When Dawn came home after school, the house was quiet and deserted. A message stuck to the fridge door: ’At the Magic Box. Do your homework. There’s a sandwich in the fridge for your dinner. No ice cream until you’ve eaten it.’
Okay, that wasn’t anything new for her. She took the peanut butter and banana sandwich and some milk up to her room to do her homework. While she cleared her desk she stumbled across the amulet.
When she held it up to the sunlight streaming in from the window it glittered in the sun, painting the walls in gaudy rainbow patterns. She felt slightly guilty that she’d taken it from the Magic Box, but it was so pretty! Anyway, it must have slipped out of a customer’s bag since she’d found it sticking out from under the counter. Really, nobody would know who the owner was, right? So, no harm done! It wasn’t like she’d been stealing stuff. Not on purpose. She’d just picked it up, like a penny lying on the pavement. Like the old saying, ‘finder’s keepers, losers weepers’?
She put the chain around her neck and admired the jewel in the mirror. It did suit her, the blue cut stone in exactly the color of her eyes, encased in intricate silver ornaments. She pulled her t-shirt down a bit until the amulet lay on her chest, emphasizing her still moderate cleavage.
A knock on the front door startled her. She let her shirt slide up hiding the amulet as she went downstairs to answer the door. Three strangers immediately pressed through the doorway and grabbed her. They had wooden, carved masks, or were these their faces? Before she had a chance to scream, one of them had pressed a damp cloth firmly over her mouth. The sickly sweet scent made her stomach heave and then her vision blurred and everything went dark.
When Dawn woke up, still slightly woozy, it took her a moment to get her bearings. She was at the Bronze, lying on one of the billiard tables. How did she get here? Her head swum as she tried to remember what happened, but her memories were misty and distorted. There was an overly sweet medicine-y taste in her mouth that made her gag. Then she remembered - the strangers! She’d been abducted, but why?
When the music started, her body acted of its own volition as she slipped off the table to dance with the demons holding her captive. She knew immediately that she was in serious trouble, but she couldn’t seem to stop. As she wove between the masked figures, gracefully evading their grasp, she kept trying to dance nearer to the doors. Abruptly the music stopped and a loud clapping made her aware of a man - no, a demon! - standing on the stage in the spotlight.
"Welcome, my delicious young girl. Allow me to introduce myself. ’M called Sweet. So young and beautiful, I’m a lucky one this time. What a lovely queen you’ll make." Like a Master of Ceremonies of one of the cheaper Las Vegas shows he was dressed in a flashy, blazing red suit with sooo out-of-date shoulder padding. Golden rings pierced his ears and his chin was long and sharply pointed. He looked at her with glittering eyes half hidden under heavy lids.
"Why am I here? What’s with the queen talk? What do you want with me?" Dawn was enraged. What did that moron think? She took several steps backwards until she bumped into one of his minions.
"You can’t just grab me! Wait ‘til my sister finds you. She’s the Slayer! She’s so not gonna let you take me anywhere!" threatened Dawn, trying to sound more confident than she felt at that moment.
"Ah, the Slayer? Your sister is the Slayer? Oh, what an opportunity! Today’s my lucky day it seems. I always wanted to get me a Slayer," purred the demon.
"Dress her up for the ceremony and don’t let her slip away." Sweet commanded his underlings. "You, Milroy, fetch me the Slayer!"
When Buffy returned to the Magic Box the gang’s research still hadn’t been successful. Her friends all sat around the table, clearly exhausted and, judging by the crumbs and icing sugar strewn about, even a whole load of jelly filled doughnuts hadn’t helped. As the door opened with a loud jingle, everybody looked at the Ronald Reagan wannabe in the entrance.
"I’ve a message for the Slayer," the stranger stated boldly. "I was told I can find her here."
"What do you want from me?" Buffy considered the intruder and moved discreetly between him and her friends. Clearly a demon, but she hadn’t encountered any of his kind before.
"We have your sister. If you want to get her back you’re to come to the Bronze after sunset." He looked at the group staring at him. "Come alone if you want to see your sister alive and well."
