Author's Chapter Notes:
I read the reviews and edited the first chapters as I really did put many "...." way too many !!! Hope that it'll be a better read now. well to explain it, it just something I use a lot in my first language so out of habit, I did it here !
Anyway, more fluff and smut and hotness here and also more problems.
And then as soon as the door was closed, they couldn't wait any longer, the heat that pilled up during the 5 minutes that they needed to get into his flat, the caresses, the touches and teasing had been too much for both of them, Spike just pinned her on the door, ripping what was left of her poor skirt he lifted her left leg and undoing his zipper, he entered her right away ; meeting her damp entrance and seeing her as ready for him as he was for her.

Thrusting himself in and out of her, forcefully pushing her on the thin wooden door again and again her repeated his love for her once and once more. Looking into her eyes, he tried to convey his love and need.
As they both reached climax, he stayed inside of her, spent, gazing lovingly at her, amazed by her.

"Pet, I missed you so much ! You can't even imagine how much I lov-"

But before he finished she pushed him lightly so that the only contact left between them were her hands on his hips.
He felt such a sense of loss, as if all his energy and hope were drained out of his unbeating heart ; but as he was arching his scarred eyebrow at her, trying to fanthom what she was feeling, what she wanted, she took charge.

Kissing him hungrily, she took his duster off, then pulling his shirt up she kissed her way up from his navel to his nipples to his throat, and as he stared at her in wonder, she slowly took off his boots and jeans, leaving him naked and her kneeling there looking at his newly reborn appendice.

He tried to help her up wanting to be the one worshipping her, but she shove his hand away she took her own top off, throwing her bra away as he was still mesmerised.
She put her hands around his length, and licked the tip of his penis, he knew he was a goner.

The only time she gave him a head job was when she was invisible and it was extraordinary, mind-bogging, but seeing her actually do it was just too much for words, too arousing for him.

Seeing her put him inside her mouth, enveloping him as he unconsciously thrust forward again and again, her tongue massaging the underside of his cock, her eyes looking at his.

He was doomed... and it was the first time he ever came so quickly, as she gave him an amused look while she licked him and her fingers still around his shaft, squeezing what was left.

He smiled, he sure wasn't going to let her mock him like that, he thought, he grabbed her up, making her stand before him.

He swept everything that was on the wooden lounge table and took her in the most traditional way possible.

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Buffy opened her eyes to see yet again her blonde lover, she tried to wake him up by caressing his jaw with the back of her fingers but it seemed like the vampire was finally exhausted, she smiled to herself, the made love in the living room again and again as he claimed his love for her again and again.

Then, she said she needed a shower, so they did it in the shower and on the bathroom sink and again on the floor, then, when SHE was unable to move, trying to get a little bit of rest, he carried her to his bed waking her body by his touch, light kisses and they finally got to do it slowly, tenderly just as promised as he worshipped every inch of her body slowly and suavely.

It wasn't surprising that Spike was "knackered" like he would say, they did break some kind of record, she laughed, deciding to let him rest as she went to take a real shower.

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When Spike woke up his hand moved to the space next to him.

It was empty.

Bugger, he thought, it had been yet another dream, a very realistic, hot one but he was back to reality, where he never met his slayer again, where she didn't allow him to touch her, didn't beg him to be inside of her.

How he wished that he was still dreaming, he was happy there, he felt wanted, needed, loved.
He could still smell her all around.

Smell ?!
Yes ! He could smell her ! She had been there ! That wasn't a dream !

He looked around, getting his eyes used to the darkness, and there she was, on his armchair, in his duster, almost in foetal position, hugging a pillow against her chest, looking at him, staring at him blankly...

Not knowing what to say, he sat up, covering his lower body, reached for his cigarettes and zippo on the nightstand and lighted one, taking an unneeded breath, here it was.

She didn't want sex anymore, he knew it couldn't last, well it did 'last' he sneered to himself, but he knew it was too good to be true, what they had was only sex.

He thought for a moment that she had let him in again like how she did in the days just before he went into dust right before her eyes, he knew something was missing and knew it was his fault.

But bleeding hell !!
He knew he was acting like a freaking girl, that any man would be contented after hours and hours of mind-blowing sex with the woman of their dreams, but he wanted the intimacy back !

But he also knew he couldn't push her into it.
So as he smoke he started to make small talk, trying to see if he could reach to her,
" So how're the Scoobies ? "

Only silence answered him.

" How is Blackbeard ? "

" Who ? "

" Pirate Boy ? "

" Oh, Xander's in Ireland training some slayers with the help of other watchers."

" So the whelp is a watcher now ? Looks like they lowered their standards ! "

" We are the council now so they just follow his orders."

" And Red ? "

" Will is in Scotland learning more about magic and also working with girls."

" And the bookworm ? "

" Giles is in the London headquarters training new watchers and slayers. "

After an awkward silence Buffy looked at her knees and asked :
" Tell me about W&H"

And he told her everything he knew about W&H, how he ended up there, slipping here and there things about himself, about how he ended up there, but she cut him each time to ask questions about the law firm.

When the subject was finally covered, they fell into silence again, but this time Spike snapped :
" Why don't you make your 'Spike, I was just drunk, it didn't mean anything, just forget about last night' speech, and just bloody leave ?! "

" I won't lie my way out, William."

" Say again ? "

She looked at him, REALLY looked at him for the first time since he woke up.

" I wasn't drunk, we both know it... I really needed you, wanted you. I missed you so much. I missed US."

" ....But it's not enough." he finished for her.

She nodded, " But it's not enough."

Then both just looked away, he smoked cigarette after cigarette, waiting to see where it was taking them.

" When..." Buffy cleared her throat as she finally blurted out the word.

" When what, pet ? "

" When did it become okay for you to never see me again ?" the night or rather the day they spent together had lifted the shield she decided to put around her heart when she decided to come to LA.

" I.. never..." Spike didn't know what answer to give to her, he never thought that far.

" When you want to make someone think you're dead, it's obvious you'll never let them see you again, it's freaking obvious you never see them ! " it was her turn to snap.

Then realisation hit him, she was right, he would never have worded it like that but it was what would have happened if Andrew had kept his mouth shut.

" ... I thought it would better for you to have a normal vampire-free life."

" So you took the decision for me ? And maybe you didn't want to lose your hero brownie points you got for dying to save the world ? "

He winced at how trivial it sounded in her mouth, " I wanted you to remember me as a hero you could be proud of - "

" Do you think that coming back to life makes the sacrifice you did smaller ? Do you think that about me ? I did come back after what I did at the tower..." she tried to reason him, to understand what this man had in his mind.

As she saw him speechless, she went on,
" You thought that I'd rather have the memory of a DEAD hero than you ALIVE, in flesh, safe and sound ? " she said sternly.

As they were too immersed in their talk, they didn't hear or sense the intruders come in until the room's door got kicked.


Chapter End Notes:
please review if you have 10 seconds. It helps a lot with the muse and I hope to improve with the critics and support.



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