Buffy entered the house and heard the sound of the television. She peered into the living room and saw that Xander was still awake, lying on the couch with a bowl of popcorn. She made to go upstairs without him noticing, but she had no such luck.
“Buffy?” he said, looking up from the T.V.
“What?” she asked angrily, remembering his behavior at dinner. She swayed a bit on her feet as she moved to climb the stairs, not wanting to talk to him.
“Buffy, I’m sorry,” he said. He turned off the televisions and sat up, looking in her direction.
This made her stop and turn to him. ‘He’s actually apologizing?’ she thought. ‘This is unexpected.’
“Oh, yeah?” she asked, irritation evident in her voice. She wasn’t going to let this go that easily.
“Yes,” he said sincerely. “I am.”
She walked into the living room, crossing her arms and not sitting down. She still needed to hear more from him.
“You almost ruined my birthday,” she said, feeling tears come on at the memory of earlier that night.
“I know,” he said, looking down at his hands. “I hate that I did that to you.”
She was still skeptical. “Do you?” she asked.
“Of course I do,” he said, looking her in the eyes.
She didn’t say anything, just moved slightly and a wave of dizziness overtook her. Xander jumped up as he saw her sway. He grabbed her arm gently, and then helped her to sit down on the couch.
“Are you okay?” he asked, concerned.
“I had a few drinks,” she admitted.
“At the Bronze?” he asked, sounding annoyed. “I can’t believe he would let you-“
“Don’t,” she interrupted him, placing her hand on her forehead. “Please, don’t. This isn’t about him right now.”
“I know,” he said quietly. “I shouldn’t have let what happened between me and Will affect us. I just…” He stopped, looking away from her.
“Just what?” she asked, waiting for him to continue.
“It’s complicated.”
“It’s really not.” This was not the answer she wanted from him. She was tired of him being angry and elusive about everything and she wanted her brother back.
“I can’t just be friends with him again,” he said, not giving her an explanation for why.
“Why not?” she asked with genuine confusion. “And don’t say it’s complicated again.”
“Too much has happened. I’m still…angry,” he decided, looking away pensively.
“At who?” she wondered. He didn’t answer and she watched him as he seemed to wrestle with something in his mind.
“I’m not gay, Buffy,” he said after a moment. It seemed out of the blue, but Buffy assumed it had stemmed from something he had been thinking.
“I didn’t say you were.”
“I know. But, I just want you to know that.”
“Are you trying to convince me… or yourself?” she asked.
She could see his jaw clench in irritation. If she were sober, she wouldn’t have pushed it, for fear of an outburst. However, she wasn’t and she did.
“Xander, it’s okay if you are. I support you no matter what,” she said, trying to read his face. “You don’t need to hide it.” His face still wore a hardened expression.
“I’m not gay, Buffy,” he said again, a bit more forcefully.
“Okay,” she said, accepting it for now. She got up slowly, trying not to stumble. “I’m going to bed,” she told him, walking toward the stairs. She stopped at the bottom step and turned to him. “I’m here if you want to talk,” she said, then turned to climb the stairs, not waiting for an answer from him.
**
Xander was considerably more cordial to Buffy after that night. They weren’t nearly as close as they had been, but he didn’t seem angry anymore, at least not at her. She didn’t know whether it was because he didn’t want her to say anything or because he was genuinely sorry for being an asshole. In any case, he was much more pleasant toward her. He was less of a jerk to Will as well; on the few run-ins they’d had over the past few weeks, he didn’t take time to give Will a dirty look like he usually did. However, she still rarely saw him, as he was spending even more time with Anya.
Buffy’s situation with Will was an entirely different story. She had expected that after she kissed him that night, something would happen. She didn’t know what, but had at least expected the event to be acknowledged by him. It hadn’t though.
Everything had gone back to normal and they were still hanging out all the time. However, it was almost three weeks later and Will hadn’t brought up the kiss at all. When she saw him the next day he acted like nothing had happened. They had gone to the gallery as usual and she had hung out while he worked. That’s all, no mention of it.
Buffy hadn’t brought it up either. She had racked her brain about it over and over, thinking up different reasons for why he hadn’t said anything. Most of them ended with him not feeling the same way and not wanting to hurt her feelings. She was too afraid of rejection, so she hadn’t said anything, but felt a weird tension around him that hadn’t existed before.
“Here are the three scenarios I’ve decided on,” Buffy started.
