Buffy paced back and forth across the antechamber waiting for the Oracles to open the portal and take her to Spike’s tribunal. Dawn got tired of reading the time out, so she just gave Buffy her cell phone. After twenty-five minutes had passed, Buffy turned to Doyle, who was leaning against one wall and said, “I hope they know I’m serious … I’ll smash this amulet to smithereens. I don’t give a shit about Angel and their prophecies.”
“I’m pretty sure they know that, Slayer,” Doyle assured her with a sigh.
Buffy had felt confident that they would let her in to see someone with some authority. For them to send Doyle to trick her into retrieving the amulet, that must mean they really wanted Angel back in the fight, and the way the Oracles had reacted when she threatened to smash it told her the same thing. They weren’t all ‘que sera, sera’ when it came to their golden boy…None of that ‘if it happened, it was meant to be’ bullshit, Buffy mused silently. Why the Powers thought Angel was such hot shit, she didn’t know. She guessed it was like buying a race horse and putting all your time and money into grooming it and training it then, when you realized you’d spent all this time and energy on the wrong horse, it was too late or too embarrassing to change your mind.
Buffy looked down at the time on the cell phone again … twenty-nine minutes … Maybe they don’t really think I’m serious, she thought to herself. Buffy stopped pacing in front of the large, stone mortar that Doyle had used to mix the herbs in for the portal opening ceremony and pulled the amulet out of her pocket. She dropped it in the bottom of the thick, stone bowl and picked up a heavy pestle from the altar next to it.
“Whoa, lassie!” Doyle exclaimed suddenly, pushing off from the wall he’d been leaning against and moving towards her. “These things don’t just happen in the blink of an eye… give them some time.”
“They’ve had their time, thirty minutes here is at least a day there – if they can’t get something done in a day … well, I guess they really are nothing more than minions,” Buffy reasoned, holding the large, stone pestle above the amulet and looking at the time on the cell phone. When the minute clicked to thirty, Buffy slammed the pestle down on one side of the amulet, chipping off a small bauble, then quickly raised the grinding tool back up and started back down with it when Doyle tackled her, knocking her to the floor and sending the pestle flying across the room.
Suddenly, what was atop her wasn’t the cute Irishman, but a Brachen demon with red eyes, green skin, and sharp blue spines covering his face.
“I knew there was something about you I didn’t like,” Buffy quipped as she kicked him off her and jumped back to her feet.
“Bigoted against demons, are ya’?” Doyle accused, standing back up as well.
Buffy snorted a laugh. “Hardly! I just hate two-faced liars,” Buffy clarified, hitting him with a round-house kick and sending Doyle back against the wall. “And you’ve been lying about everything."
Doyle began moving back towards Buffy when suddenly the portal to the Oracles opened with a bright flash of light. Buffy dove over to the mortar to get the amulet before the Oracles could snatch it away, but the stone bowl was empty. “Fuck!” she exclaimed, looking around the altar and floor for it.
“Buffy!” Dawn called from the other side of the room, holding the chipped amulet up for her to see.
Buffy sighed in relief, but the relief was short-lived when the amulet was pulled out of Dawn’s grasp and began hurtling towards the open portal. Buffy quickly stepped to the side and put herself in its path. The large stone and gold filigree surrounding it hit Buffy in the breastbone so hard that it felt like it might’ve embedded itself in her chest. Buffy screamed out as she grabbed the amulet with both hands and dropped to her knees. Buffy doubled over from the pain, her chest sinking down against her legs as she tried to get her breath back and make sure her heart was still beating – because at that moment, she wasn’t entirely sure.
Dawn ran past Buffy towards Doyle, who was approaching fast. “Don’t wanna hurt ya, a ghrá,” Doyle told her. “Leave the fightin’ to the demons.”
Dawn looked back at Buffy, who was still doubled over on her knees, then up at Doyle, who was nearly to her, and took one step to the side, out of his path.
“That’s a good lass,” he muttered as he continued moving fast towards Buffy and the amulet.
