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Red as a Newborn, White as a Corpse:

Four years later:

Giant chocolate brown eyes stare up at Buffy. The three year olds wavy dark brown hair falls in front of her face and Buffy stares down at the child with fear. Xander hands the toddler over to Buffy and she awkwardly takes her in her arms. Buffy's panicked emerald eyes instantly dart to meet Xander's who match the chocolate brown hue of the child's eyes with a look that asks 'what am I supposed to do now'.

"You'll be fine Buffy, I'll get back as soon as I can."

"I know it's just… the one pet I ever had, Larry the goldfish went belly up after like a day and… I don't know isn't there someone else who's more… alive or something. I mean how qualified can I be for this if I don't even have a heartbeat?"

"Buffy, you're babysitting not signing up for surrogacy, and I'll be back in a few hours I promise. There's just no one else right now, but I really gotta get to the hospital before Anya goes into labor and starts invoking dark spirits and calling D'Hofferen up about making her a vengeance demon again for the pain I put her through."

"Don't worry about it Harris," Spike says as he comes down the stairs. "We've got it under control." Spike takes the toddler into his arms and smiles down at her evoking a coo from the child's lips. Spike looks back up and Xander gives him a thankful nod.

"Alright, well I'll be back in a couple hours… I hope," Xander says then bends down to look at his daughter in Spike's arms. "Bye Raelyn, daddy will be back soon, be good for auntie Buffy and uncle Spike now," Xander kisses the small child on the head and lets himself out. Raelyn waves at him as he leaves grasping after him. Once he's gone Buffy turns to Spike with a fearful look still imbedded deep in her features.

The small girl with brown curls sits in the center of the living room playing with blocks. Buffy watches her every move as if afraid the toddler will turn and attack at any moment. Raelyn is adorable and Buffy loves her dearly, however she's never been asked to watch her without her sister or Willow home. They were the best aunties; they always knew what every cry meant or how to keep Raelyn busy; but neither Willow nor Dawn is home now. Willow and Kennedy are away on vacation in South America and Dawn is finishing up her senior year of college at UCLA.

"Auntie Buffy." Green eyes go wide as Buffy stares down at the small child who looks up at her with innocence.

"Yeah Rae Rae?"

"Can we play a game?" The girl asks in the sweetest voice just as Spike walks in from the kitchen. He carries a plate with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on it cut into four squares.

"What are my girls talking about?" Spike asks as he sets the snack down before the small girl.

"Raelyn wants to play a game," Buffy says.

"Well now, just what kind of game were you thinking about little bit."

"I dunnos." Small hands pick up a tiny square of sandwich and Raelyn takes a bite.

"How bout this, you finish off that sandwich and I'll think of something."

...

"Come out, come out wherever you are," Spike sing songs as he walks through the living room like a predator on the prowl. Buffy watches him through the sliver of space between the closet door and its jam. She sits on the floor of the closet with Raelyn in her lap hiding from a seeking Spike. Buffy watches the vampire on the other side of the door spin and search the room looking for possible places where Buffy and Raelyn could be hiding.

Spike then closes his eyes and cheats. He lets his own movements fall completely silent until he can hear one tiny heartbeat. It's so soft, but without Spike nor Buffy making a sound of any kind Spike can hear it clearly and he stalks over to the closet door. He pauses for a moment and can hear the tiny girl's breath pick up then Spike swings the door open and Raelyn lets out a playful scream. The small girl bursts out of Buffy's lap and runs around Spike into the living room. Her brown curls bounce as she moves.

Both blonde vampires are chasing after her and Spike quickly catches up. He swoops the child up and cradles her in his arms as she squeals and giggles loudly. Buffy looks on and smiles at the sight before her. For just a moment she's jealous of Xander and Anya; jealous of their fragile mortal lives and ability to bear children. Becoming a vampire had been a hard thing to come to terms with, but she has, and she honestly is happy, in this moment however she realizes just what she's given up.

"That's right, big bads gotcha now." The tiny girl's giggles grows louder and Buffy's eyes meet Spike's from across the room; the room that is filled with love and joy.

Buffy and Spike sit side by side on the couch as one dim lamp lights the room in a warm amber glow. Buffy leans her head on Spike's shoulder and in her lap sleeps a small child with curly brown hair. She runs her fingers through Raelyn's dark locks and looks down at her affectionately. As her view shifts upward her eyes meet Spike's. Looking into his soul she can see that he understands, just as she does, what it is that they can never have. It's obvious that it pains him as well. Immortality was a life neither of them chose, not really. Buffy had asked for it, but never wanted it; it was just what she had to do. Finding happiness and love in this unlife that they were both given has been a complete blessing; but now they can see that it is a curse as well.

"Think I would have been a good mom?" Buffy says wistfully. "I mean I was never the best with care giving kinds of things, and cooking… I can't cook… mom's should be able to cook…"

"I think you would have been a great mum."

"Really?"

"I know it… and I'm sorry I took that opportunity away from you."

"You didn't… I mean… Spike, I don't think that was ever in the cards for me, please don't ever think that…"

"I know love, but there are still things I wish I could give you that I know I can't." Buffy stares at him for a moment, then she runs her fingers down the side of his cheek and offers him a soft smile.

"I think you would have made a good father."

Head lights can be seen through the blinds as a car pulls into the driveway. Xander is here. Their babysitting adventure is over. Buffy and Spike's eyes remain glued to each other for a moment then the spell is broken. Spike stands to get the door knowing Xander will be knocking on it soon enough. They both know that living vicariously through others will be their only way to experience things like raising children, but that's just the life they lead and somehow they are okay with that. They have to be.





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