In the butterfly soul garden…
Spike rested his forehead against Buffy’s, both lovers keeping their eyes open and glued to the other, as they floated down on rays of golden sun and back into their bodies. Buffy was breathing hard, trying to get air back into her lungs, back to her brain – Spike could feel her chest fall and rise with every breath, he could hear her heart racing, her pulse pounding in her veins as he relaxed atop her and held her body against his. He wished he could find a word to tell her how much he loved her … how absolutely perfect she was in every way, how exquisite…how radiant…
“I love you so much,” he whispered to her. “You’re effulgent … you fill my soul with hope and light.”
Buffy tilted her lips up and touched his gently as her eyes fluttered closed. “I love you, too … never forget that – never doubt my love for you,” Buffy murmured against his lips, her breath caressing his lips softly as she spoke.
Afraid that his weight was getting to be too much on her, Spike rolled to the side, pulling Buffy with him, then all the way over onto his back, so she was laying on top of him. Buffy held onto his shoulders as he rolled over and unhooked her legs from behind him so he could lie on his back. She nestled against his hard body as he wrapped his arms around her and held her to him. With her head resting on his shoulder, Buffy sighed contently as Spike's cool fingers traced lazy circles up and down her spine.
Spike cherished every day he had with Buffy and regretted every day they’d been apart over the last few years. Looking back, he reckoned there were too many of those days apart – some his fault, some hers, some were no one’s fault, just life, but he knew now there had been too many. If he got back from this, if she was able to fix it – if that flame of hope she had lit in his gut turned into a bonfire and they got their life back, he vowed that there would be fewer of those days – and his stubborn pride wouldn’t be the cause of even a single lonely night for her. There had been too many tears shed, too much pain, too many tearful nights on account of his temper and his foolishness – of all the things he’d done in his life, of all the things that he was being judged for, those actions which hurt her were the ones that he regretted the most.
Above them, Spike could see the dusty pink flowers on the rose bush and the blue sky and bright sun beyond that. He watched as the blue butterfly hovered and circled above the roses, and then lit gently on one of the buds and stayed there – as if watching over them. With Buffy draped over him and the butterfly standing guard, Spike allowed his eyes to close … he hadn’t felt this safe in a very, very, very long time. He knew this was far from over, but perhaps they’d turned a corner … perhaps things would start going their way for a change.
Buffy hadn’t intended to fall asleep … she didn’t want to squander one moment with Spike, but she felt so safe laying in his arms, surrounded by his love – she felt more at peace than she had in a very long time. She awoke slowly, not quite remembering where she was at first, then she sighed happily when she felt Spike’s body under her, his arms still wrapped around her. She lifted her head and looked at his face … his eyes were closed, he had fallen asleep, too.
Buffy studied his face as he slept … she thought he looked like an angel. His shoulder length, light brown hair, damp from the earlier rain, fell in curls around his handsome face, and reminded her of Annie. Annie’s hair was darker than Spike’s, but the curls were just the same, the cheekbones were just the same, so much about their daughter was just like Spike. Tears stung Buffy’s eyes when she thought back to the day she found out she was pregnant with “The Key.” She thought her life was over – she was seventeen and pregnant, she was alone, she hadn’t seen Spike in a month, she’d been kicked out of high school, and she still hadn’t been fully cleared of Kendra’s murder by the crack team of investigators on the Sunnydale PD … and she couldn’t have been more wrong. Her life wasn’t over, it had really just begun.
Spike opened his eyes slowly and looked up at her as a small smile played at the corners of his mouth. “Penny for your thoughts…” he whispered.
Buffy smiled softly back down at him. “I’ve seen three lives of Buffy the Vampire Slayer now – all very different and all very much the same, but the one with you by my side …” Buffy shook her head slowly, “… well, you’ve made all the difference, Spike. I can’t understand why the Powers can’t see that … it’s a no-brainer – what are they, scarecrows or something?”
Spike smiled wider but shrugged. “I reckon there’re some things that are just too … too vile to forgive, pet – no matter what…and I’m one of them.”
