When Buffy got home she had six missed calls on her phone, all from Will, as well as several apologetic text messages that she immediately deleted. She wasn’t ready to talk to him yet.
She was lying on her bed and staring at the ceiling, more confused and frustrated than ever.
“What’s he getting at, just kissing me like that out of the blue?” she said to Willow, who was sitting at the end of her bed. Willow had decided to stay over and talk Buffy through her current crisis.
“I don’t know, Buffy,” Willow replied, playing the role of supportive friend.
“I just hate all these mixed signals he’s sending. First, he says we can’t be together. Then he’s all stalky, begging me to be his friend again. Now, he’s just assaulting my lips in the middle of the Bronze,” she said, sitting up to look at Willow.
“Maybe you should talk to him,” Willow suggested.
“I dunno, Willow…”
“I think it’s a good idea. Maybe if you two just talk, without all the avoidiness, then you can work some things out.”
“He did say that he wanted to talk before…well, you know…” Buffy trailed off, remembering the kiss.
“I can tell you miss him, Buffy.”
“I do…I really do,” Buffy admitted. “When he kissed me…I didn’t want it to stop. Rational thought just gets in the way of everything.”
“That gosh darn logic!” Willow joked. “Really, though, you should just talk to him. Maybe he changed his mind?”
“Well, he could change it again and then where does that leave me? Heartbroken, while he runs off to New York and has crazy wild college sex and fun and I’m stuck here in stupid Sunnydale pining over him until I’m a sad, lonely old cat lady.”
“Or you guys could get together, stay together while he’s away, then you can go to college in New York too and you can live happily ever after,” Willow finished with an encouraging smile.
Buffy wanted to believe that everything could go that way, but her negativity got the best of her. “Unlikely,” she said.
“Just talk to him. Maybe he’ll surprise you.”
“Is he paying you to talk him up?” Buffy asked with a skeptical eyebrow.
“No, I’m just a firm believer in unrealistic fairytale delusions. It’s a medical condition.”
Buffy just laughed. Willow’s quirky sense of humor always had a way of making her feel better. The more Buffy thought a lot about what Willow said to her, the more she wanted it to be true. Maybe Will really did want to give things a try. Isn’t that what she wanted? It was, but what if they did and the relationship didn’t work out? Could she handle that?
***
“You know Buffy, even though we had to cut the evening short, I had fun with you and Willow last night,” Anya said.
It was Saturday afternoon and Buffy was sitting in the kitchen with Xander and Anya, having lunch.
“I’m glad,” Buffy said halfheartedly, remembering the events of the night before.
“Why’d you have to cut it short?” Xander asked, his mouth full of a turkey sandwich.
Buffy gave Anya a warning look, which she either didn’t notice or just ignored.
“Will showed up and kissed Buffy,” Anya said bluntly.
Xander almost choked on his food. “What?” he asked after swallowing and taking a drink of water.
“Will was there,” Anya repeated. “He kissed Buffy when she was waiting in line for the bathroom. Then she got upset and we left.”
“He kissed you?” Xander asked, turning to Buffy.
“Kind of,” Buffy said. She had wanted to avoid telling Xander, but thanks to Anya she now couldn’t. ‘I should have told her not to say anything,’ Buffy thought.
“What do you mean kind of?” he asked with narrowed eyes.
“Well, he did…kiss me, that is,” she said nervously.
“Why?”
“Um…I’m not really sure.”
“Is he trying to start something with you?”
“I don’t know,” she said, looking down at her hands. “I’m kind confused about everything.”
“Just stay away from him, Buffy,” Xander said, clearly irritated. “It’s for the best.”
“I know…” she started to say, then stopped with realization. “Wait. You can’t tell me what to do!”
“I’m not trying to tell you what to do, Buff,” he argued back. “I just think it’s best-“
“Maybe if you would tell me what your fallout was about, then I’d understand. What did he do that was so bad?” she asked. ‘Maybe he’ll finally give me a real answer.’
