As she stepped through the door the vision before her mended and broke her heart at the same time. It was him. Buffy didn’t need to see his face to know that. No one else had the same slicked back platinum hair, or sported the same plain black t-shirt. She could smell the leather of his duster along with the musky smell of cigarettes from where she stood even though she was at least 12 feet away from the prized garment that lay crumpled at his feet. Nothing was changed about his physical appearance since she had last seen him. It was as if he had simply stepped out of a picture taken that day. Not one hair was out of place on his head, making Buffy almost think that this moment in time had somehow immediately followed the one before he had told her to leave him in the Hellmouth to burn up from the inside out. That all the months she’d lived without him were just a dream. She let this feeling give her hope for a moment. That maybe he would turn around now and it could be as if he had never ceased to live. That everything else would just fade away.
She stayed there, staring at his back and the way the muscles danced beneath his t-shirt. Refusing to let her eyes wonder any lower than his back. Maybe if she didn’t look at it again it wouldn’t be real. Maybe he would just turn around and smile. Smile that smile of pure joy that he so rarely bestowed on people and make his way across the room to her. Maybe if she just ignored it, it would simply disappear. Fade away. Never even be there in the first place. She stood there for a few seconds trying to do just that. Wish it away. The thing that she could swear made her heart audibly break into a million different pieces she would never be able to put back together again. But try as she might, she couldn’t make it go away. And when her eyes wandered down the rest of Spike’s body again, the pair of pale, womanly legs wrapped firmly around his hips was still there. The feet enclosed in pink high-heeled shoes still resting against his ass. And two pairs of ragged moans, one familiar the other not, still sounded in her ears.
She should have known. It had been stupid of her to think that whatever higher power was staring down at them would actually allow her to be happy. Even for just a few moments in time. She wanted so badly to keep him that it shouldn’t have ever come as a surprise that he wasn’t hers anymore.
She felt the same pain she had felt when she had seen the video from the Magic Box, showing Spike and Anya desperately clawing at each other. Despite the fact that she had just broken up with him she felt that he was hers. That he was supposed to love her, however much she had tried to make him stop. That he belonged with her even as she knew she couldn’t be with him. It had hurt. Much more than she had let on to anyone. But this time there was something else there. A quiet, bitter resignation to this fate. The knowledge that she could not change this moment and that he wasn’t hers. She’d never had the right to have him as hers. Not with the way she had treated him. And with these feelings she lost all traces of the newfound hope that had been surging inside her just minutes before. She wouldn’t be happy. Not this time, not ever. And she was tired of trying.
The vampire before her stiffened for less than a second, his vampire senses finally telling him that there was someone else in the room with them. And for a second Buffy thought he had smelled her. She feared she would not be able to keep her composure if he turned around now. Her fears proved to be unfounded when he resumed his previous tempo without hesitation and not bothering to even turn around said:
“I thought I told you to sod off, mate.”
She wanted to say something, but she found herself lacking the ability to speak. So she stood there, unable to move her eyes off of him as he continued pounding into the girl in front of him.
‘Bloody hell’ Spike thought to himself. He was going to rip this guy’s intestines out and strangle him with them if he didn’t get the fuck out of there soon, soul or no soul. It had only been five minutes since he’d kicked the sod out of his office so he could fuck Harmony on his desk. The git ought to know better than to come back so soon. What the bleeding hell was wrong with him? Didn’t he know that when a vampire kicked you out of your own office instead of just breaking your neck it was best to skedaddle before he changed his mind? You would think he’d be grateful for the time off. People these days. He had half a mind to… ‘Wait…that smell…it’s…no, it can’t be,’ he thought. Stiffening again he sniffed the air purposefully this time. The smell that suddenly attacked his nostrils from all directions was so intoxicating it made the demon scream inside of him.
‘God no, please no. Not like this. Not now,’ he thought, as he knew instantly, without a shadow of a doubt who it was that was standing behind him, watching him as he drove into Harmony like there was no tomorrow. He wished for all the world that Fred was here to invent him a time machine so he could go back in time to before he’d dragged Harmony down the hallway searching for the nearest available surface. God help him, he even wished that Harmony had rejected more of the empty offices they found because the desk wasn’t big enough, or the carpet wasn’t posh enough, or it reeked of Hubber demon. He wished Peaches had given him a stern talking to about using his employees for his own personal pleasure. He wished he could change anything in the chain of events that had him currently sticking his dick in his ex-girlfriend while the woman he loved more than anything watched him.
He was so frustrated he wanted to bang his head against the wall until his brain splattered all over it. He honed all his senses in on her, trying to ascertain her level of distress. Her breaths were barely audible, even for a vampire, like she was trying to remain as quiet as possible. She smelled the way she always smelled. The most unlikely combination of power and vanilla. A smell that stayed in a room for long after she had vacated it. He could follow her scent for miles if he needed to. He breathed her in again, opening his nostrils as much as he could and closing his eyes. This could very well be the last time he would be near enough to her to smell her. After finding him like this, she would probably never want to see him again. The thought seemed to make his heart even deader than before.
He realized her heartbeat was pounding in his ears, betraying the fact that she had run all the way there at full Slayer speed. She had run to find him. Him. The worthless git who had just proved once again that he didn’t deserve to kiss the fucking floor where her feet had rested.
