Buffy knew the old and musty hotel had once been beautiful in its golden years. Now that it had been abandoned the dust had accumulated to dull the rich colors that surrounded the hotel. The marble floors almost resembled something akin to carpet because of the neglect but the defused afternoon light allowed a bit of the richness to seep through to show the beauty underneath the grim.
The hotel was dimly lit by old lamps now that dusk was approaching. Buffy watched as William looked around, still with an amazed expression on his face, though in this hotel he seemed a bit more relaxed. He was stopped by Andrew, who was determined to let him know everything there was about the modern age, from Star Wars to Star Gate, though she doubted William understood exactly why Boba Fett was cooler than a Goa'uld, whatever that was.
As soon as the doors closed and Giles began to organize the girls into rooms, Willow and Xander floated over to Buffy near the front desk. They looked a bit worn, though their faces told Buffy something was on their minds, and Buffy wanted to talk to Willow about what Fred found on William. She hadn’t been able to speak with her about it yet and Buffy was antsy to know.
“Hey Buff.” Xander put his hands in his pockets and looked at her oddly.
“Hey Xan, what’s up?” Buffy was trying to keep up a cheery disposition.
“Nothing really, we just wanted to see how you’re hanging, if there is any trouble in Buffsville.”
“I’m fine, thanks Xander.” Buffy tried to give him a reassuring smile.
Willow chimed in, her voice just slightly higher than normal, “That’s good! We were hoping that with everything you weren’t feeling down, since Sunnydale and Angel running Evil Inc.”
“I’m fine Willow, really. A nice long sleep will probably do me a world of wonders.”
“I think everyone could do with more sleep. Everyone is dead on their feet.” Willow tried to cover her yawn, but failed.
“Except William, he’s alive and on his feet and not undead.” Xander looked past Buffy to William and gave Buffy a significant look.
Buffy ignored Xander and spoke to Willow, “About William, what did Fred say?”
“Oh, lots. William is kind of like a copy, but not exactly, as he shares his body with Spike. Basically all of what made Spike Spike was sucked into the amulet. William had to get a lot of updated shots, and his immune system was about to go out the window before Fred did a little bit of medical magic.”
“He’ll be OK though, right?”
“Yeah, he’ll be hunky dory. Better in fact.”
“So that’s the good news I suppose. What about Spike? He’s in the amulet right?”
“Spike’s bound to the amulet, but Buffy, he can come back.”
Buffy took a moment to absorb the news, “Back? He can come back? How?”
“We just need to figure out how to release Spike from the amulet, then have William wear it as Spike is released and viola, Spike’s back.”
Buffy didn’t smile; she only forced herself not to swallow the lump in her throat. “What happens to William if that happens?”
“What do you mean Buffy?”
Xander cleared his throat, “She means Will, if we return Spike to his body, what happens to William we have here?”
“William’s Spike guys, he’ll just turn back to what he was.”
“Which was a vampire, meaning it’ll kill him Will.”
“But won’t we kill Spike if we don’t release him?”
“Did Fred say Spike would fade from the amulet?”
“No, but we don’t know if that might happen. William already died over a hundred years ago, Spike saved the world Buffy. I know you want him back.”
Buffy couldn’t deny it; she did want Spike back, more than anything. She looked over to William, who was frowning at Andrew and Andrew was rambling on ignoring the expression on his student's face. She turned toward Willow and didn’t know what to say. Her heart wanted Spike to be by her side, but her mind told her that Spike would never have wanted her to sacrifice William to get him back (at least souled Spike would never want that). Besides, she was starting to grow a bit fond of William.
“No, we can’t do that. That would kill William. It will be up to him and only up to him. I’m not going to lie, I do want Spike back. But to make William wear the amulet and force him to give up his life like that…” Buffy noticed at that moment her friends expressions changed and they wore guilty looks on their faces.
“I see you are discussing my fate without me.” William’s dignified but clearly hurt voice cut in and startled Buffy, who quickly turned to face him. His face clearly showed the hurt that had graced his voice. But that hurt was slowly becoming anger.
“It wasn’t like that William.”
