Chapter 20
Dawn thought she heard voices downstairs and was a little surprised. At first she was worried it was Buffy and that things had gone horribly wrong somehow. She was making her way downstairs when she realised the voice talking to her mother was male. She frowned in confusion.
Who could that be?
She was halfway downstairs when she identified the voice as British, and not stuffy Giles British either. Her eyes widened and she paused. He’d know she was there, being a vampire, so eavesdropping wouldn’t do any good, but, should she walk in or just go back upstairs? Her curiosity got the better of her as always and after checking that she was presentable and running her hands through her hair she continued into the kitchen where she saw a shabby, yet still sexy looking, Spike, cradling a mug of hot chocolate and chatting away with Joyce who was sitting next to him.
“Well this is definitely a surprise. So Spike, drop by because you were craving cocoa or were you looking for someone in particular?”
Spike turned to face her looking kind of embarrassed.
“Not here to see Buffy Niblet, jus’ felt like company is all. Big surprise you Summers women are the ‘nly people I can stand.”
Dawn blushed and inside, her hormone driven, teenage girl giggled.
He gave me a nickname. Keep it together Dawn, be cool. He’s your sister’s boyfriend remember.
She sighed a little at the thought.
Some girls have all the luck.
“So you aren’t rushing to make up with your girlfriend then? Colour me surprised, isn’t that what you normally do?”
“An’ look how well that’s worked out in the past. Look Bit I jus’ think Buffy needed the space, much as I’m payin’ for it at the moment. You know I won’ last long but I’m doin’ my best here.”
Dawn took a seat across from them and looked at her mother who shrugged.
“Did you ever consider that maybe she doesn’t want space right now? She was all worried before going to the meeting tonight that you’d pull a disappearing act and she wouldn’t get to work things out. She was afraid you’d still be mad at her.”
“Bloody got past mad after the first few drinks at Willy’s straight after. Moved right on to depression and regret.”
“You should talk to Buffy. She really wants to see you, even just sense you to know you’re okay. She has a lot she wants to say to you.”
Dawn hoped that was enough of a hint that he should see Buffy. She was sure their talk earlier had enlightened the Slayer about her feelings and that maybe she could reassure Spike that she wasn’t going to quit on him anytime soon.
“Don’ think so Niblet. She’s got a lot on her plate right now.”
Joyce rolled her eyes. Clearly this wasn’t working. Time to try a different approach. The disapproving Mom approach.
“Oh for heaven’s sake, Spike, stop wallowing in self-pity and get it through that head of yours that Buffy…cares about you,” she’d almost said the ‘l’ word and that had to come from Buffy first, “The past few days I’ve never seen her happier, with the exception of that fight and I changed my mind about you because, even though I already liked you, you were a vampire, but the point is you’re good for her, what she wants. You make her happy and I can’t sit back and watch two people who are important to me make themselves miserable because they’re stubborn and think too much about things.”
Spike blinked a couple of times and smirked.
“Reckon that’s the first time I’ve been accused of thinkin’ too much into anythin’ before.”
Joyce scowled at him and he dropped the smirk, suddenly serious. He almost forgot how scary the bird could be and an image of her with an axe came to mind.
“You’re right I guess. I’m a bleedin’ hopeless idiot anyway. I’ll talk to her, I will, I promise but,” he looked down at himself and then back at the two women watching him with identical expressions of amusement and expectancy on their faces, arms folded, “maybe after I’ve cleaned up a bit an’ look less like I was hauled out of a bar on my drunken ass.”
“That I agree with,” Joyce replied.
Dawn grinned widely, pleased that Buffy and Spike were going to make up. She’d get to see a lot more of the hot Brit now their relationship was out in the open and that could only be a good thing.
“You should drop by tomorrow. I have a check-up at the hospital and then we’ll be home. Buffy should have the rest of the day free whenever you want to stop by.”
Spike frowned when he heard the mention of the hospital but Joyce patted him on the shoulder, touched he’d show concern for her.
“It’s just a routine check-up to see how things are, I’m fine.”
“Better be. Right then, guess I should go before Buffy gets back. Less awkwardness the better an’ she’ll probably need to relax after the big confrontation. Thanks Joyce, Niblet.”