Just as Doyle got to her, Dawn stuck one foot out and tripped him. Not expecting it, Doyle lost his balance and tumbled to the ground next to the Slayer, who was still doubled over as if in unbearable pain. Buffy pounced on him immediately, pulling a stake out of the waistband of her jeans and holding it against his chest as he lay on the stone floor of the antechamber. The chain of the amulet was wrapped around the hand that held the stake several times and flashes of color danced over the whole room as the light from the portal bounced off the faucets of the stone while it dangled against the stake.
Doyle held his hands out in surrender and morphed back to his human features. “Not a vampire …” he pointed out.
“You’d be surprised how many demons can be killed by a stake to the heart,” Buffy threatened.
“You’re about to lose another one!!!” Buffy called over her shoulder through the still open portal to the Oracles as she pressed the stake harder against Doyle’s chest. Doyle tried to kick her off, but was no match for her strength, especially in his human form, and his struggling just made Buffy press down harder until blood stained the messenger’s shirt.
“You may stop,” the female Oracle said calmly from behind Buffy. “Your request has been granted. You have your audience with the tribunal.”
“The tribunal could strike you down as easily as look at you. You must know that we cannot guarantee your safety on the other side of the conduit,” the male Oracle added.
Buffy snorted and let up off Doyle. “What the fuck else is new?” she asked as she stood up and put her stake back into the waistband of her jeans at her back and re-secured the amulet in her grasp.
“Let’s go,” she said as she started walking towards the portal.
“Buffy?” Dawn called quietly.
Buffy stopped and smiled softly at Dawn. “It’ll be ok – they aren’t gonna strike me down … maybe a little torture, a broken bone or two.”
At Dawn’s pained expression Buffy quickly added, “Just kidding! Really, I’ll be fine.”
“I love you,” Dawn said softly, pulling Buffy into a hug.
“I love you, too, Dawnie,” Buffy replied, giving her a tight squeeze. “You dun good,” Buffy told her, tilting her head towards Doyle, who was just getting up off the floor.
Dawn smiled and nodded slightly before Buffy turned and followed the Oracles back through the portal.
The female Oracle held her hand out. “We’ll take the amulet now,” she stated flatly.
“Ya know, I’m thinking that would be a world of no,” Buffy replied. “I’ll give it to the tribunal after I have my say.”
The two Oracles looked at each other for a long moment but then nodded their agreement. “Follow this hallway as far as it leads,” the male told her, waving his arm at the hallway behind him that looked never ending.
“Right – follow the yellow brick road,” Buffy muttered as she started walking.
Buffy only walked a short ways down the very long hallway when it unexpectedly opened up into a large, open area. Buffy stopped and scanned the area quickly – the floor was white, about twenty feet across, and round. It seemed to be lit from below and was surrounded by nothing but darkness, darker than the darkest night, even in the direction she’d just come from. Buffy didn’t see the gates that Spike had described to her … she wondered if only he could see them. Off to one side of the lit floor, which she assumed was the courtroom, was a round, black ring which seemed to be a projector of some kind with a 3-D, life-size hologram playing in it of Spike fighting with Nikki Wood on a subway train. Spike was standing in another black ring in the center of the floor – unmoving, his eyes glued, unblinking, to the fight.
Buffy walked closer to the hologram and could not only see the fight between Spike and the Slayer, but also hear it, smell it, even feel it as if she was standing right there on the subway with them. Buffy had seen this fight before from Spike’s perspective, when she’d gone through his memories; it was one of his most vivid recollections. Buffy pulled her eyes away from the life-size horror movie that was playing out before her and looked at her husband. He seemed to be frozen in place, unable to move or look away from the scene that played out in front of him. He was again dressed in William’s clothes, his long, light brown hair was pulled back into a ponytail at the nape of his neck, but it was his eyes that made Buffy’s stomach twist into a knot – his eyes had the fear and panic and guilt that she’d seen too much of late – the look that she would give anything she owned to never see again.
“Spike, oh baby,” she moaned, walking over to him, but he couldn’t see or hear her; all he could see was the fight as it played out in front of him.