“Buffy, he’s bisexual,” Xander said in a serious and slightly condescending tone. Clearly he thought he was telling her something she didn’t already know.
“I know,” she said, imitating his patronizing manner.
“Wait,” he said, confused. “You do?”
“Yeah, he told me,” she informed him.
“Why would he tell you and not me?” Xander looked a bit hurt, but mostly angry.
“Hmm, I wonder why?” Buffy asked, voice dripping with sarcasm. She got up and left the room, not wanting to listen to Xander spout words of self-denial again.
***
A few nights later she was lying on her bed again, contemplating all of it for what felt like the millionth time, when she heard a tapping noise on her window. She figured it was just the wind or something, so she ignored it. Then she heard it again.
She got up off her bed to go see where the noise was coming from, only to be greeted by the sight of Will standing on the grass in front of the tree outside her window.
‘Damn him for looking so hot,’ she thought. He was wearing a white t-shirt, unusual for him, but certainly not a bad look. He had a short black leather jacket over it and ripped blue jeans, making him look like the bad ass he tried to be but really wasn’t.
She looked down at the plaid pajama pants and non-matching t-shirt she was wearing, feeling a bit inadequate. She ran to her nightstand and grabbed her hairbrush, running it through her hair quickly to make herself a bit more presentable.
He was about to throw another rock when she ran back and opened the window.
“You forgot your boom box,” she called down to him.
“What?” he asked, confused.
“Could you get any more teen movie cliché?” she asked sarcastically.
“It was the only way I could think to see you,” he said. “You wouldn’t answer any of my calls.”
“Can you really blame me?”
“I guess not. But, I figure I still gotta try and see you.”
“What do you want?” she asked, cutting to the chase.
“To talk.”
She considered it for a moment. “If you can climb up here, then we’ll talk,” she said, giving him a playful smile.
The tree outside was close to the house, but difficult to climb, as Buffy had tried and failed to do many times since she was little. So she was shocked when he managed to pull himself up onto the roof, albeit after several failed attempts. He tumbled through the window few moments later, falling onto the floor on his back.
“Gonna make me work for it, aren’t you, luv?” he asked, looking up at her and breathing heavily.
“You bet,” she said sitting down on the bed. He stood up and brushed himself off, moving to sit down next to her. “Did I say you could sit?”
He stopped and stepped back to stand awkwardly by the window. “Alright then,” he said, looking at the floor, embarrassed.
“Well?” she asked expectantly, keeping her façade of icy calm, though she was buzzing inside.
“Um…I had something prepared in my head and now I completely forgot it.” He gave her a sheepish half smile, running his hand through his hair and mussing it in a most pleasing way.
“Summarize.”
“Well…I,” he started nervously. “I’m sorry.”
“I’ve heard that one before,” she said, keeping her poker face.
“I know…” he said, seeming to think about his next words. “I know I fucked everything up, Buffy. I know it and I’m sorry. I’m sorry I kissed you the other night. I know I made everything more confusing and-”
“Why?” she interrupted.
“Why am I sorry?” he asked, confused.
“No, why did you kiss me?” she said, asking the question that had been foremost in her mind for the past few days.
“I-I don’t know,” he said.
“You don’t know?” she asked, masking the hurt she felt with a raised eyebrow.
“No...well, yes, but…that’s not what I meant…it’s not,” he said, trying to find the words.
“Why don’t you say what it is you do mean?”
“Buffy, I kissed you because I wanted to.”
“You wanted to,” she repeated.
“Yeah, I did,” he admitted. “I’m not gonna lie and say I’m not attracted to you, cause I am…I really am. But, I’m sorry about the kiss because I know and you know that it can’t be anything more,” he paused, searching her face, then continued. “For what it’s worth, I’m just as confused about all this as you are. But, who the bloody hell isn’t confused about their life? I have so many things to be confused about. I mean, I’m about to leave everything I know behind and move across the sodding country, without the support of my parents or anything. And worst of all…is that I can’t even talk to my best friend about it,” he finished with a sad smile.
