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Author's Chapter Notes:
So here's the next chapter. Time for Buffy and Spike to talk at last.
Chapter 21

What a day. Whew, that trip to the hospital took longer than I thought, but at least everything’s okay. I need to go find Spike now.

Buffy and the rest of the Summers clan had barely gotten home when she was pulling on her coat, preparing to go look for Spike. Joyce spotted her and tried to come up with some excuse to make her stay home a bit longer. She had told Spike to drop by and had no doubt Buffy was on her way to find him. She didn’t want them missing each other, which would very likely happen since Spike couldn’t take his usual route when it was still daylight. If that happened, Buffy would get more worried when he wasn’t at home and keeping him here to wait for her to return would be just as difficult as convincing Buffy to stay.

“Buffy honey, you’re going out?”

“Yeah Mom, I need to find Spike so we can talk things out.”

“Oh, well, I was hoping you could, umm, stay and keep me company for a while.”

“Oh well, I would but I really need to find Spike and, Dawn’s here.”

“Oh, yes but, em…”

“I have a project to do for school that I need to finish and I left it really late and I’ll fail if I don’t get it done on time,” Dawn intervened having heard her mother struggle for a reason to make Buffy stay.

Buffy looked at them both getting suspicious.

“Something’s going on here.”

“What, no, nothing.”

“Right, what would be going on Buffy, you’re crazy.”

“Uh huh, so you’re actually worried about getting your homework done and can’t possibly keep Mom company for a while?”

“Right,” they agreed, nervous smiles on their faces.

Buffy folded her arms and gave them both a stern look.

“What’s going on? Don’t even try to keep this up, you’re worse liars than I am and that’s saying something.”

They glanced at each other quickly before Joyce sighed, giving in.

“Okay, please don’t think we’re interfering but we told Spike he should stop by after we got home from my check-up and I’m afraid you’ll miss him if you leave.”

Okay that, Buffy was not expecting.

“And when exactly would you have told him this?”

Dawn looked at the floor and then back at Buffy.

“He might have stopped by when you were at the meeting yesterday.”

Buffy didn’t know what to say. So he’d avoided her but come round for a chat with her Mom and her sister.

“Honey, he was a bit of a mess and he didn’t want you to see him like that. He was also afraid you weren’t ready to talk yet and he didn’t want you to feel he was pushing you into anything. He was pretty depressed and wanted someone to talk to. Since I knew about you both…”

Joyce shrugged as she finished her explanation.

“No, I get it. He couldn’t talk to me so he went to you, it’s fine. And you told him to drop by, so he was planning on keeping his distance for a while huh?”

“Oh that’s not…sweetie, he wanted to talk to you I just told him we’d be out this morning but you’d be free to talk once we got back, that’s all.”

Buffy thought about it before relaxing and giving her Mom a smile.

“Okay, sorry, I’m just freaked and felt a bit hurt he didn’t want to see me but, the important thing is he’s coming over soon right?”

“Exactly. Why don’t we sit down, have something to eat and see what fantastic shows are on daytime T.V. today while you wait?”

“Okay, guess I don’t have much choice.”

***

Dawn rolled her eyes as she caught her sister glance over in the direction of the back door again. They’d been sitting in front of the T.V. for about an hour and Buffy was doing her best to resist the impulse to rush out the door and go looking for Spike. She wasn’t used to waiting, especially for Spike and her patience was being tested. Joyce kept her attention on the television, occasionally putting out a hand to stop Buffy tapping her foot.

“You know staring at it won’t make it open.”

Buffy opened her mouth to retort, probably denying her blatant anxiety when the sound of the door opening reached her ears and the three Summers women whipped their heads up to look in that direction. They heard a muffled curse as the door was slammed shut, some shuffling around and then footsteps toward the living room. Buffy shot to her feet and then froze, unsure of what to do. Spike entered the room and stopped, looking suddenly uncomfortable as three pairs of eyes stared at him. He raised a hand and rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

“Um, hey Joyce, Bit,” he looked up at Buffy, “Buffy.”

“Hi.”

Eloquent Buffy, really.

Joyce glanced back and forth between them, rubbed her knees and then stood up.

“Hello Spike, I’m glad you made it.”

“Yeah, how was the…”

“Fine. I’m doing great actually, thanks for asking.”

“Good.”

Silence descended on the little group once more, Buffy fidgeted awkwardly and Spike seemed unsure where to look. Joyce broke the silence again.