When Buffy got to him, she tried to touch him, but the forcefield that was holding him still repelled her hand. She moved in front of him, trying to block his view of the holodeck, but he seemed to look right through her. Buffy turned around and watched as Spike pinned Nikki down and broke her neck, then removed her duster and took it as his own. As Spike exited the subway train with Nikki’s duster, the scene cut to Nikki’s funeral and the hologram focused on the eyes of a young boy standing by the coffin – Robin. Tears stained his face and the sadness, fear, and confusion in his young eyes was heartbreaking. Buffy thought of Annie, about the same age as Robin when Nikki was killed, and how scared she got when either Buffy or Spike were in danger or away from her for extended periods of time. Buffy couldn’t stop the tears from welling in her own eyes as the hologram zoomed in on Robin’s face until all you could see was utter desperation and loneliness reflected in his soulful eyes.
When the hologram went dark, Spike was released from his invisible prison and he fell to his knees behind Buffy. Spike sat back on his heels and laid his chest down against his legs, making himself as small as he could on the cold, sterile floor.
“Spike!” Buffy exclaimed, moving to him and going down on her knees next to him. “Spike, it’s me, it’s Buffy. Can you hear me?” she asked, dropping her head down next to his near the floor.
“I’m sorry …” Spike moaned, covering his head and ears with his arms. “Tell the boy I’m sorry for his mum…”
“Spike … you already told him, remember?” Buffy reminded him, rubbing a hand down his back and trying to soothe him.
“Kill or be killed … couldn’t be stopped … should’ve dusted in China … should’ve died in England … should’ve never been born. I’m a bad, bad man – tell Robin, she was brave, a Champion, she was,” Spike muttered, never raising his head off his legs.
“Spike, it’s ok … it wasn’t your fault. Vampire – Slayer, it’s what we do. If it wasn’t you, it would’ve been someone else,” Buffy tried to assure him as she looked around the room and wondered where the tribunal was – where were the judges? The jury? The executioner?
Suddenly a deep, booming voice came from above them. “What say you, William? What atonements have you for this crime against humanity?”
“I have none …” Spike whimpered, his voice barely audible.
“That’s not true!” Buffy jumped up. “He saved my life more than once! He saved our daughter’s life, he … he sacrificed himself to close the Hellmouth and stop The First Evil – he saved the world!” Buffy offered looking up at the vast darkness above them. She wasn’t sure if her Spike got credit for the actions of the Spike in the other universe, but since they had the memories of it, and part of their souls had merged, she thought it was worth a shot.
“The Champion, Angel, closed the Hellmouth,” another voice, this time female, contradicted.
“NO! Angel did not!” Buffy argued.
“Then what is that which you have in your hand?” the male voice asked.
Buffy held up the amulet. “This is a lie and you know it!” she exclaimed, looking at the ceiling and turning in a circle to try and see who was speaking.
“We know only that which has come to pass,” the female voice informed her.
“You know, I’m not liking this talking to the wind thing … why don’t you come down here so we can really talk…” Buffy suggested, dropping the amulet on the floor and pressing the heel of her boot down on it firmly.
Suddenly, there was a flash of light. When Buffy blinked her eyes back open and got her pupils readjusted, there were three people standing before her.
“You certainly drive a hard bargain, missy. I like you!” the man exclaimed with a cheery smile. “You’ve got spunk - initiative! That’s what’s missing from our young people these days, initiative, imagination! Don’t you agree?”
“What the fu … Mayor Wilkins? You’re … you’re judging Spike!? You became a big snake and tried to eat us all! How can you judge Spike!?” Buffy questioned, before turning to the other two people in front of her.
“Lilah Morgan?! She works for Wolfram & Hart! She’s just as evil as you!” Buffy accused, looking from Lilah back to the Mayor.
Buffy looked at the third member of the group. “Would you please tell me what the fuck is going on here!? How can these … these...these …” Buffy couldn’t even think of a word to describe Lilah and Mayor Wilkins strongly enough, she just shook her head in disbelief before finishing her thought, “judge Spike!?”
