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Author's Chapter Notes:
I'm really really sorry to all Oz fans, I loved him too! I deliberately didn't develop him as a character in this fic, cos i knew what i planned to do to him! sorry if i've upset anyone!
Thank you so much for the reads and the reviews, means tonnes.
The next twenty four hours passed in a hideous hurricane. Buffy found herself bound by it, the wind knocked from her body, unable to pull free or make sense of her suddenly spinning world.

When the ambulance came Spike took control, Buffy was completely unable to.

He explained to the paramedics that the four of them had been on a night out, and had split up to go home. They hadn’t gone far away from each other when they’d heard screams and followed them, finding their friends like this.
Given that this was Sunnydale, and things like this happened with frightening regularity the paramedics took pity on the nearly catatonic girl and her deeply shocked boyfriend and didn’t ask many questions.

Oz had been immediately pronounced dead, and the police were called. Willow was alive, but barely. She was quickly strapped up and hooked to every machine the ambulance had available. Spike led a violently shaking Buffy into the ambulance, and tried to sooth her trembling body.

When they arrived at the hospital Willow was whisked off for immediate surgery, leaving Buffy hunched and disbelieving in the waiting room. Spike, knowing that they should be told immediately, rang Giles and Anna to break the horrific news.

Giles and Xander were at the hospital as soon as was humanly possible, and through his own haze of bewilderment Giles tried to get hold of Willows parents. They were out of town, visiting relatives, but once they heard what had happened to their daughter they immediately began the journey home.

Xander was beside himself, unable to believe that Willow, his Willow, could possibly be hurt. Since kindergarden she had been the only constant in his life, the only person he’d always been able to count on. The thought that she might not survive the surgery was an unthinkable one.

Anna, who had never met Willow, was the only one able to keep a level head. She fussed over them all, in an unobtrusive way, fetching endless teas and coffees to sit around un-drunk and rubbing soothing circles on the arm Giles was using to cling tightly to her.

The thing they needed at that moment was answers. They were the only thing they could grasp at while Willow was fighting for her life, surrounded by strangers in some sterile operating theatre. They needed answers.

Buffy hadn’t spoken since arriving at the hospital. She hadn’t physically been able to. The image of Willow, the image of Oz, swam around her head, making her ever more nauseated.

Spike had never left her side, not once. The part of her brain that was still working was glad of it, without him there the last threads connecting to her to reality would have broken and she would have fallen apart completely. But now Buffy spoke. It was a single word, spoken in a hoarse, broken voice, but it expressed the feelings of almost every person present. “Why?”


Xander wiped his tears away with the back of his hand and shook his head. “I don’t know why Buff, none of this makes any sense, none of it.”


Giles ran a shaking hand across his brow. “I can’t get my head around it. What happened tonight? Oz was the werewolf...all along...Surely Willow couldn’t have known? But then why was she out tonight? And now he’s dead and Willows... God. Why did any of this happen?”


Spike’s hand’s twitched at the mention of Oz’s name. The image of his face, the exact moment the life left his eyes, would stay with Spike forever.
Last night his memory had suddenly, dramatically returned. And with it came a vision, the same vision of Buffy he had had before. Spike had run to her immediately, his leg hadn’t bothered him, he hadn’t noticed the pain at all. Buffy was all that mattered.
He followed his sense of Buffy to where she was, and his combined slayer and vampire speed almost hadn’t been enough. If she had been any further away it wouldn't have been.
He saw the werewolf about to pounce, he saw Buffy’s forgotten gun on the floor. He hadn’t thought beyond keeping her safe, he’d just reacted. And now Oz was dead. And Spike had killed him.

He pushed the thought away, knowing he would have to deal with it some other time. The present was what mattered now.

His memory had been completely restored. Spike wasn’t sure how or why but the spell he now realised Willow must have cast had been broken. As much as he knew that what he had to share would hurt the people he had come to so greatly care about, he knew that they needed to know. They needed to understand.

