A few moments passed by with Will not saying anything and Buffy began to lose her resolve. Insecurity was creeping up on her and all the things she had been obsessing about were coming back full force. She began to brace herself for a rejection.
Then he smiled.
“I definitely remember that,” he said, tilting his head to the side.
“You do?” she asked in a small voice.
“Fella doesn’t exactly forget getting kissed by a pretty girl.”
“Y-you think I’m pretty?” she asked, distracted from her mission by his words of flattery.
“Beautiful.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?” she asked, feeling a mixture of excitement and trepidation at his answer.
“About you being gorgeous? Thought you already knew,” he joked.
“No, I meant…the kiss.”
“Right,” he said, sobering.
“Why didn’t you say anything?” she repeated. Her frustration began to return at his obvious reluctance to answer her question.
“I guess…I just didn’t wanna make a thing of it…” he said, not looking her in the eye. “…I-“
“No, no,” she interrupted, waving her hand. “You don’t have to say it.”
‘This is it,’ she thought. ‘He’s rejecting me.’ She was feeling tears come on and she didn’t want Will to see her cry, so she looked down, avoiding his gaze.
“I’m leaving, Buffy,” he said a moment later.
“What? Now?” she asked, looking around confused.
“No, I mean…I’m leaving Sunnydale,” he said slowly. “I got a call last week…from the Pratt Institute. I got in…and they’re giving me a scholarship.” He smiled a bit at that, keeping his eyes on her.
She didn’t say anything, just looked at him confused.
“It’s in New York,” he explained.
“New York,” she repeated.
“Well, Brooklyn actually…but still.”
“When?”
“Not until the end of the summer.”
“I don’t understand,” she said, trying to take it what he had just told her.
“Don’t understand what?”
“What does that have to do with me kissing you?”
“It means,” he said, pausing, taking a breath. “That I don’t think us getting involved is a good idea.”
“Oh.”
“Because I’m leaving, luv. Not because-“ he started.
“Don’t, I get it-“
“Pleas, kitten, I don’t-“
“Can you just…take me home?” she asked, interrupting him again.
“Buffy…it’s not-“ he started to argue.
“Please, let’s just go,” she said more firmly. She got up from the table, and started to walk out the door. He got up, threw a few bills on the table and followed her out.
Once they got in the car, Buffy closed herself off. She stared out the window, refusing to look at Will and contemplating what had happened in the diner; it was something she still didn’t fully understand. All she knew was that it hurt her more than she could have imagined.
‘Will is leaving Sunnydale. He’s going to New York. I guess I’ve always known it was a possibility. I just didn’t think it would happen so soon. I mean, what did I expect? That he stay in Sunnydale forever?” she thought. “I know it’s a big deal, but he’s just using the leaving thing as an excuse. He doesn’t feel for me the way I do for him.’
They rode in silence all the way back to her house. As the car came to a stop in the driveway, Buffy moved to get out, but Will stopped her.
“Buffy, wait,” he said, putting a hand on her arm. “Am I gonna see you tomorrow?”
“I don’t know,” she replied, not turning back to look at him.
“Why not?” he asked, confused. “We’re still friends, right?”
“Why should we be friends?” she asked, turning back to look at him. “If you’re just going to leave and never come back. Why should we even bother hanging out anymore?” she said, becoming angrier.
“Buffy, you’re being childish,” he replied.
It was immature, she knew, but that didn’t stop her from continuing.
“Why not? I am a kid after all. Isn’t that what you said at the Bronze that night?”
“No! Well, yes, but…that’s not what I meant,” he said, trying to excuse himself.
“What did you mean then?” she asked, crossing her arms.
“I just…didn’t like that wanker…touching you like that,” he said softly, looking her in the eyes.
“Stop it.”
“Stop what?”