Buffy shook her head slowly and then laid her head back down on his shoulder as she hugged tighter against him. “That’s so not true. You can’t really believe that.”
Spike shrugged slightly and wrapped his arms around her tighter. “I don’t know what to believe anymore, pet,” he told her, his voice low and rumbly, full of emotion.
“Well, I do – you’re a good man, Spike, you have a good soul – don’t you ever forget that,” Buffy assured him as they lay in the soft, warm grass under the rose bush.
Spike closed his eyes and dropped a soft kiss on the top of her head … he wasn’t so sure about anything anymore, but he was grateful for her belief in him, it made him want to believe, too.
After a time, the lovers got up and began strolling lazily along the path, meandering their way down towards the lake. Although they had been transported into paradise, their clothes had not. Buffy felt like Eve in the Garden of Eden and Spike was her Adam … who needed clothes when the only other living creatures in sight were butterflies? At least, she hoped that’s all they’d find here – hopefully Doyle wouldn’t pop in for a chat.
They talked and walked and laughed – neither of them again mentioning the trials or their children or anything that was happening in the real world; neither wanted to spoil this time together, even though those thoughts and feelings weren’t far below the surface – they both left them buried for now. There would be time later for those worries and fears … but right now wasn’t it.
Spike watched Buffy move, watched her expressions and rejoiced in her laughter. This body she had now from the altered reality wasn’t that of his wife, and for that he was sorry … but her movements were the same, her mannerisms, her sly looks, the green of her eyes, and her laugh – none of that had changed. The flicker of hope that they would get out of this, that he could get back to her and their family, that she would be able to fix everything, grew a little brighter with each minute they spent in the tropical paradise.
They stopped at a large orange tree, heavily laden with large, ripe fruit, and Spike picked a sweet orange for her and began to peel it.
“What kind is it?” she asked as they stood under the large tree.
“I reckon it’s a ‘bend-over’ orange, luv,” Spike answered with a smirk.
“Excuse me? Is that some kind of lewd suggestion?”
Spike just smiled and handed her a slice of the peeled orange. When Buffy bit into it, juice squirted out in all directions and ran down her chin. She instinctively bent forward to keep the juice from running further down her body.
“Like I said … a ‘bend over’ orange. Nuthin’ lewd ‘bout it,” Spike laughed as he popped a whole slice into his mouth.
“Oh … darn. That’s disappointing,” Buffy remarked with a frown as he handed her another piece.
“Is it now?”
“Mmmhmmm … very disappointing,” Buffy assured him as she bit into the new slice he gave her and this time let the juice run down her chin, down her neck and start down her chest.
Spike leaned in and caught one of the drops on his tongue as it started to run between her breasts, then licked the trail back up her chest, neck and chin until his mouth reached hers. “Doesn’t have to be disappointing,” he whispered to her as he covered her mouth with his, licking and sucking all the sweet juice from around her full lips.
Buffy moaned and leaned into him, wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing her body against his as he continued licking and kissing her mouth, sucking all the sweet juice from her skin, before sliding his tongue between her lips and tasting her. Buffy’s tongue wrapped around Spike’s as he probed her mouth slowly, as if he’d never kissed her before, and his arms wrapped around her body, molding it to his.
Buffy broke the kiss and pulled Spike’s left hand, and what remained of the orange, from around her body. She took the orange from his hand and bit into it like it was an apple, sending rivers of the sweet juice running down her body. Then she offered the remainder to him, and Spike bit into it greedily as the sweet nectar flowed down his chin and chest and then to his hard abs and beyond.
Buffy began kissing and licking a line of orange flavored flames down Spike’s body, starting with his sweet lips and gliding down over his strong chin to his Adam’s apple. She lingered there for a few moments, licking and sucking the juice from his neck and particularly from his voice box. She loved his voice, loved to hear him talk and sing and laugh, and roar with pleasure when he came. All he had to do was whisper in her ear – some sweet line … even just one carefully chosen word, in that deep rumbling voice, to make her knees go weak and her heart beat faster.
