[Reviews - 123]
-
Table of Contents [Report This]
Microsoft Word Chapter or Story | ePub eBook Chapter or Story | Printer Chapter or Story

Has been viewed 2260 times

- Text Size +




Author's Chapter Notes:

So here come the excuses (I’m sorry but its just so you understand that it isn’t me loosing interest in the story, just life getting in the way!) I’ve just started a college night course, so with my boyfriend being home on easter break the last month, work, and now college I have absolutely no time, and when I do I have really shit things to catch up on like housework and sleep etc so I am really sorry but that’s what I’ve been up to…



Hope people haven’t forgotten the story, very soon its going to start moving in a new direction as it comes to an end (Chapter 20 will be the last so we’re on our way, but still lots of good stuff to come) its going to change pace a little…Another important note is that I know I've kept you waiting and the Chapter is a lot shorter than normal, some may be disappointed by this, so I'll just say it may or may not continue. Chapter length is normally something I have a margin for and stick to, but with this story it goes up and down depending on where I feel its appropriate to end each part, that’s just to clear things up for those of you who think I’m being lazy or teasing you with short Chapters, thats not my intention! I love this story and I'm powering through the best I can!





Buffy woke up with Spike on top of her.

She was writhing underneath him, trying to get away, but she didn’t remember why. Was he trying to hurt her? What had happened during the night? And why couldn’t she remember?

Then when he spoke, it became clear.

“Buffy, wake up; it’s just a dream.” he said to her.

A dream; that’s what it had been, a dream she’d had before, she remembered now. Then she realised where she really was; she wasn’t there in the dream with that man, she was here with Spike.

She opened her eyes finally and saw his face, it was panicked, worried, she might have even said afraid, but she wasn’t sure what of. Neither was he, because he was now searching her eyes for an explanation.

She tried to sit up and he rolled off her to let her so she could pull herself together. She took a lot of deep breaths and looked around the room anxiously trying to ground herself. When she’d taken some time to calm down she looked over at him. He was laid beside her, still looking worried, but trying to give her the space she needed.

He was still waiting for her to talk to him, but when she finally composed herself her feelings instantly changed from confusion to embarrassment.

“What happened?” she asked looking down at the covers between her legs. She knew full well about her nightmare, but she was referring to what had happened to clue him in to it as well.

“Why don’t you tell me, luv?” he said, his brow furrowing, “All I know is you’ve got a hell of a right hook on you.”

“What?”

She snapped her face back to him questioningly. Spike shifted to raise himself up so that he was resting on his arm and simply tapped his chin with his free hand; his jaw looked a little red.

“Oh my God!”

He laughed warmly, “Its okay, I promise. It’s just a...” Then his breath was caught short, because Buffy had jumped over to him suddenly. It stopped his train of thought dead.

With her hand glued to the side of his face she sat there on her knees in front of him checking over his jaw, staring at it and stroking it almost affectionately. She looked concerned, a feeling he’d never seen her have before, more specifically never seen her have for him. It made his insides flutter.

“It’s just a graze, I swear.” he said; his voice breathy and a little shaky because of her closeness.

She seemed to notice how unusually tender her behaviour was for the first time and pulled away uncomfortably, but as her hand dropped from his face he caught it in his.

“What was that dream, kitten?” his eyes darted up and between hers to try and figure out what was going on from her face, in case her words didn’t help.

She swallowed carefully thinking her answer through, “Nothing.”

“Do you have nightmares?” he asked.

He didn’t mean did she ever have nightmares though, he meant did she have nightmares here. She did; that was the answer, but she couldn’t say that to him, because he wouldn’t understand.

He’d think she’d always had nightmares, because of this place, because of him. That wasn’t what kept her up at night, even though maybe it should have. It wasn’t him; it was ever since Angel attacked her. It didn’t happen every night, but every few, and when they happened they were bad. Usually they were so bad they woke her, but seeing she was alone in her room made her remember that he wasn’t really there anymore, knowing that she’d go back to sleep and have more pleasant dreams the rest of the night, so she had never mentioned it.

