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Buffy woke the next morning after having the first night of deep and dreamless sleep she’d had since Angel’s soul had first gone AWOL.

She was a little achy, but it was the good ache, of vampires well slain.

She and Spike had dusted the vamps with ease, having time for enjoyable rounds of quips and innuendoes with each other between stakings. It had just been dumb, irritating luck that they had ended up so close to Buffy’s house when they were done. Rather than picking up where they’d almost left off before they were interrupted, Spike had told her to go home to her mom. Before Buffy had had time to protest he was halfway down the street. Only the very promising way he said ‘See you tomorrow slayer’ had kept her from hauling his ass back over for the kiss she was all of a sudden desperate for.

Now it was tomorrow and Buffy lay in bed considering her strange feelings.

Angel had been her first love. She had loved him. But did she still? She wasn’t sure. She hoped he was ok, wherever he was, but she didn’t want to see him. At all.

A little voice in her mind questioned why she had ever loved him, why had she been so drawn to him. She didn’t find the answers as easily as she thought she would. Really, she and Angel had never had much in common. She had changed for him, trying to like the things that he liked to please him, but he had never really done the same for her. The thought that he made her laugh was superseded by the thought that he hadn’t really, and he’d made her cry far more often.

Was it physical then, the basis of her love for Angel? He was hot, sure, in a tall dark and handsome way. He’d had that whole air of mystery thing about him too which had seemed so appealing at first. On reflection though he really had been too tall for comfortable making out. They hadn’t kissed a whole lot but when they had it had led to major achy neck. And he didn’t really smile much. His expression had been so closed down and serious most the time. Buffy wasn’t sure now whether there had been any real heat between them. Everything they had done together had been nice, comforting, loving and sweet, but it hadn’t been firey or particularly passionate. It hadn’t been magic. She hadn’t ever felt the desperate urge with him to jump his bones and it had been so long since he had touched her in an intimate way she could barely remember what it felt like.

And yet she could remember exactly how she’d felt the very first time she and Spike had touched...

Spike. Why did even thinking of him suddenly make her feel so hot and flustered? A look from him made her feel weak, and then empowered and strong at the same time. Though she was desperate to hide it from him, when she was with Spike she wanted to touch him all the time. All over. And all over again. When he laughed at her or mocked her she wanted to hit him. And then kiss him better. A lot. He brought out the best in her, the worst in her, all of her. He brought her out of herself and it was exhilarating. She had never met anyone like him, and she doubted she ever would again.

She wasn’t sure what it was she was feeling for him though. Lust, undoubtedly, big lusty feelings were defiantly there. But was it more than that? She thought about him all the time. Even though there had often been big gaps between seeing him since they had first met, when he had been sucked to hell (and she thought she would never see him again) it hurt more then she would have thought possible. She had never, in her life, physically missed another person as much. It made her sick in her heart, in her head. But what did that mean? Was it love? It was so different to what she had felt for Angel, and despite the way things had turned out between them, she was sure she had loved Angel. So was what she felt for Spike love? Or was it something else? And how did he feel about her?


Buffy could have lain in bed for the next week and still not puzzled out all she was thinking, but a knock on her door jolted her out of her revive.

Her mom poked her head round the door. “Honey, I know you’re tired from ‘slayer camp’” she rolled her eyes, “but its lunchtime, and Mr Giles and your friends are here.”

Buffy sat up straighter in bed and started frantically brushing her fingers through her hair to tame it while trying to sound disinterested. “Uh, what friends mom?”
Her mom tried to hide her smile, “Well, Willow and Xander. Were you expecting someone else?”


Buffy failed to hide her disappointed face from her mom as she stopped worrying about whether she looked nice and pulled a sweater on over her pj’s.
“I’ll be right down.”


Giles, Willow and Xander pounced on Buffy the minute she entered the living room for a delighted group hug. Giles had to pull away to breathe after a minute, but his relief at finding her all in one piece after her jaunt in hell clear.

“Buffy! I can’t tell you how pleased I am to see you, you stupid stubborn girl. I’ve been going out of my mind, thinking I’d condemned you to-“

Giles broke off when he noticed Joyce standing at the entrance to the room with raised eyebrows.