“Will, Xander isn’t-“
“I’m not talking about Xander.”
“Oh,” she said, the realization that he considered her his best friend was a strange notion.
“I need you in my life, Buffy. And I know it’s not the way you want. Bloody hell, it’s not the way I want either. But, I couldn’t bear it if I got to New York and I couldn’t call you and tell you that I miss you.”
“Are you trying to make me feel guilty?” she asked, starting to feel that way.
“Is it working?” he asked with a wry smile.
“A little bit,” she admitted. “I miss you, too.”
“Can we try it then…being friends again?” he asked, hope evident in his voice.
Buffy wanted to say yes, she really did. But, could she be around him all the time and be satisfied with just friendship?
“On one condition,” she said, making a decision.
“What condition?” he asked with narrowed eyes.
“No flirting… a-and no kissing! And no more coming into my bedroom looking all… well, like that!” she said, pointing at him.
He smirked. “That’s more than one, luv.”
“Well, you get the point…and don’t call me luv. Don’t make any of this harder than it has to be.”
“Okay, but same goes for you. No kissing me after you’ve had a few. And no parading around me in your little skirts…or wearing that delicious smelling perfume you always have on,” he said with resolve.
Buffy blushed at his words. She had no idea he had noticed any of those things about her and the knowledge that he did was thrilling. She forced herself to push down that feeling, not wanting to make this more difficult for herself.
“Okay,” she agreed.
“So…are we good then?” he asked, sitting down next to her on the bed. “Or at least better?”
“Yeah,” she said with a shy smile. “I think so.”
Then Will reached his arms around her and pulled her into a hug. She wrapped her arms around his back and returned it, resting her chin in his shoulder. As she was savoring the feeling of his body against hers, she thought of something.
“Will?”
“Yeah, Buffy?”
“Maybe we shouldn’t be doing this,” she said.
“Probably not,” he replied, but didn’t relax his embrace.
“Will,” she said again. ‘We need to stop this now,” she thought.
“Sorry,” he said, this time pulling back from her and letting her out of his arms.
“No more hugging either,” she said.
“There are an awful lot of rules, aren’t there?” he asked with a joking smile.
“Necessary rules!” she reminded him.
“Agreed.”
Buffy glanced at her alarm clock, realizing that it was past eleven, and it was a school night.
“It’s late,” she said regretfully. “You should probably go before Mom or Xander hears us.”
“Alright then,” he said, getting up and moving back toward the window. “Now to get down from here,” he said warily, looking at the ground below.
“You can go out the door, Will,” she said laughing. “I was just making things difficult for you before. You have to be quiet though.”
Luckily, Joyce and Xander were both their bedrooms, and the two of them managed to get downstairs with very little noise made.
“Will I see you tomorrow?” he asked.
“Yeah, but I think I’m still gonna ride in with Xander and Anya. There’s no reason for you to come all the way here if they’re going to school anyway.”
“Yeah, but I wanna see you,” he said with a pout.
“You’ll see me at school,” she said. “Maybe a little distance in our friendship will be a good thing.”
“I’ve had enough distance from you that past few weeks,” he said, frowning.
“Will,” she said in a warning tone.
“Alright, fine,” he agreed. “But, I’m still driving you home.”
“Of course.”
“See you at school then?”
“Yes.”
“Goodnight, Buffy,” he said, opening the door to leave.
“Goodnight, Will,” she replies as he walked outside and down to the street where he had parked his car. Buffy closed the door and locked it before heading back upstairs, wondering whether or not she had just made a big mistake.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
I meant to post this last night, then I decided that it sucked so I rewrote the whole thing and now it's way better.
Enjoy!
Also, thanks for all the reviews on the last chapter!!!
Enjoy!
Also, thanks for all the reviews on the last chapter!!!
Chapter End Notes:
Thoughts??