When Buffy strode forward menacingly he added, "I’m just the messenger, don’t blame me. I cannot guarantee the safety of your sister if I don’t return immediately and unharmed." With that, he slipped out the door and vanished.
Buffy turned back to the others and stated the obvious. "They have Dawn, whoever they are. We’ve to get her back."
"Indeed, I agree. Buffy, I believe... what I mean is, perhaps you should go and meet up with them yourself" Giles confirmed. When Xander and Willow started to rise he added "No, Buffy has to do this alone. You heard what the demon ordered. We can’t endanger Dawn until we know how many there are and what their intentions are. We shall all stay behind. Buffy is competent enough to do this on her own. We just might get in her way, endanger her mission - and Dawn."
Buffy nodded at Giles to acknowledge that she understood - it was what they’d talked about the other day. It made sense for her to go on her own, even if it felt weird. After she picked up several knives from the weapons stash, she hid them just inside the waistband on her slacks and quickly slipped out the door.
As she stood in front of the Magic Box, Buffy looked up at the darkening sky. The first stars were twinkling down at her as the music rose out of the shadows like evening mist and wrapped around her in a sheath of ice.
I touch the fire and it freezes me
I look within me and it's bleak
Why can't I feel
My skin should crack and peel
I want the fire back
Now through the smoke he calls to me
To make my way across the flame
To save the day or melt away,
I guess it's all the same
So I will walk through the fire
'cause where else can I turn
I will walk through the fire
And let it...
♫
Meanwhile at the Bronze Sweet raised his head and tested the air. He let his senses float across the town, surfing on the tendrils of mist, searching for his prey. As his awareness wrapped around her, he nodded with satisfaction.
She's getting warm it builds in her
She may just go up in a flash
And when she's done
Her friends can have the fun
Of sifting through the ash
Cause she is drawn to the fire
Some people yearn to die
And she will walk through the fire
And let it...
♫
Giles looked out the door where Buffy had vanished and frowned. Nobody looked at him as he started to sing.
Is this really the right thing to do here
Am I leaving Dawn in danger
Should my slayer fight this on her own?
♫
Then Xander added,
... What if Buffy can't defeat him?
♫
The Scoobies looked at each other and went out the door to follow Buffy. They had to help her. They always did. Relieved, Giles followed them into the night.
In the meantime, Buffy had nearly reached the entrance to the Bronze. She looked behind her down the dark, empty street and hesitated.
So finally I’m on my own
I guess my friends can't understand
Why I did chose
Not one among them knows
And will never understand
♫
She had never felt so alone. She knew why Giles insisted that she go on her own; it was what they had agreed on. It was part of her now being a grown up, to stand on her own. That had been the whole point of their conversation, right? But it didn’t sit well with her, she missed her friends already.
Inside the Bronze Sweet closed his eyes and let his awareness scan the area again. Yes, the Slayer was already outside the door and her friends were closing in. There was also a vampire homing in, that was a puzzle but it didn’t matter; his spell would simply include him into the show. What a showdown it would be this time. He spread his arms and gloated.
So one by one they come to me
The distant redness as their guide
But what they'll find
Ain't what they have in mind?
It's what they have inside
♫
Buffy entered the Bronze and closed the door behind her with a resolute bang. No time to be stealthy. She scanned the room quickly and noted the positions of each demon. She gave Dawn a thorough look over. She was sitting on the stage, dressed in a ridiculous princess outfit: a flimsy blue dress with ruffles, a sparkling tiara on her brow, and an amulet around her neck.
"So, here I am. Now let Dawn go." Buffy demanded as she stared at the demon on the center stage, crossing her arms. She didn’t feel as bold as she acted, but he mustn’t know that.
"The Slayer, I presume? What a pleasure to finally meet you. Well, one of you." The demon gave Buffy a deep mocking bow. "My name’s Sweet. So kind of you to invite me to your town."
"I didn’t invite you, and if you don’t want to leave feet first, you better go before I get really angry." Attack was always her strength.
"Ah, not so quick. We’ve still unfinished business." Sweet watched her with amusement. "You’ve also brought your own background singers, I see. How considerate of you."