So Spike told them.

He told them about the suspicions he had begun to have of Willow, of Oz. He told them of the spell which had made him forget just as he had been about to tell Buffy about it.

When he was done every face was just a bit more ashen.

Apart from Xander’s. His had turned red with rage.
“You’re wrong! Willow wouldn’t do that, she wouldn’t keep secrets from us! She wouldn’t work against us! Willow’s never told a lie in her whole life. You’ve only known her five minutes, don’t you dare say you know her better than we do!”

Spike shook his head, for the first time he felt a wave of sympathy for Xander. Being betrayed by one you loved, one you trusted, was never easy to take in. “I’m not sayin that mate, I’m not sayin I know her better, or even that I know her motivations. But people can surprise you. I’m good at readin people, always have been, and I’m not lyin about what I saw in Red. Wish I was.”

Buffy turned heavy eyes on Spike. She was beginning to emerge from her trance like state, and it was so painful, so awful, she could hardly stand it. “But why Spike? If Willow knew Oz was the werewolf why wouldn’t she have come to us for help? She’s – she’s – our friend.”

Spike cupped Buffy’s face and ran a finger along her jaw, catching a stray tear. “Yeah pet, you’re her friend, but you’re also the slayer. Willow knows both sides of you, the girl side and the slayer side. She knows what you think, how you feel. How would you have reacted if she’d said ‘hey Buffy, while you were vacationing in hell my boyfriend murdered three people!’ It’s not as though you could have said, ‘neat! Let’s all go to the Bronze together!’ Willow knew you would be loyal to her, but there’s a point, a limit. Oz crossed it.”

Buffy shook her head. “That’s not fair! I would have listened to her, I would have talked to her. We would have found a way to fix this.”

Spike tilted his head to one side, his eyes sad. “How would you have fixed it Buffy? Oz was a killer, a demon. Nothing you could do would change that. Even if you’d found a way to help him, to stop him killing again, would you be able to get past that? Would you be able to look at him the same way?”


Buffy shook her head again, not in a denial but to try and clear it. “I would have tried, for Willow I would have tried.”


“You were willing to kill Angel luv. You were willing to kill him to protect people, to save the world. Do you think Willow could take the chance of telling you? Of risking her own love? I understand what Willow did pet. I get it. If it had been you I would have done the same. She was tryin to protect Oz, to keep him safe until she could find a way to make him safe. She didn’t mean to betray you, or put anyone else in danger. She just couldn’t see beyond her love.”

There wasn’t much anyone could say after that.





The wait for Willow to come out of surgery was agonising, but it ended, as all things eventually do.

The surgeon came to talk to the full waiting room of people. The guy had been a surgeon a long time, and he had lived in Sunnydale for most of that time, and yet even he was shocked by the severity of Willows injuries. He had worked hard, desperately hard, and he had almost lost her twice. But now she was stable, critical but stable. He had done all he could do, time would have to do the rest.

Xander jumped up and down at the news, and pulled Giles in for a hug. Though Buffy felt her heart lift a little she couldn’t celebrate. Not yet.




Much later Buffy turned to Spike, and voiced the fear, the awful fear, which had stayed with her since finding Willows prone figure. She hadn’t mentioned it before, she hadn’t been able to. If Willow hadn’t pulled through then it wouldn’t have mattered anyway. If Willow hadn’t pulled through nothing would have mattered again.

“She was bitten Spike. Wasn’t she? Willow was bitten.”

Spike sighed heavily. “Yes pet, yes she was.”

Buffy found it hard to get her next question out, but she had to know. “What does that mean? For her?”

Spike pulled Buffy onto his lap, and she curled into him. He pressed his lips against her neck, running them across the smooth skin. It wasn’t meant to be a passionate touch, despite how it made Buffy shiver, it was meant to reassure. And Buffy did feel her heart slowing down a little, even as she felt the dread of his answer.