Buffy had recapped the whole event to Willow the Monday after her birthday and they had spent countless hours discussing it ever since. They sat in homeroom on a mid-February morning and Buffy was relaying her new conclusions to Willow, who was listening with rapt attention.
“First scenario, he thinks I only did it because I was drunk and that I probably forgot about it. Second scenario, I made it up in my head. Or third scenario, and most likely, is that he doesn’t feel the same way and doesn’t want to hurt my feelings, so he won’t talk about it.” She finished with a breath and looked to Willow expectantly.
“You’re life is like a soap opera,” Willow said, eyes wide.
“God, I wish it wasn’t,” Buffy replied, resting her chin on her hand. She had spent so much time obsessing about this.
“Maybe, he’s afraid to have feelings for you, because of Xander,” Willow suggested, trying to cheer her up.
“Yeah, right,” she replied with bitterness.
“ Or, maybe he’s torn between you and-“
Buffy interrupted her. “I appreciate the encouragement, Will, but I really don’t think so. He just doesn’t see me as anything more than a friend slash little sister.”
“Well, if it bothers you so much, then why don’t you just ask him about it. He’s always been honest with you before, there’s no reason he won’t be now.”
“Yeah, I guess…I just don’t know if I can handle the truth right now.”
Normally, Buffy wouldn’t have had a problem asking Will a sensitive question. However, this time it was her heart on the line, and she wasn’t ready to have it broken.
**
It took her another week to gain the courage to even consider asking him. It was late Sunday morning and they were sitting in the same diner that they had been in when she asked him if he and Xander were a couple. It was the same place where she had fallen even more in love with him as she had watched him draw her portrait in sugar.
They had just placed their order and Will was sketching on a napkin with a black pen he always carried around. Buffy sipped her soda quietly, contemplating her predicament and staring around the place at the various patrons. Sunday morning was always the diner’s busiest time and most of the place was filled.
“So, luv, “ he started, looking up from his drawing. “What do you want to do after this? It’s really gorgeous out. Maybe we could go to the park or something?” he suggested, looking at her expectantly.
Under other circumstances, she would have been thrilled to go to the park with him. However, today she was feeling a bit differently toward him. Today she was actually annoyed, almost angry with him. She was sick of him not mentioning their kiss and her frustration had reached a breaking point. She knew it was only a matter of time before she would explode, but she tried to play it cool.
“I dunno,” she said, playing with her straw.
“Pet, what’s wrong?” he asked, looking at her concerned.
“Nothing,” she said. “Why would there be anything wrong?”
“I can read you better than anyone, luv,” he said leaning across the table to look into her eyes. “I know something’s up.” Will had always been able to see through her acts, while everyone else believed the façade.
Before she could answer, the waitress came with their breakfast. She placed Buffy’s French toast on the table and Buffy immediately tore into it, hoping to avoid Will’s questioning. Will began to eat his pancakes, keeping his eyes on Buffy.
“What’s wrong?” he asked again, putting down his utensils on the table.
“Nothing,” she said and kept eating.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, a bit louder this time, placing his hands on the table.
“Nothing,” she said again. “Stop yelling, you’re making a scene.”
“I’ll make a bloody scene if I want to,” he said at the same volume, then softened. “Please Buffy, I hate seeing you upset. Please tell me why you’re acting like I did something wrong.”
“No reason,” she said, continuing to be elusive. ‘See if he likes it,’ she though bitterly.
“I don’t believe you,” he said, frowning. “Tell me, luv, what did I do to upset you?”
“You really don’t know?” she asked, finally fed up with all of it. The truth was going to have to come out now.
“No, I don’t,” he said, shaking his head.
“Fine, I’ll just have to remind you then,” she said angrily.
Then she sat up on her knees, leaned across the table and planted a hard kiss on his lips. She lingered for less than a second, but swiped his bottom lip with her tongue. Then she pulled back slowly and sat back down in her seat across from him, looking at his face expectantly.
Everything about Will looked stunned. His body was still and his hands were gripping the edge of the table. His eyes were focused down, lips slightly open in an expression of surprise. Then he directed his eyes toward her angry face. He looked at her with a strange expression on his face. It was one that she had never seen him wear before and she didn’t know how to identify it.
“Remember that?”
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Author's Chapter Notes:
I don't know how I feel about this one, but the characters are taking me where they want to go..
Enjoy!
Enjoy!
Chapter End Notes:
Thoughts??