[Reviews - 123]
-
Table of Contents [Report This]
Microsoft Word Chapter or Story | ePub eBook Chapter or Story | Printer Chapter or Story

Has been viewed 2069 times

- Text Size +




Author's Chapter Notes:

Again apologies, if you've been waiting for updates hopefully you've been checking my twitter where I've tried to explain the absence. If not basically the first thing that happened was I was on a lovely holiday with the boyfriend, who upon coming back decided to propose so is now the fiancé! So been really busy with friends and family, and planning my engagement party (which has been hell, one venue cancelled, can never get through to the new venue)...hopefully it'll go off tonight and we'll all have fun, but who knows! Work has also been hell, working all today before the party tonight, and then again tomorrow morning! So this fic has been put on the back burner while all that was happening!

WARNING! a lot of bad language in this Chapter!




When he told her she threw her arms around him, she smiled and threw her arms around him, and he knew it was wrong, but it broke his heart that she was so happy.

And when she kissed him he wanted to die, and when he touched her skin it was too much, and when he took her to bed and made love to her one last time it wasn’t enough.

They didn’t speak about what she was going to do. Neither of them even thought about the police, Buffy was too busy thinking about her apartment, about fresh air and real light, and Spike was too busy thinking about her to think about himself.

She couldn’t stop smiling as she packed, packed away the things that he’d bought her, into bags that he’d bought her, and no matter how hard he shut his eyes it didn’t stop her packing.

He got up and got dressed.

“Where are you going?” she said almost playfully, hoping he wasn’t planning to go too far.

“I’m going out.” he said bitterly, and that was that.

He thought he heard her squeak, as if she was going to say something, but couldn’t decide what to say. He thought he heard her feet follow him to the top of the stairs, but there they stopped. He didn’t look back at her, because he couldn’t have that last look. It didn’t feel wrong to go, with the house wide open so she could leave, it finally felt right, and he had to make his peace with that.

He found the scuziest place he could find, one where the alcohol was dirty and the staff kept their mouths shut. He’d just sat down, ordered his drink and was waiting for the glass to slide into his palm when his solitude was destroyed.

“Fancy seeing you here.” Angel’s voice slicked out from behind him.

Spike didn’t talk much, he grunted here and there when he felt he had too, but mostly it was Angel that kept the conversation going, happy enough that he had someone to perform in front of, not so much concerned with whether they actually wanted to hear what he had to say. After a few rounds Spike lost his taste for the drink and the company, and they both finished and headed out the back exit.

“See you later, mate.” he said walking away. He had a million other things more important to do than give Angel another minute of his time.

“Just to make things clear...” Angel shouted, causing Spike to stop and turn back to him, “the girl’s a 100% out of the picture, right?”

Spike lied effortlessly, “The only people she’s telling her story to are the fishes…assuming the swamp has fishes.” He laughed to sell it; Angel joined in soon after, but it made Spike want to curl his hands into fists.

“Shame about her.” Angel said shaking his head.

“Yeah mate, it is.” Spike turned away again, holding a hand in the air to signal he was gone this time.

Angel shouted after him once more, but this time with a passing comment, he didn’t expect to get a reaction from it, “Silent enough, but I bet deep down she was a screamer!” His chuckle was sickly.

Spike’s jaw clenched and he was glad he was facing away. He didn’t hide the genuine disgust in his tone, but he was careful in his choice of words when he shouted back, “Good job I put her out of her misery before you got to her then!” He knew exactly how to play this, if he didn’t show some kind of remorse for her, along with some hatred for the way Angel was talking about her, it would be clear something was wrong.

“Lucky for her,” Angel laughed again, to himself almost, “cause if I’d have had another minute alone with her I’d have savoured it the second time.”

Spike shot back around. “What the fuck do you mean a ‘second time’?”

Angel’s smile didn’t fade, but it changed from teasing to smug, “Oops.” he laughed.

The next thing he knew he was against the wall, Spike moved with the speed and brutality of a cannon ball, driving him towards it. Angel was larger, heavier, stronger, but Spike was fuelled on pure rage right now, and he was hoisting Angel up, making his leather jacket tear under the rough texture behind him.

Angel’s eyes sparkled like a wild animal, “Take it easy man; she’s just a fucking female!” His head jutted out at Spike like a warning, because it was the only part of his body he could move freely without shoving Spike away and this getting more physical. He secretly hoped it would however, and though his words said back off, his eyes still glinted with playfulness.

“What the fuck are you talking about, Angel?!” Spike screamed, spitting his words out in a rambling rush as the adrenaline in his veins thumped harder and faster. “You tell me right fucking now or I’m going kill you with my bloody bare hands.”