They smiled at him and Joyce rolled her eyes as Dawn blushed again.
Still, I can certainly see why. If I were younger…
She shook her head at the thought. Spike was more than a hundred years older than her anyway. Buffy would hardly be pleased to know her little sister and her mother found her boyfriend attractive, though she could hardly blame them.
***
Riley was furious. After word had gotten back to headquarters about the disastrous mission to eliminate hostile 17 he’d been called into an urgent meeting with his superiors where he was severely reprimanded for his behaviour. They had threatened him with a leave of absence to seek psychiatric help.
It’s that bitch and the vampire’s fault. I had him. He was right there. If she hadn’t shown up he’d be dust blowing in the wind right now.
Despite his protests they were convinced he was a risk to their operation and told him if he didn’t seek help they would have no choice but to order dishonourable discharge and ensure he was cut off from any further contact with them. As far as they were concerned he had endangered the lives of his men for a personal vendetta and he had to suffer the consequences. He was lucky he wasn’t being court-martialled.
Seek help. I’ll seek help alright.
He made his way towards the abandoned looking building purposefully. He had managed to sneak away without being noticed. They were looking into him now. It wouldn’t be hard to find out his secret, to discover his addiction. What was the point in going back now? He entered and didn’t even glance at the so-called bouncer. He was a regular. Several vamps downstairs watched as he walked by. He was pale, still suffering blood loss, another ‘accident’ waiting to happen. They’d seen people suffer the addiction badly before but this guy was demanding. He didn’t beg like so many of the others, he ordered it, often threatening them with a stake. They knew who he was, part of that organisation that had captured demons and run experiments on them. He would be no loss.
Upstairs he entered his usual room. A female vamp was in there, feeding on some scrawny guy. Riley pulled her away from the man, hauling him up by the shirt and tossing him out. The guy was too dizzy to realise what was happening. Riley turned to the snarling female and removed his jacket, rolling up the sleeve of his shirt.
“Do it.”
The female’s face softened and she approached him, eyeing him carefully. He grimaced when her fangs sunk into his wrist and exhaled as the familiar pleasure of his life force flowing into her took over. The feeling of being needed. He sank against the wall and slid to the floor while she followed, keeping her fangs embedded in his flesh. Her yellow-gold eyes watching him carefully. This one wasn’t coming back from it this time.
***
Buffy watched as the last of the Watchers left the Magic Box. The door closed behind him and silence reigned over the little group once more. Buffy wasn’t done yet. She’d taken care of the Council and what she’d found out had been more worrying than helpful. Glory was a Hell-God, kicked out of her dimension by the other two Hell-Gods that shared that world. Now she was trying to find her way home through a portal that would open every dimension and bring about the end of the world. To do that she needed the Key, Dawn. She had a lot to think about, but she needed the gang together if they were gonna work this out.
“So. Hell-God huh? That’s new.”
The others came downstairs. Tara and Willow took a seat at the table, Anya went to count her money again, a sure sign she was worried and Xander sat on the steps. No one said anything. What did you say when you found out you were up against a God? Surprisingly the one who eventually answered was the last person they expected to hear from.
“It will most certainly make me work for my pay check that’s for sure.”
Buffy looked at Giles, not daring to hope he’d come round just yet. She kept her face impassive, testing the waters. He seemed…normal enough, but that shouldn’t be right. He wasn’t just going to act like nothing had happened was he?
“Buffy,” he began and paused, reconsidering, he removed his glasses for a good polish, placed them back on his nose and faced the Slayer, “ Buffy I…I never expected…Good Lord this is difficult.”
She waited, swallowing hard, ready to face what he had to say. She couldn’t help the spark of hope flaring up that maybe, somehow, he was trying to make this right. That her mentor and friend hadn’t completely abandoned her.
“I’m not pleased. Understatement of the year actually, about, well, you know…”
She waited, gave him a small nod, noticing everyone watching him. Xander was looking on with interest, seemingly contemplating something before glancing at Anya who was keeping one eye on Giles and the other on her money.
“That you would fight to keep me here and deal such a massive blow to Travers and his ego…well clearly something has changed for the better. You stood up for yourself, against people who had no right treating you like…Buffy, I’m sorry.”
