Author's Chapter Notes:

I promised an update last week on my twitter and I really wanted to live up to it but my internet went off, and yesterday was the first chance I had (because of work) to phone customer services and sort it out, but its back up now, just slow...


I hope its worth the wait because I have REALLY enjoyed writing this chapter, lots of Spuffyness in this one, I hope everyone likes it!


NEXT UPDATE: I go away on holiday in exactly 2 weeks, and I think I have 3 days off in all that time leading towards the holiday and not much of the next Chapter in the bag, so I can’t promise an update soon, but I will try my very best…please check my twitter for news (even if you don’t have twitter you can view it), I’ll let everyone know on there when the next update will be http://twitter.com/AngelelauraRae




Spike woke up next to someone, holding her in his arms. He didn’t remember the last time that had happened, it was strange, but he was glad of it. This girl, the girl in his arms, was changing him inside and out, he could feel it. He hadn’t thought about leaving for a while, he hadn’t thought about his future, just about her. There was a holdall full of money sitting in his kitchen cupboard, it’d been there 3days, and he should have been thinking about leaving, putting his mother’s house on the market, deciding what to do with Buffy and be half way to Rio or somewhere equally exotic by now, but he didn’t want to do any of those things.

If he’d made any decision it had been to do nothing, not to plan, not to leave. He ignored the money and the niggling feeling that something was wrong, that in the end someone would notice he’d not left, perhaps even Angel, and come looking for him. He hoped with all his might that nothing would ruin this, but he knew in the back of his mind that his worries were real, and they wouldn’t go away. All he could do right now was try and forget them for a time, and man did this girl make that easy, and just as easily as his mind had started wondering it was back, to her. He brushed everything aside with only a last short question, when had his priorities changed?

He opened his eyes and saw her face. She had a contented look set into her warm features; her skin was a little flushed and her golden locks a little messy, but it didn’t stop her being beautiful, if anything it made it just a little harder for him to breathe.

He remembered the night before, how passionate she’d been, how giving. She’d been there with him, loving him with her body, just as he’d loved her with his.

When she’d kissed him back he couldn’t explain the feeling that washed over him, but it spread through his body like a fire. And it wasn’t just his body she stirred to life, but his heart. He’d always thought it was rusty through lack of use, apparently not.

They hadn’t spoken, but that’s because there was nothing to talk about. They had pushed towards each other, their lips never separating, and his arms had wrapped around her. He’d ground his erection into her sex and groaned at the sensation. He’d moved his kisses to her neck and listened to the noises she made in gratitude. Her hands had moved down to remove his trousers, but he’d stopped her.

Almost immediately he’d changed tact, he wanted to draw this out. Their first time together had been mind blowing, but he hadn’t savoured it, naïvely thinking they would have their time again he’d just enjoyed the moment and taken it for granted. He wouldn’t make the same mistake again, because nothing was for certain, especially when it came to them.

As if it was happening all over again Spike lay in bed and remembered every move they had made last night. How he’d travelled down, kissing her chest, pulling down her top to lick her nipple quickly, she’d squirmed and gasped and he’d smirked, but carried on moving lower.

When he got to her shorts he drew them down an inch and licked the soft skin he found just below her stomach. He felt her shiver and looked up to where she was laid staring at him. Her eyes were intense, and he imagined so were his. They didn’t break eye contact as he untied the string on her bottoms and slid them down her thighs.

Buffy was about to shrug them off all the way when he grabbed her legs to still her and dived into kiss her in her most intimate place. She cried out in shock and pleasure, weaving her hands into his hair so that he wouldn’t stop.

He licked her from her clit to where he wanted to bury himself, and back again slowly, so that she shook and whimpered with anticipation. After he felt her get wetter he stuck his tongue inside her, fucking her with it until she grabbed his head almost painfully. He felt her panting and straining to keep her cool, but he wanted her to lose it, so he looked up at her, waited until she saw him, and went to town on her clit while she watched. She came and before she knew it he was back on top of her.