“Hey, hey, hey! Language, missy! Just because you think you’re all grown up now, doesn’t mean you can throw curse words around like hockey pucks. They’re nothing more than crutches – you should be able to make your point without resorting to such vulgarity,” the Mayor chastised Buffy. “Such a pretty girl shouldn’t use those ugly words.”
Buffy ignored him and kept her gaze leveled at the third member of her greeting party, the last of the Guardians.
“My child, you have much to learn,” the Guardian said softly, a small smile playing on her lips.
“Really? I’m all a-twitter with curiosity! Please explain to me how ‘Mayor Snake’ and ‘Lizard Lawyer’ can presume to judge anyone!”
“Actually, I’m not a judge – I’m here in an advisory and administrative role,” Lilah clarified quickly. “Think of me as the clerk of court …”
“Swell,” Buffy hissed sarcastically. “And I suppose you’re just here to eat the leftovers?” she asked the Mayor.
“Oh, no – I much prefer Moon Pies. Would you care for one?” he asked, pulling one out of the pocket of his suit jacket.
Buffy’s mouth fell open in disbelief and her head shook involuntarily.
“’No, thank you,’ is the customary response in polite company,” the Mayor informed her before opening the wrapper and taking a bite of the pastry.
Buffy blinked her eyes in utter disbelief. This was the tribunal that was driving Spike insane with guilt? Of course, they did sound a lot more formidable when their voices were booming down from on high…
Buffy turned her attention back to the Guardian. “I’m waiting,” she said simply, folding her arms over her chest.
“My dear … this isn’t about us judging anyone – it’s about evil deeds and atonements. It’s really quite simple,” the Guardian informed her. “One must have atoned for their indiscretions. Your vampire has not.”
“He has!” Buffy insisted, waving her arm at Spike who had rolled to his side and was curled in a fetal position on the floor. “What about all the help he’s given me? All the vampires he’s dusted and demons he’s killed? What about saving my life? What about Annie, Dani, and Billy? What about Tara, Xander, Faith, Anya, and all the Potentials he saved? What about protecting Giles from Angelus? What about keeping Willow out of the looney-bin? He wore the amulet and sacrificed everything to save us all – to save the world. What about all that!?” Buffy pointed out.
“None of that happened, dear,” the Guardian argued.
Buffy threw her hands out in frustration. “ALL of that happened and you know it! If you’d just wave that magic wand of yours and I’ll click my heels three times, I bet we can put the world back the way it was and you could see it all on your overgrown, 3-D Viewmaster here!” Buffy suggested.
“It doesn’t work that way, my child,” the Guardian told her, shaking her head slowly.
“There’re rules, missy – we have no direct bearing on the physical plane, we can only make suggestions, send messages … what is done with those is up to your free will,” the Mayor interjected.
“Are you out of your fucking mind!?” Buffy asked looking from the Guardian to the Mayor and back again. “Just put it back!”
“Rule 8.098.87F states clearly that neither the higher forces of evil nor good can take any direct action in the physical planes of existence,” Lilah supplied.
“Rule 8.098…?” Buffy questioned.
“Point 87F,” Lilah added.
“That’s bull … evil takes direct action all the time!” Buffy insisted. “I’ve got the scars to prove it! Or I did…”
“I take offense to that, young lady,” the Mayor retorted. “Rules exist for a reason, and they must be followed for the system to run smoothly. Without rules, there would be chaos … we all have our part to play to keep everything running like a well oiled machine.”
“Where have you been? It is chaos! What about The First? He … or it, was doing stuff all over the place – and he’s about as high up the evil food chain as you can get!” Buffy pointed out.
“No,” the Guardian began, her voice calm and almost soothing. “The First made suggestions, but what you, or anyone else, did with those suggestions was your own free will. The First couldn’t physically touch anything on your plane, if you recall …” the Guardian provided.
Buffy’s jaw dropped open again as she stared at the Guardian, trying to absorb what she was saying.