Even after all these years, he could still make her heart skip a beat, make her legs tremble, and her body tingle with a word, a look, a touch. Buffy knew that wasn’t typical … but then, nothing about Spike was typical. She read all the articles in Cosmo … How to Make Your Guy Want You, How to Turn your Guy On, How to Keep the Fire Burning, How to Keep Your Sex Life Sexy … there were hundreds of them, but she’d never needed any of their advice. The fire had never waned – not when she was pregnant and felt like the Goodyear blimp, not after the twins were born when she had what she thought was an ugly scar from the c-section and extra weight that wouldn’t go away, not even on her worst bad hair days. Spike always found her sexy and had always shown her that she was the most beautiful and desirable woman in the world – he hadn’t gotten bored with her in all these years and she certainly had never gotten bored with him.
Buffy moved her mouth down further slowly, licking and kissing the sweet juice from Spike’s soft skin; down past his collarbone, across his hard chest to his six-pack abs. Spike moaned as she traced the “V” down from his abs to his now hard cock as she dropped to her knees in front of him. She took what was left of the orange and gave it a hard squeeze, dribbling the remainder of the juice over the head of his cock and letting it run down its hard length to his balls. Buffy tossed the orange aside then pulled Spike’s cock to her mouth, swirling her tongue over the engorged head and across his cumslit, tasting his pre-cum mixed with the sweet nectar of the orange.
Spike’s legs quivered as Buffy trailed her mouth down the underside of his rod, sucking and kissing the whole way, as she followed the path the juice had taken. He rested his hands on her shoulders, not certain of his ability to remain standing, as she ‘Mmmmm’d against the base of his cock then licked slow circles around his balls.
“God, Buffy … so good, so bloody good,” Spike moaned as he watched her beautiful mouth taste and lick his hard shaft and tease his balls with her tongue.
He never grew tired of her touch. Her mouth, her hands on him – anywhere on his body, was enough to send fire shooting through his veins. When her body pressed against his or when she worked her magic on his cock, he thought that he might spontaneously combust at any moment from the pleasure of it. He’d never had anyone that could make him feel the way Buffy did … make him struggle against his own body to hold back right from the first touch of her lips to his, from the first caress, the first whisper.
Buffy pressed two fingers hard against his taint as she palmed his balls and took the head of his cock into her mouth and Spike’s knees nearly buckled. Buffy grinned around his cock, but didn’t stop – moving her mouth slowly down his thick shaft, taking him into her heat slowly, then pulling back up again, before going down a little further and back up, her movements remained tantalizingly slow and deliberate and it was driving Spike bug-shagging crazy. She alternated between pressing her fingers hard against his sensitive prostrate and barely touching that delicate spot, as she swirled her tongue against his hardness and continued her slow rhythm up and down his rod with her luscious mouth.
“Oh, Buffy …” Spike moaned deeply as he held on to her shoulders for support.
He loved how she could go from ‘make love to me’ to taking charge and sending him spiraling out of control. She could be sweet and demure or fast and furious – at times a girl, at others a woman – one day a sinner, the next day a saint…or perhaps an angel with slightly scorched wings and a halo just a tiny bit askew.
Buffy suddenly increased her pace and slammed the sensitive head of his cock against the back of her throat, sucking down on him hard, taking as much of his rod into her mouth as she possibly could, while at the same time lightly pinching the area she’d been fingering between his balls and anus.
“Oh, God … Oh, Buffy! Can’t hold … gonna cum, luv! Fuck! Oh, God!” Spike exclaimed as he lost control and felt his body win the battle against his restraint. There was no way he could hold back when she slammed down on him and began sucking up and down with hard, fast strokes. Spike felt that familiar feeling of her lifting him up into the cloudless sky as his cum shot out in streams into her heavenly mouth. He felt like he was floating … perhaps he was, he couldn’t tell – his body felt weightless, like a feather floating softly across a field of wildflowers on a gentle breeze. It was that place that she could always bring him … their personal heaven, and he relished the feeling now perhaps more than ever before, because he’d seen hell, he’d felt hell … and that made every moment with Buffy that much more heavenly; that made these moments when she took him up beyond the sun and moon and stars that much sweeter.