He pulled away from her and flushed, “uh, thinking I’d uh, condemned you to a very dull time at, um... slayer camp.”
Joyce snorted. “Really Giles, I might not be that perceptive sometimes but I’m certainly not stupid. Slayer camp indeed!”


Buffy tried to stop herself smiling as Giles tried one more lame attempt to cover up her activities. “I really don’t know what you mean Joyce, Buffy has been spending the last week at a retreat, in the um desert. Learning about slaying... demons and things.”


Joyce walked over and patted him on the arm. She used the special mom voice she had when she was trying to be kind to Buffy when she failed a test or something, “It was a nice idea Giles, it really was. Trying to stop me worrying was very sweet. I just think it’s a little too much of a coincidence that Buffy happened to go off to ‘slayer camp’ for a week, and when she comes back Spike just happens to be back too, despite the fact he had apparently been ‘sucked to hell’, which I would have thought was a pretty permanent thing.”

Giles was spared replying by Buffy chiming in, “Mom, how’d you know Spike was back? We – he only got back last night.”

Joyce smiled knowingly at Buffy’s interest. “I know because he stopped by this morning. He was hoping you’d be awake, wanted to welcome you back from ‘camp’. When I told him you were asleep he said to leave you be. He stayed for a little while and we had a very interesting chat about how very brave, but how annoyingly stubborn, my daughter can be.”


Buffy ignored this pointed remark. “Spike was here?? Why didn’t you wake me up? Did he say if he was coming back?”
The others watched Buffy with wide eyes, she seemed very agitated all of a sudden.


Joyce wandered over to the fireplace and started rearranging some ornaments, deliberately waiting before she answered. She had been devastated when Spike had, for all intents and purposes, died. Joyce considered herself to be a pretty good judge of character, and there was something about Spike which appealed to her. Beneath his assured and cocky character he seemed so insecure, so hurt by all life had thrown at him. As well as being enjoyable company he tugged on her maternal instincts and over the last few months she had come to look at him as a type of surrogate son. He had seemed to secretly really enjoy her mothering, and in return had shown an interest in her life and work that few people ever showed. She had suspected from almost the first time she met him that there was something between him and Buffy. Though they tended to bicker for the majority of the time they were together the sparks flying around had been hard to ignore.

Though unsure at first, she had come to think that if anything did ever develop between them it might not be the worst thing. He protected Buffy and was certainly a far better choice than the waste-of-good-space Angel, and seeing as he was at least half human the possibility of nice chubby grandchildren (in the distant future) wasn’t completely out of the question.

After seeing Buffy’s reaction to losing Spike Joyce realised that the connection between them had been stronger then even she realised. Buffy had been destroyed, completely beyond reaching. It had taken over a week for her to do anything other than sob. Then the change had been dramatic. One minute Joyce had been thinking that her daughter was too lost to be found again, and the next the light came back on behind her eyes. It was as though she had suddenly remembered something which had been pushed to the back of her mind. She had leapt off her bed, and thrown herself at her desk, snatching up a clearly much read piece of paper. Her eyes had scanned it quickly before she found what she was looking for and smiled as though life was suddenly bearable again. The reason for this change could have only been the single sentence which Buffy had reverently read aloud. “Hell isn’t always the end.”

Joyce had suspected that Buffy’s sudden focus and interest in the library had had something to do with getting Spike back. She had therefore been overjoyed, but not massively surprised, when he had turned up on her doorstep that morning.

Buffy pulled her attention back to the present with a slightly sharply spoken, “Mom? Did he say he was coming back?”


In the end there was no need for Joyce to answer. The front door was flung open and Spike himself flew in, slamming the door behind him before running his hands through his hair. “Mornin”.

In all the drama that was Spikes entrance nobody but Joyce noticed Buffy’s suddenly ashen face, or the way she shrieked and ran into the kitchen to hide until she could flee back upstairs.

Giles stepped forward and shook Spikes hand warmly, and for a little longer then was necessary. Whilst he had been against the idea of Buffy going to get him back he really was so very pleased to see him. Willow gave him a tentative smile, and little wave. Xander grunted.


Joyce put her hands on her hips and tried to scowl at him “Why exactly did you feel it was necessary to burst in, in such a way, and slam the door so loudly?”


Spike flashed her a grin in appology, “Sorry bout that Joyce, just someone I was tryin to avoid started followin me here, didn’t want them to see where I was goin so I thought I’d better get in here right quick. Didn’t mean to cause offence.”