“Buffy, what you don’t understand is the physical plane is not our prevue … it is yours. There is a balance to good and evil; that balance must be maintained to properly assess each soul as it travels through that dimension. If there is too much good or too much evil on that plane, then the test is distorted and the soul’s worthiness can’t be properly judged,” the Guardian explained.
“You yourself brought on the current state of affairs, young lady,” the Mayor told her, popping the last bite of Moon Pie into his mouth.
“Yeah, by not killing the bitch when I had the chance …” Buffy muttered under her breath.
“No, Buffy – you brought this on by releasing the magic in the scythe. That much magic wasn’t meant to be released all at once. There was a reason that for eons there was only one Slayer at a time – for the balance,” the Guardian corrected Buffy’s assertion. “By releasing all the magic, by creating an army of Slayers, you tipped the balance too far to the side of good. It was only a matter of time before it had to be set right, above all else, the balance must be maintained. If it hadn’t been this, it would’ve been something else.”
“Something else … like the Circle of the Black Thorn and the armies of hell being let loose in L.A?” Buffy questioned, recalling the apocalyptic battle from the other dimension that Angel had dragged them into.
The Guardian gave Buffy a small smile and nodded. “Yes, that would qualify…”
Buffy rubbed at her eyes tiredly. “So, what you’re saying is, all we’re doing is treading water … we aren’t supposed to win, we’re just supposed to … play the game? Well, I didn’t get that memo and now Spike's paying the ultimate price for it! You know, a little communication from you … you people would go a long way! Don't you have cell phones up here? Faxes? Email?”
“There’s no need to take that tone, missy,” the Mayor admonished her. “You know, you worry too much for a girl for your age. That's unnecessary stress. Luckily, I've got just the thing …” the Mayor told her, pulling another Moon Pie out of his pocket and offering it to Buffy.
Buffy let out a long, exasperated breath and just looked at the proffered pastry, but didn’t take it from him. Mayor Wilkins shrugged and put it back in his pocket.
The Guardian smiled softly at Buffy. “You are a remarkable Slayer … the best we’ve ever seen, and, with your friends, well, that added a level of competence that was unprecedented – Slayers were meant to work alone with just a Watcher to guide them, you – you changed the paradigm. You did things that no one here thought possible, including releasing the magic of the scythe. I’m sorry that we can’t help you, but our hands are tied, as they should be. The physical plane is not our prevue …” the Guardian repeated.
“It’s mine,” Buffy filled in with a sigh and the Guardian nodded.
“Ok … let’s talk about Spike,” Buffy suggested, changing the subject. “I assume these trials are your prevue, so you can do something about them.”
“There is nothing that can be done to stop his trial … it is nearly complete,” the Guardian told her.
“And he’s waaay behind on points,” Lilah offered. Lilah held her hand out and a computer the size, shape, and thickness of a piece of paper appeared in it out of thin air. On the screen was a tally sheet with ‘William the Bloody’ at the top and two columns; one column had lots of red marks in it, the other had only a few green marks … Buffy assumed the one with lots of marks was the ‘bad’ side of the scale.
“Well, that’s just wrong,” Buffy told them. “Where’s his lawyer? He needs someone to speak up for him … you’re not playing fair with the ‘This is Your Life’ show.”
The Guardian laughed lightly. “There are no lawyers here.”
“What about her?” Buffy questioned, pointing to Lilah.
The Guardian rolled her eyes. “Yes, well – we all have our crosses to bear, but what I mean is, each soul must account for their own actions – they must speak for themselves,” the Guardian clarified.
“Yeah, well, he can’t do it, so I will. First of all, put down points for saving my life … uhhh, I think four times directly and indirectly every day since we met,” Buffy started. “Then, let’s have some points for Annie, Dani, and Billy and points for Xander, Anya, Faith, and Tara … points for protecting Giles from Angelus, and for keeping Willow sane … Ummm, let’s see, points for killing Marcus and rescuing Annie … Oh! And lots of points for wearing the amulet and closing the Hellmouth, and you can take all of my points and give to him, too,” Buffy concluded, tapping a finger on the nearly empty column on Lilah’s computer, imploring her to make the entries.