Buffy struggled to swallow Spike’s cum as she continued to move up and down on his cock with her mouth and caress his tight balls with her hand. His whole body tensed, every muscle seemed to bulge with exertion, and a roar began deep at the core of his being and filled the entire valley with his passion as he came. Buffy slowed her movements, but continued sucking and licking the cum from his rod as she felt him begin to relax and his cock soften.
Buffy pulled off him when she felt his legs give way. Spike fell to his knees in front of her – for a moment his whole body felt like an overcooked egg noodle and he slumped heavily against her.
“Bloody hell, woman … You have no idea what you do to me, luv … turn me into jelly, you do,” Spike gasped out as Buffy wrapped her arms around him and began dropping kisses on his face and shoulders.
“Mmmm … orange jelly – marmalade!” Buffy clarified as she continued kissing his face, which still tasted like the sweet, ripe orange.
After a few moments, Spike regained control of his muscles and took her face between his hands and gazed into her eyes. “I love you, Buffy Anne Summers-Weckerly. I love you with every fiber of my being. True love is like a ghost; everyone talks about it, but few have seen it. I’ve seen it, Buffy – I see it every time I look into your eyes.”
Tears sprang to Buffy’s eyes and she blinked them back. “I see it too, Spike,” she whispered to him.
Spike took her lips in a soft, sweet kiss as he held her face between his palms – she tasted of his cum and the sweet nectar of the orange and Buffy. The flavor of Buffy was indefinable – sweet, sexy, funny – full of love and laughter, but today the salty taste of her tears was mixed in there, too. How many tears had she shed these last … how long had it been? Months? Years? It felt like decades to Spike. He wished he could take her tears away forever.
Spike kissed her closed eyelids gently, then trailed his tongue down her cheek – even though the tears had dried, he could still taste them, still follow their well-worn track down her face.
“I’m all sticky …” Buffy murmured coyly, lifting her chin to reveal her orange juice covered neck to him. She could feel Spike’s spirits starting to plummet again as he tasted the remnants of her tears; she wasn’t ready to think about tears just yet, she wasn’t ready to think about anything but Spike and Buffy, Mr. and Mrs. Weckerly, William and Elizabeth … everything else could wait behind the doors for a while longer.
“Are you, now? Well, can’t have that, can we?”
Buffy shook her head slowly as Spike changed directions with his tongue and licked under her chin and down her neck to the hollow at the base of her throat. Spike swirled his tongue into the hollow and licked up the sweet, dried orange juice that lingered there, and then sucked lightly on the bones on either side of his chalice. Buffy moaned and dropped her head back as Spike continued down her body cleaning the sticky sweet orange from her skin and leaving a trail of fiery-ice in its stead.
Spike pushed lightly against Buffy’s shoulders and she went down onto her back, pulling her legs out from under herself as she went. Spike trailed his mouth down between her breasts, still tasting the orange stickiness on her skin … just how far had that juice run, anyway? He couldn’t wait to find out. Spike took a detour from his mission and swirled his tongue around one breast, making smaller and smaller circles with it until he reached the darker skin of her areola. Buffy could feel chill bumps form and run in fast circles, chasing Spike’s tongue round and round on her skin, and her nipples hardened in anticipation as his mouth got closer and closer.
Spike teased her breasts with his mouth and tongue, moving from one to the other and back again … carefully avoiding her erect nipples. Buffy’s back arched and she moaned in agony as he teased her with his tantalizing tongue.
“Sumthin’ you want, pet?” he asked innocently, looking up from his task towards her face.
Buffy opened her eyes and lifted her head; if looks could kill … well, she still wouldn’t kill him, but she might hurt him a little bit. “You’re killing me…” she moaned out, dropping her head back onto the soft grass.
“Am I? I didn’t know, luv … ever so sorry …” Spike smirked as he went back to teasing her with his mouth and lips … adding his gentle fingers to the torture, as well.