“Well, I had a long day. I think a nap’s in order. Dawn didn’t you say you had homework?”

Dawn stared at her mother who was clearly signalling her with her eyes and realised what she wanted. She rose from her spot in the chair.

“Right yeah, my, uh, project. Yeah I should really, get started on that. See you later Spike.”

“Oh uh yeah, Bye Niblet, Joyce.”

Joyce and Dawn made their way upstairs, leaving Buffy and Spike alone to talk. Eventually Buffy gestured at the couch and Spike walked over and sat down, she sat at the opposite end and turned to face him.

“So…”

“So.”

They avoided each others gaze and Buffy wondered why it seemed so much more difficult talking to him than her friends or Travers. She’d been about to rush out the door a second ago to find him. Now he was here and she didn’t know how to begin. They both ended up speaking at the same time.

“Spike I…”

“Buffy I…”

They stopped and grinned shyly at each other.

“Why is this so awkward all of a sudden?”

“Don’ know pet. Maybe cos we’re both on unknown ground here. Our fights don’ usually have much of an impact…emotionally speaking o’ course…physically they’re usually much more brutal.”

“Makes sense. I never wanted to hurt you, you know? I didn’t mean what I said, you know I don’t care about you not having a soul don’t you? Because I don’t, you proved to me you don’t need one, you’re actually better than a lot of people that do.”

“Buffy, luv, I know, really, I do. Fact is I knew how upset you were an’ I had no right to go off on you like that. My temper…I’m workin’ on it, but I acted like a right tosser an’ I’m sorry. I never wanted to hurt you either.”

“I know that, but, I wish you wouldn’t have avoided me.”

“I wasn’ avoidin’ you.”

She stared at him.

“I wasn’, not really. Look, I don’ deal with things like that well an’ I tend to rely on the bottle to get me through it. Last thing either of us needed was to get into it while I was pissed an’ I was a right mess. Didn’ want you to see me like that.”

“I think I’ve seen you look a lot worse Spike.”

He nodded and smiled.

“Prob’ly. But this was different, yeah?”

She felt the intenseness of his gaze again and swallowed. She’d missed him so much and she knew what he meant.

“Yeah, this is different.”

He reached out and took her hand, entwining their fingers and she shifted closer to him, enjoying the contact.

“This is us.”

She moved even closer to him and they lost themselves for a moment, looking into each others eyes, their hands joined.

“You deserve better than me Buffy.”

That simple sentence was all it took to shake Buffy out of her haze and remember what it was she wanted to say to him. She realised then how much they’d taken him for granted, so much, even he didn’t believe he was good enough. It made her angry, but not at him, at herself. She’d led him to think that.

That has to change.

“Don’t you dare.”

Spike was thrown by the stern look she was giving him and pulled back a bit, stopped by her hand squeezing his and he looked back at her face. She was completely serious and held his gaze with every word she spoke.

“Don’t you dare talk like that. If anything I don’t deserve you. You’ve had to put up with so much hate and abuse from us for so long. You were doing the best you could, better than so many others and we ignored it, I ignored it.”

“Buffy…” he was stunned.

She felt tears pricking her eyes but held them back. They were tears of regret and she wasn’t going to spill them now, not when she had to explain to him how lucky she felt to have him love her. How much he’d helped her.

“Yet you still tried. You kept trying, even though you got nothing in return, and you kept loving me. No matter what I said or did to you, you continued to love me.”

“Kinda hard not to.”

“But it is! It’s really hard. Just look at my track record Spike. Out of anyone that’s ever tried, you got the worst and you never stopped. Who needs a soul when you have a heart like yours Spike? You love unconditionally and you don’t just stop. I can never explain how thankful I am to have realised that, to have you love me. I don’t ever want to hear you put yourself down like that again understand? I won’t let anyone else do it unless they want a serious ass-kicking and that includes you.”

He lifted his other hand to brush her hair away from her face and cupped her cheek, swiping the droplets of tears away from the corner of her eye with his thumb.

“Well then I promise not to do it anymore. Wouldn’ want the Slayer after me for bad-mouthing her boyfriend. But you’re wrong you know.”

She frowned, opening her mouth to argue but he cut her off.

“About lovin’ you. It’s really, really easy. I do it all the time.”

Now she was tearing up for a completely different reason. It was probably really corny to anyone else but she didn’t care. It had the desired effect. She never wanted them to argue again, unless it was the good-natured banter they enjoyed so much. She wasn’t entirely sure she wanted to give that up.