She had to try really hard to hold her composure. He’d apologised, but that wasn’t enough.
“I was harsh and cruel with no right to be, and I did not deserve what you just did for me. You are truly one of a kind and I can only pray that you can forgive me. I let my emotions run away with me and let my hatred for Spike overwhelm my trust in your judgement. I don’t like Spike and I probably never will, but if it’s him that has made you stronger then, I…I shall have to learn to tolerate him.”
To say they were gob-smacked was an understatement. None of them had expected that from him, not when he’d acted so coldly. Buffy needed to make certain things clear still. Giles had made a step in the right direction but they had a long way to go.
“I’m up against a God, I need my Watcher. You did your duty better than they could so you deserve to be paid for it. I accept your apology, but I need for you to be clear on this. I want Spike by my side and I won’t pretend that we aren’t a couple around you guys because you don’t like it. He’s been there for me and we’ve all treated him like dirt in the past no matter how hard he tried. He deserves better and I refuse to act like he’s just someone you reluctantly have to be in a team with. He shouldn’t be an outsider but that’s what we made him. That has to change. You may not like it but you’re going to have to try, and I know that’s going to be a struggle for some of you,” she looked at Giles and Xander, “but that’s the way it’s got to be. I want my family with me in this and that includes Spike now.”
Giles took a breath, lowered his head briefly before looking back up, acceptance on his face.
“I understand. I shall do my best. I accepted Angel, the least I can do is offer Spike the same chance.”
“Spike isn’t Angel Giles.”
“I know. And that should make him more worthy of the opportunity to be part of the group.”
Buffy smiled and Giles returned it. Xander raised his hand and they turned their attention to him.
“Everyone here knows I hate the bleached menace…” the women scowled at him and he held up both hands in a defensive motion, “…BUT, I hated dead boy senior too. Vamps aren’t my thing alright? Never mind, look, what I’m trying to say is that I agree with G man, he deserves a shot, and I’ll…try, really, really hard to…accept…him, but I can’t guarantee it will be easy. My brain tends not to function too well with my mouth and sometimes the whole name-calling and mean spirited comments…okay what I’m saying is I’ll give him a shot and I’m perfectly willing to accept the glares and punishments thrown my way for any stupid remarks I make.”
He looked over at Anya who had stopped counting her money and was watching him carefully.
“Not every demon is bad, and I need to learn that.”
Two in one day? This new take charge Buffy was a definite improvement if these were the results. Maybe Anya had a little (or a lot) of something to do with Xander’s change of heart and Giles seemed to be almost proud of the way she was fighting for herself and her boyfriend, even against him. She had no doubt Willow and Tara would be the most accepting. Willow even more so once Buffy had a chance to have some girly talks with her about why she’d decided to be with their old enemy.
Speaking of which I could really use a friend to talk to right now about him.
Any discussion about Spike would have to wait for a while though, at least until they’d worked something out over this Glory thing. Giles knew about Dawn being the Key, yet another secret she was keeping from her friends but a necessary one. They were safer not knowing, especially if Glory was sending out spies and they had knights with swords breathing down their necks.
“Thanks, Xand, I know that wasn’t easy for you to say.”
Xander ducked his head and Anya walked over to sit next to him, smiling. Buffy turned back to Giles.
“So, what exactly are we going to do about Glory?”
“I hate to say it but I don’t think there’s a lot we can do. We know she needs the Key for a ritual and why, but we have no specific details. Knowing she’s a God means I know where to look when researching but I’m not sure we know much more than what the Council has already given us.”
“Okay so we still got nothing to go on other than she’s going to be a bitch to kill. Right, I say we call it a night. Everyone go get some rest and we hit the books tomorrow or at least try come up with a strategy.”
They all agreed and prepared to leave. Giles approached her at the door and said again how sorry he was, offering her a ride home. She accepted his apology but refused the ride, saying she’d much rather walk. She had a lot going through her head and wanted to mull it over in the fresh night air. Xander was still acting awkward, ashamed of his behaviour earlier but also struggling to seem okay with the situation. Things were going to take a lot longer to settle down between him and Spike, they both hated each other. Buffy hoped they could get past that for her sake.
