Chapter 4
Two days had passed and Buffy was exhausted. Nothing much out of the ordinary had happened but it was a full time job caring for Joyce and Buffy wasn’t sure how much longer she could do it. Finally the day of the surgery had arrived. The whole gang was at the hospital waiting as Joyce was prepped for her operation, praying everything went okay.
Riley had made it in time to see Joyce before she was carted off and Buffy didn’t know what to do now he was here. She kept her distance from him in the waiting room sitting with Dawn instead and he was reluctantly giving her space. She hadn’t seen or talked to him since the night she’d killed the Queller demon. Everything was so confused lately, she knew anything they said to each other could lead to an argument and she wasn’t ready for that yet. There were more important things happening right now.
Spike hadn’t shown up either, at least not face to face. Buffy had felt him outside her window each night. It was comforting to know he was there and his presence had made the little sleep she’d managed while watching her Mom peaceful. She was finding more comfort in her enemy than in her boyfriend. A whole can of worms had been opened since that night when she’d let Spike in and once her worries over her Mom could be eased, Buffy knew she would have to face up to these new problems. If anything she knew the two men involved wouldn’t let her dodge those issues much longer.
Checking the time again Buffy began pacing. They’d been in there so long now. Had something gone wrong? Every worst case scenario was being played out in Buffy’s head and she was wringing her hands, biting her lip and wearing a hole in the floor. Riley made the decision to approach her then seeing the worried expressions on her friends’ faces.
“Buffy…” he reached out to hold her and she jerked away.
“What’s taking so long? They’ve been in there hours now, something’s gone wrong hasn’t it?”
Riley sighed returning his hand to his side and watching as she continued to pace.
“I’m sure everything’s fine. It’s a serious operation so it’s going to take some time. They know what they’re doing and since they’ve been in there so long it means they’re able to do something about removing the tumour. If they’d been finished any earlier I’d be worried that they couldn’t do anything.”
Buffy seemed to settle at that thought.
“Yeah. You’re right, I know it’s just…I need to know what’s happening. We haven’t heard anything and…” she broke off when she recognised her Mom’s doctor approaching.
“Ms. Summers?”
Buffy nodded.
“Your mother is in recovery after the surgery. She did really well and everything went smoothly. I’m pleased to say we managed to remove the tumour completely. It will take some time and we’ll need to monitor her closely over the next few days but I expect her to make a full recovery.”
Buffy felt her entire body relax and a massive weight seemed to fall away from her. She was so relieved she could barely speak and when she did her voice was wobbly as tears of happiness threatened to pour down her face.
“Oh thank you. Thank you doctor.”
That was all she managed before she was taken over by her emotions. The doctor simply nodded, smiled and walked away. Dawn came rushing over to grab hold of Buffy who hugged her little sister tightly in shared relief. The Scoobies breathed a collective sigh of relief and came over to the two young Summer’s women, hugging them in turn.
Riley watched as Buffy was surrounded by her friends and embraced each one of them with a smile on her face. Slowly he walked over and stood in front of her. She turned to him and they looked at each other before he held out his arms. After a few seconds pause Buffy moved forward into his hug and lightly hugged him back. Aware of the others eyes on them it lasted only a minute before Buffy pulled away. She gave him a small smile before turning her attention back to Dawn.
It wasn’t what he’d been hoping for but it was closer than he’d been to her for a while now. Things were still unsettled between them and he knew it would take time and discussion before they were back to normal. He briefly caught Xander’s eye over the girls’ heads and Xander smiled reassuringly at him. He knew the others had been wondering about the couple’s distance lately and were worried about his disappearances the past few nights on patrol. He knew they’d be shocked if they found out where he’d been going but he wasn’t about to let that happen. Hopefully he could get things straightened out with Buffy and end it without anyone knowing.
***
Back at home Buffy was revelling in the knowledge that everything would be okay now her mother was safe. Dawn had been all about the celebration of the good news but Buffy had felt her strength begin to ebb as tiredness and exhaustion set in and so it had been decided that Dawn would stay with Xander and Anya while Buffy chilled out at home. Willow had offered to come stay with her but Buffy declined knowing full well that her best friend and Tara were spending pretty much every minute together and Buffy was glad to see someone’s relationship was blossoming considering the state hers was in right now.
Speaking of which Riley had said he was coming over later to talk. Buffy was hoping for some alone time to think things over but knew the longer she avoided the talk the worse it would be. He had questions, of course he did. She’d been avoiding him and that fight had been the first real argument they’d had since he’d refused to have the Government doctor operate on him. As usual it was because of the army stuff that they’d fought. It was part of who he was and despite what Buffy thought she knew he would always be in some way loyal to them. It was hard to forget years of training to think and behave a certain way. After all it had taken her long enough to realise that everything wasn’t so black and white in the demon world and that the Watcher’s Council could in no way be considered her friends.