When Spike thought that she couldn’t stand it one more moment, he sucked down hard on one nipple as he pinched and pulled the other between two fingers. Buffy screamed out, her back arched, and her body tensed as all the tension that he’d been building escaped and washed over her body in a powerful tidal wave of bliss. She didn’t know how he could do that … make her cum by making love to nothing more than her breasts, but he’d done it time and again – starting with the very first time they’d been together. She felt like she was flying, as if Spike had just shot her out of a cannon and she was circling the world at warp speed – completely free, completely unencumbered by gravity or any of the voices behind the doors … the only thing missing was Spike flying at her side.
As Buffy’s body began to relax again, Spike slid his palms down the sides of her rib cage, savoring her soft skin under his palms. His mouth and tongue followed the orange-juice trail down the center of her body as his hands continued slowly down her sides to the flare of her hips, stopping when they reached her upper thighs. This time, Spike didn’t linger at her bikini line where the c-section scar should’ve been, but forged past it and into her curls. He slid his hands under her knees and lifted her legs up and out, revealing her pink folds and heavenly scent to him as he settled between her thighs.
Spike tasted her gingerly … barely touching her hot, damp slit with the very tip of his tongue and Buffy moaned and writhed under him, silently begging for more. Spike knew her moans, her movements, how she tasted, and the aroma of her desire better than he knew his own – but they never ceased to send blood rushing away from his brain as she filled his body with need for her.
Spike was a bit surprised to find the sticky orange juice had made its way all the way down into her curls, but he dutifully cleaned the stickiness off her outer lips before delving into her. Buffy’s hips jerked up against him as he slid his tongue into her tight hole and twirled it back and forth deep inside her.
“Oh, God, Spike! Yes, baby!” Buffy exclaimed as she reached down and touched his strong shoulders with her hands.
Spike sucked hard against her hole and pressed his thumb down against her clit and Buffy’s body jerked and convulsed again as another blissful tidal wave overtook her and lifted her back to heaven.
“Oh, Spike! Cumming … oh … God!” Buffy screamed, her fingers digging into the muscles of his shoulders as she soared back high above the world.
Spike laved her hot cum from her pussy, moaning against her as he licked and sucked and lavished her with his mouth and tongue, keeping her floating amongst the stars as long as he could. He loved the taste of her slick juices, the pounding of her heart rang in his ears and he could feel her pulse racing under his hands … it all combined to make his cock ache for her again; ache to be inside her, to melt with her.
Remembering her disappointment at the meaning of a ‘bend over’ orange, Spike pulled back and, holding onto both of her hips, turned her over onto her stomach. Buffy’s heart jumped and her pulse quickened again as she raised up onto her knees and elbows in front of him. Spike ran his hands up and down her back, from her shoulders to her ass and hips and back again as he moved up behind her. Buffy looked back over her shoulder and watched Spike’s face as he slid his cock into her wet, hot pussy. She gasped in pleasure as he entered her and it was all she could do to keep her eyes open as she watched him over her shoulder – but the look of unabashed desire and pleasure on his face made the effort worthwhile. She loved that look, she loved knowing that she was the one that could make him feel that way, just as he was the one that made her feel the same way.
Buffy moaned and her hips pushed back against him as Spike started moving in and out of her with shallow thrusts, popping the head of his cock just inside her then pulling back out over and over again. Then Spike leaned forward so his chest was against her back and his hands were resting on her shoulders and pushed all the way into her in one slow, fluid movement and just stopped. That was the feeling he wanted … that feeling of melting against her, of being enveloped by her body, of her skin against his, her flesh heating his, her pulse becoming his own.