“Then what were you speaking about?! The time in which we shall all have tea this evening?” William’s face was slowly turning a bright red, his anger clearly rushing through his veins. He had overheard enough to both know the truth and misunderstand.
William stormed off before Buffy could say anything else and sought out Giles for his room number. As soon as William got his key he disappeared up the main stair way, leaving Buffy to watch his retreating form.
“That wasn’t good, I better go after him.” Buffy frowned; she really didn’t want to deal with an upset William.
“Maybe it would be best to leave him for a while, he looked really upset.” Willow’s guilty look hadn’t left her face.
“He was ready to pop his top more like.” Xander glanced at the stairway that William had just disappeared from.
“I think I could use some alone time too actually.” Buffy turned to Willow exasperated, “Give me the amulet Will, I’m holding on to it until William asks for it, if he ever will.”
Willow dug into her pocket and took out the amulet. She held it for a moment, feeling the warmth of the essence inside it. Looking into Buffy’s steel gaze, Willow gently handed it over.
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Buffy had been stopped by Giles before she could enter her room, who wanted her to know that after being helped by Angel this one last time, he no longer wanted to be associated with the vampire. Giles informed her that any trust he did have in the vampire was now gone since Angel had agreed with take over Wolfram and Hart. And Buffy almost agreed with Giles, but an old fondness for Angel kept her from completely mistrusting her first love.
Giles had told her good night and Buffy went into her room ready to climb into bed and never get out. It was an old fashioned hotel room, but a small one, with just a bed, a drawer set and a bed side table, though a recliner did hide in the far corner. It was nothing to write home about, not that she had a home anymore. Glancing around she sat on the edge of the bed in darkness, not bothering to turn on the light. Her thoughts took her away from the room, leaving her with the sensation of being hollow and vacant, as her skin seemed to turn both cold and hard.
Seeing Angel again had made Buffy feel different than she had about him only a few days before. She regretted the kiss she gave him at the time now, when things had been different, before she realized she was actually in love with Spike. And Spike had seen that kiss, the day before he died. Of course Buffy still wasn’t sure if Spike loved her when she had kissed Angel; Spike had been acting different ever since the soul, he was different. But Spike had seen her kiss another man and that wasn’t something she was proud of, because she felt as if she had somehow betrayed herself then…and betrayed Spike, even though their relationship wasn’t exactly defined at that moment.
For months before Sunnydale’s collapse, Spike hardly ever mentioned his feelings for her and his constant mixed messages left Buffy mostly confused and dazed. That wasn’t everything though; Buffy had to deal with the end of the world and a hand full of young potentials. And she just wasn’t ready for anything. Not a relationship, not a commitment. So when she kissed Angel, it was just to bask in a dream, one that would never come true. When she saw Angel today she realized that while she loved Angel she just wasn’t in love with him anymore, not after Sunnydale, not after Spike burning to save the world. Not after realizing that she was now ready for a relationship, she knew what she wanted. Buffy wanted to be with Spike. And Spike was gone, replaced by William, the human Spike once was over a hundred years ago.
Spike may have been William, deep inside, but William was not Spike; at least Buffy didn’t quite think so. And Buffy wanted to get to know William, and perhaps one day bridge the gap she felt between them and re-establish that lost connection, the connection she had with Spike. One day, if she ever could. Absently Buffy stroked the amulet in her hands.
Buffy felt herself drown in the darkness of the room, trying so hard to connect with any part of the man she loved that lingered beneath her fingertips. She was struggling to breathe when she heard a soft knock on her door. It took a few knocks before she was shaken out of her stump. She stared at the door with contempt before finally getting up and opening it. Immediately she felt elation when the person at the door turned out to be Spike, looking nervous and a little shy.
“I apologize, did I wake you?”
Buffy was speechless, her thoughts were flying in all directions. She closed her eyes, hardly believing them. But when she reopened her eyes, Buffy saw William in front of her. Buffy had only seen what she had wanted to see.
“Miss…Buffy?”
“Oh,” Buffy blinked a few times and snapped back from where ever she had been, “No. No I wasn’t asleep.”
“Am I disturbing you?”