Pushing her troubling thoughts away for the moment Buffy decided to continue with her original plan of relaxing by taking a long hot bubble bath, cuddling up in her snuggly pyjamas and curling up on the couch with a bottle of wine, snacks and the remote. She didn’t have long to enjoy it however when someone knocked on the door. Riley had a key but she guessed the way she’d been acting lately had put him off just walking in the front door. She was grateful because to be honest she liked being the one to decide if he could come in or not right now. Not that he couldn’t anyway with having a key.
Bracing herself, she got up and opened the door where she was immediately met with a bouquet of roses in her face. Stepping back she took the flowers he was practically throwing at her and moved around so she could see him. He stood there smiling sheepishly, not quite knowing what to do with his hands as he crossed them, put them behind his back and then decided to place them on his hips.
“Umm thanks. Come in Riley.”
She moved out of the way as he entered, shutting the door behind him and then left to find a vase to put the flowers in. She understood it was a peace offering but couldn’t help but feel like he was trying to buy her off.
Back in the hall Riley waited wondering how best to approach this. He didn’t want an argument so he was hoping to avoid any mention of the Government soldiers as he couldn’t help getting defensive whenever she brought them up. In turn he decided he wouldn’t mention the bleached wonder. Essentially he planned to accept her behaviour the past few days as stress over her mother and get them back to a comfortable relationship where he didn’t have to knock before coming in.
Buffy came back and wondered just how she was going to bring up the issues they so badly needed to discuss if they were to rebuild their trust in each other and get their relationship back on course. Of course one of the issues was that Buffy currently wasn’t so sure she wanted them back on course. She’d seen a side of Riley she didn’t like and as sweet and dependable as he had appeared she knew that beneath the surface was the hardened soldier who never liked hearing his motives questioned and couldn’t accept that sometimes he needed help. She’d heard all about his absences on patrol and had a sinking feeling it was because he was trying to kill demons by himself, even without the stuff the Initiative had been fuelling him with.
Deciding it was a conversation they should both sit down for, she gestured towards the living room and waited for him to nod before they both went in and sat at opposite ends of the couch, not too far away to be distant but not too close to be intimate either.
“Buffy I’m sorry. I know you’ve had a lot to deal with lately and I shouldn’t have been so pushy. I wanted to be there for you but you wanted to be strong. I get that now. You couldn’t let yourself go and you didn’t. You never even cried.”
Oh but she had. Just not in front of anyone. Well except for Spike that is.
“Oh I cried. I cried so hard sometimes I didn’t think I’d be able to stop.”
“Oh.” Riley seemed confused and a little upset at the news.
Because I never cried in front of him.
“Riley look it’s true what you said about me being under a lot of stress I’ll admit. I didn’t want to let anyone in because I needed to focus. But that’s not the only problem here.”
Here we go he thought. It looked like they would be arguing tonight after all.
“The truth is we’ve got problems. Things we’ve been trying to ignore but that aren’t going to go away because we want them to. One of those things is the Initiative.”
Riley had a frown on his face and was struggling not to voice his irritation. Really struggling.
“I know that it was a big part of who you are and that you can’t just forget them. It was your whole life for years but it’s constantly been a wedge between us. I don’t want to be in touch with them but you can’t seem to let them go.”
He swallowed down his annoyance before answering as calmly as he could.
“Buffy they aren’t the same people anymore. They’re army and they just want to keep people safe. They’re a useful resource to have and I don’t see why you can’t learn to accept that. What happened in the past is in the past. We should use them to our advantage now.”
He just didn’t get it and Buffy didn’t know how to make it any clearer for him.
“What makes you think they wouldn’t be the ones using us Riley? God knows they’ve done it before and history has a way of repeating itself. They’ll get new advancements in their technology and think that maybe if they’re more careful with the staff choices this time around they could succeed and the next thing you know there’s another demon capturing facility in place. I can’t trust them Riley. I went through a similar deal with the Watcher’s Council and I’m so much better off without them.”
Riley couldn’t speak. If he did it would lead to shouting and that wasn’t what he came here for. Clearly she meant what she said about never trusting them but he didn’t think it could compare to the Council the way she seemed to. Instead of answering he just nodded, showing that he understood.
Buffy sighed. He acknowledged what she said but it was more than clear he didn’t agree with her. Problem number one hadn’t been solved but at least it was out in the open now.
“Another thing is your determination to do everything yourself. I understand you want to be independent but you can’t hold your own against demons and vamps the way you used to and even then you couldn’t handle them by yourself.”
“You said you preferred to patrol alone. I don’t see why we can’t just split up and kill a few nasties then meet back up. I’m smart enough to develop a strategy before I attack and I don’t take on anything I can’t handle.”