“Buffy, that went well huh? Way better than I thought it would, not that I thought you couldn’t kick Travers’ butt or anything but Xander and Giles? I mean, wow.”
“Hey Will. Yeah, believe me I was pretty blown away too. It looks good, but, I know better than to expect them to be okay with this yet. They’re trying but, I know it’s gonna take time and effort…lots and lots of effort.”
“Well, you have my support and Tara’s. Spike’s not so bad…when he’s not waving broken bottles in my face demanding spells, I shouldn’t just judge him for that. He’s changed, I get it now, I mean, I saw how he took care of you and forgot all about fighting Xander when you got upset and he tried comforting you. Not the Spike I knew.”
“He really has become a better person, and I was so blind to it for so long. I need to find him and fix things.”
Willow’s brow furrowed in confusion and Tara looked equally perplexed.
“Fix things?”
Buffy remembered her friends knew nothing about the fight after they’d left. Well she had mentioned it to them but they probably didn’t realise it had been so serious or ended with Spike walking off.
“Remember I mentioned how we both get really stubborn and defensive and end up fighting, not listening to reason?”
“Not in so many words but, yeah, I can see that happening, why? Is this because you ended up fighting when Spike told you to stand up for yourself to the Council, and, I guess, us? Didn’t you make up?”
“Sadly no. We’re both so hot tempered and Spike realised he wasn’t gonna get through to me so he walked off and I was going to follow him but Travers called me in for the big ‘you fail Giles gets deported’ speech and I haven’t seen, heard or felt him around since.”
“Oh Buffy that’s…I don’t know what to say, I had no idea you’d had such a big fight, I mean, you fight all the time, I guess, I really never thought…”
“It’s okay Willow, really, Mom and Dawn have been convincing me he’ll turn up. It’s Spike, he never stays gone long…unless he’s really mad at me, I did say some stuff without thinking that he took the wrong way…I have to find him and apologise.”
“What sort of stuff?”
Buffy felt her cheeks flush with embarassment and shame. She’d been convincing them to give Spike a chance for acceptance and now had to explain that she’d hurt his feelings reminding him he was an outcast.
“Well I didn’t mean it the way he thought I did but I said that you guys wouldn’t accept him, or get over this, because he didn’t have a soul. I said it like it was fact without even thinking how it would hurt him. I don’t care he doesn’t have a soul but I knew you guys would and if I’m really honest I did too at first, until he showed me he doesn’t need one. He got all mad, pointing out that a soul didn’t stop lots of people doing bad stuff and he was trying and I just basically told him he was going to stay an outcast when I said it.”
“Wow Buffy, that’s…you need to talk to him.”
“I know, but I’m afraid he’s avoiding me. I made a little detour by his crypt on my way over but he wasn’t there. I haven’t sensed him at all. That’s only happened once before and it was before we got together and even then I was freaked over it, what with Riley’s death threats…Oh no! Riley, what if…”
Willow grabbed Buffy’s arm pulling her attention to the red-head.
“Breathe, I’m sure he’s fine. He hasn’t been gone long and Spike doesn’t spend all day in his crypt, we know he has a habit for wandering around the neighbourhood. As for Riley, I don’t think he was in any condition to go after Spike again and you were big with the scary so if he hasn’t already left town, he soon will.”
Tara nodded her head to reassure the Slayer but she was doubtful Riley would have listened to the warning. He wasn’t acting at all like a sane person so rational thought was probably out. Having said that, she did agree it was unlikely he’d go after Spike again so soon after the beating Buffy’d given him and his men. Still the sooner, she found Spike the better.
“Willow’s right Buffy, you just need to relax and go find him. I’m sure he’s okay, probably just a little upset but you can fix that, just like you’ve been handling everything else.”
Buffy calmed down. They were right, but she’d feel better once she knew he was alright. She should go look for him now.
“Well I don’t know about you guys but I’m beat. We’ve been talking for hours. Better get home and rest. Hey don’t you need to bring your Mom to the hospital tomorrow? Want me to drop by?”
Crap, I almost forgot about Mom’s check-up.