Angel had had enough of looking like Spike’s bitch, he shoved him away, then threw a punch so hard Spike’s ass hit the floor on the other side of the alley. Holding his face Spike tried to get up and move back into the fight.

“Now, that was self-defence.” Angel said explaining his punch, making sure he wouldn’t get one back for the moment, giving himself time to lay his story down.

Spike was not amused, “My patience is wearing pretty fucking thin right now, stop playing me and tell me what the fuck you meant about Buffy!”

“Easy,” he said as Spike got up and stumbled towards him, “Look, one day I came to the house, you weren’t there, so I let myself in.”

“You did what?!” Spike yelled.

“Oh forgive me, princess.” Angel spat, “But I’m sorry to disappoint the neighbourhood watch, I’m a bad man.”

“Just get on with it.” Spike growled.

“I was searching around looking for you,” he paused as a smile crept back onto his face, “and I found her.”

Spike rushed him again, “Did you touch her?” he hissed.

“Now what fucking difference does that make…” The end of his sentence was highlighted by Spike’s fist connecting with his jaw.

“Did you fucking touch her you piece of shit?!” Spike shouted. Without waiting for an answer his fist came down, something crunched underneath it, and just before the expected rage black out Angel blocked the next punch and hit back.

It was equal for a time, circling each other they both got lucky hits in, to look at them they both looked equally hurt, equally bloody, but Angel knew how to use and focus his anger, and Spike didn’t. The next few punches sent Spike dizzy, the few after that sent him to his knees, and the throbbing in his face made it hard to think as he tried to stand.

Angel’s fist pounded Spike’s face so hard he couldn’t see straight or balance himself any longer, he fell backwards and Angel kicked him in the stomach and then the chest to make sure he wouldn’t get back up again. He curled around Angel’s foot in agony, making a choking sound as the force shot the air from his lungs out his throat. Eventually blood shot out of his mouth as well as noise, that seemed to satisfy Angel and he stepped back.

Spike tried to get up, but he couldn’t. He knew he’d get to his feet eventually, but it wasn’t going to be now. He was at Angel’s mercy, a very unsafe place to be. Luckily for him Angel was tired of this, Spike was upset, not on his game, it wasn’t the sport he wanted, and it was kind of pissing him off.

“Jesus, you’re pathetic.” he said standing over his beaten friend. He walked away, wiping the blood from his nose, and then as if suddenly remembering what started all this he stumbled back around and up to where Spike sat.

“It doesn’t matter, but I didn’t fuck her.” he said, “I scared her, touched her up a bit, probably got a lot bigger taste of her than you ever did, you pansy…” he kicked Spike’s foot, but Spike didn’t budge so he carried on, “At the end of the day she was your mess, she made me realise it was funner for me to think about you having to get rid of her than do anything myself. Big soft Spike had to get his hands dirty, much more of a trick than murdering her myself.”

Spike didn’t feel relief that Angel hadn’t actually raped Buffy, how could he when it’d been so close to being another way.

“I’m surprised you don’t know any of this shit, man.” Angel continued, “She told me she was going to tell you, actually told me you’d care if I hurt her. You could tell in her eyes she was telling the truth. She actually thought you were going to save her from me. Guess I’m not the one she needed saving from.”

Spike knew Angel was trying to hurt him, trying to make him feel guilt, and he fucking did; only it wasn’t guilt for killing someone, it was guilt for betraying someone. It felt just as bad, because this time he loved her, and he let down everyone he loved. Is that why she hadn’t told him, because he hadn’t come to rescue her? He thought about the day he found her in the bathroom, shivering, and his gut hurt.

Spike was in his own world, in his own head and Angel saw it. Realising this wasn’t as fun as it should have been he gave up, walked off and left spike there in his own blood and pain.


* * * * *

He’d been fine walking down the alleyways to the house, after all the walls had been there on either side to keep him upright, but the last stretch along the back garden was a challenge. He stumbled his way up the steps, and heaved his way through the kitchen. Losing his balance slightly he reached for the door in support and it shuddered under the strain.

She came rushing in a second later wondering what all the noise was. Stuck somewhere between worrying it was someone breaking in, and anxious that it might be Spike coming home.

She wondered why he was curled up on himself, stood, but almost falling, sagging as if he couldn’t hold himself, and then he looked up at her.

“What the hell happened to you?!” she yelled horrified.

His face was pink, a darker skin tone than she’d ever thought possible on him, his lip was engorged on one side around a cut, though she thought tear was a better description of the damage. His cheek bone was also swollen, she could see the blood underneath the skin already forming a thick bruise and he couldn’t open his left eye as wide as his right. He tried to wink at her but failed, “Hello, pet.”

“Spike!” she gasped, rushing over just in time before he fell, supporting his weight the best she could.

“Don’t mind me, kitten.” he said laughing.

