to think. All the mistakes I’d made.

“I kept wondering, would things have been different if I’d not done certain things? If I’d not kissed Angel, in the Guardian’s tomb, if I’d let him wear the amulet, the way he wanted, instead of insisting he went back to L.A. in case we failed. If I’d worn it, the way I planned…” She looked thoughtful, as she took a breath and continued:

“I had time to replay all the bad things I did to you, how I messed you up, pressed buttons until I drove you to…” She blushed. “I went on and on at you about your soul, like you weren’t real without it, like I could just dump on you and it didn’t matter. You didn’t matter…” She was close to tears, now.

“I realized that Angel never really loved me, just an idea of me and I realized that you loved the real, imperfect me; even without your soul…”

“You grew up.” Spike said, softly.

“Yeah, I’m cookies.”

* * * * *

William stood in his mother’s bedroom and wept. He and the Guardian had been through the house, releasing the human prisoners and, while checking out the other rooms, he’d happened upon this one. William had taken a look at the tapestries and come undone.

The Guardian had helped him to leave his tiny, cellar room. She had fed him, from her wrist and his first taste of human blood, in so many decades, had made him feel he could take on the world.

Not this, though. In his mind’s eye, he could see his mother, stitching. She found it relaxing, even through her illness. Flowers, verses, birds, maybe. Not this. Bad enough that he had had to watch her, with her slayer prey but to see this record of her depravities; to imagine her studiously working on these abominations…

Spike was right. Lilith was not his mother. His sweet natured, innocent mother had died, over a century ago, when he had sired her.

Now, thanks to Lilith’s endless quest for power, she was dust, along with every vampire in the house. He looked at the dust on the bed, all that was left of her. Every vampire dust, except William and Spike.

The Guardian had explained it to him.

He wished she was here, now, to clear his mind again, with her blood. She’d told him that she had an errand to run but would be back, soon.

God, he had to get out of this room…

* * * * *

“Mother was a potential slayer?” Spike said, shocked.

“That’s what the Guardian told me, she said that’s why you were so perfect for her, ah, breeding programme.” Buffy replied, sipping the tea that Spike had made. ‘Typical Englishman,’ She thought, ‘First sign of a crisis, the kettle goes on.’

“Dru, yeah, after all, she had prophetic dreams… OK, she had them while she was awake but still… Mother? I wonder if she knew?” Spike continued, deliberately not picking up on Buffy’s reference to the Guardian’s plan.

“And I wasn’t exactly at the top of the chosen list, it seems. Which explains a lot.” Buffy continued.

“Huh?”

“Well, for a start, it explains why ‘The Powers That Be’ tried to set me up with Angel. They thought I was a mistake.”

“Bloody brilliant mistake, you ask me. Wait, they set you up?”

“Yeah, some ‘good’ demon went and dragged Angel out of the gutter, where he was living on a diet of rats, cleaned him up and pointed him in my direction. My very own stalker. Told him I’d be useless without him, or something.”

“Bloody cheek. When did you find this out?”

“Years ago. The night you helped me defeat Acathla.”

“You never told me.”

“We didn’t really talk, that night. You left me to die and drove off with Dru.”

“Sorry about that.”

“It’s OK. If you’d stayed and helped me kill Angel, I’d have probably resented you for it. As it was, he got his soul back, just in time for me to drive a sword through him and send him to hell. God, I felt guilty about that.”

“Why? It was what you had to do. What was the alternative? The whole world goes to hell with him? How did he get back, anyway?”

“Hell spat him back. I never found out why.”

“Probably sick of him; brooding all over the place.” Spike said, with a smirk.

“Yeah, the last thing hell needs is a buzz kill.” Buffy agreed, smiling. “I can’t believe I was so cut up over him. The Guardian said you’re my soul mate.”

“William said that, too. Must be true. I would never have drained you, even without my soul.” Spike said, pain in his voice.

“Does this world have a Buffy?”

“She died. Because William never left this house.”

“So I’d be dead, if it wasn’t for you? How different was her life, from mine?”

“Not very. She died, saving Dawn and Willow brought her back, same as you.”

“She died because you weren’t there for her, after heaven?” Buffy blinked back tears. “Without you, no one would have been there for me.”

“She burned.” Spike said, quietly.

“While dancing…the way I would have. God, I wanted it. I was almost angry at you for stopping me but I was so numb, I couldn’t even feel anger. I’m so sorry for the way I treated you.”

“S’okay, pet. We were meant to be there for each other. Back then, you needed someone who wouldn’t back down. I guess I do now. We won’t be apart again, will we?”

“No.” Buffy said, firmly. “I’ll call Dawn, when we get back to our dimension, tell her…”

“Tell me what?” Dawn said, from the doorway. “Oh my God, Spike!!!” She squealed, rushing to give him a hug.

“Careful, Nibblet, I’ve got my hands full, here.” He said, showing her Jennifer Anne. “Are you real? No, it’s got to be a thrall dream. You’ve grown.” He continued, confusion in his voice.

“It’s good to see you, too, Spike.” Dawn said, grinning. “Is this my baby sister? Oh my God, she’s so cute.”

“How did you find me?” Buffy asked, “There hasn’t been time.”

“Depends on how you travel. The Guardian brought me.” She added, at Buffy’s confused look. “That ‘tomb’ of hers, is actually a multi-dimensional gateway. It’s where she lives. Oh c’mon, Buffy, how long had you lived in Sunnydale, without ever seeing a pagan pyramid in the cemetery? Did you really think that she just sat around there for thousands of years, waiting for you to come and see her about the scythe?”

Buffy shook her head, just thinking about it…

“She’s right, pet. That pyramid was in Africa, when I first got my soul back. She took me in, fed me, healed my mind - well, for a while - and when I left, I was back in Sunnydale. Even had my bike. I’d forgotten, thought it was a blackout… you know.” Spike said and Buffy remembered how broken he had been, when he’d found out what he’d been doing during his ‘blackouts‘.

“So, I come out of the apartment and there’s a pyramid sticking out of the sidewalk.” Dawn continued, “Everyone’s just walking round it like it’s always been there. The Guardian’s standing out front, holding the scythe. She magicked it out of Giles’ safe…”

“And you just came with her? She could have been evil, for all you knew.” Buffy said and Spike nodded in agreement.

“Oh, purleese, I do have some instincts, you know.” Dawn said, rolling her eyes. “The gateway was making my blood fizz, so I knew it was important. Besides, you told me about the Guardian, remember? She told me that my family needed me, so, here I am.”

“She told you about…your…ah..parentage?” Spike asked.

“Yeah. It’s OK, I’m not freaked. It’s less of a shock than when I found out I wasn’t real. Besides, it explains why I’ve always loved you.” Dawn said, happily.

“Not always…” Spike said, softly.

“Yes, Spike, always.” Dawn replied, firmly. “Even when I was threatening you.”

“Huh? When did you threaten Spike?” Buffy asked.

“When I first came back to Sunnydale, after my soul… While I was still pretending…”

“Oh.” Buffy said, just as the Guardian came in, holding the scythe.

“Here you all are,” She said, “It’s time to start the next phase.”