Buffy turned around to watch her friends entering the Bronze. Everyone was there, even Giles. They formed a firm line behind her. She had felt something missing without her friends at her back, now she was more than glad to feel their solid support, backing her up.
"I’m not here to sing. We’ve already had too much singing in my town. I hold you responsible for the deaths though..." and Buffy advanced menacingly towards Sweet.
"Tsk, tsk. You summoned me. I didn’t come of my own volition. Now that I’m here I decide when there will be singing or dancing and - I feel like it now." Sweet commanded, clapping his hands twice and the music swelled up again.
Buffy stepped reluctantly towards the middle of the room into the spotlight. She straightened her back, threw her hair back over her shoulder and faced the demon defiantly.
Life’s a show you don’t get to rehearse
And every single verse
Can make it that much worse
Still my friends don’t know that I despair
The million things or more
I can’t handle anymore
All the joys life sends
Are never mine to spend
♫
The Scoobies spread out at her back and joined the dance. She could hear the sweet soprano voice of Tara joining the chorus, then the firm alto of Anya weaving a counter tune.
Buffy swayed to the song, her movement jerky. She was struggling against the spell, trying to evade the dance, to control the words spilling out of her mouth. All the feelings she’d hidden from her friends; if out of shame or pride, she didn’t know. Now they were out in the open, for them to hear, for all to learn how she failed in her life.
All the demands of life
Not knowing where to go
Everything depends
On if I can pay the bills
On if I find some work
To pay the price
To keep my home
All the money I need
Knowing they’ll take away
All that matters to me
Regardless how hard I try
On what efforts I take
It’s never enough
It’ always so tough
All the twists and bends
Knowing that it never ends
Well that depends
On if I want to struggle on
On if I shoulder the weight
So long ‘till I break
‘Till I’m finally done
♫
The music rose to a frantic beat and Buffy whirled faster and faster. Her desperation firing her spinning, driving her inevitably over the edge. Tendrils of smoke began to curl out of her clothing and her hair swirled wildly around her face. Her friends stared at her, stunned, unable to move forward and help.
Suddenly strong hands grabbed her shoulders and interrupted her whirling. Blue eyes burning with fear locked onto hers and the intensity in Spike’s gaze stopped her world from spinning out of its axis. With a trembling, pleading voice he finished her song.
Life's not a song
Life isn't bliss
Life is just this: it's living
You'll get along
The pain that you feel
You only can heal by living
You have to go on living
So one of us is living
♫
His right hand reached up to cup Buffy’s cheek, his thumb tenderly wiping away the single tear trailing down her cheek. She stared into his eyes, lost in their endless dark blue depths. How was it that Spike, dead and cold, could radiate so much life, could warm up her frozen heart? Could give her the desire to stay and live... for him?
Loud clapping disrupted the sudden quiet. "Well, well, well, that was a real showstopper. Not what I’d expected," announced Sweet. "Now that we’re all assembled, I don’t assume you’ll let me take my queen and go?"
Buffy was completely stunned. Queen? She shook her head to clear it but felt totally out of the loop. After the drain of the dance her knees felt like overcooked spaghetti and her brain still reeled after her musical confessions.
"Buffy, I don’t want to go. He can’t just take me! I swear I didn’t want to take the amulet and I never did a spell with it." Dawn was in tears and tugged desperately at the jewel around her neck.
"Whoever invoked me has to keep the bargain and come with me," insisted Sweet as he added some mocking tap dance steps.
"Umm, excuse me! Is there also an opening for a drag-queen?" Xander tried to turn it into a joke, but when everybody just glared at him, he slumped down his shoulders and looked sheepish.
"Sorry... I thought it would be fun, you know, dancing and singing. I wanted to lighten up the mood. I didn’t know that it would end like this."
"Xander, what have you done? People died because of you! What were you thinking? Have you completely lost your mind?" Giles scolded him.
Sweet let out a disgusted snort. "You are pathetic. Keep the boy. I hope I’ll never see you again." With that the demon added an elegant pirouette and vanished with flapping coat tails in a blaze of sparkly fireworks as the music rose for the closing number.