“It means that she’ll be a werewolf pet. I’m so sorry.”


Although she had been prepared for the answer it still sent a flush of shock and pain through her nerve endings.
“When will she change?”

Spike sighed, “It will take time for her cell structure to alter, like it does when a humans made a vamp. She won’t change durin this full moon, but she will by the next one.”

Buffy’s voice was low, strained. “I can’t kill her Spike, no matter what she ends up doing. I can’t.”

Spike ran his hand up and down her side. “You won’t have to pet, I’ll make sure you don’t have to.”

Misunderstanding his meaning, Buffy pulled a little away from him. “You can’t kill her either Spike, I couldn’t let you do that. I understand why you – you killed Oz. You had to, he would have killed me otherwise. But there has to be another way now. It’s - it's Willow.”

Spike tugged gently at a strand of Buffy’s hair. Knowing that she’d understood what he’d had to do made the guilt he felt over doing it a little easier to bare. “I wasn’t talkin about killin her pet, I don’t reckon I could do that either. But there are other ways, things we could do to help her.”

Buffy felt a spark of hope, a spark she had thought was dead and buried, flare in her chest. “What? What could we do?”

“Well, you know I told you about werewolves who don’t kill? Who manage to keep the demon within them in check, and live pretty much normal lives?”

Buffy nodded.

“We can help Willow become one of them. It works in her favour that she’s a witch, she’ll find it that much easier to reign in her urges.”

Buffy looked at him wide eyed, “Do you mean she might not ever hurt anyone? Ever? This might not change her at all?”

Spike shook his head, “It will change her pet, obviously. She can’t just not be a werewolf anymore. Well, I guess she’s actually a werewitch aint she? But she can control it, control herself. And yeah, that means she could live her whole life without hurtin anyone.”

The first ghost of a smile appeared on Buffy’s face. “How can we help her?”

Spike looked over to where Giles was sitting. The watchers head was resting on Anna’s shoulder, his eyes were closed, and his mouth was hanging open as he’d succumbed to a fitful sleep.

“Well, I’ll have to talk to Rupes about it, but there’s this coven in England I’m friendly with, they specialise in stuff like this, in groundin essences and controllin the dangerous sides of being. I know they’d take her on. They’d look after her, put her on the right path and that. And they’d teach her about her powers, help her to hone them. Her spells seem to go a bit... what you’d call ‘wonky’ pet. They’d teach her moderation, control.” Spikes voice acquired a layer of guilt ridden sadness, “And they’d be a good help while she’s grievin. They’ll be able to reach her in ways we can’t, help take the edge off the pain.”

Buffy squeezed his hand, trying to give him back some of the reassurance he’d given her. “You really think they’d be able to do all that?”

Spike nodded, “I’m sure. She’d have to stay there a while though, it will take her time to adjust. It’s not somethin that would happen overnight pet. They’d need to see her through at least her first couple of full moons. That’s why I’d need to talk to the watcher, he’d have to sort somethin out with the school, with her parents.”


Willow’s mom and dad had shown up an hour earlier, beyond distressed and desperate to see their little girl. If they were surprised to see the odd collection of people in the waiting room they didn’t show it. They had been taken in to Willows room the minute they’d arrived, and they hadn’t been out of there since.

Buffy had called Joyce as soon as she’d been coherent enough to think about it, and Joyce had been an invaluable comfort to Xander. As tired as he was Xander couldn’t sleep, couldn’t relax, until he knew for sure Willow would be ok. Joyce had sat with him, listening to him tell stories about Willow and trying to make him smile through his teary eyes.


After her conversation with Spike Buffy had felt immeasurably better, though she too, like Xander, wouldn’t be able to rid herself of panic until Willow had woken.

Buffy both longed for, and dreaded, the moment when Willow would wake. She had to talk to her, she had to hear Willows side of things, but she also had to tell her best friend that the man she loved was dead.





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