Buffy struggled to breathe … struggled to keep from falling to the side, as Spike’s cock touched her core, pressing against her womb and sending bright rays of ecstasy out in all directions. The waves of bliss seemed to bounce off his hard chest as it pressed against her back, then dance off his fingers where they were touching her shoulders which sent them zinging down her legs, where the ricocheted back again to where they began, in her core. Her pussy walls tightened hard around Spike’s cock as all the sensations flowing through her sent another orgasm flooding over her body. Spike began kissing her shoulders and the back of her neck and twirling small circles with his fingers against her skin and Buffy could no longer think, she could only feel – feel her lover’s hardness buried deep in her suppleness, feel his flesh and hard muscles against hers, feel his lips on her skin, feel his love through his gentle kisses and caresses.
Even on her knees and elbows, Buffy’s limbs began to give way and Spike laid them both over gently onto the grass, never breaking his embrace or moving his hips from hers. Buffy tried to breathe … tried to stay upright, but she couldn’t, it was a struggle to simply stay conscious. It was a feeling more intense than she’d ever felt before … more than an orgasm, more even than she’d ever felt with the bond or the time that the monks had used their magic and made Spike alive when they created Annie. She thought she could feel Spike’s love actually flow into her body from his own – as if she now held his love, perhaps even his soul, within her, and it was overwhelming.
Spike felt it too … he didn’t know what it was, but it was unbelievably powerful; it was as if their souls had physically touched for a split second, as if they had both reached a place that was so deep within the other that no one else could ever touch, the spot that was for their soul mate alone to know.
“W-What … was … that?” Buffy finally gasped out between breaths.
Spike kissed the back of her neck and began moving his hips slowly against her as they lay on their sides in the soft grass under the orange tree. “I think our souls got jealous, pet … wanted a bit o’ fun of their own,” Spike theorized.
“Mmmmm …” Buffy moaned, draping her top leg back over Spike’s and opening herself to him fully, as Spike continued moving his hips slowly, pressing in and pulling out of her heat with a slow, sensuous rhythm. “I hope they do it again…”
Spike smirked. “I’ll see what we can do ‘bout that, pet…”
Spike stopped moving and took Buffy by the hips and rolled onto his back, holding her to him as he went and ending up with her in atop him in a reverse cowgirl. Buffy moaned as his cock slid deeper into her when she settled down atop him; then she balanced herself on his thighs and began to move again. Soon they had their rhythm back, with Spike thrusting up against her as she came down. He settled his hands on her hips and pulled her down hard on him with every thrust, taking Buffy up to the top of that cliff, but not quite over the edge.
“Need to see you…” Buffy moaned as she stopped moving, then lifted up off him and turned around so she could see his face and look into those blue eyes that captivated her soul.
Buffy lowered herself back down as Spike guided his shaft into her again. She moaned her approval as she laid her hands on his hard chest and leaned forward so she could look into his eyes before they both began moving again. Buffy ground her hips down in slow circles against him as they began climbing back up the mountain, their eyes locked onto the other – they seemed to be looking directly into each other’s soul as their thrusts became hard and frantic. Spike slid one hand between them and Buffy’s clit came down on his knuckles, sending electrical shocks out in all directions as the lovers continued their trek up past the mountaintops to the clouds.
“Cum for me, Buffy … scream for me…” Spike whispered to her, his voice deep with desire and lust as her pussy enveloped his shaft, sliding up and down at a fast and furious pace that threatened to overwhelm him before he was ready. “So beautiful you are … so bloody beautiful. I love you so much, Buffy … so hot … so fucking good… so perfect…”
“Oh God … oh, Spike …yes, fuck me, baby … yes … God yes!” Buffy screamed as her back arched and her muscles began to convulse through her whole body. She struggled to stay leaning forward and keep her eyes open – she wanted so much to see him when she came, but the feeling was starting to overwhelm her. “Cumming….. God, Spike, now, baby … cum with me – now!”
Buffy slammed down on him one last time and Spike fingered her clit as their bodies trembled and took flight. Her screams of pleasure echoed off the walls of the valley – across the lake and back again and severed the last thread of restraint Spike had. His hips jerked up into her one last time as his cum boiled up from his balls and shot into her tight channel. Spike’s roar joined Buffy’s screams as they both soared up into the blue sky and towards the never-moving sun. They flew as one towards the bright orange orb, veering off at the last second to circle it and slingshot back towards the earth. Spike was sure it was those blissful trips around the sun that had scorched Buffy’s angel wings and sent her halo teetering off to one side.