“Kind of hard to do that when I’m the only thing between you and the floor.” she huffed. “Guess it’s a good thing I stuck around.”

“Didn’t think you would, thought you’d be long gone by now.” he said bluntly.

Buffy tried to shoulder away the hurt as he tried to appear emotionless about her leaving. In her heart she knew he didn’t mean it that way, but she couldn’t help the note of disappointment in her voice that she had to tell him, “I wouldn’t leave just like that.”

He looked up at her and sighed. He couldn’t manage a smile, but she knew he was trying to show her something tender in his expression so she let it go. She pulled him to the kitchen island with all the strength that she could muster, and with a groan that plucked at her heart strings Spike fought the pain and hoisted himself up onto it.

“What happened?!” she cried, looking over him.

“I’m fine.” came his noncommittal response.

“That’s not an answer,” she said, her face pulling between anger and concern, “what the hell happened to you, Spike?!”

“I’m not saying.”

She laughed shortly, “What are you 5?”

He sighed, collecting himself, “It’s not like that, luv. Its just best you don’t know.”

“I can’t believe it!” she said, beginning to pace, “Here I’ve been thinking you’d just run off, were just sulking somewhere, and all this time you’ve been hurt, and I’ve been thinking the worst of you!”

“I’m fine.” he stressed.

“Spike, you are not fine.” she said through gritted teeth, “I mean, look at the state of you!” She came back to stand still in front of him, and looked distraught over his wounds, the ones that she could see at least, she stepped very close to him and pleaded, “What have you gotten yourself into, please Spike tell me, because if I have to worry about you anymore I’m going to…”

The moment his finger touched her lip to silence her, she swallowed down so many things. Her rambling was just an outlet for the confusion and worry she felt right now. And there again was that pain because she was leaving, leaving him like this.

“Hush now, pet.” he said softly, “Stop fretting. I’m fine.” He sighed, “I promise I’ve been in worse scraps than this and come out alright. I didn’t think you’d still be here, I’m glad you are, but I didn’t want to come home to you like this. I’m sorry I gave you a scare, but all I need is some cotton buds and water to clean myself up, and a glass of whiskey to steady my nerves.” This time he managed the wink.

She only managed a nod and disappeared upstairs.

Spike’s heart began beating a little too fast for his ailing body to manage when he thought she’d gone to get her stuff, but when he looked back around to the door he noticed all her bags were neatly piled there already; it was a miracle he hadn’t tripped over every one of them on his way in.

When she did come back she had a small bowl of water and a box of cotton buds to explain her absence.

“The whiskey?” he chuckled.

“I’m not your waitress.” she said with just the slightest hint of a smile at the end. He pulled a puppy dog face at her and motioned to a bottom cupboard in the kitchen, the next thing she knew she was sighing and slamming down the bottle she found in there. However he never touched it, because she set herself immediately to work on cleaning him up.

He couldn’t take his eyes off her as she gently wiped away the blood from his face, but she concentrated on what she was doing and didn’t seem to mind.

He thought about the role reversal, how he had cleaned up her wounds a few weeks ago, how she had been his burden, and how now he was hers. He almost wanted to stop himself from thinking about it, but he knew she was leaving him and it was all for the best so he no right to stop her. And he couldn’t look at her, or be so close to her, without thinking it was the last time.

Suddenly he hung his head, she was finished anyway, but the action and its implications didn’t escape her. She picked up the used buds and threw them in the trash, and she went to wash the bowl in the sink. It was hard to do, but he tried to ignore her movements, she was eager to go, and he didn’t want to keep her against her will anymore. When she’d finished she stood in front of him, almost challenging him to look at her, but he didn’t.

“Why did you leave earlier?” she asked eventually. She already knew, but she wanted him to tell her.

“No reason.” he lied, “Just needed some air.”

Buffy frowned touching his chin and motioning him to turn his head, “Looks like you got more than that.” she said viewing his swollen cheek bone again.

Spike huffed a bitter laugh, and it made his chest ache.

There was silence between them for a time; Buffy soon realised she’d have to take the lead in this because he wasn’t going to.

“Spike, you do know that I’m not happy I’m leaving you, right?” she said suddenly, but softly.

He looked up at her, his frown gone, but he was still too afraid to replace it with anything more positive.

“I know that’s what’s upsetting you, and I’m sorry you think that, but I’m just happy that you’re letting me go.” she added, meeting his confused gaze so he understood her sincerity before she continued, “It’s not about the leaving part; you’ve always misunderstood me, since the day we met.” She shook her head and smiled.

But he thought that maybe now he did understand. She was happy she could walk in the sun, she was happy she could go home and sleep in her own bed, she was happy she could go shopping and talk to people, meet new people even, and live a real life. Whether it was good or bad it would be something, and she was happy about that, but most of all she was happy it was him giving her all that.