Joyce found his smile as infections as usual. “Uh huh. Well, I’m going to leave you lot to it, I’m sure you have lots to talk about. Buffy seems to have popped upstairs for a moment, but I’m sure she’ll be right back.”


Spike stopped looking around the room and flopped in a chair instead. He gave Giles a hard stare. “Seein as how the slayers not here for the moment I can ask you just what the bloody hell you were thinkin, letting her prance off into some hell dimension. Anythin could of happened to the silly bint.”


Instead of reacting with righteous anger, as he would of done with anyone else, Giles flushed a deep red. “Believe me Spike, as glad as I am that you’re back, and uh unscathed, I didn’t allow Buffy to go willingly, I would never actively put her in more danger then she already always is. But, as I’m sure you’ve noticed by now, it’s very hard to dissuade Buffy from doing anything she wants to.”


Giles was visibly relieved when Spike grinned at him. “Your damn right about that Rupes. You’ve certainly had your hands full with her.”


Giles sat down with a weary sigh. “Tell me about it.”


Xander decided that he’d been quiet long enough and pushed his hatred of Spike aside for the time being. “So G-man, shouldn’t we get down to all the meeting-y goodness? I’ve got a box of doughnuts here just dying to be sacrificed for the greater good.”

Willow wrinkled her nose at her friend, “uh, I don’t want any of the doughnuts with strawberry jelly in them anymore. The red stuff would make the whole sacrifice thing a bit too real. And gross.”


Before Xander could reply he was surprised to see Spike leap from his chair and stare out into the hallway, a very intent (and was that hungry?) look on his face.


Xander turned to see what he was looking at and his mouth gapped open in a comically unattractive manner.


While they had been downstairs talking Buffy had snuck off to her room and been very busy upstairs. Quickly shedding her pj’s she had pulled on her favourite underwear and hunted through the closet to find the outfit she had bought weeks ago (secretly with Spike in mind) and had never worn. The shirt was tight fitting, black and lacy, showing just the right amount of cleavage, while the skirt was black leather, and slit up the side to show off a teasing bit of thigh. The thought that she looked far too dressy for a summers day hanging at home with her friends flitted through her head, but was quickly dismissed. If she wanted to find out how Spike felt about her (and she really really did) then this was the outfit to help.
She brushed her hair until it hung in soft, gentle waves and reached for her makeup bag before hesitating. She remembered Spike saying once (after Buffy had yelled at him for flirting with Cordelia) that he hated girls who wore too much makeup, that it made them look so false. Buffy settled for slicking on some dark red lip gloss and left it at that.

She was well rewarded for her efforts. Seeing her in the hallway had caused an expression to come on Spikes face that had her shockingly and instantly aroused. She tried to keep her cool and pretend she didn’t feel the heat of his eyes boring into her.

“Hey guys, sorry I was all absentee Buffy for a bit there, now I’m all about the serious meeting stuff. Let’s get down to business!”


Buffy sat on the sofa next to Willow, ignoring Xanders guppy fish expression and the disapproving fatherly way Giles was looking at her.

She didn’t notice Spike rearranging himself as sneakily as he could under the cover of his duster.


Giles nodded, quite happy to get down to work and ignore whatever teenage hormone party was going on around him.

“Right, well, first things first, I’d like you, the both of you, to tell me what happened in uh, hell”

Giles whipped out his trusty notebook as soon as Buffy started talking, and was a little disappointed that her trip to hell didn’t seem particularly eventful. He became quite interested though at Spikes offhand comment that by now he knew how to ‘avoid the rougher parts of hell’. Giles raised his eyebrows as Buffy unkindly described the ‘skanky ho of a justice demon’ who had, in fact, brought them safely home.


When Giles pressed for more details Spike squirmed uncomfortably in his chair, “Vix is an old friend, an I might not agree with what she does for a livin, but I’m not gonna kill her for it. She might be a demon, but it’s the humans who wish for her to do vengeance. She gets retribution for people who have lost a family member to murder, which, all things considered, I’d say is fair enough. She’s not really evil.”


Buffy snorted.

For once something seemed to have clicked in Xander’s head. Turning to Spike he said, “If she’s all un evil like you say she is then how come you were so keen to get away from her this morning? It was her, wasn’t it, who had you tearing in here all bat out of hell like?”


