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"Hey, Buffy ! How is everything going in LA ?"
Buffy finally could relax after patroll, after a cold shower she had prepared herself a wram mug of chocolate and was so happy when her best friend appeared when she checked which Scooby was online.
It had been a long time she hadn't talked one on one with Willow, a real chat, a non work or apocalypse related talk.

"It's kinda messy here and I miss you all a lot."

"Is everything alright ? How did patroll go ? "

"Yeah, it's fine, patrolling was better than I expected, but..."

"Spike ?"

"I was gonna say that I was nervous about the LA crew."

"Nervous ? What are you nervous about ? "

"Well, you know the whole giving up on the dark side, throwing away temptation and evil thing, and also, whether we can keep them alive if they do put their trust in us.. Just regular stuff."

"I've met them, they're not a bad bunch, don't you worry ! You had that dream about LA for a reason, you will make a difference there. Everything will go as planned."

"Thanks, Wills ! " Buffy smiled slightly.

"So how was make up sex with Spike ?"

"What are you talking about ?!"

"The mindblowing you're-not-so-dead sex with the blonde champion of your heart ?"

"Willow !!" Buffy blushed hard.

"So you're not gonna tell your best pal about it ? After all the lenght I went through to keep it to myself that you jumped his bones ?! I want all the details or I'm gonna tell everyone you were wearing Spike's coat and nothing under it ! "

Buffy just smiled at her pushy friend, she had missed that, missed the light hearted camaraderie, the gossip and trust.

"It was great like you said, mind blowing hot monkey sex for hours and hours and hours, we did it in every single position you can imagie and some I can't even spell out, we.." Buffy said with a glee knowing her friend would start lalaing and covering her ears with her hands.

"Okay, note to self, don't ask for details." when Buffy couldn't take it anymore and burst out laughing.

"But I don't think I should have done that."

"What do you mean ? "

"I don't know if I can forgive what he did."

"Let me get this straight : you are staying away from the man you love because you're mad that he stayed away from you ?!"

"Well, that sounds irrational, but... Hey ! Who said anything about love ? "

"Oh please, I'm not daft ! If I didn't know before that you loved him, the months you spent mourning him would have been enough anyway, we all know he's the one you love, Buffy, it's not just me, Giles, Xander, Dawn and most of the original potential know you love him, it was like you were wearing a big 'I love Spike' cardboard for months, only blind people would have missed it..."

"Really ? Everyone knows ? " Buffy was stunned, she thought she had hidden her pain quite effectively, keeping a strong face not to scare the young ones that were depending on her, knowing that he liked her being strong. But all this time, they had tiptoed around her, knowing it all along ?!

"Why do you think you were the one sent to LA ? Don't you think Giles or me or even Xander could have done that and get less suspicion from W&H ? " Willow teased.

"I... I thought you all said I was the best emissary. "

"Of course you are. But a discreet one ? Please.. " Willow realised she got sidetracked by her smart friend "Back on topic, missy !! What the hell are you thinking ? You can be with the man you love and who loves you and you just what !? Get all shirty and say you can't be with him ?!"

"How would you know ? I'm not saying that I love him, maybe I do but I don't think he loves me. And what does shirty mean anyway ? "

"It's like ill tempered. English, my dear, english. " So that was what shirty meant Buffy thought with a smile, Willow had been in Scotland for way too long.

"I know for a fact that you do love him, I suspected it after you know, the whole Buffy-has-sex-with-Spike thing, I mean it's quite a hint, but then I got confirmation on the day you had your date with Robin."

"Huh ?"

"You don't remember ! That's priceless ! You said 'Why does everybody think I'm still in love with Spike?' Hoped you had paid more attention the PSY 101."

"Gosh, I said that, didn't I ? " Buffy hid behind her mug.

"So you love him, and he obviously love you, the guy went into many demoniac trials to get himself a soul, and then he died for you ! "

"Maybe he loved me but not now." Buffy offered.

"Yeah, right, like that's believable ! I only saw him for a couple of minutes, and I saw how he looked at you ! He's still in love with you ! Thinking that he might stop loving you is just wrong, I mean, if he could stop loving you he'd have done it way before you died that time or way before getting himself a soul or sacrificing himself to close the hellmouth ! "

"He did say he was still in love with me.. But what does it change ? "

"It changes everything ! You don't understand how hard it is to find someone you love, to be loved back and have the chance to be together ! I wish I could... " Willow's eyes started to water.

"Wills... You have Kennedy right ? "

"Yeah, I have Kennedy." Willow stated half heartedly.

Buffy realised she had been too engrossed in council and slayer duty, too immersed in her pain of losing Spike and anger to learn that he came back to see that something was wrong with Willow.

"Willow ?"

"Its just, like Spike said, she's no Tara. " Willow cried softly.

"I'm sorrry." Buffy didn't know what more to say.

"It's fine, just saying that not a lot of people get to have second chances, we all wish we could, me with Tara, Xander with Anya and Giles with Ms Calendar, that's why we set you up, that's why we're upset that you don't grab this opportunity."

Buffy couldn't respond to that, the loss they all endured had been bonding them, after Sunnydale, she noticed the change in her friends.
When Xander came and told her how broken hearted he was about Anya, he mgiht have been giving her an opportunity to talk about Spike.
When Giles came to tell her how heroic Spike has been, how wrong his thinking had been, she didn't think more than that.
But now, it stunned her to know all her loved ones were worried about her and saw the extend of her loss and were now supportive of her for this second chance.

"A second chance" she wondered out loud.

"Yes, a second chance, honey."

"I have to think about that, Wills. I don't know if we can make it work. I mean..."

"Yeah ?"

"I think deep down I know he still loves me but it hurts, it hurts that he chose to stay away, that he chose to leave me in pain when coming back was so easy."

"Did he tell you why he didn't ? Why he didn't chose the easier, more agreable way ?"

"You should have heard him, he said he wanted me to have a normal life now that I wasn't the only slayer anymore, oh Gosh ! It was like hearing Angel all over again !"

"Maybe it was." Willow said pensively.

"What do you mean ? Angel put a spell on him to make him stay in LA? " asked Buffy quite hopeful.

"I don't think he went to such lenght, but well, we know why he hadn't contacted you when he was incorporeal, I would have done the same thing, and.."

"we know ?"

"I mean, it makes sense, at that time, you just lost him and he wasn't really alive, at an inch from going to hell, so he thought, not telling you he was alive was like not giving you false hope, not making you lose him twice. And he was bond to LA."

Buffy nodded lightly.

"And afterwards, what do you think happened ? "

"You have to ask him, but if you want my opinion, the time he spent incorporeal, he spent it with Angel, and maybe he got influenced, you know, Angel is still his grandsire and with him knowing you for a longer time maybe he convinced Spike that you'd be better off without a vampire lover ?"

Buffy was so deep in thought that she didn't mind when the door opened Willow 's end of the conversation, Kennedy had come back and the red head just mouthed a goodbye before turning it off. She just had so much thinking to do : was it how it happened ?
Most likely, now that she thought back at how things had been unwrapping.
Knowing the vampires the way she did, it most certainly happened that way. Angel had always been high-handed about everything, even more with her and if Spike still loved her, what to do with it ? Could she put her heart in line again ? Could she not ?
Could she trust Spike to trust her, her love for him ? To not waver again and "leave her for her own good" again ? He was so selfconfident but at the same time clinically unsure when things came to involve her !

Buffy just shouted out her frustrations over the mess she was in, both emotional and apocalypsal.
But for the first time, she thought coming to LA wasn't such a big mistake.





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