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Author's Chapter Notes:
I think that enough was said and done about Spike and Buffy relationships. In my world Buffy came to terms with Spike, despite all the "You're beneath me" stuff, she will be with him .
We all know that it is assumed that Buffy is having her own doubts about it, but I won't stop to examine her inner thoughts every chapter. This chapter will cover her thoughts.

Beta by Sigma

Buffy woke up to the feel of cold fingers traveling down her body. "Spike..."

As she said his name, she suddenly remembered all that had been happening. She knew that some of the reason she'd slept with Spike was because of what was going on. She was afraid of what would happen with Angelus running loose somewhere...afraid of leaving Dawn alone - again...afraid she'd destroy Angel's chance at redemption if she killed Angelus.

*Right, Summers, keep telling yourself that the only reason you are with Spike is because of Angelus. Never mind that it started before this whole mess got started.*

All of the excuses for being with Spike weren't good excuses anymore. She was going to fool herself Spike was soulless all right, but that didn't matter much. She knew that, even if Spike got the chip out, he wouldn't hurt any humans. Because of her? Maybe...maybe not...but he was different. If Faith can go from good to bad, surely Spike can go from bad to good.

She couldn't open her eyes to face him, not yet. What could he possibly offer her? He wasn't human. Soul or no soul, he was a vampire that could only go out at night...she was a human who loved the sun. But there were other things to consider; she felt secure with him and...loved.

He tried to bring warmth to her life...even though she always felt cold - inside and out. He did all those things for her...she ought to give him a chance...isn't he entitled to try for redemption? He was trying to change. He didn't have a soul like Angel, but he still tried. Who was she to deny him forgiveness? The first ones to give it to him should be her friends. They should give him a chance; he'd helped them so much when she died.

Telling her friends was the only way, she concluded. They'd just have to deal. Enough hiding and running from the truth. If they didn't like it, too bad for them! True friends always understood...Eventually.

Then another though crept into her mind what if Angel returned, without the happiness clause? What then? Would she still be with Spike? Is he only second best or is he the real thing? If she couldn't answer, then she didn't deserve him.

Trying to argue with herself made her confused then ever. Do you still want Angel? Yes. Do you want Spike? Yess. Can you choose? Her mind was turning upside down.

But things were different now, and she could feel it. Angel had left her life and she had change. She didn't even know if she was the same Buffy he had known. Trying to decide if she could still be with him - if she still loved him - was giving her a headache.

But then she remember what her mother had told her. You can't live by ifs. Nobody can be sure what the future will bring. She knew she couldn't be with Angel now. The clause was still there. Well, duh. If Angelus returning hadn't made her notice that, then she was really unobservant. She wasn't going to live her life according to what might happen. She might be a Slayer, but she was young and wanted to live life to its fullest. Spike was the way to do that.

"Luv," Spike's soft voice brought her back to reality. He was looking at her, leaning on his side, his firm muscular body touching her warm one. As she looked into his ocean-blue eyes, she waited for his usual teasing and sexual innuendos, but he just looked at her adoringly.

She smiled at him, her eyes shining. She gave him the same smile that the Buffy-bot use to give him , but this time it was her.

"What are you thinking luv?"

"I...I'm thinking that I will tell everyone. I...I mean about you and me." She stopped for a minute, waiting for a response.

A smile began to light up his face, and he stared wonderingly at her. She had only seen him so happy when he had found her alive when Willow...

"You would really do that pet?" his voice shaking and unbelieving.

She smiled silently back at him, her eyes brightening. A single tear escaped from his deep-blue eyes. Buffy couldn't believe how happy he seemed to feel. Had she really been that cruel to him? If a simple acknowledgement of their relationship could bring tears to his eyes...maybe she didn't deserve him. Maybe she was beneath him.

"What Luv?" he asked confused when she mumbled something to herself. He brushed his lips over her velvet skin, savoring her smell.

"I don't deserve you" she whispered brokenly.

His unbelieving face told her all, showed her how much he thought of himself has the lucky one. "Oh, God, Buffy...I love you so much, please let me show you...I love you" he continued kissing her neck traveling down her body, his tongue dwelling on her sweet sense skin until he came to the valley between her firm breasts. He licked the skin further, another moan escaped her mouth.

"Oh, God, Spike, if you stop I will kill you" her voice was husky and warm, for him.

"I will never stop luv, never..."

Suddenly they heard small footsteps outside the room.

"Stop" she hissed at him.

"Dawn..." Buffy frowned and stumbled to her closet, pushing Spike aside. He just smirked and put on his pants.

"Where is my...ouch...my bra, and..."

Spike burst into laughter. It sounded like a rippling waterfall of joy to her. She had never heard him laugh with so much sincerity and amusement. Folding her arms across her chest, " what's so funny, Spike? I can't find my bra and Dawn's outside…"

He grabbed her and swept her of her feet into a series of passionate kisses. "Relax, luv."

She smiled between his kisses, before pulling away to find her bra and grab some clothes. Frowning in concentration, she finally decided on her strapless white top and knee-length scarlet skirt with white sandals.

"You look great, luv." Spike said admiringly as she finished her hair.

"Thanks." She smiled a little awkwardly, feeling weird to be so domestic with a vampire.

When they stepped out of the room, they stumbled into pacing Dawn. "I thought you died there or something." she mumbled.

Spike stroked her hair gently, while Buffy rolled her eyes "Geez, Dawn, can't a person get some privacy?"

Dawn smiled gently at her sister "Soo...are you together?"

"Are we in forth grade, Dawn?" teased Buffy.

She didn't deign to reply, but just made a face and stuck out her tongue.

"Come now, girls, I love both of you." Spike grabbed both girls and started tickling them as they headed downstairs, squealing with laughter.

After eating breakfast, Buffy and Spike sat in the leaving room, all the curtains pulled shut. It being Saturday, Dawn was watching one of her favorite shows while she lounged next to them.

"When are you going to tell them, luv?"

Buffy sighed "About Angelus or about us?"

"Both"

"Today. We're supposed to meet at the Bronze 'cause Willow's got something to tell us."

Dawn turned from the television, "Can I come too? Please Buffy? Pretty, pretty please?"

Buffy smiled as she remembered the nice girl-talk she had with Dawn that morning. Shrugging, she agreed, "Sure, Dawnie, you can come."

Dawn smiled to herself and continue to watch the show.

The day passed in a blur. Dawn was up in her room doing homework, while Buffy and Spike trained a bit. However, listening to the laughs and giggles, Dawn could have sworn it wasn't exactly training, although she wasn't about to go see. Things finally were working out, it seemed...except Angelus, of course.

Evening was finally there, and Buffy was glad she hadn't seen any of her friends during the day. Now it was time to face them.

She was wearing a black top that emphasized her nicely endowed chest. Combined with cream-colored leather pants and a beautifully done hairdo, she was breathtaking.

Spike stood next to her, wearing, for a change, elegant black pants and gray buttoned shirt. Dawn followed them, wearing a pretty dress, although she cared more about being allowed to join the Scoobies than about what she was wearing.

As they entered the Bronze, Buffy stiffened slightly as she really thought about what she was going to do. Spike tried to comfort her by running circles on her back,"Relax, luv. They're your friends."

She smiled back at him, and they approached the gang.





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