“I know what this means, Spike.” And she did, she knew what it meant for him to let her go, and she didn’t take his decision for granted. She knew what was at stake, but more than that, she knew how much he wanted her to stay. “I couldn’t leave before…I stayed because I wanted to see you, one more time before I go. I wanted to tell you this, because I don’t want you to misunderstand me anymore. I don’t want you to second guess me and come up with the worst scenario, I want you to know the truth…” she sighed not fully knowing how he would respond to the next part, “So now will you do me a favour in return and tell me how you got this way?” She asked hopefully, bringing a hand up to rest above his cheek, afraid to touch it and put him in more discomfort.

He hung his head and turned it away from her, but he answered her nevertheless, “Angel.”

“Angel?” She couldn’t help the fear that crept into her voice, as if the very mention of him made her feel like he was stood right behind her; she fought to look over her shoulder.

“I bumped into him early and he…let slip about what happened.”

Buffy still didn’t really understand what he was talking about until he looked up at her, as if he’d wronged her, and he told her he was sorry.

“For getting beat up?” she asked bewildered.

“For leaving you alone,” he corrected, “for leaving you when…when he came to the house.”

For a moment Buffy panicked, remembering everything that she’d kept from Spike and all the reasons why. And she knew the anxiety she felt now was because everything was coming out, and all the secrets she’d kept to protect him had been pointless, because here they were, laid out for him to see.

She looked at him, and he couldn’t meet her eyes now, he was sorry, genuinely, but she took no comfort or pleasure in his pain. She could practically see what his guilt was doing to him, so torn up for putting her in danger from this man, and she knew he’d feel this way, and it was the only reason she hadn’t told him. She didn’t want this, for him to feel responsible, to feel accountable. It was his fault, for keeping her here, for introducing her to this world, to these kinds of people, and to him, but whether it was irrational or not she hated to see him take the blame he deserved, because she hated to see him this way.

This time when she reached out she did touch his face, and he flinched a little, but she couldn’t not touch him, and he wanted the touch, painful or not, because it gave him the courage to look at her again, to feel worthy to look at her.

“It’s okay.” she whispered.

“Its not…did he, what did he do?” he stuttered.

She tried to smile, “Nothing. It doesn’t matter.”

“It does.” he said almost angrily, but slightly broken, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t want you to know. I didn’t want to hear you say sorry.” she said.

“But it’s all my fault.”

She stared at him, “I forgive you.”

And although that implied he was right to blame himself, he didn’t care, because she forgave him, and if she’d just been saying it just to spare his feeling she would have lied and told him he wasn’t responsible. But Buffy wasn’t like that, she was honest in times like these, when it mattered, and he knew if she said so she really had forgiven him.

“I’m sorry anyway,” he said, “I’ll always be sorry.”

She smiled, and then, now over the initial shock of his revelations, she put all the pieces together. “Did you start a fight with him over me?”

He found her honesty infectious, and although he wasn’t proud he couldn’t lie about it, “Yes.”

She seemed to dwell on that for a moment, she creased her brow, but not in a disapproving way, almost sadly, and then she came towards him and kissed him.

It wasn’t logical, it wasn’t right, but it was true.

She didn’t approve of fighting; she didn’t like the way Spike looked now, or think his bruises were sexy. She liked his courage, she liked that he’d stood up for her, to the man who hurt her. She liked that he showed his guilt and didn’t shy away from it, though he probably threw the first punch he wasn’t proud of it, but he wouldn’t stand for anyone treating her roughly and getting away with it. All these things combined and she knew every doubt she’d had about this man was unfounded, what was true was that feeling she’d had during Angel’s assault, that faith in Spike that he would come and rescue her. He hadn’t saved her that night, at least not physically, but she hadn’t been wrong to think that he would, because he wanted to save her now, and although it was too late to change anything, it was overwhelming to her how deep his feelings really went. He was good, at the core, and that’s all that mattered.

The kiss was soft and tender and chaste, but so different from anything that they had shared before; although it didn’t seem possible, this was new. Spike felt something he hadn’t felt before, but it wasn’t coming from him. He had always put his feelings out there, and though he didn’t share them in words it was obvious that he loved her in his actions, even before he acknowledged it to himself. He knew something similar was now happening to Buffy. She didn’t say a word when they broke apart, and he couldn’t tell from her expression whether she knew it herself yet, but he knew it; she loved him.

She really loved him, from every part of her he saw it radiating.

And that was the last thought he was left with as he watched her turn around and walk out of his life.


* * * * *



Chapter End Notes:
Gutted right! Hope you liked the Angel story coming out, not many Chapters to go!



You must login (register) to review.