He cupped her face and she stared at him with misty eyes. He was smoothing her hair away, bringing her slowly back down to earth, but his eyes were asking her whether she wanted to go higher.

Even though her body was still tingling she found the strength to push him off her gently and get out of the bed. She ran to the bathroom, and when she came back she found a bewildered Spike laid where they had both been a few seconds before.

He was confused, but he wasn’t angry, and although she hadn’t meant to make him feel like she was rejecting him, she was glad that he wasn’t annoyed at her for it. She held up a condom wrapper timidly and he immediately caught up to what she was doing. When she got back to the bed she seemed slightly nervous; having escaped him for a second, seeing him there laid out for her like an Adonis, she felt her throat close slightly and suddenly dreaded that she looked a little worse for wear at the side of him.

Nothing was further from Spike’s mind as he looked her up and down, he sat up on his knees and reached out for her, pulling her forwards back onto the bed with him, now with her on top; she giggled and was instantly relaxed. Not only that, but her confidence came back. She knew they’d stopped, he’d looked at her and suddenly the need for her was just as strong. Spike thought she was desirable, and she didn’t think she’d ever discovered that in a man before; he wanted her as much as she wanted him.

This time Spike went to take his own trousers off, and Buffy let him, she’d slipped her shorts off at some point, but didn’t even realise when. Before he could even take a breath she was rolling the condom down on his very hard cock and resting herself above it.

She sunk down, and the feeling was indescribable. She rocked forward and back and he groaned with every tiny movement. She was tight and hot around him, and so beautiful moving on top of him. He was in sensory overload, but he needed to see more of her, to touch all of her. He sat up, pulled off her top and started kissing her chest wherever he could, holding her and urging her movements to become more sure and steady. Several times he almost came, but he stilled her, took the time to kiss her, to ghost his fingers down her arms and lazily thrust into her now and then to keep himself from exploding.

He could see her eyes trying to close; she could barely keep them open as all her concentration was on her impending orgasm. He wanted to look into her eyes, but he was having the same problem. It was all too much, but he kept it going, rolling her beneath him he kissed her passionately and continued his slow tortuous rhythm.

He felt himself coming, and he didn’t have any control left to stop it, he looked at her and realised she was coming too, he hadn’t had to do anything to her, just love her and she was coming, and that sight made him fall over the edge with her.

She shuddered into her climax and held him close; he shook too and kissed her neck. She turned her head and kissed his jaw and he stared at her, drinking her in with his eyes and then kissed her again. They made love once more and fell asleep still entangled.

Back in the present Buffy made a cute sound as she started to wake up and it caught Spike’s attention. He smiled, waiting for her to come round for a second. “Morning.” he said; the words almost got stuck in his throat. He waited patiently, his body stiffening as if preparing itself for a blow, but the blow never came.

“Morning.” she replied.

It was the sweetest thing he’d ever heard, and the sweetest thing he’d ever seen when she turned her head and smiled at him. Not only was she not running, not screaming, not hiding from him, she was smiling.

Even though he’d seen every inch of her, explored her and tasted her and done unspeakable things to her body, he felt nervous when she turned and moved closer alongside him to get comfy. Her leg brushed up against his and his insides fluttered like a giddy teenager sharing a bed with his girlfriend for the first time, and it didn’t feel too far removed from that situation, because something had shifted. It was unspoken and although it was important it wasn’t necessary to acknowledge it, she wasn’t just Buffy to him anymore. Things were more complicated, and yet more simple.

“What are you thinking about?” she asked, looking up at him with her big, bright eyes.

He smiled, reached a hand out to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, “Nothing.” he said gently, and then he kissed her, and this time there was no fear that she wouldn’t reciprocate; there was just the need to do it.

His body pressed into hers in all the right places, his weight wasn’t overbearing, but just enough to warm and comfort her, and his kiss made her head spin even though she was lying down. He sent her to places she’d never been to before and she was tired of denying it. She hadn’t decided anything, she hadn’t planned anything, she was just doing, and everything else would have to come after. She slipped a hand into his hair, pulling him down to where she was.