The Guardian was shaking her head as Buffy spoke. “Buffy, none of that happened, dear, the records are quite clear.”
“Like hel..ck!” Buffy protested, looking sheepishly at the Mayor and hoping he would give her the last minute save on the ‘bad word’.
“I very well remember that all happening! If you’re saying that William the Bloody killed Nikki Wood, then how can you say he didn’t wear the amulet and sacrifice everything to save the world? You know I had Willow release the magic of the scythe, but you don’t remember that Spike’s the one that gave me the strength to find it in the first place?” Buffy questioned. “There’s something wrong with your logic here, people! Your computer’s been … hacked or something! You either have to stop counting all the bad that Spike did, or you have to start counting all the good – you’re not … not in balance!”
The Mayor and the Guardian looked perplexed, as if they couldn’t quite follow what she was saying.
“I tried to tell them that from the beginning, when he claimed your rug-rats as atonement for case numbers 17.1880.1 through 17.1889.75,” Lilah defended. “But what do I know? I’m just a clerk working off her eternity contract…”
“In Louboutins and Armani … looks dire,” Buffy muttered with an eye roll before turning her attention back to the others.
“Hel-lo?” Buffy sing-songed, waving her hands in front of the two judge’s faces. “Are you both completely stoned? What kinda fairy dust do you have in those Moon Pies, anyway?" she questioned when neither answered her.
The two judges looked like they were trying to process what she’d said, but couldn’t quite come to grips with it. Buffy thought of Dawn’s explanation of Willow’s condition – ‘she can hear you but the wiring inside is crossed, it goes in but gets lost in there’ – it seemed like the same thing with the Mayor and the Guardian, the words were going in, but getting misdirected and muddled once they got into their brains.
“The lights are on but nobody’s home…” Buffy muttered with an eye roll as she snapped her fingers in front of their faces.
“Perhaps we should adjourn to … uhhh… consider this further …” the Mayor suggested at last, still looking bewildered.
“The circumstances really are quite … unique,” the Guardian agreed and suddenly the two judges were gone in a flash of light.
Lilah held her hand out to Buffy, cocked a perfectly sculpted brow, and looked down at the amulet that was still under Buffy’s boot heel. “I think that belongs to us now.”
Buffy bent down and picked the amulet up, holding it up above Lilah’s outstretched palm. “Under one condition,” Buffy started. “Check into the possibility that the magic that was used to change the physical plane might’ve wafted up here and, oh, I don’t know, erased all the good and just left the bad on Spike’s records. Things are seriously wacked up here! They know I released the magic of the scythe, but in the world as it is, I didn’t; they think Spike’s a vampire, but he was never turned. Someone’s totally fucked up your records, hacked your computer – someone like a big, fat, vengeance demon rat,” Buffy informed her. “I’m not asking for favors – just fairness.”
Lilah raised her brows and she shrugged, but then nodded; she had considered that, but normally they were immune to the magicks used on the physical plane. Maybe if the spell was worded just right and had enough power behind it – that would explain the judge’s confusion and where all Spike’s ‘good points’ had gone. “I’ll do what I can.”
“And put all my good points on Spike’s account…”
“This isn’t a revolving charge account at Macy’s – you can’t atone for someone else’s Louboutins ... or Doc Martens,” Lilah informed her. Buffy pulled the amulet back and stared Lilah down. For several long moments the two women stood toe to toe, neither flinching or giving any quarter. Buffy began to squeeze her fist shut around the amulet until they could both hear the stone pop free of its mount. Buffy smiled ruefully, it wouldn’t take much more to crack the stone into a million pieces in her grip.
“Fine – but you have to sign,” Lilah finally grudgingly agreed. Lilah tapped a few times on her computer and then turned it around so Buffy could read it.
“What’s that?” Buffy asked as she started to read it. Agreement to Transfer Penance it said at the top.
“A legally binding contract,” Lilah explained. “To transfer your … good points, to Spike’s account. You have to sign.”
“Fine…” Buffy agreed, holding her hand out for a pen or something to sign with.