The lovers sailed freely through the warm air … diving down towards the lake, then pulling up at the last moment before they drifted lazily back down to earth … back to their bodies, back into each other’s arms. Buffy collapsed down atop Spike’s chest as she tried to get air into her lungs. Spike wrapped his arms around her and held her tight against him as he whispered, “I love you,” against her ear, but it didn’t seem like enough.
He continued whispering softly, saying ‘I love you’ in every language he and Annie had learned it in. “Je t'aime … Te quiero … Ana behibek … Ti amo … Aishiteru … Wo ai ni … I love you, I love you, I love you.” He felt like he couldn’t say it enough – like there should be more, those three words just didn’t seem large enough to hold all the love he felt, but there were no other words that said it any better.
Buffy raised her head up and looked into his eyes, then dropped a gentle kiss on his lips. “I love you, too,” she murmured against his soft lips before laying her head back down on his chest and hugging her arms around his neck with a contented sigh. Buffy smiled softly to herself as she remembered the times that she’d sat on the stairs in the basement and watched and listened as Spike and Annie played their language games. Spike must’ve certainly known she was there, but never turned his attention away from Annie and their father/daughter time.
They’d had a contest once that she’d witnessed, who could say ‘I love you’ in more languages … Annie, of course, had won. Although Spike hated to lose at anything, losing to Annie never really bothered him, even though he would sometimes gripe about it to Buffy and their friends. Buffy knew that, in truth, what he was doing was bragging about Annie in a way that didn’t sound quite so … ‘braggy’.
Buffy couldn’t have asked for a better father for their children than Spike – he was everything that she could’ve hoped for and more. Just like her, he would and could protect them from any and all threats, he would be willing to not just die for them, but kill to protect them; then the same man would fall asleep on the couch or in the rocker with a baby in his arms, or sing a soft lullaby to comfort them when they cried, or recite ‘The Cat in the Hat’ from memory. He was a renaissance man, no doubt, and never ceased to surprise and delight Buffy with long hidden talents.
Buffy squeezed her eyes closed hard to keep the tears from escaping … her family had snuck out from behind their doors in her mind and made her heart ache. Spike could feel her whole body tense and her breathing became labored again and he lifted her chin so he could see her face.
“Buffy, don’t cry, pet. It’s ok … I didn’t mean to make you cry.”
Spike sat up, taking Buffy up with him and held her to him, rocking her gently in his arms and the tears that she’d been fighting for so long flooded out of her eyes. Buffy clung to him as all the doors in her mind starting opening … one worry, one fear, one obstacle, one friend, one child after another, until she felt completely overwhelmed by them.
Spike just held her and murmured soft, loving words to her, interspersed with verses from the lullaby that he’d sung to her for the first time so many years ago, as she cried against him. He wished he could come back with her to the ‘real world’ and help her fix this, help her fight for their family – there was nothing he wanted to do more than fight something right now, but he knew that wasn’t in the cards – it was all on Buffy’s shoulders. For the first time in a very long time, he’d broken a promise to Buffy – he couldn’t stand by her side; she was alone, and it cut him as deeply as any crime that he’d ever committed. All he could do now was try to ease her pain, make sure she knew that he loved her and believed in her and always would. The words to an old Simon & Garfunkel song came to his mind, and he sang to her softly as she let all the tears and worry and frustration that she’d been holding back flow out. He wished he could always dry all her tears, always be her bridge over troubled water …
{{Click here to hear "Bridge Over Troubled Water” by Simon & Garfunkel on YouTube }}
“♫When you're weary
Feeling small
When tears are in your eyes
I will dry them all
“I'm on your side
When times get rough
And friends just can't be found
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down
“When you're down and out
When you're on the street
When evening falls so hard
I will comfort you
“I'll take your part
When darkness comes
And pain is all around
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down
“Sail on Silver Girl,
Sail on by
Your time has come to shine
All your dreams are on their way
“See how they shine
If you need a friend
I'm sailing right behind
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind … ♫”
Buffy fought to stop her tears as Spike sang to her and rocked her gently in his arms. She tried to put all the worries and fears back behind their doors, but it was harder now that they’d learned how to escape … or maybe she was just exhausted from holding the doors closed against their strong objections. She changed tactics and started trying to replace the worries with positive thoughts, like the fact that at least they’d been able to get Spike out of the hell-limbo he’d been in. He’d be ok here while she worked to get things fixed, and that was a huge relief, an enormous weight off her shoulders. And at least she had Dawn helping her out in the real world – she’d be pretty lost without her – her sister had been a huge help in so many ways, from emotional support to research to filling in all the blanks of the world Buffy had found herself dropped into. And, Dawn had been really sure that D’Hoffryn’s talisman was with Willow’s belongings at the sanatorium upstate – so they even had a backup plan in case Doyle and the Oracles didn't come through – so that was good news.
