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Author's Chapter Notes:
NOTE: This chapter is a lot longer because I couldn't figure out where to start Chapter 8. The middle to end contain some mature content. Consider yourself warned :)
Chapter 7

She banged on the door several times before he finally heard her and shut the music off. He opened the door, beer bottle in one hand.

"Whaddya want now? I turned off the sodding music, if that's what you wanted." He took a swig from the bottle and continued to glare at her. She stood, crossing her arms in front of her, glaring right back.

"Can we talk? Or do the grown-up topics scare you?" Her eyes issued him a silent challenge. He waved her in and slowly shut the door behind him. He rested his forehead against the door before slowly turning around to face her. She had seated herself on the end of his bed, arms crossed and ready for a verbal smackdown with him. He took another sip from the bottle, emptying it. He set the empty bottle down on the table and pulled the chair next to it out, placing it in front her and plopped down.

"All right, Slayer, so talk." She was unprepared for this, but she wanted more answers. "When were you going to tell me you were alive? And I mean alive in the sense that you now have a beating heart and an expiration date and can get a tan without going all flame-y." He thought for a moment before responding.

"After Angel got back from visiting your Watcher in merry old England. They've got all my documents ready: birth certificate, passport, driver's license. As soon as I had that, I was planning on flying to Rome." He noticed her shocked expression that even Giles had known he was alive. Even her own Watcher had lied to her. Her jaw clenched and unclenched several times before she spoke again.

"So Giles knows too?" she asked slowly. He snorted.

"Just said that, didn't I?" She looked up and glared at him. He softened and apologized. A split second later, he changed his mind.

"I'm not the one who should be apologizing here, love. You're the one who's mad at me, remember?" She placed a hand on his knee.

"I know and I'm sorry, Spike, but you gotta admit, I have every right to be mad at you." She looked at him as she issued her semi-apology. He looked down at her hand before looking up to see her gazing at him. She continued, turning her gaze downward.

"It's just that the happy, jumpy part of me that is enormously overjoyed to see you is fighting with the furious, I mean like super mad-as-hell, Slayer. And I just keep thinking about how short life really is and how much of it I've wasted the last few years."

She paused, looking up to see him looking at her intently. She quickly looked back down at her hands.

"I have had a lot of time to think about how I treated you back in Sunnydale. Not to mention some of the horrible things I said to you. No wonder you didn't believe me when I told you that I loved you. I hadn't given you any reason to believe me. But," she looked up at him and saw that his blue eyes were starting to glisten, "I am so sorry for everything I put you through. You deserved so much better. You still do." He snorted and interrupted her apology.

"I didn't deserve bugger all then. I was a vamp. You should have dusted me when you had the chance. But it's too late now, pet. Staking me now'll make me bleed." He looked at her and noticed that a solitary tear had started to run down her face. He wiped it with away with his thumb and held her cheek in his hand. She looked up at him as he continued.

"I still love you. You'd have to be blind not to see that. I mean, bloody hell, I still have that charred little picture of you. That thing has been to hell and back, literally." She smiled, remembering what Gunn had told her earlier and she chuckled softly.

"I just need to know one thing, pet. I know you missed me, but I need to know if I'm wasting my time, 'cuz I don't have a lot of that now – time, I mean." He continued to look at her intently. She broke away from his gaze and looked down at her hands. He pulled his hand away from her cheek and held his hands together in between his knees while he awaited her response.

She knew this should be an easy question to answer, but since she had shut herself down from feeling anything so long ago, she was having a hard time recognizing any of the emotions that were currently wracking her brain. Even though she had had hours to prepare for this conversation, she still hesitated.

He stood up abruptly. He knew he had been wasting his time. He angrily marched toward the door and swung it open, gesturing her to leave. She looked up at him, teary eyed.

"I'm sorry, it's just that-" He cut her off.

"What? Still in love with Captain Forehead, are ya? Fine. He'll be back in a week. Til then, leave me be." He stood there, jaw clenched, tears stinging in his eyes.

She stood up and walked toward him. She placed a hand on his cheek and he turned his face away from her touch. She put her hands on either side of his face and forced him to look at her.

"I am not in love with Angel, you moron. You've always been a little slow, haven't you? You were back in Sunnydale before it went all kaplooey. You have been in my heart for the last eight years, not him. I was just too stupid to realize it."

