Author's Chapter Notes:
Spuffy sequence here
Thanks for the reviews, I do understand the confusion and questions about the last chapter, but the next chapter wil answer them, well I hope so.
Buffy then went to the airport and ran around through the crowds to lose her followers, then she finally came back to the house for the remaining of the night, she had to rest and get ready as she had important things to do in the morning.

Going upstairs, she took a shower, washing her soreness away.
After she put her pajamas on, she looked at her damaged knuckles guiltily, she had been too far, too strongly, had hit too hard, too many times.
With her slayer training she should have had more discipline, more self-control, shouldn't have hit him like that.

She went over her rocking chair and caressed longingly the coat that she put there. And for the second night, she lay it on the mattress and slept by it, her hand still feeling its texture while she savoured that leather scent mixed with its owner's familiar smell.
She could still feel his hands on her skin, the soft touches he blessed her with. Remembering his lips on her, that the butterfly kisses he gave her, the wilder ones, the mind blowing ones, she could remember his touch on every inch of her skin.
He had often tried to be tender with her, loving, but she had seldomly let him.
Letting herself be loved by him had been mind blowing, he had touched her with such reverence.
He had carried her back to his bed, kissing her gently on the forehead, then grazing her eyelids with his lips while he had carressed her with the tip of his fingers as if he was afraid she'd disappear.
Slowly arousing her while she doubted having enough energy to even move.
Then as she reached for him, for more, he just kissed her fingers and went on with his throughout quest, teasing her breasts with his toungue everywhere but the already hard nipples, teasing HER until she gasped.
He made her blood boil, her brain ceased to function as she let herself in his charge, he was smiling at her wetness, seeing her asking for more, and still waiting for her to be even more damp as he rubbed her core.
He then abandonned the aching nipples, to...
She had to shake away those memories, had to sleep.

But she couldn't help but think again about what he said.
Did he still love her ? Was he still in love with her ?
Could he ?
Then why ?

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After getting treated by Fred, drinking some pig blood, he went back home, where he was surrounded by her scent, he would never be able to leave this place, now.
Wherever he went, she was there, her scent, memories of her, naked in his arms, passionate, gentle, softness and curves, giving almost loving.
He almost believed she loved him then, she made love to him in a way she never did, THEY made love in a way they never did.
The passion still there, but mixed with such tenderness and what was the word ? Endearment ? No, Affection.
The way she kissed him, like she wanted to savour every inch of him, how she devoured him, how she let him taste her, let him LOVE her.
How accepting she was.

It was the best night he had, but then she woke up and put distance between them.
She had slept in his arms before, but this time she didn't stay, he couldn't gently caress her bare skin, talk with her like an old couple, having contact with her, being intimate with her without it being about sex.
He was the girl in the relationship, he realised ! Well, if relationship there was.
He so wanted back what they had in their last nights in the Hellmouth, longed for those bloody sexless nights where he was truly intimate with her, knowing that she needed him, needed his comfort, strenght and love.

But those were long gone.
She didn't need him anymore, she needed someone normal, or more normal than him at least. Someone who deserved to be loved by her.
He had to move out, he couldn't stay in a place where every square foot, inch was a reminder her, her didn't need any as she was anchored in his heart enough.
Didn't need to stay in this hellish place that reminded him of the heaven he thought he had, that he almost had for a few hours.
A heaven that would never be his, that he was unworthy of.

He told her he loved her again and again, he remembered her saying that he lose that right, because he stayed away.
Did she mean he had to stop loving her ? How could he honestly promise that ?
Did she mean he should stop telling her his love ?
Did she mean he had that right before ? The right to love her ?
Did she mean anything she said ?

He just couldn't tell, couldn't ask, he chose to go to sleep as he had to heal fast and be ready for the next fight, the next war, the next apocalypse, the next whatever. Did it even matter ?
Slumping in the bed that still smelled like her, he closed his eyes to abandon himself in a dream that was full of her, full of them, together.


Chapter End Notes:
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