It was a warm afternoon in late April and Will and Buffy were sitting in the park. They had less than two months of school left and the end was looming near, at least in Buffy’s mind. Will was leaning back against a tree with his sketchbook on his lap, pencil moving rapidly over the page. Buffy laid on her front on a blanket next to him, reading The Great Gatsby, a requirement for her English class. She was having trouble paying attention to her reading, as she had a sneaking suspicion that he was drawing her. Every so often she would notice his eyes dart up the look at her, then back to the paper. They weren’t speaking, just spending time in each other’s presence. Buffy had learned that Will was only quiet when he was making art; any other time he couldn’t keep his mouth shut.
“Will, are you scared?” Buffy asked, breaking their comfortable silence. She looked up from the book she was barely focusing on.
“Of what?” he asked, brow furrowed.
“You know, of going to New York…college and everything.” The fact that he would be leaving at the end of the summer was something that had been weighing on her mind as the school year came to a close.
“Not really,” he said.
“You’re not?”
“I mean, it’ll be strange going to a new place and not knowing anyone. But, it’s a new start, you know. A chance to do something I really love and be around other people who are passionate about the same thing. And New York just seems incredible. The whole art scene is based there, so it’s the best possible place to be. Joyce has been telling me about some of the artists she’s met and a lot of them went to school there,” he said, getting more excited as he spoke about his future.
“It sounds pretty amazing,” Buffy agreed, though inside it pained her to hear him sound so happy about it. ‘He’s leaving, Buffy,’ she told herself. ‘Get used to it.’
“Yeah…I think it will be. Not to mention, I’m pretty much going for free. Student loans should take care of housing and everything else, seeing as my parents won’t be helping me out.”
He put down his sketchbook and lay down on his back on the blanket next to her, putting his hands under his head and closing his eyes. He took a deep breath and she watched his chest rise and fall under his black cotton t-shirt.
“Does it bother you?” she asked hesitantly. “That they won’t help?”
“I’d be lying if I said it didn’t,” he admitted, opening his eyes and looking at her. “You’re lucky, you know?”
“What do you mean?”
“That Joyce is your mother.”
“Yeah,” she said softly. “I know.”
“She’s been more of a mother to me than my own ever has.”
“Well, she thinks of you as one of her own, Will. You know that, right?”
“Yeah, she’s been really good to me. Summers women just can’t resist my charms,” he joked, doing that tongue thing that always made Buffy blush.
“You’re kind of hard to resist,” she said automatically, most definitely blushing.
“So are you,” he replied, smiling softly.
Buffy’s breath caught in her throat at the look he was giving her. It was moments like this that made their relationship more complicated. She didn’t know why they said things like this to each other, but they just seemed to slip out, resulting in longing stares and great tension.
Buffy’s mind wandered over the happenings of the past weeks. She and Will had been in a weird place between friendship and something more. They hadn’t been physical with each other, but there were too many feelings between them for them to be purely platonic friends. She had Xander in one ear, telling her to stay away from him, and her mother, discouraging a relationship, but supporting their friendship. Then there was Anya, telling her to just give in to her urges, and Willow, who’s optimism gave Buffy hope that maybe they could be something more. It was all so confusing.
Will reached a hand up near her face and caressed her cheek in a gentle manner. Buffy closed her eyes, reveling in the sensation, but willing him to stop for fear that this would cross a line. She opened her eyes and looked into his, silently pleading. He removed his hand abruptly and placed it back behind his head, but kept his eyes on her.
“Buffy, I-“ he started.
“Don’t,” she whispered, closing her eyes as she felt tears threaten. “Just leave it.”
He was silent after that and closed his eyes again. Buffy tried to go back to her book, but her eyes were elsewhere. People were all around, strolling with dogs and children. Every so often, someone would look at them and smile knowingly. Anyone who walked by would think that they were young lovers, enjoying each other’s company. It broke Buffy’s heart that it couldn’t be true.
***
“Something is up with Xander and Anya,” Buffy said to Willow in homeroom the next week. Over the past few days, she’d noticed something different about their behavior, and it was majorly weird.
“What do you mean?” Willow asked.
“I mean they’ve been like, way nice to each other, and not in a touchy feely way. They almost never fight anymore.”
“Isn’t that a good thing?”
“Well, I can’t say my ears don’t appreciate it, but it’s weird! I mean, usually they bicker over the stupidest things. Now it’s like they’re all happy and stuff,” Buffy said with a pout.
“We wouldn’t want that,” Willow joked.
“I’m serious, Willow. Something is up! The only things I’ve heard them fight about in the past week is the radio station. ”
“Do you think something happened?”
“I have no idea. Anya hasn’t said anything to me.”
“It’s probably nothing. Anya is an oversharer; I’m sure if something was up, you’d hear about it.”
“Yeah, I guess. But I can’t shake the feeling that something is different.”
“You’re over thinking this, Buffy. But, speaking of different, anything new with you and Will?” Willow asked, changing the subject.