“Then why have you been disappearing lately? It’s dangerous out there Riley and you haven’t shown up to a single patrol. The others told me how you never showed and that the one time you were together you told them to meet in the morning when it was safe before going back by yourself later on to kill five vamps. Five Riley! You say you don’t bite off more than you can chew but the fact is you don’t know your limits. Even when you patrolled with me you were always jumping straight into a fight regardless of what the creature was capable of.”
“I am so sick of arguing with you about this! I know what I’m doing Buffy. As difficult as it is for you to believe you aren’t the only one who can kill demons. Just because you’re chosen and I’m not is no reason to think I’m incapable of doing what I’ve been doing since before I met you!
God how more pig-headed could he be?! Buffy was getting angry now. This was the problem wasn’t it? They came here to talk about their issues but the fact was that neither one of them could back down or make allowances for the other. She watched as Riley stood up and began pacing around the room. Clearly something else was bothering him and it was only a matter of time before he let loose.
Finally throwing his hands up in the air he spun around to face her and said what he’d been hoping to avoid but knew needed to be said. As far as he could see all the problems she’d said they needed to discuss were his fault but she certainly wasn’t blameless either.
“You know it’s not just my fault we’re in this mess. You never let me in Buffy, even before your Mom, not really, but you seem to have no problem sharing things with the evil undead.”
Oh God here it was. The giant elephant in the room was finally making its presence known. Buffy was under no illusion as to who he was referring to.
“The thing with you and Angel was something I can never really get but you know what? I trusted you when you said he was different. He has a soul which somehow makes him more human even though he didn’t seem like it to me but you know what, it’s fine. I made it be fine because I trusted you and it was before we met and you were young then. Then there was Dracula and I let that go too because of the thrall thing. I figured it wasn’t your fault because he used his power on you and you did manage to overcome it because you staked him. What I really, really don’t get, though, is why you felt the need to confide in Spike! He spat the vamp’s name out like it was something vile he couldn’t bear to have in his mouth.
Buffy took a deep breath, focusing intently at the floor. She didn’t know what to say about this because she was as confused as he was. She didn’t know why she was suddenly able to share things with someone she hated instead of Riley and she wasn’t sure of her own feelings concerning the soulless vamp right now.
The day you were at the hospital I found him here in the house. I had to find out from him about where you were. Do you have any idea how it felt to have that thing tell me something that I should have found out from my girlfriend herself? Not to mention what he said about you buying him drinks the night before. Is it true? Were you with him then?”
Buffy decided to be honest. Knowing how Riley had found about her Mom explained a few things and made the situation worse. Of all the people who could have told him it had been Spike.
“Yes it’s true but I only did it to hear about the Slayer’s he’d killed. I came close to dying when that vamp staked me and I needed to find out about previous Slayers and why they lost. The Watcher’s diaries were no help and I went to the one source available who could tell me anything. The drinks…well you know Spike…he doesn’t do anything for free.”
“Well that’s for damn sure. So what you decide to share all your problems with him after he goes into detail about murdering two of your predecessors?” He snorted unbelievably.
“No, that’s not it. Look we…the night didn’t end on pleasant terms for either of us okay. I left and when I got home I found Mom packing, I’d just found out something could be seriously wrong with her. I was out on the porch crying and Spike showed up. He caught me when I was vulnerable and he’s never seen me like that…I guess it threw him. He sat with me for a while and I don’t know…I talked and he listened.”
Buffy didn’t know why she was telling him all this but she figured she was trying to understand what had happened herself.
“Oh I see, that’s just great. Not only do you share your problems with him but you cried in front of him too, something you won’t do around your friends, people who actually support you.”
Was he serious? She’d just explained how Spike had shown up out of the blue and he was mad because she’d cried in front of someone other than him?
“It’s not like I intended to break down in front of him Riley I told you he just turned up.”
“Yeah he seems to be doing that a lot lately. So what, you were having another heart to heart when the Queller demon showed up?”
“No he was stealing stuff from the basement. What exactly are you accusing me of here Riley?”
She had a decent idea but she needed to hear it coming from him.
“Seems to me like you’ve got a soft spot for vamps. At least the ones who are or were a serious threat. Angel, Dracula, and now Spike. He’s got a chip in his head Buffy and it’s the only thing stopping him from murdering all Sunnydale right now. You seem to think he’s some harmless pet.”
Buffy stood up now too, feeling defensive.
“A pet? This is Spike we’re talking about Riley. He’s harmless yes but don’t think for one second that I’m not aware of what he’s capable of. I’ve seen it first-hand remember? The fact is he’s useful now that he has no choice but to fight demons to get his kicks and the information he’s given out has been more than useful. He’s a resource.”