“In blood…”
“Of course – should’ve known – it’s always about the blood, isn’t it?” Buffy asked rhetorically.
Lilah handed her a dagger and Buffy sliced across her palm and pressed it down on Lilah’s computer screen where the document was. The computer seemed to absorb the blood then started to pull Buffy’s hand into it, as well. Buffy yanked her hand away quickly. “Hungry little devil…” Buffy muttered, looking at her hand, which had completely healed, no trace of the cut or any blood remained on it.
The computer disappeared into thin air, just like it had appeared, and the lawyer held her now empty hand out further, silently demanding the amulet.
Buffy sighed, but dropped the bauble in Lilah’s hand and the lawyer disappeared with a flash of light. The amulet was Buffy’s only leverage – she hoped the dead fashionista would keep her side of the bargain. If Spike were judged fairly, either as a vampire or a mortal man, Buffy was sure that he would come out with plenty of marks in the atonement column to balance out the bad, and with her ‘points’ as well – he should have no problem getting into the real heaven if Buffy couldn’t get the physical world back to what they called 'normal'. Hallie had really done her homework … that must’ve been some wish.
Buffy took a deep breath and turned back to Spike, who was still laying on the bright white floor, curled into a ball. Buffy dropped down onto the floor with him and stroked a hand softly down his back. “Spike, baby – it’s gonna be ok,” she whispered, leaning her face down next to his.
“No … not ok, Slayer. Nuthin’s gonna be ok ever again…” Spike mumbled, never lifting his head. “Can’t you feel it?”
“Feel what?”
“The storm … it’s buildin’ – thunder rollin’, lightning flashin’ … fire and brimstone falling from the sky – just over there,” Spike told her, waving a hand out towards the darkness behind them. “Won’t be long now…”
Buffy furrowed her brow and looked in the direction he waved his arm, but didn’t see or feel anything.
Buffy sat down Indian style and pulled Spike to her. He hugged his arms around her waist as he laid his head in her lap like a child. Buffy stroked his long, brown hair, pushing stray strands back from his beautiful face as a thousand emotions collided inside her from sadness to frustration to anger to overwhelming guilt.
“I’m sorry, Buffy – so sorry I bollixed it up. I loved you so much … I didn’t mean … didn’t mean to hurt you. Ruined your life, I did,” he whispered as tears fell from his eyes.
Tears rolled down Buffy’s cheeks. “No, no, no,” Buffy murmured softly. “It wasn’t you that ‘bollixed’ it up … it was me. Me and my great ideas! It’s my fault, Spike … I’m so sorry. I thought … I thought we were supposed to win. I didn’t know it was a fucking t-ball game – just for fun, I thought it was, you know, for real.”
“Can you see the storm clouds? So dark, so heavy … I’ve never seen such black clouds, ‘ave you?” Spike asked, never opening his eyes or lifting his head from her lap.
Buffy closed her eyes, but she still didn’t see the clouds he was talking about. Buffy leaned down so her mouth was near his ear. “Just hold on, Spike … I’ll fix it, I promise. I’m here, I’ll always be with you, wherever you are. Let my love be your blue sky… can you see it?” she asked him softly.
Spike shook his head ‘no’ almost imperceptibly against Buffy’s leg. “Storm’s rollin’ in … can’t be stopped now… gonna drown in the flood, drown in the sorrow, drown in the blood.”
“No, Spike, I won’t let you drown. Feel my love, Spike – my whole heart is yours – can you feel it? My love will clear the clouds, I promise you won’t drown,” Buffy tried to assure him. She took his left hand and raised it to her chest where the amulet had nearly embedded into her breastbone during the fight with Doyle. She traced the outline of the stone in her flesh with his finger and then laid his palm against it. “Feel my love …” she whispered to him.
Spike finally opened his eyes and looked up at her. His blue eyes glistened with unshed tears and pain and fear of the coming storm – the coming judgment.
“The scar … it’s comin’ out,” he observed with wonder.
Buffy smiled down at him and nodded. “Soon, we’ll have all our scars back, Spike – our family and our friends and our scars. I won’t let you down again. Can you feel it?”