When they eventually broke apart they were both breathing heavy. They knew what was going to happen. Last night had been slow and dramatic, a coming together of forces trying so desperately to be apart. They were telling each other without words that they finally accepted being in the same place, that even if it wasn’t right, it was happening. It was a climax, and here was the aftermath. Now whatever they were had to be solidified, there needed to be a declaration, a passionate expression. It wouldn’t be slow, and it wouldn’t be gentle, their need was too much.

Neither of them wanted foreplay, but he found her open for him, and he was more than ready so it didn’t matter in the end.

She floating with his kisses and touches, but she wanted more. She felt like she couldn’t breathe until the moment he finally thrust inside her, and then she felt safe, as if she’d been saved from a fall, she finally felt grounded.

He moved fast, but only because she urged him on, with her thighs against his, with her feet underneath his ass, with her nails scrambling for purchase on his back; they slipped against the sweat, but pulled him closer whenever they could.

Her face was reddened with blush and his voice was horse as they both built towards the edge. He groaned out desperately when he reached the end, and she cradled his head into her shoulder and stroked the back of his neck as he breathed out hot air onto her breast and tried to control himself.

The next 5days they spent in bed, like a couple on honeymoon, and forgot the world existed.


* * * * *

Buffy shivered a little and huddled into him.

“Are you cold, luv?” he asked softly, pulling her even closer to him.

“I’m fine.” she whispered, trying to hide her smile. Then she laughed out loud despite herself.

“What?” he asked.

“You, being so caring,” she paused trying to find her words, “it’s…”

“Is it weird?” he asked sounding worried, almost vulnerable.

Buffy looked over her shoulder and saw his face, and it made her feel awful for laughing at him. It was weird, but it wasn’t bad, it was the furthest from bad that you could get. She turned; making him lie on his back she straddled him, cupped his cheek and leaned down to kiss him.

“Its wonderful.” she said after the kiss.

He smiled and they both knew the tension had lifted.

“Its just, who knew you were such a big softie.” she joked.

“I’m not a softie!” he said feigning outrage, “I’m horrid really.”

“No you’re not.” she laughed.

Spike couldn’t help the genuine smile that came to him on hearing her say that, but he soon recovered and could joke again, “I’m a dangerous rebel.” he said, smirking with his eyes as much as his smile.

“Oh, please.” she said mocking him, “You’re soft…like a big cuddly teddy bear.”

“Oh, yeah?” he said hearing her scream when he flipped them and suddenly he was on top of her, “I’ll show you soft, little girl.”

She giggled as he kissed her neck, but her laughter didn’t last long after his kisses went lower.


* * * * *

“What your full name?” she asked suddenly, her voice uneven because she still hadn’t caught her breath back. She was laid next to him, her naked leg hung over his, her arms wrapped around him and her head on his chest, but she lifted it up to look at him.

It caught him off guard, but he answered her without much hesitation. “Spike Henry Pratt.”

She smiled at him, happy for many reasons that he’d answered her; because it was honest, because it was unafraid, because he was playing along and pretending that there were no consequences if she knew.

He smiled back. “And yours?”

“Buffy Anne Summers.”

“Well that only took nearly a whole month.” He laughed.

Had she really been here nearly a month? she wondered; and they’d been together like this for what, 2days? Was that all? she thought. Then why did it feel so normal?


* * * * *

The morning after she was in her bra and panties; his chest was bare. He sat behind her, suddenly wrapping his arms tighter around her and she leaned back into him. He could smell the blossom shampoo on her hair; it was still wet from their shower.

“Come on,” he said suddenly as he felt her sag into him as if she was drifting off to sleep, “let’s go downstairs and I’ll make you some breakfast.”

He nudged her with his legs to get her to move, she didn’t though; she was a little shocked. Had she heard that right? They were both going downstairs?