But she couldn’t explain all of that to Spike, because she hadn’t ever told him about Angel, and part of her felt it was too late to now, so many other things were going on.

“I…” her voice broke in panic, what was she supposed to say? She didn’t want him to think she had nightmares because of him, but how could she prove otherwise without telling him about what Angel had tried to do to her? How would he handle that if he knew?

She rolled over as if to get out of bed and he didn’t like that she was about to run away from him again. He pulled on her hand and brought her back to him, staring her out.

“Tell me.” he begged.

She wanted to, but when he looked at her like that, so desperate to know what was wrong, she was confronted with how much he cared for her and she couldn’t escape it. It made her want to kiss him, the urge was almost uncontrollable. His feelings were so intense they made her want to leap, because she knew he wanted to take her in his arms and make love to her again and when he stared at her that way it made her want to let him.

Spike saw the conflict in her eyes, and at first he mistook it for her unwillingness to share, but then he recognised her expression. She was fighting with herself, she was about to make a move on him, he knew it, he couldn’t explain why but he knew it was coming. He also knew she’d hate herself for doing it after the fact, because she had always regretted it when something had happened between them.

So he took the decision from her, if she was going to regret it he’d stop her from having the chance. If she had to hate someone it could be him, not herself. He pulled back, letting her hand drop, and moved to the opposite side of the bed, swinging his legs over and out from the covers until he was sat on the edge. Without much hesitation he got up and out of bed altogether, picking up the shirt he had shed during the night and putting it back on.

He may be a bad man in her eyes, but he didn’t want to be that kind of man. He knew she wasn’t sure about him anymore, and even if she made the first move he would still be taking advantage of her in her confused state. After last night he couldn’t push her.

Could he?

Maybe he should just make her face up to what was going on between them. Or maybe he was right, maybe she had to come to that realisation in her own time.

“Spike, where are you going?” she asked bewildered. She wondered what she’d done to make him suddenly want to leave her, and her relief that she no longer had to tell him about her dream was quickly replaced by something worse. She didn’t know what had happened, how she’d upset him, but she could sense something was wrong and she wanted to know what it was.

Before his resolve weakened he walked to the door, turning back to her briefly to find her just as confused as he thought she would be. “Go back to bed, Buffy. I’ll leave you some lunch to wake up to. Think about…” he said breaking off, swallowing and beginning again, “I’ll come back to see you again tonight and we’ll talk.”

What did that mean? She could hear that he was implying more than what he said, he wasn’t just coming back to see her, they were going to talk, but about what? What had he wanted her to think about? She knew of course, and if he hadn’t caught her by surprise with this she’d have understood him straight away, but everything was happening so fast, one minute they were about to kiss and the next she was talking to the back of his head.

“Spike, I…” before she could even think about how to phrase her words he was already shutting the door closed between them.

Spike locked her in as usual, but then he turned, and for a second he was unable to leave so he leaned back against the wood. Looking at her just then he knew he wanted her, every time he looked at her he knew. Even if she didn’t know what she wanted, he did.

He’d give her the day to decide, that’s all he could promise her. Then he’d be back. For her.

* * * * *

He spent the morning walking the streets; she spent the day sitting in her room, and the irony didn’t escape him, that in leaving her to choose a life with him as he had, he had left her to choose whether she wanted them to stay that way. Him outside, free to go, free to roam, and her forever waiting, locked up with the rest of his secrets.

He’d realised this morning that he wanted a lot more from Buffy than he was getting, but he wasn’t stupid; he knew it was difficult for her to have any kind of relationship with him, never mind the one he wanted, which was bound to fail; it was a lot to ask of her, and if he was a better man perhaps he wouldn’t have asked it at all.