I seem to be doing a lot of crying lately. At least it’s for the right reasons this time.

She threw herself at him for a hug and he pulled her close, wrapping his arms around her and burying his face in her hair. She nuzzled his neck and breathed him in. Leather, cigarettes and Spike. She let out a happy, contented sigh. This felt right.

“God I missed you pet. So bloody much.”

She nodded in complete agreement.

“Missed you too. Missed you a bloody lot.”

He laughed at her impression of him and she shivered at the pleasant vibrations rumbling through his chest at the sound.

“I don’ sound like that.”

She leaned back to look at him but remained in his arms, wrapping her own around his waist.

“Yes you do. Do you make it through a single day without saying bloody this or bloody that or bloody hell?”

“Point. But that has to be the worst bloody English accent I’ve heard yet.”

She swatted his chest and he laughed again. She loved that sound.

“Bet I could find a better use for that mouth than cursing.”

He cocked an eyebrow, smirk slipping into place and she felt butterflies in her stomach.

“That right. What use would that be then kitten?”

She leaned in, lowering her gaze to his lips and then back up to his eyes.

“This.”

She pressed her lips to his and felt a jolt of electricity run through her. Spike responded eagerly, tilting his head to deepen the kiss and she moaned as the familiar sensations began coursing through her body.

She slid her tongue along the seam of his mouth and he opened up to her, greeting it with his own. They reacquainted themselves with each others mouths while Buffy ran her hands up and down his leather clad back, Spike tangling his fingers in her hair. It was turning into a pretty heavy make-out session when breathing became an issue for Buffy and she was forced to pull back.

“God I missed you Spike.”

He began kissing her neck and she closed her eyes, giving in to the feeling.

“Buffy. Love you. Never stayin’ away from you again.”

She opened her eyes at his declaration. Yet again he was open about his feelings, telling her he loved her. Now was the time. Finally she could face up to her own feelings.

“Spike, I…”

“Buffy?”

She blinked and Spike drew back at the sound of her Mom’s voice coming from upstairs.

Jeez Mom, great timing.

“What? What is it?” she called back, confused.

“Honey, I’m sorry to interrupt but Giles is on the phone. I would have told him to call back but he said it was about Glory?”

Buffy groaned. Sadly this was a call she probably would have to take. She looked at Spike apologetically.

“Sorry, could be important.”

He sighed but released her and patted her knee.

“S’okay luv, take the call. Don’ want the world to end.”

Maybe I don’t care, she thought selfishly as she got up to answer the phone but knew it wasn’t true.

“Hello Giles? Hey, hang on a sec,” she shouted up to her mother, “okay Mom, I’ve got it. So what’s up Giles?”

Spike sat and watched Buffy as she paced back and forth, occasionally murmuring a response. Mostly she was listening so Rupes must have had some news. He waited until she hung up the phone and turned to him.

“They’ve been researching all morning and so far found zilch other than what we know.”

Spike raised a questioning eyebrow.

“And that was worth the interruption because…?”

“Well he said that as good as what he’s got in stock is, there are texts more difficult to come by, books that would be circulating in the demon community say, but none of us really have a contact other than Willy and well, doubt he knows much.”

“Right. So lemme guess, I’m the new demon contact?”

“Well, he just suggested I ask if you knew anyone who might have access to something more useful. I mean, you do have a knack for finding lost translations and artefacts. The whole blood of the sire ritual, the gem of amarra…”

“Yeah, all when I was still respected by the demon community, before I started killin’ ‘em all.”

“So that’s a no then?”

He released a breath and looked up at the ceiling for a minute thinking, then he stood and walked over to her.

“I might know a guy. Well not really a guy…but he’s into a lot o’ that ritual stuff an’ he has at least as many books as Giles from what I heard tell, might be able to help.”

“So you haven’t actually met him then?”

“No but his name’s come up a few times an’ I’ve heard stories. The ‘nly bloke I can think of local that might have somethin’.”

“Well then it’s worth a shot. I assume this guy only does business at night?”

“Mostly. Safer anyway, if it’s at night I can go with you.”

“Agreed. Don’t really want to run the risk of him using any tricks since he’s so into ritual. You want to swing by tonight? The sooner the better, we need everything we can get.”

“Count me in. So Council gave up the goods huh?”

Buffy decided to fill Spike in on the events since their fight and all the information they’d found out about Glory. His eyes widened when she revealed Glory was a Hell-God that apparently could not be killed.