Spike suddenly looked as though he wished hell would suck him back in again. Buffy looked murderous but her voice was a deadly calm as she said, “Spike, may I speak to you upstairs for a moment?”


Giles, who had no idea what was going on, said “Buffy, I really think we should focus on the matters at hand, now you’ve told us all you can about what happened I have some disturbing news I-“

He stopped abruptly when he realised Buffy had stormed upstairs, with Spike very reluctantly following.
He looked at Willow and Xander, “What the bloody hell was that all about?”


Buffy waited until they were in her bedroom, with the door closed, before she let rip.
“What were you doing seeing her this morning? How the hell did she find you so quickly?? Is she staying around here? Were you lying to me about her? Are you really just ‘friends’?” all of these questions were fired out in quick succession in a voice that steadily got more hysteric.


Spike tried to take Buffy’s hand, and grabbed at it when she pulled away. The feeling of his cool hand in her warm one sent throbbing sensations all over her body, and turned her head a little mushy.

“Slayer, Buffy, If you’d actually been listenin to the whelp downstairs you would of heard him say that I was runnin away from Vix. Runnin here, to you. I don’t know how she found me, but she’s got odd ways of doin stuff like that, and as soon as I could sense her comin I high tailed it outta there and got here as quickly as I could.”

Buffy, as lost as she was in the hypnotic pull of his endless eyes, heard every word he said. The fact that he had run to her made her anger vanish in an instant, to be replaced by much more pleasant feelings. With the hand that wasn’t holding hers Spike cupped Buffys face, letting out a sensuous growl when she leaned into it and stepped closer. He pulled her head to his, and lent his forehead against hers.

“Don’t know what the soddin hell it is about you pet, well, actually I’ve got some ideas, but you make me feel like a bloody nancy boy teenager. Can’t stop thinkin about you, bout wantin to be near you.”


Buffy raised her head so that her eyes were looking straight into his. Whatever she had been about to say died in her throat, there was no more need for words.

She didn’t know who moved first but all of a sudden those lips she had fantasised about were crushing hers in a kiss that rocked the foundations of her being.
She couldn’t think anything coherently other than that this must be what heaven was like.

Spike’s lips were insistent, he unleashed all of his pent up tension and desire against her willing mouth. She ran her tongue over his and got her first taste of him. He bit down on her lip with blunt teeth and she moaned with want. Spike wrapped his arms around her, pulling her so close to him it was no longer obvious where he ended and she began.
Buffy’s heart exploded. Reacting purely on instinct she kissed with a fury she didn’t even know she possessed.

Spikes hand was suddenly raking across her naked thigh and Buffy thought she might collapse there and then. Desperate to touch more of him she slipped her hand under his tshirt, and his yearning hiss made her come undone inside.



Buffy has forgotten her friends downstairs, who were waiting for her to return. She had forgotten that anything in the world existed but the two of them and this thing that they were sharing which mere words could not describe.

Her memory came crashing back though with the very loud knocking on the door and Giles impatient voice. “Buffy, Spike, I’m sure whatever your discussing is very important, but I do actually have something very urgent to tell you, and other things I’d like to do today, so If you wouldn’t mind coming back downstairs I would appreciate it.”


Buffy didn’t think she could speak, so Spike shouted back, in a voice so hoarse and laced with want that Buffy thought the very sound could make her come, “Be right there Rupes”.


They heard Giles stomp down the stairs and reluctantly, very reluctantly, let go of each other. Buffy still felt pretty out of it, she wasn’t sure if she would ever come fully back down to earth.

She looked at him with wide eyes and cleared her throat. “Well. That was new for us.”


Spike laughed and ran a shaking hand down her cheek. “Yeah luv, that it was. We’ll talk about this later ok?”


Buffy pouted. “No talking, me want kissing.”


Spike groaned and it took all of his willpower not to take that pouting lip back into his mouth. “Later slayer, later.”


With the promise of later and Spikes hand resting gently on the small of her back Buffy led the way down the way stairs, trying, and failing, to wipe the ear splitting smile and dazed expression from her face.


Chapter End Notes:
I think theres only going to be one or two more chapters to this story, but i'm going to be making it into a series. I'll update again as soon as i can, thankyou so much for the reviews amazing people!



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