He feared that as soon as he turned around to look at her she would leave. Feared that her eyes would be cold and hold nothing but hatred for him now. So he stayed still, his back still turned to her, even though it was obvious he was completely aware of her presence now since he’d ceased moving inside Harmony and even she was looking up at him like he’d lost his mind. He knew the idea was ridiculous, but if this was the end he wanted to keep her a little longer. Be able to smell that scent that made his demon scream for blood and William want to recite endless sonnets to her. He could almost feel the warmth of her body. He could picture her. Imagined an entire series of outfits that she might be wearing. Imagined she was wearing her hair down because he loved it that way. Even as he wanted to prolong this moment, the need to see her, even if for the last time, won out and he turned his head and then his entire body towards her.
“Buffy…I…” he started, but realized he didn’t know how to finish. What could he possibly say? Nothing he said would make what she had just witnessed alright. And God she was more beautiful than he ever could have pictured her in his mind’s eye. She wore jeans and a simple grey shirt, her hair down as he’d pictured it. He wanted to go to her and sweep her off her feet. Spin her around the room as she laughed over his shoulder. A million different scenarios of how this reunion could have gone flashed through his head only to be shattered by the reality. Despite her beauty, there was a sadness in Buffy’s eyes that he suspected he was very much responsible for, and that denied him the right to go to her as if when she’d walked in he was merely sitting in a chair innocently.
“I…I’m so sorry, love,” he said, trying to communicate his sincerity with his eyes.
“Angel told me you were alive. I...uh…I thought I would just come say ‘hey’” Buffy finally said, completely ignoring the apology Spike had made. “But I can see you’re busy…,” she said as her eyes inadvertently fell on his crotch where the zipper of his jeans had yet to be zipped back up, “…so I will just see you later. I have some stuff to discuss with Angel anyway.”
Feeling her eyes on him, Spike quickly redid the zipper that he had completely forgotten about before as Buffy continued to stand there awkwardly despite the fact that she had just made her excuse that would allow her to leave the room. God she’d missed him. Even now as she saw Harmony jumping off the desk behind Spike and fixing her skirt, she wanted to go to him. A large part of her wanted to just let him put his arms around her and pretend that none of this had actually happened. But she couldn’t. Even as she watched the sorrowful look on his face become more pronounced, she couldn’t go to him. It wouldn’t work. Even if she could forgive him. Who is to say that he even wanted her anymore? Sure he looked sorry to have hurt her, but he had a soul now after all. Feeling guilt for your actions was part of the package. No, it was best that she leave now before this could get any worse. When she finally turned to go Spike’s voice stopped her in her tracks.
“Buffy wait. Look it isn’t what you think. I was going to go look for you. I’ve only been corporeal for like five minutes!”
Spike hoped his words would convince her to stay, hear him out. But when she turned her face back towards him and he saw her eyes he knew his choice of words had been a mistake.
“And you chose to spend those five minutes fucking Harmony?” Buffy replied.
Spike froze at that. Her voice wasn’t angry, or hurt. He would have been more or less prepared to deal with screaming or her being upset. But instead, her voice held no inflection at all. At most she sounded tired. Like she felt there was no point in getting angry so she had given up on the idea altogether. Her eyes held no accusation as she asked the question, as if she didn’t even blame him for his actions. He didn’t know what to say. Obviously he had been fucking Harmony. And now he had also managed to make it sound like it was the first thing that went through his head the second he became corporeal. ‘Way to bollocks it up even more, mate’ he thought to himself.
Seeing that she wasn’t going to get an answer to her rather rhetorical question she turned around and started to leave the room again.
“I’m going to go speak to Angel. Goodbye Spike…and Harmony,” she said, acknowledging the other blonde’s presence for the first time really.
“But Buffy you have to let me explain. I…owwww…Harmony what the fuck?” Spike yelled as Harmony jumped him from behind digging her vampire teeth into his neck.
Buffy turned at Spike’s shout of pain to see him fling Harmony off of him and onto the floor. At first glance she thought the other vampire was just pissed off that Spike had interrupted their time together to speak to her, but as Harmony’s hair fell away from her face, she and Spike simultaneously saw little streams of blood pouring out of her eyes and her deranged expression.
“I’m. Not. Yours!” she yelled at Spike, loud enough that he probably would have heard her across the Pacific Ocean with his vampire hearing.
“What the fuck…,” Spike started saying, but he was interrupted by Harmony jumping for his jugular again. He moved to defend himself against another attack, but before Harmony could even reach him Buffy delivered a swift punch to her face, effectively knocking her out.
The Slayer and vampire both stared at each other, equally bewildered looks on both their faces. Finally Buffy voiced both their concerns:
“What the fuck just happened?”
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Author's Chapter Notes:
As promised, chapter 4 is already here only a few hours later. So after this chapter you will definitely know where Buffy came in in he plotline of the fifth season of Angel. You probably all figured it out before too, but now it's extremely obvious. And Buffy and Spike finally meet!
Chapter End Notes:
Did you like it? I mean I know you guys are probably not thrilled about the Spike having sex with Harmony thing, but otherwise. Reviews would really be awesome since this is really the first chapter that Buffy and Spike actually see each other. Thanks! :D