Buffy couldn’t watch any longer. Her thoughts were tumbling through her head willy-nilly and she needed some quiet to sort them through. She silently slipped out the door into the cool night. Now everybody knew that she couldn’t handle her life anymore. What will they think about her? The Chosen One, defeated by profane everyday problems?
And Spike had been the only one to stop her. She looked up at the stars sparkling in a clear sky. Why did she respond to his wish for her to live for him? Why was Dawn not enough to keep her trying? Why not for her friends?
She heard the door open quietly behind her. Without turning she knew it was him, his familiar signature tickling her senses. "You ok, luv?"
Silently she turned around and nodded. As if pushed by the music inside, she stepped closer and lifted her head. The air seemed to quiver between them, crackling with tension. Slowly his head lowered until their lips nearly brushed against each other. She could feel his cool breath caressing her skin, his eyes burning into her, deeper and deeper, reaching for her heart.
She knew he waited for her. He always waited. For her to take the lead, to start the dance. This was the Spike who couldn’t wait one more day to kill her when they met the first time. The one who rushed head first into the thicket of a fight. A slight smile tugged at her lips as she leaned in and closed the distance.
Her lips brushed against his, barely touching, caressing the smooth skin of his full mouth. She could feel him trembling, his lips slightly parting. It felt like her whole self was streaming up to her mouth and in an exhale flowing into him. Though the only parts touching were their lips, it felt like she was melting into him, warming him with her breath. And when she inhaled she could feel him flowing into her, finally filling the bottomless void inside.
With a sharp crack, the door of the Bronze was opened and the excited chatter of the Scoobies invaded the moment. Buffy broke away and stared at Spike, struggling to find her way back to harsh reality.
"Go... please" she whispered desperately. She couldn’t handle him being so near, feeling him still wrapped around her, when she had to face her friends.
She watched silently as Spike turned and fled into the night, like always understanding her needs.
The Scoobies gathered around her, nervously shuffling their feet. Buffy watched them warily. Who would start pointing the finger at her?
When Giles cleared his throat she turned her gaze to him. She expected to see, what? Disappointment, or even worse, pity? But what she saw was shame.
"Buffy, had I known... I would have helped you of course. I’m your Watcher but I hoped I am also your friend. Can you forgive me?" Giles awkwardly laid his hand on her shoulder and Buffy collapsed into his embrace and started to weep silently.
Giles looked up at the others who were watching them intently. He wanted to talk to his Slayer, but in private. "Everybody please go, we’ll meet tomorrow afternoon at the Magic Box. Xander, I expect you to think about the tragedy your impulsive action has caused. People have died because you fiddled around with magic which you had no right to use in the first place. Tara, Willow, can you take Dawn home and stay with her until we arrive?"
Finally alone, he turned back to Buffy. "I’m so sorry. There really is no excuse for why I didn’t see how serious the situation is for you. I was so preoccupied with myself and the Council, that I didn’t notice what was going on around me. May I walk you home and we can talk on the way?"
When she nodded in agreement they started on their way back towards Revello Drive. Giles took a deep breath.
"After all you did to reinstate me as your Watcher, I feel deeply ashamed that I never thought about your own situation. I just stopped at the facade of the competent Slayer that you are. How you handle the direst situations and always come out as the winner. I never took the time to look beyond that."
Buffy waited patiently for him to continue.
"It is not an excuse, my dear, but your situation is so unusual. There has never had been a Slayer like you. Not only your longevity, but also that you grew up in your own family instead of being put into training as a potential at a young age. When called, you fought still living at home, with the support of a caring mother."
He stopped and looked her in the eye. "I cannot imagine how hard it is for you to have lost your mother. It was heartless of me not to offer you help and support immediately. But please let me help you now."
As Buffy nodded, Giles sighed in relief. "You are one of the longest living Slayers. So this situation is seldom addressed, but it is the responsibility of the Council not only to support the Watcher but also the Slayer. I will address this topic immediately, it is the least they can do to support you with regular payments. You have to get compensation if they want you in good fighting condition. It’s a scandal if the Council continues to sit in its grand headquarters in London and their Slayer is forced to work as waitress or shop girl to earn her living."