"You said it, not me," he huffed. She looked into his eyes before she spoke again.

"I shut myself down from feeling anything after I lost you. Going through the motions, yet again. Except this time, I didn't have my Spike to help me through." He snorted again.

"So you just wanna use me again? Is that all I am to you? Well listen, Slayer, things have changed. I've changed. I'm not the same Spike you used and abused back in ol' Sunnyhell. I have feelings now, and-" She covered his mouth with her index finger.

"Let me finish, OK? I know you're different now; Spike is gone." He waved at her.

"Uh, still here pet. I haven't gone any-" She replaced the finger to his lips.

"No, I said Spike is gone; William is the one standing in front of me." She choked down the lump that was forming in her throat.

"You're not a vampire anymore. You're not evil. No more demon. You are kind and generous, totally devoted to me even though I really don't deserve it. And you still love me. I have beaten and berated you, but you're still here. Still standing in front of me." A tear escaped from his eye as she spoke. She wiped it away with her hand and cupped his cheek. "I love you, William, and I have missed you every single day. You have no idea the hell I've been through." The tears she had been trying to hold back finally broke loose and she started sobbing. He held her tight against him.

He was William now, not Spike. He hadn't thought of that until she said it. She was right of course. She always was.

"Bloody aggravating," he thought to himself. He stroked her hair and kissed the top of her head until she had composed herself. She broke away from the embrace reluctantly to look up at him.

"I am so sorry for making you doubt me. But if you could just give me a chance, I know what we have is real and I-" He put his arm around her back and pulled her in for a kiss. Her hands shot up into his hair. It was soft and wavy, so unlike the bleached blond hair he used to have. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her even deeper into the kiss. His tongue worked to part her lips until he found her eager tongue waiting for him.

She could feel him harden against her hips. She unconsciously started to grind against him. He let out a low moan. She broke the kiss and started trailing small kisses up and down his neck and across his jawbone.

"Mmmmm, Buffy," he moaned. He moved in order to shut the door. Her hands had found the bottom of his t-shirt and were tugging it loose from his waistband. He suddenly felt her warm hands on his abdomen as she worked the shirt off of him. He let out another low moan as she began to trail kisses from his abs, working her way up his chest until she reached his waiting mouth.

He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her passionately for a moment before pulling away to gaze at her. Her lips were swollen from kissing and her cheeks had a healthy pink flush to them. She was so beautiful in that moment. Her eyes looked at him questioningly. "What's wrong?" she asked. He lowered his head and shook it, chuckling.

"Nothing, love. It's just that I have dreamed about this for a long time. Just never thought it'd happen is all. I just need to hear you say it again." He gazed at her. God, how he loved her. His heart felt full, complete. No longer did he feel like he was missing a part of himself; she made him whole. She smiled at him.

"I love you, William. I am really, truly, completely in love with you. I'm not cookie dough anymore; I am finished baking and am ready to be with you for the rest of our lives." He looked at her quizzically.

"Cookie dough?" She giggled.

"I'll tell you later. It's a long story. Now will you just shut up and kiss me already." He obliged her by scooping her up in his arms and kissing her until he reached the bed. He set her down on the bed and she started to undo his belt buckle and jeans. He stroked her hair as she wrestled with the leather strap.

He wanted to make love to her, but he also didn't want to rush her. He cupped her chin and tilted her head up so she was looking at him.

"We don't have to rush into anything, ya know? If you want to take it slow, I'm OK with that. I just want you to be sure this is what you want." She moved onto her knees to face him. She wrapped her arms around his neck, resting them on the nape of his neck.

"Are you scared, William? Is that what's going on? Scared I'm gonna leave you? Or that I'm gonna use you again? Not a chance. I will scream it from the balcony or from the roof of this hotel that I love you. Will that convince you that I'm serious?" He smiled at her.

"Of course not, pet. I just – It's just that I have dreamt about you saying you loved me and meaning it for so long that I don't want to be horribly disappointed if this is a dream and I wake up in hell, still a vamp. You have no idea how happy I was to see you this afternoon. You said you'd been through hell, well pet, I've been through it literally. There were nights that I missed you so much I would take out that little picture I had of you and talk to it. Pretending you could hear me was the only thing that kept me sane."





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