See? Buffy silently admonished all the doubts and worries in her mind, Things aren’t that bad … we have some leads, we have the scythe, we have a sort of plan, my shoulder’s healed, Spike’s safe … it’s gonna be ok. You can do this – you can win.
When Spike finished singing and began humming softly, Buffy looked up and smiled at him gently, wiping the tears from her face with the back of her hand. “I love you …” she whispered to him.
“Why?” he replied, just as quietly.
Buffy shook her head slowly and laid a hand gently on his cheek. “How can you ask that?” she wondered aloud before answering his question as best she could. “You are my bridge over the trouble water, Spike. I love you not just for what you are, but for what I am when I’m with you. I love you not only for what you’ve made of yourself – for what a good man you are, but for what you’re making of me. I love you for the part of me that you bring out, the part that, without you, would’ve been impossible for me to find, and for making me a better woman, a better wife, a better mother – a better person. Having you by my side makes me better; it makes me want to be better, makes me try harder to be what you deserve, and I love you for that.”
Spike snorted softly, as if to refute her, but didn’t argue with her. He pulled her back against his chest and dropped a kiss on the top of her head. “You took my line, pet,” he told her with a small laugh.
“I’m sorry … but I didn’t know I’d made you a better woman, just don’t try to borrow my shoes, that would really cross the line,” Buffy retorted with a smirk, trying to get back to the place they were before, back to a lighter mood, free of worry and doubt.
Spike smiled and pulled back so he could see her face – he knew what he’d see there, that evil ‘I gotcha’ glint in her eyes and a small smile playing at the corners of her mouth, and he wasn’t disappointed.
“You don’t mind if I borrow your lacy undies, then? The black ones with the red swirly-gig-thingies are my favorites…”
Buffy smiled wider. “I’d love to see you in those … Do you think you could…ummm …tuck everything in? I might have to help you with that…” Buffy suggested with a coy look.
“I’d wager, if you helped me, I’d definitely not be able to tuck anything in.”
“You do know, when we get back, I’m gonna make you try …” Buffy whispered seductively against his ear. “I think you’d look fine in lace panties and stiletto heels … Dr. Frank-N-Furter.”
Spike threw his head back and laughed deeply – that laugh that Buffy loved, which seemed to start deep in his soul and reverberate through his whole body. Spike’s laugh was contagious, and soon Buffy was laughing just as hard and they both fell back onto the grass as their emotional rollercoaster swung back up to the manic side of the ride. When their laughter waned, Buffy curled up against Spike’s side as he lay on his back, draping a leg over his and resting one hand against the hard muscles of his stomach. Spike wrapped an arm around her and pulled her body against his as he laid his other hand over the one she had on his torso, his larger hand covering hers completely.
Buffy sighed deeply as she laid her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes. The nagging voices of worry and fear and sadness had quieted again and she suddenly felt exhausted from the manic-depressive E-ticket ride they’d been on. Spike stroked her back gently as her breathing evened out and her body relaxed against his – he was glad that he could get her to laugh again – maybe he could ease her mind and be that bridge, after all.