Once they had reached her house, they stopped for a moment on the front porch. Giles laid his hand on Buffy’s shoulder. "I hope you’ll accept my sincerest apology. I will always have an open door and ear for you beyond your calling. I would hope you can still trust me enough to come to me and talk about whatever is weighing on your mind."
She considered him solemnly for a while. She was sure he meant it and, yes, it would help to have monetary support from the Council. Despite it leaving a sour taste in her mouth to have to be dependent on them again, it was better than any of the alternatives she had come up with so far.
"I’ll have to think about it, Giles. As much as I need money to keep our home, I don’t want to have obligations towards the Council. I don’t like being on their payroll, for them to order me around, to be constantly on their beck and call. But I appreciate your concern."
"Buffy, you know that I feel for you more like a father than just your Watcher. I want to give you support in every way possible. Would you accept money from me personally? It was you that secured me the retroactive payment of my Watchers salary. I really don’t need it since I have enough income of my own from the Magic Box. It’s just money I can offer you now, but it might lighten your situation."
Dawn was already deeply asleep and the house was quiet around her as she slowly walked up the steps towards her bedroom, deep in thought. Giles, Willow, and Tara had left immediately, acknowledging Buffy’s wish to be alone.
She had accepted Giles offer of financial help, so for the moment, at least, she could put the money problems out of her mind. There was so much else to think about though.
More had changed today. She could feel a shift in the relationship between the people she called her friends.
In the bond between Xander and Anya she had noticed a change - not a rupture, but they had eyed each other with some reservation. Shouldn’t they be a giddily happy couple planning their wedding day? Whatever had happened between them today, it made Buffy feel uneasy. She shook her head. She didn’t know what their problem was, but to let this situation slide seemed wrong.
Willow and Tara had looked fine enough, holding hands and madly in love as always. Whatever the state of their dispute about the use of magic was, she hoped it was settled. Willow was her best friend, even if they hadn’t had a girl-to-girl talk for some time. Maybe she should invite her over soon - and Tara too - she really liked Tara and the witch’s quiet and caring demeanor. Yes, Buffy decided. After she had spilled the beans today, it would be nice to have a girl’s night with them to clear the atmosphere.
She quietly closed her bedroom door and sank down on her soft, inviting bed. Now that she had ticked off her friends on the list, only Spike remained. Even if she tried to avoid thinking about him, he was like that big pink elephant in the room. Wherever she looked, he popped into view right in front of her, blocking out all other thoughts.
She’d kissed him. Why? Because he’d saved her?
Maybe...
As she thought about Spike, her mind’s eye zoomed in to his lips. Those pliant, soft lips. It hadn’t been just a kiss; it had felt more like a joining of souls. What did that say about her? She had kissed a soulless monster and she’d never felt more alive. Only Spike wasn’t a monster, not anymore.
To tell the truth, Spike was her friend. He had wriggled and wormed himself into her circle of friends over the last year and had earned his place the hard way. She still flinched when she thought about the beaten down state she’d seen him after he’d defied Glory. She’d kissed him then, too. She still remembered his surprise, his expression full of wonder and awe.
He was also her confidant. How often over the summer had she confided her thoughts and worries to him? Mostly it was about Dawn, but still his advice had always been sound.
Now this kiss. It’d been more than only friendship or out of gratitude. She knew it was a turning point in their relationship, but her mind was still whirling in looping circles. Some invisible barrier between them had been broken. Everything was changing, but she couldn’t see where it would end up. He had earned her trust but she was too exhausted to analyze anything about their relationship tonight.
She massaged her temples. A terrible headache was building, pain shooting through her brain like lightning bolts.
She knew she had to figure out what Spike meant to her, what his place was in her life. She also knew that he wouldn’t let her just ignore the kiss. No, he would pursue her, would prod her until she’d figured it out.
Buffy closed her eyes and fell back onto her bed. Without removing her clothes she curled up on top of the covers, immediately sliding into an uneasy, restless sleep.