“Yeah, I do. That’s okay Will, feel free to visit if you want but it’s just a routine check-up so it shouldn’t take too long. I was gonna go looking for Spike but I guess I should go home tonight instead. I’ll have to find him tomorrow. Maybe I’ll have better luck when the sun’s up anyway. Only so many places he could be right?”
“Sounds like a plan. Call me tomorrow and let me know how things go, okay, with everything.”
“Count on it.”
***
Buffy said goodbye to her friends and began the long trek home. She was walking much slower than usual, replaying the day’s events and searching for any tell-tale signals that her vampire was around, but there weren’t any. She hugged herself tightly and smiled a little.
I keep thinking of him as my vampire now. Possessive much? But that’s how I feel, I want him to be mine, and he told me he is. Now I just need to convince him that I’m his, I want to be his.
She really did. Buffy wanted to belong to someone, someone who could love her unconditionally, something she’d been afraid of for so long. Spike could give her that. She just had to learn to let go, to break down all those walls she’d built up after her disastrous relationship with Angel, walls he was already starting to crumble. Riley and her had a lot of problems, but she also knew she’d never given herself to him completely, never truly let him in, she couldn’t. She needed to let Spike in. For some reason he was always able to see through her, to understand her. That was why she’d accepted the comfort he’d offered her that night in the kitchen. She hadn’t wanted to admit it but Spike was always the one she could be open with, who she didn’t try to hide from because it wouldn’t work. She once told Willow she didn’t think you could have a relationship without passion and fire and pain. She certainly had that with Spike.
These thoughts continued to run through her mind well after she got home and prepared for bed. She lay there, wide awake wondering where he was and if he was okay. Then she felt it. That familiar tingle.
She shot out of bed and over to her window, leaning out in search of a white-blonde head in the moonlight. She looked up and down the street but couldn’t see him anywhere.
I’m not imagining it. I know I can feel him.
It was distant, he was farther away than usual but he was there. Clearly wherever he was hiding he didn’t want to talk. But he was letting her know he was okay. She breathed a sigh of relief and while she was anxious that he still didn’t appear ready to talk to her, had hope that it was a sign he would be soon and maybe tomorrow she could see him, maybe he wouldn’t hide anymore. She stood at her window a little while longer before going back to bed, letting his signature vamp tingles wash over her. She drifted off to sleep with his presence surrounding her senses.
***
Spike stayed there most of the night, tucked away in the shadows, further away than he’d like. He knew if he’d been any closer she would have rushed out to see him and he didn’t want to have a big long talk when she had to bring her mum to hospital in the morning. Plus he was still anxious about whether or not they could keep their cool and not fight again, even though part of him was sure that wouldn’t happen now, not if she’d overcome her problems with the Council and the Scoobies. He knew he had to see her tomorrow and apologise, try to make up. He was living in hell right now being apart from her, and the doses of alcohol to numb his emotions lately weren’t doing him much good. He also felt that if he didn’t do something soon, Joyce and the little Bit would be teaming up to give him a serious talking to.
When he felt the approaching sun he left. He was heading to his crypt to get some sleep but would make sure to drop by once he knew they were back from the hospital. He had to sober up and at least try to look decent for her no matter how terrible he felt.
Don’ give a bloody damn what her mates think, there’s no way in hell I can stay away from her. If they’re comin’ round, great, if not, sod it, I can’ keep this up anymore. God what has she done to me? I know I’m love’s bitch but I really feel like I’d die without her. My perfect woman, perfect Slayer, Buffy. Swore to myself if I had her I’d never let her go like all those other gits and it’s time I made good on that promise.
He was determined that nothing would pull him from her side again. She was going to have to dust him first. Once the whiskey had started to wear off he realised Dawn was right and Buffy didn’t need space right now, she needed him, or to talk to him at least. She’d been alone when her friends turned their backs on her and then he’d stormed off too. He could kick himself, and mentally did, for getting so defensive, taking things too personally and not considering that she was hurt and probably never meant to hurt him with what she’d said. He wouldn’t make that mistake again. He’d be there for her from now on, no matter what.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Another chapter done. Getting back into writing mode this story after it slowed down a little. Anyways we're picking up where we left off with the characters last chapter.