“Saying things like that! You acted all possessive about that guy and Riley! You tell me you think I’m beautiful and amazing! You paint pictures of me…a-and you look at me like… like that,” she said, pointing at his face. “You can’t do things like that and expect me not to…” she trailed off, feeling tears in her eyes.
“To what?”
She wanted to say ‘fall in love with you,’ but instead went with something less revealing.
“Have feelings for you.”
“Oh,” was all he said.
“You can’t tell me you didn’t know,” she said, a tear rolling down her cheek. “I told you that night in the car. I kissed you…twice for God’s sake!” She was becoming more hysterical and felt more tears fall.
“Buffy, I-“
“Let me finish!” she demanded through her tears. “I know you don’t feel the same about me, Will. But, please don’t use you leaving as an excuse.”
“I’m not,” he said sincerely.
“How do you feel about me, then?” she asked, waiting with baited breath as he seemed to think about his answer.
“I don’t know,” he finally said.
“What is that supposed to mean?” she asked. This was an evasive answer and she was not happy about it.
“Buffy, you threw me for a huge loop the night you kissed me. I guess…I didn’t think we could ever be that way…together, I mean. Don’t get me wrong; I knew you had a…thing for me. But, that’s all I thought it was…a crush…a thing. I never thought you would act on it and I wouldn’t because, well, you were Xander’s little sister.”
“I get it, that’s all I am to you…a sister,” she said resignedly.
“No, you’re not. Not anymore,” he said softly, giving her another one of those looks.
“So…what are you saying?”
“I’m saying…” he said, pausing and taking in a breath. “That I do feel something for you…and it’s not a brotherly thing. It’s just, I don’t know how to…define it, or whatever. The truth is, Buffy…I act like I know what I’m doing all the time, but I really don’t, especially when it comes to real relationships. I know it seems like I’ve got all the answers, but I haven’t got a fucking clue. And when it comes to you, well…I care about you too much…and I don’t ever want to hurt you,” he finished.
“You’re hurting me now,” she said quietly.
“I know…and I never wanted that. But…I just think it’ll be harder if we get into something and then I have to leave…for both of us. I’m going to be on the other side of the country next year and you still have two more years of high school. We can still be friends, luv. I never want to lose you as a friend. I just can’t see it working out…at least not now.”
“Okay,” was all she could think to say. He had given her a lot of things to think about and she needed some time to do so.
“I know that’s not what you want to hear, pet,” he said, reaching his hand up as if to stroke her cheek. Then he seemed to think better of it and took it back. Buffy was having mixed feelings, both wanting him to touch her and knowing it would make this harder. She moved to get out of the car, when his voice stopped her again.
“Are we okay?” he asked.
“I don’t know,” she replied, looking back with a regretful smile. “I think I just need some time to myself.”
“Alright,” he accepted. “When will I see you again?”
“I don’t know,” she said again. “I’ll call you.”
***
Joyce was in the kitchen when she came back inside the house. Sunday was her only day off from the gallery, so she usually spent it at home. She would always cook a nice dinner for them on those nights, making sure they spent some time together as a family. Prior to the fight, Will had often joined them.
“Where’s Will?” Joyce asked, seeing Buffy come in alone. “I thought you two were spending the day together.”
At the mention of Will, Buffy felt more tears come on and she broke down crying. Joyce, seeing her daughter’s distress, came around and gathered Buffy in her arms. Buffy continued to cry as her mother just held her, standing in the middle of the kitchen.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
I know I promised that this chapter would be up sooner!! But, I got distracted by my family and Daniel Tosh's new comedy special. Not good excuses, I know, so I apologize.
But, here it is! I hope you all enjoy and thank you for all the lovely reviews for the last chapter!
But, here it is! I hope you all enjoy and thank you for all the lovely reviews for the last chapter!
Chapter End Notes:
And now that you all hate me, let me know what you think!
Though, I hope you don't hate me too much and that you understand where Will is coming from...
Though, I hope you don't hate me too much and that you understand where Will is coming from...