“A Hell-God? Wow Summers you’re really movin’ up the ranks. Gonna have to up your game for this one. I can see why you need that info.”

“Yeah, but there’s more you should know…”

She made up her mind. She had to tell him about Dawn. She needed all the help she could get, now that the Knights of Byzantium were after the Key as well. She trusted him. She knew she had to tell her friends soon too, but she didn’t want to put them in danger or have them act differently around her sister. It had been weird enough around here when Buffy and her Mom had found out. Spike could hold his own against Glory’s minions, although the knights were a different matter thanks to the chip and she felt she could rely on him not to treat her sister differently.

“…about the Key…”

“Thing Glory’s after?”

“Right, well…”

“Sorry to interrupt again you two but I really need to get a start on dinner. Speaking of which, Spike are you staying?” Joyce asked as she ventured downstairs.

Buffy sighed. This really wasn’t the place to talk. They needed to find some privacy later. She realised it had gotten pretty late while they were talking.

“Don’ exactly need to eat Joyce.”

Buffy turned to him. He was unsure about staying. Dinner with her family was a situation he never thought he’d find himself in, not thinking her mother would have approved of him at all, never mind like him, but it was something a boyfriend did and it was another way of showing him acceptance.

“She knows that. You still eat though don’t you, c’mon stay, it’ll be nice, and I’m not sure I wanna say goodbye to you yet. Actually scratch that I am sure I don‘t wanna say goodbye yet.”

He looked from Buffy to Joyce who were both smiling encouragingly at him. He didn’t want to leave but this was uncharted territory for him. Deciding she hadn’t just asked to be polite from the sincerity in her voice he made his mind up.

“Uh yeah, okay then, dinner would be great. Thanks Joyce.”

“Don’t mention it.”

The sound of footsteps hopping down the stairs made them look up to see an eager Dawn grinning at them.

“Spike’s staying for dinner?”

Buffy rolled her eyes and Spike smirked. Seems like none of the Summers women could resist his charms. They were all eager to have him stay.

“Yes he is. Why don’t you go help Mom in the kitchen?”

Dawn pouted.

“But…”

Buffy gave her, her best stern older sister look.

“Ugh, fine, just cos you two want to make with the smoochies.”

Buffy let out a gasp of outrage while Dawn stalked off to the kitchen and Spike chuckled.

“She’s not wrong. Not in the mood for sharin’ pet?”

“We just made up. I’m supposed to have your undivided attention now. She can go all teenage girl with a crush later.”

Spike pulled her close for a hug.

“I can promise you, you have all my attention luv. Now I believe we were in the middle of making up before that interruption earlier.”

He was leaning in to kiss her and she tilted her head up when the phone rang again. Spike growled and Buffy giggled.

“I’d better get it.”

She answered the phone and Spike went to sit back down on the couch and sulk while he waited for her to finish talking. She eventually hung up and came over to sit beside him.

“So what was that ‘bout then?”

“Willow. She rang to see how things went with Mom and I told her we made up. She wants us to drop by the Bronze later, sort of a celebration of Mom’s health and us as a couple.”

“So now they want to celebrate us gettin’ together?”

“Spike. Willow’s okay with it, it was just…really unexpected, and I told you they’re willing to give this a try. I want you in the group and they’re learning to deal with it.”

“Jus’ think you really must have done a number on ‘em is all. You tell her we were workin’ tonight?”

“Yeah but I actually think we should go. We can drop by for a while and then head out to find this guy you were talking about. It will be a way to get us together as a group and a step to showing how things are gonna be from now on, and you and Xander get to show some restraint and prove you’re capable of putting your differences aside.”

“Think you’re hopin’ for a miracle there, but I’ll give it a go.”

“Great, we can head over after dinner. Now lets hope there’s no more phone calls interrupting us.”

“Actually that reminds me.”

Buffy watched, quizzically as he dug in his pockets and pulled out a piece of paper which he handed to her.

“What’s this?”

“My phone number.”

She looked up quickly and he was holding a cell phone in his hand.

“Remember you tellin’ me to get one so you could reach me. Thought it was a good idea.”

She grinned at him.

“Oh yeah. Definitely one of my genius ideas. Wow you have a phone, that’s going to make things much easier.”

Spike was about to answer when he glanced behind Buffy and grinned. Buffy turned around to see Dawn standing there.

“Spike has a phone?”

She rolled her eyes. Great, she’d probably never get through to him now anyway. Dawn was going to harass him. Maybe a phone wasn’t such a good idea.





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