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Author's Chapter Notes:
Some people don't like how I made Dawn act like a brat, a spoiled one, but I wanted to bring back some issues about Spike and Buffy's past without having the Xander or Giles judging thing, so I chose Dawn as she can be bratty sometimes but always comes around.
Buffy closed her eyes for a minute, closing her mind to the violence that just happened, that just got reminded to her.

That girl was too much like her, why did the monks make Dawn out of her blood !? Even though they were made different, they had the same temper, and that often ended up hurting the ones they cared the most about.

She was feeling foggy, the other people in the room throwing interrogative glances at her, not daring to ask out loud the question that were burning in their head.

" Spike didn't kill people INTENTIONALLY after he got rensouled, he was under the First Evil's influence, like possessed, Angel will fill you guys in later." just giving them the only information they needed to know.

" Let's take five minutes now" she got up and added " Spike ? Come with me a second ?" wanting to talk with him in private.

He didn't move or respond.

" Spike ? look at me. " she sighed recognising the haunted look that broke her heart everytime.

" I'm fine. Staying here. Don't need coddling or mothering from you." she looked at him and then at the people around, making a decision.

Moving swiftly at slayer speed, she grabbed the back of his head and made him look into her eyes, her heart bleeding to see those sapphire mirror the pain and regret he felt.

" Know what ? What I feel about you isn't motherly either. Can we have 5 minutes please ? " she asked the others, nodding to the door.

" Buffy... " he tried to smile and get away from her concern.

" I need you to focus here. You DID NOT kill those people, do you hear me ? You did not and I know it, YOU know it and Dawn knows it very well ! " stressing every word.

" Maybe I was under influence but I was the one who turned them" he sighed " But I .. I definitly hurt you. Hurt the girl. Hurt the girls, have to pay. You yourself said you were never going to forgive me." he continued.

" I say a lot of things, like Dawn, we don't always think them. And she doesn't know what happened, I never told her everything about what happened between us. For God's sake, she's a kid ! Do you think I'd tell her about all the things we did to each other ? "

" But it's still the truth ! I.. That time if you hadn't stopped me.." still feeling the judging and sentencing glares from everyone in the room, he tried to break free from her, knowing he didn't deserve the comfort of her hazel eyes.

Buffy gently carressed his cheek with the back of her hand, trying to ease his pain :

" Look at me, there's only you and me, noone else, LISTEN now, what happened between you and me is our business ! I know ugly stuff happened, we hurt each other, both did awful things, can't deny it, but the others don't know, they can't ! US isn't only about what happened that day ! It's also all the things that happened before and after that. Do you remember what you did after that ? "

" I remember I slept with Anya before that. "

" I remember you loving me, trying to be better, I remember how you tried to make US something better but I wouldn't, couldn'. I remember how I put you on an edge, and then pushed and pushed again. And when I needed you, I pulled you back, but afterwards I still pushed you away and when you got beyond your limits I still pushed. " she confessed her eyes tearing up.

" I was in a bad place but that was no reason for what I did to you. "

" I pushed too much, too hard too many times, knew it'd break, tear you but still doing it" she went on like in a trance," It was more my fault than yours, that day, and I knew it."

" What I did was unforgivable, it was never your fault" it was his turn to comfort her, patting her back gently, looking at the strongest woman he knew crumble down in front of him.

" Not entirely yours either, I forgave you even before you came back to Sunnydale, you know, but never said it. If I could forgive you, why can't you ? "

" You did ? "

" Did you have doubts ? I... we never revoked your invitation" it came to her that with everything that happened she just assumed he knew ! "I'm sorry I never told you, I thought actions were enough, sorry I never apologised about the way I treated you back then. " she slumped against him.

" Don't ! Never ! I knew your state of mind, thought I'd be enough to... "

" You were more than enough, but I wasn't, you saved my life again and again, anchored me to Life, I would have died hundreds of times if it wasn't for you, I had it, you know, when I came back from there. The dea... thing that kills slayer. "

" I know, scared me to death, more death actually."

" I need you, please don't go all insane and brooding on me" she added before kissing him chastly.

" I'll try. Don't want to look like that wanker anyway." they just hugged until she calmed down.

--------------------

" You remember what you told me after her first fugue ? ......She's just a teenager with hormones going havroc and still immature."

" I hurt her."

" She wasn't thinking half of the things she said, you know, she was hurt, and we Summers strike back when we are hurt. "

" You said almost the same things when you arrived in LA."

" Well, look at me now. " she let go of him and sat on the floor, soon joined by him.

" I'm sorry, maybe I shouldn't have done that, should have called"

" We did so many things to each other that we need apologizing. "

" Can you forgive me ? "

" What for ? "

" For not telling you I was back."

"---- Can you tell me why you did it ?"

"---- I think we freaked them out, I mean, even more drama than Passions and Dawson's creek altogether. Gonna free them." he got up to join the gang in the living room, " Coming ? "

" Yeah." she sighed, they'll talk again later.

-------------------------------------

After apologizing for making things awkward, she told them that she had things to do during the week and would wait for their answer, reminding them not to talk too directly about her offer.

" You see this house is spell and seers protected, so anything said in here is secret, but if they know about here or about the plan, or your intentions, you all will be in more danger, so make up your mind and if you're in, just come back here in a week of time at sunset and I'll let you in. " as she explained them how even though they knew the house was there they wouldn't be able to get in without a guide.

" Tomorrow, I'll come to W&H and make fake goodbyes so that they think I'm back to Europe, don't worry, we talked it through with Spike, we'll make it believable. So whatever happens tomorrow doesn't change the plan."

As it was almost time for the sun rise, she escorted them out, but she asked him again.

" Are you sure you're okay with what we have to do ? "

" Of course, Pet." he caressed her arm gently.

" Don't... "

" What ? "

" Make me want to have you stay. "

Only hurt silence answered her plea.

" You are watched and if you disappear for too long a time, they'll suspect something. " she sighed, " And, I have to talk to the guys and give Dawn an earful. "

" She... Tell her I love her."

" That's where it hurts, Spike, you can't have people think you love them, have them love you back and do what you did. " she sighed not knowing if she was talking about her teen or herself.


Chapter End Notes:
Hope you liked the Spuffy talk, I tried to make it the least whiny possible as they aren't, but do tell me what you thought of this chapter..



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