Spike furrowed his brow and traced the outline of the amulet on her chest again, then looked up into the depths of her green eyes and nodded before dropping his head back onto her lap and sobbing against her.
Buffy sobbed with him and for him … he was going through all this because of her. They had lost everything because of her zeal to win, her unstoppable quest to be the best, to eradicate evil, to make the world a better place – to fulfill her calling. It was all her fault.
“Can you see the blue sky?” Buffy asked him again, leaning down and wrapping her arms around him. “Look in the distance – on the horizon … can you see it?”
Spike nodded ever so slightly against her.
“Keep watching that blue sky, Spike – that’s my love and it’s going to drive the clouds and the thunder and the blood away. Do you believe me?”
“You’re the only one I believe … you’re the only one I believe in,” Spike murmured back to her.
“I’ll keep you safe,” Buffy promised as she continued to stroke her hand gently down his back.
She prayed that she’d be able to keep that promise. She had really hoped that she would be able to convince the PTB to just fix everything … but that possibility was gone now. They’d made it perfectly clear that it was up to her, they weren’t going to help her. Her great plan had been a great flop – she’d spent days getting back to California, finding the amulet, and getting it back to L.A. and to Fred … for nothing. She was no closer to getting her family back now than she had been a week ago or even a month ago.
Her only hope was that she'd had some effect on these monkey trials. If Lilah would and could counteract whatever was keeping the judges from seeing the good that Spike had done, that would at least give Spike a fair shot at getting into heaven and not being damned – this time for eternity.
“So tired. Can we rest now?” Spike whispered against her leg, never opening his eyes.
“Yes … rest under the blue sky,” Buffy replied, dropping a soft kiss on his cheek. “Just rest now… I'm here, I've got you.”
**~**
{{Click here to hear "Blue Sky” by Francesca Battistelli on YouTube }}
When you're down,
And you're out,
And you don't think you have a friend...
When you're lost,
In the doubt,
And you can't see what's around the bend...
Just hold on...
Don't turn around.
Keep on walking.
Don't lose heart,
'Cause I am here.
I am here,
Wherever you are,
Wherever you are!
When the rain is falling,
And there is no silver lining,
And you just can't seem to find the light...
When you need a reason,
To help you keep believing,
Let my love be your blue sky!
(Your blue sky!)
Your blue sky!
(Your blue sky!)
Your blue sky!
(Your blue sky!)
Your blue sky!
(Your blue sky!)
Don't you know that I know...
Life can be so hard.
It makes you wanna give up.
(Wanna give up,
Wanna give up!)
But don't you know,
Over the horizon,
The sunny day you're looking for
is waiting right here...
In my love!
Just hold on...
Don't turn around.
Keep on walking.
Don't lose heart,
'Cause I am here.
I am here,
Wherever you are,
Wherever you are!
When the rain is falling,
And there is no silver lining,
And you just can't seem to find the light...
When you need a reason,
To help you keep believing,
Let my love be your blue sky!
(Your blue sky!)
Your blue sky!
(Your blue sky!)
Your blue sky!
(Your blue sky!)
Your blue sky!
(Your blue sky!)
Come on... come on...
Don't you be afraid.
Whatever comes tomorrow,
My love is here to stay.
Come on... come on...
Don't you be afraid.
Whatever comes tomorrow,
My love is here to stay.
Come on... come on...
Don't you be afraid.
Whatever comes tomorrow,
My love is here to stay.
Come on... come on...
Don't you be afraid.
Whatever comes tomorrow,
My love...!
When the rain is falling,
And there is no silver lining,
And you just can't seem to find the light...
When you need a reason,
To help you keep believing,
Let my love be your blue sky!
(Your blue sky!)
Your blue sky!
(Your blue sky!)
Your blue sky!
(Your blue sky!)
Your blue sky!
(Your blue sky!)
Come on... come on...
Don't you be afraid.
Whatever comes tomorrow,
My love is here to stay.
Come on... come on...
Don't you be afraid!
Whatever comes tomorrow,
My love is here... to stay.