Buffy almost jumped at the question and stood aside, “No, uh, come in.”
William hesitated a moment before entering her room. Buffy quickly turned on the lights and stuffed the amulet in her pocket. There was an awkward silence as she walked into the room behind him. She didn’t know what to say or how to say it.
Buffy watched William and almost wanted to laugh, his eyes darted around the room and his face was flustered as if being alone with a girl wasn't such a normal thing to him. Suddenly Buffy realized Spike had lied to her all those years ago. Always been bad my ass, Buffy’s thoughts caused her to smile.
Finally William turned to face her; he again looked sheepish and unsure. “I wish to apologize for my rude behavior this afternoon.”
Buffy continued to smile, “It’s OK, I get it. It’s not fun hearing others talk about you.”
“No, no it is not, especially when one can hear everything that is said.” William looked solemn.
Buffy felt William’s words carried more weight than just from something that happened this afternoon. It sounded as if he was talking about past experiences.
“About that, what we said William, it wasn’t anything bad, not really. I’m not going to force you to be a vampire again. No one is. That’s your choice and your choice alone.” She didn’t want to add that she didn’t want him to be a vampire again and at the same time she did.
He nodded and looked at her with same piercing gaze that Spike sometimes gave her, “Thank you, most sincerely.”
“Don’t think about it.” Buffy wanted to crawl in bed and drag William with her; instead she sat on her bed.
There was silence again, it hung between them, uncomfortable and awkward, and yet she rather there be this awkward silence than her being alone, without William. She watched as he slowly sat next to her on the bed then spring up again as if he was burned.
“I should go; I do not wish to disturb you any longer.”
“You’re not disturbing me William.”
He licked his lips and nodded, “I should retire, we still have a long journey ahead of us and rest would be prudent.”
Buffy slowly stood up. She understood, and she hated it. Why couldn’t he stay? Because he doesn’t know you or love you, not like Spike, Buffy still hated it. She didn’t want to be alone, she didn’t want…this. Buffy had to shove aside her deep feelings, her deep resentment, and her deep fears. She began to walk William to her door. “Yeah, that sounds good.”
William walked out of her room and turned around to look at Buffy once more. “Good Night Buffy.”
Buffy stared at him a moment longer, slowly closing the door and spoke softly, “Good Night…William.”
Once the door was closed she placed her forehead on the door and sighed. Closing her eyes she wanted to cry again, her love life was always such a mess, and right here was an echo of a past love, of someone she was still in love with and she couldn’t even bring herself to talk to him.
Buffy raised her hand to the door and placed it softly on the wood. Slowly she let her tears fall one by one.
:::::::::::::::::
After Buffy had closed the door to her room William let out a nervous breath. He slowly leaned against her door and looked down at his torn shoes. Only after two days in her company and he felt as if any feelings he had prior to any other women in his life were mere just shadows of what he could feel for Buffy. He wouldn’t say he in love with her, not yet at least, but just the emotions she did invoke caused him to be terrified.
And William was new to this world, to its culture and rules and courting rituals. He didn’t even know where he would fit into this world, how he could make a difference. The small flame of passion for the violence he saw in the alley was only one bit of proof that perhaps he hardly even knew himself. How could he even think of courting anyone when he had more than just a journey ahead of him that covered distance but of self discovery as well?
William lightly touched the wood of the door with his palm, his fingers spread out, wishing to touch but just hovering over the wood. Slowly, but deliberately he pushed off the door to Buffy’s room and went to his own.
There in his room (William was thankful it had one of those TV contraptions) he turned the TV on and began to watch, every channel, all manner of shows. He watched the news, informational programs and even allowed himself to indulge in the performance that Andrew had called porn. William was determined to learn everything he could, as fast as he could.
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That night, both Buffy and William dreamed. Buffy had the same Slayer dream from the previous night. William dreamed of being in a graveyard with an odd woman in a white flowing dress, telling him about how the world would be doomed and how he could save it. Unfortunately when the new morning came neither seemed to have remembered their dreams.
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To be re-uploaded when my Beta finishes her final touches, just thought to share since it's been a while.