“A world of no. Obviously, we still hang out and everything, and most of the time it’s normal. But, sometimes he’ll look at me different or touch me…and then it’s tense and awkward.”
“Like how?”
“I don’t know how to explain it. It’s just uncomfortable. Like yesterday, we were eating lunch and I just catch him staring at me. Then when I ask him why he’s looking at me, he acts like nothing happened.”
“What are you gonna do?”
“I have no idea. I shouldn’t have gotten myself in this situation in the first place,” Buffy decided. “If I had never kissed him, then we wouldn’t be in this mess.”
“And you’d still be pining over him unrequited,” Willow replied with a sad smile.
“Yeah, life was much simpler when I was just a little girl with a crush,” Buffy said. “Now I just…hurt.”
***
“What is up with you and Xander?” Buffy asked Anya in gym class later that day. She had decided to just go ahead and talk to Anya about it. After all, Anya would probably do the same were it the other way around.
“What do you mean?” Anya asked, brow furrowed.
“What’s with all the nice? There’s been like zero bickering in the past week…it’s weirding me out.”
“Maybe I just decided I don’t like fighting with my boyfriend, ” Anya said, feigning interest in the softball game they were supposed to be playing.
“Lies,” Buffy accused with narrowed eyes.
“It’s nothing,” Anya insisted.
“It’s not nothing. You have something face,” Buffy said, pointing a finger at her.
“I do not.”
“Yes you do. Something is up and you just don’t want to tell me what it is.”
“Nothing is up, Buffy. Xander and I are better than ever,” Anya said with a smile.
“If you insist,” Buffy said, rolling her eyes in disbelief.
“You know, you’re awfully nosy,” Anya accused.
“Me?” Buffy snorted. “You’re one to talk.”
“I just like to stay informed,” Anya replied.
The bell rang a moment later, preventing Buffy from continuing the conversation. Something was different and she was going to find out what it was, no matter how long it took.
***
As it turned out, she didn’t have to wait that long.
When Will dropped her off late that afternoon, Buffy heard Anya’s voice in the kitchen. Before Buffy even heard what they were saying, she could tell that Anya’s voice sounded irritated. They clearly hadn’t heard her come in.
“-knows something’s up,” she heard Anya saying as she reached the kitchen door. She stood outside, eavesdropping.
“You didn’t say anything to her, did you?” Xander asked.
“No, I didn’t. Just like you asked.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
“The problem, Xander, is that I am a terrible secret keeper and I don’t know how long I’m going to be able to hold out. What if she asks me again?” Anya’s voice was becoming shriller as she spoke.
“Ahn, please. I’m not ready to tell anyone else yet,” Xander pleaded.
“Why, though?” she asked, sounding exasperated. “Being gay is nothing to be ashamed of.”
‘What?’ Buffy thought to herself, shocked at hearing the words aloud. ‘He’s finally admitting to it?’
“It’s…complicated,” Xander said.
“You’re going to have to tell them eventually,” Anya said.
“I know…and I will. I’m just not ready yet,” he insisted.
“Okay,” she finally agreed.
“Thank you,” Xander said, quietly so Buffy had to strain to hear him. “This really means a lot.”
They were silent after that and Buffy thought they might be hugging or something. She crept quietly toward the stairs and up to her bedroom so they wouldn’t hear her.
‘He came out to Anya?’ she wondered to herself, sitting down on her bed. ‘No wonder things seemed different. I would think that it would cause more tension though, not less. Hmm…maybe the tension and arguing came from the secret keeping. Anya did have an issue with their lack of…intimacy. I guess they get along better as just friends. Anya seems to be good about it…maybe she figured it out on her own?’ Buffy had lots of thoughts running through her head after overhearing the conversation and she wasn’t sure how she felt about it. On the one hand, she was upset that Xander felt he couldn’t talk to her. But, then again, she probably hadn’t given him a reason to lately. On the other hand, she was glad that Xander had finally figured himself out. Maybe Anya had played a part in is, and for that Buffy would be grateful to her.
***
The next day, Buffy was able to catch Anya alone in the girl’s locker room.
Before Anya could say anything, Buffy walked up to her and put her arms around her, pulling her into an embrace. Anya stood still at first, and then patted Buffy on the back awkwardly.
“What was that about?” Anya asked warily.
“I know what you’re doing for Xander,” Buffy said, pulling back from the hug.
Anya’s mouth dropped open for a moment, then closed quickly. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said, turning around to open her gym locker.
“It’s okay, Anya,” Buffy said softly. “We don’t have to talk about it. I’m just….I’m glad you’re there for him.”
Anya didn’t say anything after that, but Buffy was sure she understood.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
This was supposed to be up last night, but then the site went down...
Anyway, here it is!
Thanks to all the readers who have been reviewing!!
Anyway, here it is!
Thanks to all the readers who have been reviewing!!
Chapter End Notes:
Posts will probably a bit less frequent than they have been, as my schoolwork is starting to pick up...
but by less frequent I mean about every 3-4 days.
Thoughts??
but by less frequent I mean about every 3-4 days.
Thoughts??