Maybe if he was a better man he would have given her more time to think about everything as well, but he was going back to her tonight, he knew he couldn’t wait any longer than that. He just hoped she knew what he wanted from her by now; he hoped she’d take the day to think if it’s what she wanted too. Tonight they were going to talk, and she was going to make up her mind about him once and for all.

Buffy was still confused, one minute he was comforting her, she felt closer to him than ever and then the next he was fleeing the scene. Also after what he’d told her last night she’d expected to feel differently, but she didn’t. She’d seen his darkest side, the side he was afraid to show her, and today just felt like another day, the world kept turning and she kept feeling more for him than she was meant to feel. But it was all nothing compared to the confusion she felt waking up with him during the night; his presence had helped her get back to sleep when she was afraid, and that’s the sort of thing you can’t ignore.

She had a lot of thinking to do, and she didn’t even know if Spike would even come back like he had promised.

* * * * *

When Spike had finally ran out of thoughts he’d ended up on the other side of town, and before he knew it he’d found a bar and starting drinking it dry. He stopped at one point deciding he needed a cigarette. He hadn’t smoked for a long time, but his arguments with Buffy often sent him craving a pack. He stood up from his stool and went to pull his jacket off the backrest, fully intending to come back for at least one more drink, when he stumbled and almost fell.

It was time to call it a night, but he needed something else to do, after all he wasn’t ready to go to her yet, and he couldn’t anyway, not in this state.

When he got outside the cold air hit him like a kick in the gut and he felt the bile build up in the back of his throat. Pushing it down he reached inside his jacket and pulled out his cigarettes. He tapped the bottom of the box sharply into his palm, then drew one out and put it between his lips. He lit it, took a slow drag, sucking in a long deep breath with it, and blew it back out just as slow again.

“Fuck.” he sighed suddenly, leaning against the rough brick wall. He didn’t know what the hell he was going to do, another walk around the streets at night waiting for her to figure out what she thought of him? He was scared and anxious to find out the answers she had for him, but it was all déjà vu. He didn’t care, if it meant they had a chance he’d walk and wait forever.

Buffy climbed into bed late that night, wondering why Spike hadn’t shown up, worried where he was, and if he was okay. She didn’t care anymore that it was wrong for her to worry about him, she just did. She didn’t care anymore why he’d left; she just wanted him to come home. She didn’t care that “home” had crept into her vocabulary either.

He held himself steady, so the boards beneath his feet wouldn’t creak. He held his breath, so that she wouldn’t hear his rapid anxious breathing outside her door. But after everything, Spike couldn’t hold his nerve.

His eyes screwed shut, he clenched his fists at his sides; rain dripped down the sleeves of his leather coat and chilled his knuckles. He couldn’t do this, he couldn’t do this to her. He couldn’t ask this of her.

He turned and ran down the stairs to his study; slinging his coat on the chair he braced himself on his palms against the desk. He’d go to his bed, not to hers. Tonight he’d be strong.


* * * * *

Buffy woke feeling the bed dip, the covers shuffled against her skin and a warm body moved up against hers; a hand ghosted down her arm, someone kissed her shoulder. She was groggy, confused, so she opened her eyes and turned, forgetting where she was.

When she saw it was Spike, when he gently moved the hair out of her face and caressed her cheek she fell, and so did her guard. Every barrier she still had up, every shred of doubt, whether valid or not no longer mattered.

She didn’t have any answers for him, but it didn’t matter; he couldn’t be strong for her and that didn’t matter either.

She looked at him for a second, but only a second before kissing him. His heart leapt at her acceptance, he could feel her skin beneath his and it set his soul on fire just like the last time.


* * * * *



Chapter End Notes:
Hope everyone thought that was worth waiting for, at least there was a Spuffy part, and there will be next Chapter too…where will it go from here??? And btw don’t worry that I seemed to skip the sex scene…that’s what flashback are for ;)



You must login (register) to review.