“And one that could turn on you at any second. Face it Buffy you just admitted to trusting Spike more than the Council or the army. All you do is defend him. Sure he gets in the way and you lose your cool but it’s nothing but empty threats really. I’m your boyfriend but you share more with that thing than me. How could you have told him about your Mom and not me? You expect him to what understand how you feel?”
“It’s different with Mom Riley…they…she…he has a soft spot for her alright.”
“Excuse me?”
“Look back when Drusilla first broke up with him he came back to Sunnydale and kidnapped Willow intending to make her do a spell to get her back. He went to my house to wait for me because he needed help getting the stuff he needed and basically him and my Mom sat down drinking hot chocolate together while he told her all about his problems with Dru. The last time my Mom saw him was when we’d had that truce so she didn’t think he was dangerous but he was. He could have killed her but he didn’t because she was nice to him. He just…likes her.”
Riley stared at her in open-mouthed disbelief. She probably shouldn’t have told him all that but she didn’t know how else to explain that Spike could understand how she felt about possibly losing her Mom.
“You mean to tell me that an evil, used to be master of Sunnydale vamp makes exceptions about who he kills and your mother is one such exception because she made him hot chocolate and listened to his sob story about his ex?”
Buffy just looked at him. He could accept it or not. She’d told the truth. He paced a bit more, stopping occasionally to open his mouth to speak before shaking his head and continuing to pace. Eventually he made his mind up and stood right in front of her, invading her personal space.
“I don’t know what’s going on with you and that vamp Buffy but I came here to discuss us. Now I’m willing to try if you are because God knows all I want is for you to be with me again and share things with me the way a couple’s supposed to. Clearly we have problems but I’m willing to work through them if you are. Now tell me Buffy, if I agree to break contact with the Government will you break contact with Spike?”
An ultimatum. They just established how much they clearly couldn’t compromise when it came to things they felt strongly about and he wanted to brush it all under the carpet by giving her an ultimatum?
“I don’t know if I can do that Riley. I don’t think we can just make this go away by pretending to ignore it. I just…I don’t think we’re compatible. We never really were. I can’t ask you to give up what you are and even if I was willing to give up a useful contact like Spike we both know he’d still be in the picture. We can’t make him go away.”
God knows I’ve tried.
Riley looked livid and Buffy stepped back a bit, nervous of what he might do. He was shaking, fists balled up at his sides before he controlled himself enough to speak. When he did his voice was cold and hard.
“I see. You want to end it then huh? Alright fine. We’re done. But I want you to know something Buffy. I will never understand how you can accept demons it’s your duty to fight and I don’t know what kind of a Slayer it makes you but you can be sure that I won’t stop hunting them, any of them, and since it’s where you think I belong I think I’ll go join my army buddies and keep doing my job. You can guarantee if I come across a monster I’ll kill it, helpless or not.”
Was he threatening Spike? Buffy was really unnerved and pissed off by his behaviour. He’d better not do something stupid and attack Spike or…hang on why did she feel such an urge to protect Spike? Of course she didn’t want Riley taking his anger out on someone who was helpless to defend themselves but her feelings were so protective, almost possessive.
“Just go Riley. Leave your key and get out, and don’t do anything stupid or I’ll really have to hurt you.”
He scowled at her then smirked in a real know-it-all-kind of way, unlike Spike’s smirk it didn’t aggravate her in that he-looks-damn-sexy-when-he-does-that evil nuisance kind of way. It was sinister and ugly and she wanted to punch it right off his face.
Turning before she could make good on that thought he dropped his key on the little table by the door before walking out, slamming it closed behind him.
Buffy breathed a sigh of relief. She realised no matter how things went tonight there was no way she could have accepted him back into her life. He wasn’t the person she thought he was and not the person she needed. She hoped he’d just go find his soldier friends and stay the hell away from her and Sunnydale for a long time. In fact she’d be happy to never see him again after the way he’d tried threatening her.
Moving back to the couch she sat down and turned the t.v. back on. She couldn’t really concentrate on it though and she gave up deciding to just go to bed. She’d left her window open and just as she was crawling under the covers she felt a familiar tingle run down her spine. Snuggling up under the duvet Buffy figured all she had to do now was figure out her feelings towards the undead Brit who’d taken to keeping watch outside her window and her worries would settle back to what was normal for her.
Sure. You just keep telling yourself that Buffy.
Giving up she turned on her side and drifted into sleep, ever aware of the vamp tingles telling her she wasn’t alone.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Okay so since I have most of this story written already I'll probably post two chapters a day. Chapter 3 just went up so make sure to read that first. Reviews are welcomed and appreciated as I like to hear people's opinions, it also helps me know where the story is going.
Disclaimer yadda yadda, I own nothing etc.
Disclaimer yadda yadda, I own nothing etc.