In the end he climbed out from behind her and off the bed, because she still hadn’t moved or said anything. As if he was still sat there propping her up she stayed perfectly still. He smiled at her, but it didn’t snap her out of her daze.

He leant down and scrambled around on the floor for his clothes, he disregarded his trousers, which Buffy was silently glad about, because the boxer shorts on their own were good, and instead he picked up his black shirt. He’d briefly gone downstairs one morning to put some clothes on, hence the shirt being in the room, but when he’d come back the clothes hadn’t lasted long, hence its place on the floor.

He threw her the shirt and she seemed to get the idea; they were pretending.

She could do that.

She slipped the shirt over her head as if slipping on a costume, ready to pretend she was just another girl, and he was just another guy. But she suddenly realised the part wasn’t so simple, in this scenario she wasn’t just a girl, she was his girl. Although it shouldn’t have been, it was easy to imagine, so she’d wear his shirt, and she’d be his girl; for today if not for longer.

The past few days he’d made her meals, but she’d waited upstairs. He’d closed the door, but hadn’t locked it and she hadn’t ignored that fact completely, she just wasn’t letting herself think about it too much. She could have gone down and joined him, maybe that’s what he had wanted, but she’d always stayed where she was. This time she followed close behind him.

She stood near the stairs as she watched him cook. He served up toast, bacon and fried eggs onto two plates and then rinsed all the pots and put them in the dishwasher.

She looked to the kitchen door, but all it caused was an ache. It wasn’t the need to leave anymore, but the need to stay; the pull she had in her heart to stay here. Even just looking at it made her feel guilty; she had no urge to go through it.

Spike looked at her just as she turned back to him, but he knew what she’d been doing, and what she’d been thinking. He knew she didn’t want to be so confused, so he made it really simple. He held out his hand for her, and she took it.

He pulled her gently to stand in front of him and backed her into the kitchen side. He ran his hands slowly and carefully up her thighs and under the shirt that she still wore, and when his hands reached her hips he gripped her there, lifted her and sat her down on the counter top. Next he pulled off her panties, unbuttoned the shirt but left it on her, and he took her right there, in front of the kitchen door.

She didn’t look at it again, and their breakfast went cold.

That night they watched TV in the living room and fell asleep together on the couch. She woke up later in bed realising Spike must have carried her upstairs while she slept, and she wondered if he’d been worried she might wake up before him that morning and escape, but then she turned over and looked past him until she could see the bedroom door; it was open. Before she could think he rolled over in front of her and pulled her towards him and she went back to sleep.


* * * * *

On the 5th day he lay with her, as close as he’d ever been to another person, their heartbeats thudding along slowly in the same rhythm. They were finally together, and he didn’t care about leaving this place, starting a new life, or running away. He wanted to be here with her, it’s where he belonged.

He felt for the first time that what he needed to be a good man wasn’t around the corner, it was here; in his hands, in his arms, just within his reach. She had made him that better man already; he could feel it and he didn’t have to look any longer, and he didn’t have to run anymore. He was happy, because he felt brand new, but that’s not all he felt.

A part of him, a part ever growing larger, was aching. Deep down he knew the girl in his arms had another life far away from here, and no matter how undesirable, it was the life she wanted back, and it didn’t involve him.

She had feelings for him, he knew it, and she might even belong with him, but she wanted to be free; she wanted to leave. That thought ripped him in two, because he understood it, understood why and he didn’t blame her or judge her or hate her for it. If anything he was hurting not only because he knew she wanted to leave him, but because he cared for her so much now that he knew he was going to let her.

He knew in that moment that this was the best day of his life, but it was also the worst. He finally had what he wanted, but in finally having it, he knew he had to give it up.

He hugged her closer, and she made a contented sigh and snuggled into him without really knowing it. He leaned down and kissed her hair and thought, I love you Buffy Summers, but its time to let you go.


* * * * *



Chapter End Notes:
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